Remember how a couple weeks ago I was all “This pregnancy is so easy! Most days I barely remember I’m even pregnant! I can’t wait to me MORE pregnant!”

Yeah, that was stupid. I am DEFINITELY pregnant. I could star in my own made for TV movie called Mega-Pregnant Woman Versus Giant Bottle of Tums and I wouldn’t even need a stunt double.

My feet hurt. I’m exhausted, even with a daily nap. I am irritated by totally irrational things and want to scream at random strangers. My clothes don’t fit. I can’t bend over in the middle. Everything from crackers to fruit to water gives me heartburn. I’m being regularly kicked in the bladder and I pee a little every time I laugh, jump or sneeze. I never sleep through the night. I’m always hot. My boobs are huge and sore (and here’s a new one: I have breast tissue that extends back into my armpit so even my underarms are painful). I keep getting giant crater sized pimples I’m afraid Baby Evan might get sucked into and disappear forever. And to top it all off, I STILL have morning sickness in the mornings – I get out of bed, I throw up for about 10 minutes, then I start my day. Every. Day.

As of my appointment this morning I am up 19 pounds and got a Talking To about adding more exercise to my routine, which is ridiculous because a) I chase a toddler all day b) I’m still going to Stroller Strides at least 3 times a week and c) I CHASE A TODDLER ALL DAY. Yes I know I’ll have to lose all this weight again, thanks for the breaking news. I know I’ve had this discussion on the internet before but I wish there was a way to just not even mention weight or weight gain in pregnancy at all until it became an actual health issue. My blood pressure is good, the baby is good, shut the eff up. I have the sudden urge to yell “LEAVE THE PREGNANT WOMEN ALOOOOOOOONE!!!!111!!!!!11!” but I’m too tired to actually yell at anything.

I think the only thing more exhausting than thinking about 19 more weeks of this is imagining life with a toddler AND a newborn.

I’m gonna go lie down.

This video contains several things I’ve been trying to capture on camera for the last couple of weeks:

1. The palms-up “I dunno!” shrug, accompanied by the face. I think I’ve shrugged like that maybe twice in my life, but obviously one of those times was in front of Baby Evan.
2. That “Ey-ee?” noise he makes when he pulls his arm back to throw something. I was at playgroup two weeks ago and complained that Baby Evan LOVED to throw things but had a hard time distinguishing appropriate stuff from hard, pointy things. One of the moms said “Why don’t you get him to ask “Ready?” before he throws?” AND THEN HE DID. Because she mentioned it once within his earshot. It doesn’t really help though, since he just ask “Ey-ee?” before throwing the hard, pointy things. But at least you have fair warning. It is often followed by “Oh!” (throw!) but not always.
3. The “Ooooooo-ho-oo-oo-oo” that goes with the “Oh” face from the weekend’s post. He does it all the time and I always crack up.

(As usually, please ignore the mess and the dog and my husband’s gym shorts yadda yadda yadda. Whatevs, this is what my life looks like. I’m over it.)

(Also, free housekeeping tip of the day: Socks pick up a lot of dog hair and dirt and are easily washable.)

P.S. Want to make our relationship Facebook official? “Like” me – you can use the link in the left sidebar – to get even more Bebehblog! It makes me feel all warm and tingly.

What?

Oh hai, it’s Baby Evan. I just realized there haven’t been many pictures of me around here lately so I thought I’d climb up on to the couch, over the armrest and launch myself the three feet towards the barstool you are so obliviously sitting on. Just to say hai.

Oooooooooo

Me again. I’m making this face and the accompanying oooooh-ho-oh-oh-oh noise because
a) I just slipped on one of my toys and almost landed on my head
b) I really need you to pay attention to my empty sippy cup
c) You were laughing at something and didn’t tell me what the joke was
d) I’m about to start screaming my ever-loving head off and I wanted to warn you

Obviously.

Ok class, let's review

Identify this Baby Evan face: a,b,c, or d.

