I have discovered a secret about motherhood that I’m a little worried might not ACTUALLY be a secret. Maybe every single other mom already knows and I’ve just been lalalalaing my way through the past 3+ years.

Having a schedule makes me better at my job.

I was going to say “makes me a better mom” but it’s more than that. I’m better at managing my time, I’m better at feeding everyone healthy food, I’m more interested in playing blocks and reading stories, my house is in better shape and I sleep better at night. A schedule is like the opposite of kryptonite to this SuperMom. Sunlight. Sunlight is what made Superman strong, right?

After I left/lost my job when I was pregnant with Evan, I realized I needed to fill my time with something besides couch naps and daytime TV. I spent hours redecorating the house, painting the entire second floor and third floor. I blogged like it was my job. I baked a lot. But “busy” is not the same as a schedule and giving birth made it worse. At home with a newborn I was just trying to SURVIVE. It took almost 5 months before I could even commit to showing up at a breastfeeding support group regularly. Since then we’ve added a lot of activities and favorite places – Stroller Strides, gymnastics, the zoo, the aquarium, playdates, whatever – but none of those are mandatory and/or took up more than a couple hours a week.

But now we have SCHOOL. And don’t tell me it’s not mandatory – my kid might read this blog one day and I have told him quite firmly going to school is The Law and Mr. Policeman would be very angry if he doesn’t go. It structures our week. It gives me a few hours during which Getting Shit Done is much, much easier so Shit Gets Done. Laundry, check! Cleaning under the couch, check! Setting up the DVR for all the fall shows, check! Organizing the kids’ dressers with fall transition clothes and dropping off old, outgrown, non-favorite stuff at Goodwill! I’ve only got 2.5 hours so prepare for some of the fastest sock-sorting you’ve ever seen. I could win the sock-sorting OLYMPICS.

For the first time in more than 3 years I have to say “Let me check my calendar” before committing to stuff because I might actually have somewhere to BE at 11 am on a Tuesday. My phone is set up with alerts like “bake for bake sale” and “preschool open house” and “switch laundry to dryer” and I love it. When I wake up in the morning with a sense of purpose – especially a purpose that requires me to put on pants and be out the door in 2 hours – I don’t get to 5 pm and think “oops, there goes another day”.

I suspect this is part of why people say being a stay-at-home-mom is so hard. It IS hard to spend your entire day taking care of small humans who don’t appreciate it in any way. It’s hard and thankless and frustrating and repetitive. It’s easy to fall into a “who cares?” pattern when it comes to the state of your hair and your floors and your life. I’m not saying there aren’t amazing, super, awesome, fun moments too. There are. Every day. But if you look at parenting as one big long stretch, those first few years as a SAHM are an endless blob of unstructured time, with days and nights often running right into each other and pants being worn for far too many days in a row.

Maybe I’m still in the preschool honeymoon period and pretty soon I’ll realize all this driving back and forth and remembering snack for Special Helper Day and avoiding PTA phone calls is for the birds, but until then I’m really enjoying only dragging ONE screaming child around Target and mopping the floors more than once every decade.

…Although right now I’m using the time mostly to deal with the Saddest Teething Baby Even In The Whole World Who Is Getting Her Two Year Molars Or At Least I Hope So Because Otherwise She’s Just Turned Into A Huge Jerk.

Don’t let her fool you – she flounced off and pouted under this tree for like 10 minutes because I wouldn’t let her eat a rotten apple off the ground. WORST. MOTHER. EVER.

Momphemisms. Like euphemisms, for moms? What, aren’t bloggers allowed to make up words anymore?

Dressed, verb. “I got dressed today!” = Yoga pants and sweatshirt.

Dressed up, verb. “I made sure I dressed up for the PTA meeting.” = Clean yoga pants and sweatshirt plus a bra.

Free play, noun. “Oh I encourage lots of free play during the day. It’s so good for their imaginations.” = Letting your kid destroy the house so you can have 20 minutes of peace.

Baby, noun. “I have two babies, they’re 24 and 30.” = Any child, at any age, ever.

Preschool, noun. “Hello, school district? Can you tell me about my preschool options for my baby? What do you mean they can’t start until they’re FOUR? = Anywhere you send your kid from ages 0 to 6 that feeds them a snack and involves any sort of circle time.

