So after a week of night weaning and three full nights of sleep I’m ready to start whining about the opposite of sleep deprivation – no more night time cuddles. (This is where you yell at your monitor for me to just make up my mind already. Go ahead. I’ll still be here complaining when you’re done.) Baby Evan is not a very snuggly baby during the day and he’s MUCH too busy and important to sit quietly in anyone’s lap while they enjoy the babiness of him – wispy hair and chubby knees and the way he squirms just before he gives in to sleep, like he has to get that last bit of energy out so he can rest. Sometimes those night feedings were the only baby love I got all day, so I’m sad he no longer needs me at 2 am. As if I’ve already forgotten the eighty bajillion times I said OMG WHY DOES THIS BABY NEED ME AT 2 AM?? CUT THE CORD CHILD. I think this kind of total insanity is only possible in motherhood.

OK, truthfully it’s not just about the cuddles. It’s also about the totally not funny joke Mother Nature is playing on me and my lady parts. EVEN THOUGH I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, EVEN THOUGH the baby eats the equivalent of one tablespoon of actual solids in a day while throwing 2 cups worth on the floor (yesterday it was sweet potato fries and penne), EVEN THOUGH I’ve gotten exactly three nights of sleep since April 5, 2009, I am now the proud owner of one menstrual cycle.  Thank God I found that box of Tampax in the back of my bathroom closet and also that Tampax doesn’t expire the way that bottle of Robitussin I found next to it did. In 2007. This wouldn’t have happened if I was willing to go another 9 months without any sleep. Geez, what was I thinking?

I’m also a teeny bit worried about my milk supply. It would be crushing to have to supplement at this point, especially since I still don’t have a way to get fluids INTO the baby as he thinks the main purpose of sippy cups is banging them against the floor. I’m back to that newborn oh-God-I-can’t-tell-how-much-he’s-eating-is-fussing-because-he’s-starving???? uncertainty, which is ridiculous at 9 months. I’m probably overreacting. This is probably what normal lactation is like. I’ve gone from being able to put out a medium sized grease fire using only my boobs to having just the amount of milk my baby needs. It’s nice to be able to take off my bra without immediately jumping into a shower or risk causing a flood and drowning the cat. I’m going to love wearing bras with fewer than fourteen hooks in the back and maybe even in a color besides white, flesh or black. But I’ve also heard people say getting their period back was the end of successful breastfeeding. I’d cry for days if I had to stop nursing…so should I start drinking Mother’s Milk tea or what?

P.S. Have I just totally forgotten what normal feels like or is anyone else insanely thirsty during that time of the month? I drank at least a gallon of water (plus 2 sodas, a hot chocolate and a glass of milk) yesterday and I’m as dehydrated as if I’d been licking a block of salt instead. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah.

P.P.S. Crap, I guess this also means I actually have to start doing something to prevent another baby, especially a SOOPRISE BEBEH. Not that I would be crushed if it happened but I am going to be in that wedding in September and I don’t think the adorable, strapless, tea-length dresses the bride has in mind would fit over a 34 week belly. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

(That’s Sleeping Through The Night for anyone who isn’t hip to the current parenting anagrams.)

(Anagrams isn’t the right word. Abbreviations? I know it’s not analogies. Acronyms! Definitely an acronym.)

(Did I really say “hip”?)

Sunday night – Bed at 7:30, Awake from 11:30 pm – 1:00 am, lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth (in our arms), 1 feeding
Monday night – For the life of me, I CANNOT REMEMBER Monday. See why I need to start getting some sleep?
Tuesday night – Bed at 8:30, Awake at 12:30, a little crying, rocked back to sleep, NO FEEDINGS!
Wednesday night -Bed at 7, Awake at 10:30, fussy, awake at 4:30, fussy, fed both times
Thursday night – Slept 6:45 pm – 6:15 am with one 2:30 am feeding.
Friday night – Asleep at 7:30 pm…and up at 6:30 am. NO FEEDINGS.

THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE, HE MADE IT. Baby Evan went 11 hours without nursing and the world did not end. The sky did not fall. Monkeys did not fly out of my butt. Best of all, my boobs did not explode. He slept, well, like a baby all night with barely a peep to indicate he had woken up, rolled over and self-soothed himself back to sleep. I probably woke up more times that he did to look at the clock and think OMG 5 hours! OMG 6 hours! OMG 7 hours! And by total, sheer, inexplicable luck we did it without using CIO (cry it out, yet another acronym) (see, I remembered this time).

Now, I know that was just one night and the happy dance of joy I did all the way into the nursery this morning is probably premature. And if I had any sense at all I’d STOP WRITING ABOUT IT right now because I’m setting myself up for a post in a week written from the fetal position on the floor that starts “dear internets pls halp me i cant remember the last time i slept or took a shower send wine and housecleaner”. It’s totally my own fault for bragging. Mama Karma is a bitch. Yet I cannot help myself, especially since now my last few angry, bitter, I hate everything posts seem silly and totally exaggerated. It’s amazing how much brighter the world looks after 8 hours of sleep.

I have now officially had a baby for the same length of time it took to grow said baby. Nine months in, nine months out. And my least favorite part, “it took you 9 months to gain the baby weight, so give yourself 9 months to lose it.” Bah. It took me 9 months of sitting on my butt eating french fries to gain this weight, it’s going to take a lot more than 9 months of sitting on my butt eating french fries stroller workouts to lose it. Especially since I only started working out at 6 months postpartum and only SERIOUSLY working out in the last three weeks. I still somehow managed to lose 35 lbs and am only 2 lbs away from what my doctor has listed as my starting weight. Which means I have 12 lbs to go to get into my old jeans and 32 lbs to go to get down to a weight I’ll be happy with. I’m not even going to tell you how much I’d have to lose to get back to my lowest college weight since it’s both ridiculous and impossible. All I want is to not look like I ate the fifth bridesmaid when I’m in my friend Erin’s wedding in September.

Baby Evan on the other hand, may actually have eaten a member of our play group without my noticing. His official weigh in is on Monday but I’m betting he’s around 24 lbs and OMGwhatareyoufeedingthisbaby?? ounces. I’m expecting a very interesting conversation where I explain to the pediatrician he’s not really eating solids yet and the pediatrician calls me a liarface, but I plan to bring some Cheerios along to prove it. Then again, Baby Evan did manage to eat most of the hummus I gave him today, so our attempts at real food must be starting to work. Apparently I was just going about it all wrong , trying to get him to eat normal things like applesauce. I should just start offering the most obscure foods available. Tabouleh? Caviar? Kimchi? Lukefisk? Ok, maybe not those, but I think I’ll try some avocado and sweet potato oven fries this week.

Development-wise, I think we’re right on track. Besides the pulling up and cruising, he’s started letting go and E SWEARS the baby even took a step the other day. I didn’t see it though, so it doesn’t count. Just like E never hears Baby Evan say “Mama” so we haven’t written down “first word: Mama” in the baby book. Actually, the whole first word milestone is total bullshit. He says “haaaiii” when we say “hi”. He says “mama mama” and “daaad” but just at random times. His babbling has increased to multiple syllables that SOUND like sentences but he’s definitely not using actual words. I guess “first word” really means “the first time he says a word and actually knows what it means”, in which case I think it’s going to be kitty. Or maybe Brutus. Actually, at this point it may be TOUCHDOOOOOWN!!! but I’ll explain that later.

Milestone Chart from BabyCenter

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Stands while holding onto something – All the time
• Jabbers or combines syllables – Yes
• Understands object permanence – Boy does he ever. Take away anything he wants (power cords, balls of dog hair, the cat) and he’ll scream for it back. Hiding it behind your back doesn’t work anymore either.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Cruises while holding onto furniture – He can make it from the bookcase to the radiator to the ottoman to the couch to the rocker to the chair to the post to the highchair to the dog and back again.
• Drinks from a sippy cup – Sort of? He knows HOW to drink, I just don’t know if he does. He has a sippy of water he loves to put in his mouth and chew on but it’s impossible to tell how much is leaking and how much is getting swallowed.
• Eats with fingers – Yes, he is capable of putting food in his mouth with his fingers.
• Bangs objects together – I haven’t seen him do it.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – No patty-cake, but he’ll play peek-a-boo if you put something over his/your head.
• Says “mama” and “dada” to the correct parent – No. Damnit.