WRONG!

This is actually secret face option e, the “Man I am really proud of myself for sitting on this bookcase and these Wheat Thins are DELICIOUS” face. Or maybe it’s the “I am choking on these crackers and I could really use some adult intervention over here” face. It’s hard to tell.

(If he turns blue I will definitely check on him.)

I give up. You'll never get it. And who's going to do something about this mess?

I feel like I’m living with a bunch of babies. These grown don’t understand ANYTHING. Maybe if they clean up all my toys and make me something nice for breakfast, tomorrow I’ll be peaceful and quiet and well-behaved.

But where's the fun in that?

So in the excitement of yesterday and this weekend (no not THAT excitement, although if you’re as sick of hearing about it as I am definitely read this), I almost forgot Baby Evan’s monthday is today! 16 months doesn’t sound like anything special but for me it’s getting way too close to 18 months, which is a year and a half. And when he’s a year and a half he’ll be closer to 2 than 1 and my heart might break into a zillion teeny tiny pieces because I will definitely have to stop calling Baby Evan Baby Evan. I’m actually sort of glad I’ve got a new baby to ease the pain of watching my firstborn turn into such a PERSON.

Examples of personhood include: following directions more often than not, FINALLY signing “more” when he wants more and then pointing at the specific thing he wants more of, turning the pages of books as I read them, giving bedtime hugs and kisses and then requesting to be put in the crib and left alone to sleep, and clapping along with any and all applause on the television. Oh yeah, and running/climbing/dancing/grabbing/all manner of other child-like behaviors I swear he couldn’t do yesterday. Someone tell me he’s going to slow down soon – at this rate he’s going to be doing long division and competing in Olympic sports by the time he’s 6.

Time for some arbitrary and mostly meaningless milestones!

16 month milestone from Baby Center

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Turns the pages of a book – Yes, although this isn’t always a good thing since he gets bored with more than about four words per page and starts flipping to the end after a few seconds. I have no idea what happens in the middle of Pigs Aplenty, Pigs Galore. I’m assuming it involves pigs.
• Has temper tantrums when frustrated – Oh. Ha. Yes. Complete with thrashing, screaming and banging his head against the hardest object in the room. What a fun milestone.
• Becomes attached to a soft toy or other object – He has a blankie he sleeps with (and an identical extra blankie in case something happens to the first one)(both knit by his grandmother because she is awesome) and he definitely loves that blankie more than he loves other blankies…but I don’t think I would say he’s “attached”. Also, despite my best efforts he has no real interest in the bear I made him. Who, for the record, has a head now.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Discovers the joy of climbing – So far, he likes climbing on and off the couch SO MUCH he hasn’t yet tried to climb anything especially dangerous. Plus he doesn’t really need to since he’s TALL ENOUGH TO REACH THE COUNTERS. Ack.
• Stacks three blocks – No, but he can knock down ALL of them.
• Uses spoon or fork – I’m not sure I’d call his utensil skills good enough for public viewing but we use them at home. He’s actually better with a fork than a spoon and really enjoys it.
• Learns the correct way to use common objects (e.g., the telephone) – Yes, definitely, and he’s becoming a better mimic every day. It’s adorable.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Takes off one piece of clothing by himself – Does a diaper count? I’m pretty sure every kid this age has done that at least once, which I wouldn’t really call “advanced.”
• Gets finicky about food – He’s always been finicky about food. Right now he’s eating mainly animal crackers and mini bagels, but he FINALLY decided he likes whole milk so I’m hoping the weight check this month will still be good.
• Switches from two naps to one – How is this a milestone? For us it was a schedule thing – back when we first started doing Stroller Strides and Baby Signs and fourbazillionty other morning activities Baby Evan switched to just one mid-day nap. Luckily that noontime nap usually lasts at least two hours and can be moved successfully from the car to the crib most days if we’re running late. But I am already dreading the day he goes to NO nap. I’m not letting that happen until he’s in full-day kindergarten.

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