Clean, adjective. “Yes, my house is clean.” = All the part of my house you are going to see are clean. Just don’t open any doors.

Lunch, noun. “Kids, come in here, it’s time for lunch!” = Any variety of edible items put on a plate, bowl, bag, cup or floor offered between the hours of 10 am and 3 pm.

Educational toy, noun. “We only buy educational toys for our children.” = ALL TOYS.

Tired, adjective. “I’m pretty tired after the day I had with the kids.” = So exhausted you should not legally be allowed to drive/operate heavy machinery/use the stove.

Fun, adjective or noun. “Yes honey, pretending to be a horsey while you kick me in the ribs is super fun!” = The things we do for our children.

Romance, noun. “You have to make time for romance in your life, even after you have kids.” = Watching The Office and drinking wine.

Vacation, noun. “I need a vacation.” = DEAR GOD PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE WATCH THESE CHILDREN FOR FIVE MINUTES.

We had a really “fun” day yesterday so I’m pretty “tired”. You can do better – add them in the comments!

My poor baby. She didn’t even make it to her second year without breaking something, although the good news is it doesn’t seem to be slowing her down. I had to pin her to my chest with both arms during gymnastics on Wednesday because all she wanted to do was jump off of everything, hang off of everything and throw herself into the big pit of foam blocks. She is 99% affected already and it hasn’t even been a week. There’s a rather large bump on her collar bone that I am hoping disappears on its own, otherwise she’ll never be a collar bone model and obviously that would be tragic.

Things are on hold a little bit while she heals, but we’re keeping busy with quiet play dates – although the aforementioned insistence on jumping/climbing/running is making them a little less quiet. So far at least we’ve managed to avoid playgrounds. Caroline doesn’t seem to mind, especially since one of our play dates brought purple sparkle play dough and she is OBSESSED. (Well, technically she bought white, pink and blue sparkle play dough, but it is currently one big lovely lump of lavender.)

Let’s talk about how the accident clearly hasn’t affected her smarts. Caroline has the very best memory of any baby I have ever seen. She regularly (as in, every 5 minutes) asks about her friends James and Owen who we went to Sesame Place with a month ago. She can identify all of her grandparents by their photos even though we don’t see them very often. On Sunday I told her we could go to the zoo on Monday and she said “Aoudads?????” What kind of one year old remembers aoudads instead of giraffes or elephants? Although to be fair she remembers those too. I kept her awake for the entire hour car ride home from the zoo naming animals we had seen.

She is still small – most of her 18 month stuff is still big and she’s swimming in 2T. It means she has more clothes than any child could ever possible need (and today I found a full box of 18 month stuff in the attic I have literally no memory of receiving and/or putting up there). Bless all of you lovely people who sent us hand-me-downs. You won’t even believe the cuteness of the little red swing coat Harper sent us and it’s only made EVEN CUTER because Caroline loves to say “Arper! Arper!” She has a plethora of shoes as well, but insists on ONLY wearing her pink sparkle shoes because, duh, sparkles.

Caroline’s favorite things include cheese, strawberries, cereal, eggs, bacon, stealing my eggs and bacon, dogs, animals, play dough, coloring (on herself), children’s pain relievers, talking like a pirate, watching Disney shows on my phone, friends, dancing, Yo Gabba Gabba, fruit snacks, pointing at things, trying to drink my coffee, books* and her brother.

Least favorite things include CAT scans, being really really tired, Lara Bars, not being allowed to jump off of high things, not being allowed to watch shows on my phone, not getting her way immediately, having her hair brushed, and being pushed off of playground equipment.

Today you get 21 photos because she in 21 months and also because I couldn’t narrow it down to any less because I love her so much I think they are all the very cutest picture of her ever. No THAT one’s the cutest. No THAT one. HERE JUST LOOK AT ALL OF THEM.

*pictures feature all of Caroline’s current favorites: Where The Wild Things Are, The Sailor Dog, Llama Llama Red Pajama, Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel and Baby Beluga.

