That is the face of someone who feels guilty for cheating on her “I’ve gotta lose 15 pounds in 3 weeks” diet but who REALLY enjoyed her Five Guys burger for lunch. And also enjoys playing with her new iPhone photo app.

I fell off the Weight Watchers bandwagon during the cruise back in March. Despite my plans to get back to counting as soon as I got home…or as soon as the weekend was over…or right after this ice cream cone…I never really did. It was a great plan and absolutely works as long as you ACTUALLY DO IT. But I stopped. So I stopped losing weight. And then I gained back almost 20 pounds of the 30 I had lost because no matter HOW many times I tell myself “Oh yes, I’m making healthy choices!” I constantly underestimate what I’m eating. It’s just SO EASY to eat 500 calories worth of cookies while telling myself I’m only eating 200 calories worth of cookies while also telling myself I didn’t eat ANY cookies what are you talking about I’ve had nothing but carrot sticks all day oh right.

So I officially stopped throwing my money into Weight Watchers and downloaded the LoseIt app. I like it a lot but – AGAIN, shockingly – you only lose weight if you’re actually following the calorie guidelines and tracking what you eat. I’m good at it for about 4 days in a row and then I fall HARD off the plan and stuff my face. Someone recently told me a cheat day actually helps you lose MORE weight so I’m pretending hoping that’s true. I’ve also restarted the Couch To 5K program – I’m already on week 3 – and doing pretty well. On the days I can’t run because it’s dark when E gets home and/or my shinsplints are killing me I do a Jillian DVD or go to Stroller Strides.

I’m down 4 pounds in a week and a half, but I suspect a lot of that was just water weight (I ran out of Diet Coke). I think as long as I keep my cheat days down to once or twice a week I can keep up at least the exercise part of this New! Improved! Suzanne! plan – I don’t actually HATE working out and that seems to be the key to eating more than just lettuce and boiled chicken all the time. And nothing beats seeing the results on the scale.

But in the mean time, I need to remind myself that the body I have now is pretty good too. I can pick up the kids and climb on the playground and splash in the lake and run through a field and hold them both in my lap for story time and walk through the zoo for three hours without collapsing (although I make no promises when it comes to getting out of bed the next day). I won’t be winning (or entering) any bikini contests, but there’s no contest for who can beat themselves up the most over not fitting in their wedding dress after 2 kids either. And the LAST thing I want is for my kids to start picking up on why I’m always sighing and sucking in my stomach when I put on my bathing suit.

TL:DR version – I’m on a diet again but still love cheeseburgers. Amen.

p.s. I might not be as thin as I was when I got married but I am just as tan and just as blond for the first time since 2004 and it feels goooooooood. MOAR SUNLIGHT FOR EVERYONE.

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19 Responses to “Weighting”

  1. YOu are seriously so pretty. I’m doing couch 2 5k, too. I’m on week 2 and embarrassingly, I akreasd

  2. Oops. Darn iPhone I am embarrassed that it’s already hard for me. But you gotta start somewhere.

  3. Audrey says:

    I totally feel you. Pretty much the only major exercise I get is the once a week zoo visit, and I’m okay with that because my legs are toning up major since I started doing it which must mean something right? I have managed to lose 20lbs in 5 weeks…I’d love to lose 10 more before we go to the Greenbrier in 2 weeks but I doubt that will happen, especially now that I am having little carb cheats almost every day in the last week. But I’m still losing, so I’m not going to beat myself up over it.

  4. Celia says:

    I really like loseit, I’ve lost 26 pounds. Good luck!

  5. Tannis says:

    You do look great. I’ve been tracking over at My Fitness Pal (Maehemsez) if you want community. (Though, I figure the app you’re using has community that you know, too. :-))

    • bebehblog says:

      I don’t actually WANT any community – I know that sounds weird, but I do better when I’m accountable to myself. With other people I either intentionally derail everyone or I get ubber competitive and try to lose MOAR WAIT THAN U. Food and I aren’t super great together.

  6. Sarah says:

    Yeah. My crazy ambitious plan for p90x and running? Hasn’t happened. We hit 100ish degrees with humidity and I tapped out. I’m still losing weight though because I’m MAKING myself track calories and such. And finally, it doesn’t feel like pulling teeth.

    I think you are tanned, tall and blonde – extremely beautiful. And I’m with you, strong bodies are better than thin bodies. <3

  7. Kimberly says:

    c25k is awesome. There is no better feeling in the world than when he says, “slow down and walk.” And woohoo for blonde & tan! You’re gorgeous :)

  8. Other Erin says:

    Because everyone needs short and long term goals – you sign up for the 6.6, I’ll come up and do the race with you. And buy the post-race ice cream. http://www.devilmademedoit.net/

    Also, bacon diet. http://www.marksdailyapple.com/from-cancer-back-to-health/#more-30326 Promise it’s the last time I’ll mention it.

    • bebehblog says:

      Is that woman for real?! Ok, do you have a copy of the book? If I can get one I will seriously consider it. And I’m thinking about saying yes to the run too. WHO AM I?!

      • Other Erin says:

        I have it on my Kindle. If you can help me figure out how to send it to you I’ll loan it to you. Otherwise you can download it from Amazon for $10. Also if you click the link to the other Friday success stories, I promise you some will make you cry in the good way.

  9. I friend of mine just shed about 30 pounds she had to loose and said after all the dieting and exercise for the last several years. The thing that did more than anything else was quitting all sodas. She said when she did that (along with moderately healthy eating and exercise), it just melted off. Before she worked her butt off except it still managed to stick around. I know I have to watch my juice intake (I dont really drink soda). Do you know how many calories are in a couple of capri suns? Too many I tell you. I would rather eat the burger. I will never look like I did in high school/college again and I dont think that is a bad thing.

    Also, I think you are looking great. The picture is very pretty.

    • bebehblog says:

      I’ve been doing really well with drinking just water but the summer drinks (hellooooo frappuccinos) are SOOOO tempting. I need to lose the diet soda too.

  10. Vanessa says:

    Im right there with you. I lost 40lbs and then lost all energy. Its taking everything in me to get back at it. I LOVE the Myfitnesspal (MrsKearns) community though and looking at the sucess page.

  11. Amy says:

    I firmly believe in small changes for overall health, but man am I having trouble with that right now. I’m working on the whole it is ok to have a cookie, just not all the cookies.

  12. Cheney says:

    I’m constantly off and on the WW wagon.. it’s rough. I found this great little internet meme a while ago that makes me feel better about it all though, and it goes something like: “You may be skinnier and prettier than me, but I out-boob you on every level.” Huzzah!

  13. Glad you are doing something healthy for yourself! I started eating healthier and exercising around the beginning of May. The weight loss is slow, but I feel much better physically and emotionally. It’s kind of crazy how closely connected those two things are!

    I’m with the person before who mentioned MFP for community (I know you aren’t looking for it, but if anyone else is reading the comments and wants to lose weight with friends, it’s a good option).

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