Inside the mind of a pregnant woman

I am worried two home pregnancy tests, two blood tests and a pee test were all wrong, and I am not really pregnant. I am worried that the baby isn’t growing. I am worried the baby will die. I am worried the baby will have a birth defect. I am worried the shampoo I use has chemicals in it. I am worried the water I drink has chemicals in it. I am worried the air I breathe has chemicals in it. I am worried the food I eat isn’t all organic. I am worried my baby will chew on the windowsills and get lead poisoning. I am worred I’ll get so hungry I’ll eat a windowsill. I am worried I won’t love my baby enough. I am worried I will love my baby too much. I am worried my husband isn’t as excited as I am. I am worried my husband will love the baby so much he won’t have room for me. I am worried I’m not eating the right things. I am worried my lack of morning sickness means something is wrong. I am worried I will gain too much weight. I am worried about stretch marks. I am worried strangers think I’m just getting fat. I am worried about exercising too much. I am worried about not exercising enough. I am worried about sleeping on my stomach. I am worried I will end up wearing mom jeans because nothing else will fit. I am worried I will end up dressing exactly like my mother. I am worried my cats will try to eat my baby. I am worried my cats will try to smother my baby. I am worried my baby will never like vegetables. I am worried my baby will like Hannah Montana. I am worried my baby will be a boy. I am worried my baby will be a girl. I am worried my baby is actually four babies. I am worried about doing to much. I am worried about doing too little. I am worried about quitting my job. I am worried about keeping my job. I am worried my boss will fire me for taking off too many days. I am worried my boss will fire me for reading pregnancy books at work. I am worried I will quit my job in a hormonal fit. I am worried we can’t afford a baby. I am worried painting the nursery pink for a girl and blue for a boy makes me a bad feminist. I am worried painting the nursery neutral colors like green and yellow makes me annoying. I am worried all the painting won’t get done in time. I am worried my husband won’t get promoted. I am worried he will get promoted. I am worried we will have to move. I am worried my worrying will give me a heart attack.

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7 Responses to “Inside the mind of a pregnant woman”

  1. sara says:

    Honey, your baby will be fine and strong and healthy. You’re young and strong and healthy and so is E, and you live on a lovely clean piece of earth. You’re not smoking, you’re not drinking, and I’m pretty sure no one has ever proven that bacon is bad for a fetus.

    Honestly, look at what women did in the 40s, 50s and 60s: They drank and smoke and took, like, barbiturates throughout their pregnancies, and all that happened is that our parents are a little high-strung. (You should watch a little Mad Men, that would make you feel better.)

    My friend Katie’s parents had four cats her entire life, and her mother was worried the cats would try to smother baby Katie, because they were there first. So they put a screen door on her room so her mom could always hear her breathing. And she was not smothered by the cats.

    I’m sure the worst that will happen will be that your kid will dye her hair pink with Kool-Aid in the ninth grade and then date some dark-haired dangerous boy. Or seven. And if that happens she’ll probably end up with awesome friends like me and Erin, and that won’t suck.

  2. I want to give you a huge hug! If my other pregnant friends were any indication, you are completely reasonable and normal in your worrying. Just stay away from bacon-flavored paint. I think you’d look hot in mom jeans. I am sending you a t-shirt that says, “I’m NOT fat, I’m PREGNANT, you asshole.” If you quit your job, I think you could make serious bank on this pregnancy blog idea. And better he/she like Hannah Montana than the Olsen Twins. (Oh, and as far as stretch marks go, my cousin swears that BioOil applied twice a day keeps the stretch marks away.)

  3. stacyinbean says:

    I’m just gonna go with bullet points here:

    – I had a blue nursery and all blue stuff, it actually works for both (unlike the pink)! Or just paint it beige!

    – If you have four babies, I will come and help, as long as I can keep one (just one!)

    – Hannah Montana will have 7 kids, 3 ex-husbands, and 4 missing teeth by the time Bebeh is old enough to know what Nickelodeon is. Worry more about the poor influence of that wild child Zahara Jolie-Pitt.

    – Your kittehs will love your baby if not, I’ll come take them too.

    – The less you stress they happier you, E, and bebeh will be!

  4. edub says:

    First, can you really get bacon flavored/scented paint? That would be cool.

    You will be fine. Just take things as they come and take advice from people you trust who have been there before.

    And if you run out of time to get things ready or need help after the baby comes, just call me and I’ll pick up Sara on the way.

  5. lalaland13 says:

    And exhale. I worry about many of these things, and I’m not even pregnant. This is why I would also worry about if my Zoloft is bad for the fetus.

    It’s going to be OK. I was talking to my mom the other day about managing the worry that comes with being pregnant, and maybe she’s rare, but she said her maternal instincts or whatnot kicked in and she knew I was going to be OK. And this was after a trip to the hospital when she lost 16 pounds while pregnant. People have been having babies for years and doing all sorts of bad crap, way more than we can ever dream of, and their kids have been fine.

    Moms worry. It’s what they do. My mom still worries about me daily, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Gosh, now I want to call her and tell her I love her.

  6. Meg says:

    Awww, welcome to motherhood! All this worrying means you’re ready. And don’t feel bad about no morning sickness. I didn’t have any with my three, and really, it’s only a little over half of all mother’s that get it, anyway.

  7. SarahMC says:

    I am glad you’re gonna be a mom. ‘Cause you’ll be a good mom! And I like to read your writing about it.

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