21 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Can walk up stairs – Don’t even THINK about trying to help her.
Able to set simple goals (e.g., deciding to put a toy in a certain place) – The goals Caroline sets are more like “see how many times I can make my mom button and unbutton my shirt today before she loses her mind” or “pretend my shoulder hurts so I get another popsicle but then jump up and down on the couch with it laughing”. I’m just hoping none of her goals involve selling her brother for more play-dough.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Throws a ball overhand – Only if she’s aiming at someone’s face.
Kicks ball forward – Only if she’s aiming at someone’s face. Or crotch.
Stacks six blocks – No comment. But also, yes.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Names simple picture in a book – She can name all the animals in Baby Beluga, including “harbor seal”, “narwhal”, and “puffin”.
Can walk down stairs – Don’t you even THINK about trying to help her. Although really you have to a little because she’s so short her legs aren’t really long enough for stairs.

So…I signed up for an 8 week weight loss challenge and fitness training my friend Wendy is holding.

I’m going to phrase this post as if someone emailed me to ask these questions – I’m having trouble framing it on my own – but really I’m talking to myself. That’s totally normal, right?

What is the Let’s Get Physical challenge?

It starts tomorrow! You can check out the details on her blog, but here’s the gist: Wendy signed up 40+ women who are all working on their fitness (tm Fergie Ferg) to motivate each other. We all bought into the challenge for $25 and there are cash prizes for the people who lose the biggest percentage of weight, plus other prizes along the way. I’m aiming for 12 pounds (realistically) but would be THRILLED if I got to 20. I figure I’ve thrown a lot of money at Weight Watchers and Slim Fast and diet pills in the past – how about this time I motivate myself with a chance to win it back?

What kind of crazy diet are you going try this time?

I’m going to try Paleo. If you’ve read any of my ramblings about finding a diet and lifestyle that works for me long term you might have noticed my friend Erin in the comments trying to convince me to join her cult of bacon. I started reading this website and bought his book (plus the cookbooks) and I’m going to try it. I actually started last week, to see if I could make it even 24 hours without bread and the answer is definitely yes…as long as I can replace it with bacon. I’m also not going to follow it perfectly and I’m not trying to win any “please explain EXACTLY what the reasoning behind this paleo thing is” debates so if you absolutely HATE paleo feel free to tell me but don’t expect a fight. Although if you’re interested/do it too/have questions I would looooove to talk about it on Facebook or email.

Are you going to post before pictures?

Maybe when I have nice thin after ones to show. My before picture was an unpleasant wake-up call at how much weight I’ve put back on since losing 30 pounds last year. I am hoping these are the last “before” pictures I ever take.

This isn’t going to turn into a paleo/diet/cross fit/healthy living blog, is it?

No way. I might tell you about some of the stuff I get to eat (because you’ll be totally jealous) and I’ll probably update in a couple weeks (because hopefully I’ll have exciting! news! to share about how much I’ve lost!) but regular diet updates are a) boring and b) super boring. The group doing the challenge has a private Facebook page so we don’t annoy everyone we know. But like I said, I’m happy to talk to anyone who actually WANTS to hear about it.

So, yeah. I think this is going to be good for me. It might end up being another in a long line of schemes I start and don’t follow through with. And it might turn me into a crazy obsessed dieter who never shuts up. And there’s a distinct possibility I won’t be able to stick to it and I’ll end up cheating and gain 20 pounds from all the bacon. But it’s a new month, we’re starting a new phase in our lives, and it feels like a challenge I’m up for. Wish me luck!

Have you seen Rich Kids of Instagram?
It’s a good way to feel pretty bad about your life pretty fast.

As a remedy for all that excess and consumption on this lovely Friday, I present:
Not Rich Kids Of Instagram.

Drinking the good stuff til we pass out #organicwholemilk #naps #nrkoi

Private helipad #NDB #helicopter #nrkoi

Just chillin’ at my crib #private #exclusive #newengland #rkoi

The ride #dodge #seatsseven #privatechauffer #nrkoi

Big spender! Check out my reusable bag discount, y’all. #hardcore #green #stopandshop #nrkoi

I didn’t actually upload these to Instagram but if you want to follow along on our Not Rich Kid adventures I plan to post more on our super exclusive and fancy ferry boat private yacht trip to Long Island The Hamptons and our brush with Elmo famous celebrities this weekend. I’m “bebehblog” on Instagram or you can see my photos on webstagram or Flickr!