A summary of Caroline at 13 months…

What she ate: Mini-waffles, grapes (red and green), Pirate’s Booty, grilled cheese, Goldfish, blueberries, carrots, pretzels, yogurt melts, string cheese, lollipop, watered down juice, boob, and a clementine although she really just sucked the juice out and left gross slimy sections all over the floor.

What she wore: Size 4 diaper, size 4 Mary Janes, white socks, 12 month leggings and dress she ruined by crushing blueberries with her butt, 12-18 month jeggings, shirt and sweater I bought at Old Navy to replace ruined leggings and dress. Adorable smile.

What she did: Went to Stroller Strides, ate from a snack trap, played in the play area, climbed up the stairs and down the slide by herself, made new friends, went to a playdate, stood on a chair, fell on her face several times, learned to climb into a chair correctly, clapped, said “all done” when I asked if she was all done nursing, made me laugh, ran away, gave kisses, tried to eat a lot of inappropriate  items, played peek a boo, watched Toy Story, took a nap in my lap, cried a little bit, hugged her daddy, went to sleep without an argument.

Likes include running, climbing, smiling, clapping, laughing, taking off her shoes, blueberries, her brother, friends, being upside down, tunnels, slides, making important calls on her (my) cell phone, tea parties, trying to kill herself.

Disliked include falling on her head, when people try to help her after she falls on her head, being told not to fall on her head, eating clementines the right way.

I’m out of monthly stickers and Caroline refuses to hold still or pose for pictures so these are…blurry. That’s a nice word.

She takes her sandwiches very seriously

She is SO blogging this playdate

Wassup Red?

Finally sitting in the chair without giving anyone a heart attack

TINY JEGGINGS

Lap nap after a busy day

Dinner of champions

13 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Uses two words skillfully (e.g., “hi” and “bye”) – She can say mama, daddy, kitty, doggie, hi, all done, and sit
Bends over and picks up an object – Yes, especially if it’s food

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Enjoys gazing at his reflection – She will kiss the baby in the mirror but she loses interest pretty quickly. There are lots of things that need kissing.
Holds out arm or leg to help you dress him – She CAN, although she thinks pulling a shirt over her head is some sort of baby torture. But she can take her clothes off like a…nope, can’t bring myself to make any analogy here.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Combines words and gestures to make needs known – Does weeping and yanking on my pants while I’m trying to eat my lunch without sharing count? How about weeping and yanking on my pants while I read to her brother? Or weeping and yanking on my pants because it’s only 71 degrees in the play room and she prefers it at 73? SHE HAS A LOT OF NEEDS.
Rolls a ball back and forth – Y……es? I feel like Evan was super into balls at this age but Caroline is too busy climbing on stuff and pushing cars around. I’ll see if she wants to play tomorrow.

What?

Oh hai, it’s Baby Evan. I just realized there haven’t been many pictures of me around here lately so I thought I’d climb up on to the couch, over the armrest and launch myself the three feet towards the barstool you are so obliviously sitting on. Just to say hai.

Oooooooooo

Me again. I’m making this face and the accompanying oooooh-ho-oh-oh-oh noise because
a) I just slipped on one of my toys and almost landed on my head
b) I really need you to pay attention to my empty sippy cup
c) You were laughing at something and didn’t tell me what the joke was
d) I’m about to start screaming my ever-loving head off and I wanted to warn you

Obviously.

Ok class, let's review

Identify this Baby Evan face: a,b,c, or d.

WRONG!

This is actually secret face option e, the “Man I am really proud of myself for sitting on this bookcase and these Wheat Thins are DELICIOUS” face. Or maybe it’s the “I am choking on these crackers and I could really use some adult intervention over here” face. It’s hard to tell.

(If he turns blue I will definitely check on him.)

I give up. You'll never get it. And who's going to do something about this mess?

I feel like I’m living with a bunch of babies. These grown don’t understand ANYTHING. Maybe if they clean up all my toys and make me something nice for breakfast, tomorrow I’ll be peaceful and quiet and well-behaved.

But where's the fun in that?

Baby Evan reports his experience trying Puffs brand tissues.

OMG!!!! I CAN REACH SO MUCH STUFF NOW! LIKE THIS BOX! THIS BOX THAT HOLDS THESE….WHITE THINGS! THAT I CAN PULL ON! OOOOOOO THAT ONE CAME OUT! OOOOOOOOO THAT ONE CAME OUT TOO! AND THAT ONE! AND THAT ONE! THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM!  I COULD PULL THEM OUT ALL DAY! AND THEY’RE SOFT!

