The Anatomy Of A Photo Shoot With My Kids
In case you thought my blog was in danger of turning into just pretty pictures and lifestyle crap, I present the anatomy of a photo shoot with my kids.
The plan: A relaxing afternoon of hiking and playing at a local state beach, followed by a few shots of the kids being adorable together as the sun sets.
The reality: Leave the house at 5 pm as the sun is already setting. Forget memory card. Find 4 GB memory card in side pocket of camera bag. Unbuckle Caroline to discover she found part of a cookie in her car seat and is COVERED in red frosting. Clean up Caroline, get kids out of car, shout at them to stop running away stop running away STOP YOU JUST RAN THROUGH A PARKING LOT GOD HELP ME.
The plan: Beautiful shots in the golden light on an abandoned beach.
The reality: Turns out I’m not the only genius who likes the beach at sunset, so there are people all over the place.
The plan: Smiling children.
The reality: Evan, look at me. Evan. Evan. Evan. EVAN. Smile. SMILE. Look at me WITH YOUR EYES.
The plan: Reflection shots right at the edge of the water.
The reality: No Caroline, don’t get wet. No, honey, it’s all muddy, stay away from the edge. It’s muddy! Caroline. Caroline. CAROLINE.
The plan: Photo of the kids standing on the path.
The reality: Hey, kids, the path is kind of rocky, why don’t you slow down. Kids. Guys. GUYS STOP RUNNING IT’S DANGEROUS COME BACK HERE.
The plan: Photos of the kids throwing rocks, something they had been doing for 10 minutes.
The reality: Guys, stop picking up the seaweed. Guys, no, stop playing with the seaweed. Look at all the rocks, throw the rocks! GUYS.
No, seriously, GUYS. It’s just drifting back to shore, there’s no point. It’s wet and dirty. Stop.
EVAN AND CAROLINE. STOP. THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. Ok, fine, whatever, I’m not responsi-
The plan: One shot of the kids standing next to each other, looking at the camera.
The reality: I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER.
The plan: It’s only going to be 30 minutes, how dirty can they get?
The reality: Filthy, filthy children.
Wrap up: 400 photos taken in 30 minutes. 50 deleted on the camera, 50 more deleted at home once I see how out of focus they are. 200 like the ones above, another 60 that are OK but not worth it. 40 left to resize and edit, 20 of those are worth putting on Facebook, 10 are nice enough for the blog.
Total time invested: 4 hours.
Total energy invested: ALL OF IT.
Total sanity invested: Ask me after I finish this bottle of wine.