In case you thought my blog was in danger of turning into just pretty pictures and lifestyle crap, I present the anatomy of a photo shoot with my kids.

The plan: A relaxing afternoon of hiking and playing at a local state beach, followed by a few shots of the kids being adorable together as the sun sets.

The reality: Leave the house at 5 pm as the sun is already setting. Forget memory card. Find 4 GB memory card in side pocket of camera bag. Unbuckle Caroline to discover she found part of a cookie in her car seat and is COVERED in red frosting. Clean up Caroline, get kids out of car, shout at them to stop running away stop running away STOP YOU JUST RAN THROUGH A PARKING LOT GOD HELP ME.

The plan: Beautiful shots in the golden light on an abandoned beach.

The reality: Turns out I’m not the only genius who likes the beach at sunset, so there are people all over the place.

You do not belong on my living room wall, lady smoking on the rocks.

The plan: Smiling children.

The reality: Evan, look at me. Evan. Evan. Evan. EVAN. Smile. SMILE. Look at me WITH YOUR EYES.

The plan: Reflection shots right at the edge of the water.

The reality: No Caroline, don’t get wet. No, honey, it’s all muddy, stay away from the edge. It’s muddy! Caroline. Caroline. CAROLINE.

The plan: Photo of the kids standing on the path.

The reality: Hey, kids, the path is kind of rocky, why don’t you slow down. Kids. Guys. GUYS STOP RUNNING IT’S DANGEROUS COME BACK HERE.

The plan: Photos of the kids throwing rocks, something they had been doing for 10 minutes.

The reality: Guys, stop picking up the seaweed. Guys, no, stop playing with the seaweed. Look at all the rocks, throw the rocks! GUYS.

No, seriously, GUYS. It’s just drifting back to shore, there’s no point. It’s wet and dirty. Stop.

EVAN AND CAROLINE. STOP. THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. Ok, fine, whatever, I’m not responsi-

I TOLD YOU SO.

The plan: One shot of the kids standing next to each other, looking at the camera.

The reality: I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER.

Alright, if you’re not going to listen I guess hugging is OK.

The plan: It’s only going to be 30 minutes, how dirty can they get?

The reality: Filthy, filthy children.

Wrap up: 400 photos taken in 30 minutes. 50 deleted on the camera, 50 more deleted at home once I see how out of focus they are. 200 like the ones above, another 60 that are OK but not worth it. 40 left to resize and edit, 20 of those are worth putting on Facebook, 10 are nice enough for the blog.

Total time invested: 4 hours.

Total energy invested: ALL OF IT.

Total sanity invested: Ask me after I finish this bottle of wine.

1. Sometimes I imagine that if I lived somewhere like NYC or Chicago where I had to walk or take public transit everywhere I’d be in really great shape. But then I think no, I’d probably just be an alcoholic. No driving home FTW!

2. Most mornings when we leave the house, it looks like we were suddenly taken by The Rapture. I can imagine Olivia Benson standing next to the abandoned cereal bowls still on the table and train tracks half completed on the floor and the computer open to Twitter saying “They were obviously taken against their will.” Nope, just always, always late.

3. At what age to kids stop thinking trash trucks are the coolest thing ever and realize DUDE THAT’S A TRUCK FULL OF GARBAGE?

4. If preschool asks for a “family picture” to help my 3 year old draw an accurate portrait for the class bulletin board, is it wrong to pick one in which I look really great, even if Caroline is only like 8 month old?

5. Iron supplements might be the very meanest thing you can do to a kid. Hey kid, want some of this really yummy juice that will keep you from pooping for three days?? HERE HAVE SOME MORE.

/random

Since I have only been to Sesame Place this one time (two days over one weekend) I am not really in a place to make generalizations or give advice but that’s not really going to stop me. I got a lot of great tips from Kim, who’s an expert, and learned a lot just by being there. My best advice is “Don’t go on what was probably the busiest day at the park ever.” It was REALLY crowded on Friday, which we weren’t expecting (we figured it would be pack Saturday). By the time we got in the gates at 10:15 am there were long lines for everything. So I guess that’s tip number 1 – if you’re going in the crowded summer season, get there a good half hour before the gates open, get in line, use that time to put sunscreen on everyone and give them a morning tantrum-preventing snack.

Two moms, four kids, and no major problems. We deserve medals.

His face was like this all day

Kim and JD enjoying a ride

Luckily the kids were all in a good mood and we managed to get sunscreened up and onto the cool raft waterslide before anyone melted down. But that was the end for Caroline. She DID NOT CARE FOR the water rides and let everyone within a 100 mile radius know it. I wasn’t expecting that – she loves the pool and the lake and the boat. It made chasing Evan through the giant water playground no fun for anyone. Thank goodness he wasn’t the least bit scared…and that the whole place is BUILT for 3 year olds. I think the only thing he needed an adult for was the big (BIG!) roller coaster. Thank God Kim was willing to take Caroline duty so Evan didn’t miss stuff. That’s tip number 2 – Bring one grown up per kid if at all possible. Or have two kids who like doing all the things.

