Posts Tagged ‘lady parts’

Don’t Worry, Sometimes I Want To Slap Me too

Monday, January 11th, 2010

So after a week of night weaning and three full nights of sleep I’m ready to start whining about the opposite of sleep deprivation – no more night time cuddles. (This is where you yell at your monitor for me to just make up my mind already. Go ahead. I’ll still be here complaining when you’re done.) Baby Evan is not a very snuggly baby during the day and he’s MUCH too busy and important to sit quietly in anyone’s lap while they enjoy the babiness of him – wispy hair and chubby knees and the way he squirms just before he gives in to sleep, like he has to get that last bit of energy out so he can rest. Sometimes those night feedings were the only baby love I got all day, so I’m sad he no longer needs me at 2 am. As if I’ve already forgotten the eighty bajillion times I said OMG WHY DOES THIS BABY NEED ME AT 2 AM?? CUT THE CORD CHILD. I think this kind of total insanity is only possible in motherhood.

OK, truthfully it’s not just about the cuddles. It’s also about the totally not funny joke Mother Nature is playing on me and my lady parts. EVEN THOUGH I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, EVEN THOUGH the baby eats the equivalent of one tablespoon of actual solids in a day while throwing 2 cups worth on the floor (yesterday it was sweet potato fries and penne), EVEN THOUGH I’ve gotten exactly three nights of sleep since April 5, 2009, I am now the proud owner of one menstrual cycle.  Thank God I found that box of Tampax in the back of my bathroom closet and also that Tampax doesn’t expire the way that bottle of Robitussin I found next to it did. In 2007. This wouldn’t have happened if I was willing to go another 9 months without any sleep. Geez, what was I thinking?

I’m also a teeny bit worried about my milk supply. It would be crushing to have to supplement at this point, especially since I still don’t have a way to get fluids INTO the baby as he thinks the main purpose of sippy cups is banging them against the floor. I’m back to that newborn oh-God-I-can’t-tell-how-much-he’s-eating-is-fussing-because-he’s-starving???? uncertainty, which is ridiculous at 9 months. I’m probably overreacting. This is probably what normal lactation is like. I’ve gone from being able to put out a medium sized grease fire using only my boobs to having just the amount of milk my baby needs. It’s nice to be able to take off my bra without immediately jumping into a shower or risk causing a flood and drowning the cat. I’m going to love wearing bras with fewer than fourteen hooks in the back and maybe even in a color besides white, flesh or black. But I’ve also heard people say getting their period back was the end of successful breastfeeding. I’d cry for days if I had to stop nursing…so should I start drinking Mother’s Milk tea or what?

P.S. Have I just totally forgotten what normal feels like or is anyone else insanely thirsty during that time of the month? I drank at least a gallon of water (plus 2 sodas, a hot chocolate and a glass of milk) yesterday and I’m as dehydrated as if I’d been licking a block of salt instead. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah.

P.P.S. Crap, I guess this also means I actually have to start doing something to prevent another baby, especially a SOOPRISE BEBEH. Not that I would be crushed if it happened but I am going to be in that wedding in September and I don’t think the adorable, strapless, tea-length dresses the bride has in mind would fit over a 34 week belly. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.