It’s sort of terrifying to think we’re 3/4 of the way to a year already and in a couple months I’ll have to start thinking about what to do for my KID’S BIRTHDAY PARTY. Maybe we’ll just send him to Grandma’s and go with a beer and spa treatment theme.

At least he's finally starting to earn his keep around here.

If only the food could be absorbed through his head we'd be all set with the eating.

OH DID I FORGET TO MENTION THE TEETH? Top and bottom now, with the next two top ones about to pop.

Zombie Baby!

Ok, I'll look cute for your website photos...

...but don't forget who's in charge around here!

So 2009 was kind of a big year for me, what with HAVIN’ A BABY and all. I guess that was pretty much all I did though, besides stay married for 5 years and write a bunch of crap on the internet. Hey, let’s talk about that!

My 10 20 favorite (and most popular) posts of 2009

1. My first post with an actual baby: He’s finally here!

2. Birth story: Part 1 and Part 2.

3. Same and not the same: Pregnant vs. Drunk

4. Free show? Not so much: I think we need to discuss this.

5. Beautiful belly: Maternity Photos.

6. How to have a baby: Advice, for real.

7. Father & son adorableness: Daddy Time.

8. Real time baby care: 24. and 24: season 2.

9. Everything I know about breastfeeding: Your new breast friend.

10. Baby & dog video cuteness: Ten seconds before…

11. Hey, I’ve been married a while now: 5 years

12. Drama! Suspense! Vaccinations!: Can open, worms everywhere.

13. By far my most commented on post: Confessions of a secret co-sleeper.

14. Ooooo the cooking post: It doesn’t count as making dinner if all you make is a phone call.

15. Cute: A little man of many hats.

16. Bebehblog’s Babywearing Guide!

17. Guest post: Erin’s Breastfeeding Story (one of the best posts on my blog ever, even if it wasn’t the most commented)

18. The president luvs mah bebeh: Getting his political future started.

19. Loss: Knowing what to say.

20. Baby’s first visit with Santa: A little holiday cheer.

Thank you to everyone who reads, thank you to everyone who comments, thank you to everyone who has supported me on the internet, thank you to the mamas I’ve met in the last year, thank you to my friends at Papoose, thank you to my friends at Stroller Strides, thank you to my family, thank you to E’s family, thank you to every single person who has ever held a door for me while I was trying to push the stroller, and thank you to YOU for making 2009 the best year of my life so far.

Coming soon in 2010: Baby Evan eats food, learns to walk and talk, has first birthday. E turns the big 3-0, finds out if he makes officer, Navy possibly transfers us to different state. I, well, I plan to write about all that. And lose 30 lbs. Stay tuned!

Get ready for a few days of babywearing posts! I’ve got a couple new carriers, some pictures and one adorable baby-sized baby backpack from my own childhood.

First up, some illustrations…

From "That New Baby!" by Patricia Relf published 1980 and probably given to me when my mom was pregnant with my younger sister. I love that it's a dad wearing the baby!

From "Open House for Butterflies" by Ruth Krauss illustrations by Maurice Sendak (the Where the Wild Things Are guy) published in 1960. I loved this book as a child, it's full of adorable nonsense - exactly the sort of things a 5 year old would think or say.

For some reason when I think of babywearing, I think of it as either an ancient-times-slash-third-world-country tradition (Gasp! No strollers!) or as a novel new idea I practically thought of by myself (I’m a genius!). Clearly based on these illustrations people were doing it in 1960 and 1980 and probably every year before, between and after.

(Mostly off topic but sort of interesting sidenote: I found these pictures in a big stack of children’s books my mother had in the attic. Out of the 200+ books I looked through not a single one had a nursing mother or a breastfeeding baby anywhere in their pictures or mentioned in the story. If feeding was pictured/mentioned at all it was a bottle. Most of the books were from the 80’s – when breastfeeding lost some of the upswing it experienced in the previous decade – or from the 1950’s – when it probably wasn’t discussed at all. A quick Amazon search reveals I’m not the only one who has looked for illustrations of nursing babies and not found very many.)