Evan and I are the ones in that last car

A really nice person gave me their Magic Passes at about 4 pm on Friday – it meant 2 of us could skip to the front of any line as many times as we wanted. They cost $30 a piece so it was super, super amazing. The employees didn’t mind if we passed them back and forth so we got to ride everything the kids wanted even though it was crowded.

Boys having fun

We made poor Caroline do water stuff all morning and then tried to get lunch. Here’s tip number 3 – the food isn’t very good and you are allowed to bring in snacks and small coolers so DO THAT. The line was really long, wrangling trays and strollers is tough, and making hungry kids stand in line is pretty much torture for everyone. Next time we’re going to spring for the character lunch, where at least there isn’t a huge line for food, even if I will have to feed Caroline under the table where Telly Monster won’t scare the crap out of her.

Unimpressed

Climber

After lunch we ran back to the car to change, grab snacks and pick up our cameras (we left them safe in the car instead of under the stroller during the wet half of the day). Kim’s kids napped, mine sort of napped, we did rides on the dry side and saw the parade twice. (The night version is cooler.) We stayed until they threw us out at 9 pm and stayed in a hotel so we could do it again on Saturday.

We watched the light parade from the curb of the fake Sesame Street.

Totally worth the $10.

There are only a few floats, but they’re very cool at night and the singing and dancing is fun.

OK, so I realize I’m making it sound like we didn’t have a good time, which is totally wrong. We had a GREAT time. Evan had the best time, I had the second best time, Caroline did not die. She wasn’t happy about the water, she didn’t like most of the shows, and she was a little scared of the characters. But she loved Elmo’s World and the parade and her stuffed Elmo and the carousel. I think she’s going to hate it probably one more time and then warm up.

Elmo’s World

Front row seats

Seriously, FRONT ROW (Caroline wasn’t a fan.)

I loved all of it. I can’t imagine someone my age who wouldn’t love it – it’s Sesame Street! I grew up on Cookie Monster and Big Bird. Even though they’ve added new monsters and updated a little bit it is still very classic and I didn’t feel like my childhood was being betrayed in any way (which yes, is something I was genuinely worried about). We will definitely being going back. Soon. Before Halloween, that’s for sure.

The little-kid part of the park was empty right after opening on Saturday.

I was pretty sure he was never getting off this one.

Yes, we dressed them the same on purpose.

Tip number 4 – Buy the season pass. I used my free admission for military dependents on Friday which was nice, because we could see if we liked it. Saturday I bought two season passes – one at the basic level and one at the mid-level, which comes with lots of great benefits (it’s good the rest of 2012 and all of 2013). I put the fancier pass in Evan’s name, since he’s a kid he has to have a grown up come with him so I get the benefits too (Kim recommended it and the lady at the ticket counter confirmed that’s what most people do).  Free parking, 30% discount on food and souvenirs, early admission to at least one of the shows, and a chance to go backstage at the parade and meet ALL the characters. All of them. Even on a really busy weekend the backstage thing was super cool and we got to meet and take pictures with every single character.

Backstage before the parade

Peeking at Bert and Ernie

Evan doesn’t understand how to pose with the characters

Zoe!

And the characters are GREAT. They costumes are extremely well done. They were very clean and soft, especially considering it was 90 degrees and their job is to hug dirty, sticky toddlers all day. You can’t see the people inside them at all, even up close, and they are very very very good with the kids. Patient and polite and willing to go above and beyond to help get a good picture. I never felt like they were rushing us to go away so they could get to the next kid. They handled a crying Caroline just as well as they handled an overenthusiastic hugger Evan. The park certainly isn’t Disney-levels of magical or clean but the characters are EVERYTHING you would expect from the Sesame Workshop.

Murray worked really hard to get this photos, convincing Evan to come sit on the bench when he wouldn’t stand next to him.

Prairie Dawn is my favorite!!!

I might have gotten a little misty eyed a few times around Elmo.

Official park photo! They didn’t push them on you but it was nice to have a group shot or two.

Caroline refused. I suspect in a year she’s going to be Abby Cadabby obsessed.

They do special stuff all through October for Halloween and we’re definitely going back. They also decorate for Christmas – I’m told it’s really amazing – but I’d need to upgrade our season passes (although if our next visit goes well I might book Caroline the special birthday package for December). Who’s up for a meet-up in early October?

You know what the cure for a sad-for-myself kind of week is? A so-busy-I-barely-sleep week.

Sunday:

Daddy attack!

Jam thief

He is very suspicious of those blue things in his pancakes. Mommy never does anything that fancy.

Monday:

Evan: Uh, Mom? Someone took a bite of this Styrofoam apple. Caroline: My bad.

