End Of Summer Rambles

My last posts about E’s hideous work schedule and struggling to parent my preschooler came across wrong and I’ve been feeling dishonest. I miss E, my husband, the guy I married, a ton. I miss talking to someone about what we did that day. I miss sharing dinner with someone who doesn’t throw food at me and demand a toy and fries instead of his mac and cheese (I curse the day I bought that first Happy Meal). I miss someone else taking out the trash and mowing the lawn. The LIFE part is sort of overwhelming to do alone after not doing it alone for most of the last 8 years. And although I struggle with consistent, positive parenting I’m also enjoying the crap out of my kids. It helps that I’m writing this after we’ve had a lovely morning and that we have fun stuff planned every day until school (school!!) starts on Tuesday, but I don’t feel like I’m struggling to keep my head above the stream of challenges.

I have gotten used to this all-the-time mom thing. My little family – my daily we – is just one person smaller most of the time. We leave the house. We take vacations. We go to the beach. We buy groceries. We read lots and lots and lots of books. I don’t even cringe when I realize I’m doing bedtime alone every day. I’ve actually pushed the kids’ bedtimes back so I can spend more time with them – evenings are lonely when no one is coming home to talk to. So You Think You Can Dance is only good company for a couple episodes before you realize it’s kind of sad to comment out loud to the cat on Cat’s crazy outfit.

We have fun, the kids and I. We’re good together. Even when I’m failing at the technical details of parenting they’re always ready to forgive me, give hugs and kisses and go on another adventure.

Even though saying it seems like sacrilege to the gods of warm weather, popsicles and iced coffee, I think we’re ready for our fall adventures to start. Caroline has outgrown this outfit – our favorite all summer – and it’s a smack-you-in-the-face kind of metaphor for how this season of our life is ending.

I might cry the day she outgrows those shoes though. I know she will.

Our carefree days with no schedule and no responsibilities and spur-of-the-moment fun at the zoo are officially over. Evan has school Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Both kids have gymnastics on Wednesdays. It’s making me doubt this whole preschool situation a little. As good as I know it will be for both of us to get a little time apart, it feels like I’m sending a piece of my heart off into the world to fend for itself.

I promise I’m trying not to write a post filled entirely with the most cliched mother cliches ever. I’m so blessed. My kids help me see the world in a new way. I love them so much my heart might explode. Being a mom is the best job in the world.

But those are all mommy cliches for a REASON.

Caroline is such a big girl and so smart and understands almost everything that I’m thinking about sending her to school after her birthday. Two year old preschool has always been something I thought was silly – it’s just DAYCARE, don’t try to make it sound fancy – but even if all she does all day is hang out with other 2 year olds and scribble with crayons and eat Goldfish at least it would be with actual trained teachers who could focus on building her skills instead of a mom who just takes Instagram photos of her.

I like to think knowing my own strengths and weaknesses makes me a better mom.

But then I will be childless for 5 hours a week and that kind of free time might be too much for me. I could run! I could shop! I could sit on a park bench alone and read a book! I might also sob for days and/or catch a case of baby fever that ends with spontaneous triplets. The possibilities are endless.

Here comes Fall, y’all. We’re so ready for the adventure. Are you ready for us?

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17 Responses to “End Of Summer Rambles”

  1. Sarah says:

    I think the third from last photo (excluding GIF) might be my favourite to date. :) Your kids are so damn cute. Spontaneous triplets might not be so bad. there goes all that free time. Also, I’m SO ready for fall, it’s the best season.

    • bebehblog says:

      Our mornings have been very fall-like this week. I’m forcing myself to wait for Saturday to start doing all the fall things.

  2. Stacy says:

    If you ever have those spontaneous triplets I want to be the ginger army nanny. Seriously! I’ll even move in with you so you can have someone to chat with! That gif has turned my way-too-grumpy for 9 AM on a Thursday before a long weekend frown upside down!

  3. Erin says:

    Awwww :) I hope Evan loves pre-school! I can’t wait to hear how it goes. This was adorable and also made me a little sad. Stop messing with my baby-wanting hormones!

  4. Maggie says:

    Ok, this post is wonderful and made me want to abandon my desk and go pick up my kids from daycare just so I can hug them and stare at their little faces.

  5. barbra says:

    This such a lovely post – it really is. But the one sentence that spoke to me is: “Even when I’m failing at the technical details of parenting they’re always ready to forgive me, give hugs and kisses and go on another adventure.”
    I’ve had more than the average number of fails in the past month and put my boy through far more than any kid deserves but he still loves me. He comes to me for comfort after an uncomfortable/scary/painful procedure even if I’m the one that held him down for it. He still gives me hugs and kisses and he really does forgive me. I think that is an important lesson for any parent – our kids love us, even when life is messy.

  6. Krista says:

    “Even when I’m failing at the technical details of parenting they’re always ready to forgive me, give hugs and kisses and go on another adventure.” <— THAT. That is exactly what's so wonderful about this age.

    I love this post and the pictures and your truthful, straightforward words.

  7. Audrey says:

    You’re so cute. You’ll adapt quickly to having that free time while E’s at school. Spontaneous triplets..would be awesome! :D

  8. Emily says:

    Preschool will be awesome… don’t worry! He’ll come home with all sorts of new knowledge and skills, and you’ll be a proud mama!

  9. Jess Judkins says:

    This made me all mushy and I now want to wake up Judah from his much needed nap. Nothing like a child growing out of his/or her favorite outfit to realize how fast they are growing up.

    I bet Evan is going to LOVE preschool!

  10. Amy says:

    I am the biggest fan of 2 year old preschool ever. It is just amazing the way Spencer blossomed. It is worth it, too, for the money saved by solo grocery shopping without kids distracting, needing bribes or throwing things in the cart.

  11. Meagan says:

    Thanks for this. As a general rule I don’t like to read people who complain about their kids all the time. This is like the opposite of that. My preschooler is only doing 2 days a week and I’m sure I should have done 3. But he went to 2 yr old preschool (Mother’s Day Out) for 5 hrs a day 2 days a week and loved it. And Caroline, my baaaaby, is even going 1 morning a week. I’m praying she loves it too. I think you’re doing an excellent job. And that GIF totally rocks.

  12. I totally understand.

    I cracked up over the “free time”. I get SO overwhelmed when I get the rare free time that I sit on the couch doing NOTHING, no TV, phone, iPad, computer… until someone comes home lol! I just don’t know what to do with myself!

  13. Kimberly says:

    I’m totally struggling with the “sending a piece of my heart off into the world to fend for itself” part. So much so that I am ignoring everything I “have” to do and cramming every moment until Tuesday full of SUMMER. And these gorgeous pictures have convinced your sister wife that you having spontaneous triplets would absolutely be the best news I will have gotten in a long time. xoxo

  14. I think there will be spontaneous triplets. After having Elena with me all day every day and then her being with Nana last Friday while I worked … well it broke my heart. Starting to think this is a major side benefit to homeschooling.

  15. kristi says:

    I vote for the triplets!!! I want more nieces and nephews :):)

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