I wonder what happens if I put them in my mouth?

AAAAAAAAH!!!! IT’S DISSOLVING! I BETTER BITE IT AGAIN! SOFT WHITE THINGS DISSOLVING IN MY MOUTH THAT I WANT TO BITE AND BITE SOME MORE! I CAN ALSO PULL THEM APART INTO TEENY TINY LITTLE PIECES! SO TINY! BOY, THESE TEENY TINY PIECES ARE HARD TO PICK UP! I SHOULD RIP UP ANOTHER ONE! IT’S LIKE PLAYING IN A GIANT CLOUD OF SOFT WHITE SOFTNESS!

Oh crap, I think Mom heard me.

I give these tissues two thumbs up for FUN.

Not at actual product review. Baby Evan was not compensated in any way for his opinion, except that his mommy stopped doing stuff on her computer and started paying closer attention to what her 11 month old was doing. Which in baby world is the best kind of compensation possible.

So if month 1 is an exhausted blur, month 4 you start to get the hang of things, and month 6 is when you can start buying them all the good toys, month 8 of baby care is when you no longer remember what sitting down feels like. In the past 24 hours, Baby Evan has:

– Eaten a piece of yarn
– Fell on the cat
– Pulled the recycling can over on top of himself
– Dumped all the dog food out of the bowl
– Ripped up a roll of wrapping paper
– Fallen on his head at least four times
– Hit himself in the face with the baby swing
– Hit me in the face with a baby hammer
– Pinched his hands under the rocking chair
– Tried to put a knitting needle through his ear
– Climbed onto the bottom shelf of the changing table and threw everything on it on the floor

And all of that was before E got home from work. At 2 pm. I picked the wrong month to (re)give up Diet Coke…unless I’m planning to replace it with speed. Or maybe breastmilk, because apparently it makes you super strong – the better to hit you in the face my dear – and super fast – the better to escape the confines of the baby gate. This afternoon while I was unloading the car Baby Evan actually managed to push the back door open a couple inches and was seconds away from falling right out onto the (cement) back porch face first. As much as I DON’T love his sharp little baby teeth, I think it’s better if we keep them intact for at least a few more years. He may actually need them for eating something someday. Not now, or tomorrow, or probably next week, but some day. I mean, he can’t exclusively nurse forever, right? NO baby has ever survived entirely on breastmilk until kindergarten…right? RIGHT??

So besides the violent puking, thrashing, gagging and general crankiness regarding solid food (or really, anything besides milk straight from the boob – still no bottles, cups, spoons, shot glasses or straws either) let’s see how he’s hitting his 8 month milestones:

Mastered Skills (most kids can do):
• Says “mama” and “dada” to both parents (isn’t specific) – No, not really. We’ve both heard “dada” or “daddy” but nothing even close to mama, unless High Pitched Screeching Velociraptor Noise is what he plans to call me.
• Passes objects from hand to hand – Check.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do):
• Stands while holding onto something – Lord does he ever, and he gets there on his own. The couch, the chair, the rocker, my leg, his play table, the baby gate, the handle on the stove, the dishwasher, your mom. Anything.
• Crawls – He finally got the hang of real crawling, which means my plan to tape a Swiffer cloth to his stomach is out.
• Points at objects – Meh? He reaches, but there’s no actual finger pointing.
• Searches for hidden objects – Do immaginary objects count? He is totally convinced I am hiding something WONDERFUL and DELICIOUS under the rug and one of these days he is definitely going to find it.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do):
• Pulls self to standing, cruises – See above for “pulls self up”. But he’s finally got the hang of cruising, although sometimes he forgets he has to move BOTH legs and unintentionally ends up doing a very impressive center split.
• Picks things up with thumb-finger pincer grasp – Then shoves them in his mouth, then throws up. Really awesome.
• Indicates wants with gestures – Not so much “gestures” as EAR-PIERCING SCREAMS. I took the disgusting car keys he was gnawing on away from him in Target yesterday and the noise he made sounded so much like the fire alarm he almost cleared the building. I hope he gets the hang of gestures soon.

Speaking of gestures, I’ve been meaning to watch that Baby Signs DVD my friend Amanda let me borrow and get started on making Baby Evan into a genius child. Or at least a child who understands the word “no” or “danger” or “for the love of GOD STOP PUTTING THAT IN YOUR MOUTH”. I felt a little silly signing to a baby that clearly didn’t understand the difference between actual sign language and crazy hand waving, but at this point I think I need to either really make an effort or just forget about it all together. I should at least teach him the sign for “nurse” – he’s GOT to understand that one at this point.