Dropping off some more money for safekeeping at the marina. Too bad they don’t ever give it back.

Don’t hold my hand Mommy, I’m a big kid.

Tuesday:

Caroline’s new favorite book: The Sailor Dog

He insisted I buy the BIG carrots and couldn’t even wait until we got home to eat them.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my empty uterus crying.

Wednesday:

My nice healthy lunch – before Caroline stole it and ate the whole thing.

Peek a boo

Where we go when the kids request the aquarium at 6 pm.

Thursday:

Loves

That’s Caroline’s “WTF Whale?” face

Peace out, Connecticut!

Friday (Sesame Place!):

Helping a friend

Elmo’s World Live was the best day of her life (also, proof I didn’t actually torture her the ENTIRE weekend.)

I command you to buy season passes! (OK)

Saturday:

This was the farthest away the characters were for this entire show – usually they were literally touching distance.

Hot, super tired baby did NOT like her beloved TV characters 7 feet tall.

We accidentally watched the parade for the 3rd time. Now I will NEVER get the song out of my head.

Despite Caroline being pretty miserable for large chunks of the trip we had an amazing time with Kim and her boys. I’ve already decided we’re going back ASAP. But after playing “family of four” all weekend I might be rethinking this third/fourth baby situation.

Oh wait, I just went to link with Amy and the pictures of her tiny, squishy newborn made me totally forget all the hard parts of my week. Carry on with plans to expand the ginger army (eventually).

One of the best things about being three years old is that everyone is your friend. My kid runs up to another kid on the playground and says “Hey, wanna slide?” and they’re off to have adventures, even if they never see each other again after that day. Kids that age like pretty much all the same things and believe in the Truth of Childhood: Climb it if it can be climbed, always run as fast as you can, and anything can be a pirate ship. They don’t know enough about the world yet to judge or condemn or turn their noses up at kids who want to join in so everyone gets to play. It’s beautiful and pure and I wish I was three years old again on a daily basis.

Or at least that was the world Evan lived in until this week. My heart is breaking a little all over again just thinking about it.

We’ve made a habit of visiting the park in the evenings, so Mommy can get some exercise, the kids can run their wiggles out and we can all enjoy as much sunlight as possible before it starts getting dark at 5 pm. There are two playgrounds at this particular park – a bigger one meant for older kids and a tot lot meant for littles. Caroline has no preference – as long as it has a swing, she’s happy. The big playground was crowded on Wednesday, so we took a stroll around the lake to the smaller park for some low-key fun.

When we got there, the situation looked perfect. There were two little girls – probably 5 and 6 – on the playscape. Evan ran off to join them and I put Caroline in a swing for a marathon pushing session. A few minutes later Evan can running back, looking a little upset.

“That little girl said I can’t slide, Mommy!”

“It’s OK honey,” I reassured him, “You’re allowed to slide if you want to. Just be nice to your friends and use kind words and remember you’re not the boss of them, OK?”

“OK Mommy!” he said and ran back to try again with kind words and a gentle voice. My boy is really good at using his kind words and gentle voice.

But I forgot the magic age of insta-friendships doesn’t last that long and by kindergarten little girls don’t always want to play with little boys, especially if they already have a girl friend to play with. Despite his best efforts, Evan was rebuked again and told he wasn’t allowed to play. “Go away, boy!” I heard from across the playground, and my heart sank knowing what I was going to hear next. My sweet little ginger, his offer of friendship crushes like a leaf under a pink Dora shoe, burst into tears and ran into my arms.

As I reassured him it wasn’t his fault – he was still a good boy, a nice friend, he had done everything right but sometimes people don’t want to play with us – I got a lump in my own throat. Oh how I know that feeling! I am overflowing with empathy when it comes to rejection and being left out and worrying that everyone is hanging out doing fun stuff without telling you. Even as I was telling Evan it was OK to cry but he shouldn’t let those mean girls affect his self worth – in the most toddler-friendly words I could think of – I realized I have never, ever been able to take my own advice.

Right now I can fake it, because my words to him are more powerful than my emotional reaction or my words to myself when I don’t think he’s listening. But the gravity of helping to shape my children’s entire emotional life if overwhelming. I miss the days when the only kid-related problems were whether or not they were sleeping through the night or if I was a bad mother for not cutting their grapes in half. I’ll take the baby stage back in a second rather than deal with the drama and heartbreak of my children’s friendships and unfriendships and fake friendships. I can’t even deal with my own friendships without chewing my nails into little stubs of worry and self-doubt. What if they don’t want to play with me?

So for now I just hug my boy and tell him he’s kind and good and beautiful and I adore him. I dry his tears and help him climb the jungle gym and cheer for his upsidedown sliding antics so he has the confidence to keep being himself. And I hope and pray he always feels that way, whether he’s 3 or 33.