I don’t often have a favorite child. Sometimes I have a least favorite child (defined as the one who is currently misbehaving/throwing a tantrum/crying/keeping me awake at 2 am) but that only lasts for a few minutes. Mothers have an infinite amount of love, so loving one kid infinite plus a little bit more is almost impossible.

That being said, I’ve been finding myself scheduling extra time with Caroline whenever possible lately. Four and four months seems to be a nice age for her. I mean, she’s still FOUR. Life is hard when you are four and you have to wear sneakers instead of sparkly shoes or can’t have candy for breakfast or have to go to bed when it is still light out or when the half-zebra is too far away from the fence and you can’t pet her. Caroline is the middle child, my only girl, the one who I worry about the most as she moves from being a baby into real life. She has so much confidence and curiosity and willingness to try new things right now but I know the day is coming when being herself will feel harder than going with the crowd. I want her to hold on to herself and be fearless as long as possible, so if she’s up for an adventure, I am up for an adventure.

She wakes up every day and wants to Do Fun Stuff. As soon as she hears about a cool place or fun activity it goes on her mental list of Fun Stuff We Should Do so if we have a whole in the schedule she is ready to fill it. And on the way to Doing Fun Stuff she wants to grab a frappuccino. Because who doesn’t love a frappuccino?

Our Sunday included TWO frappuccinos. We went to Target with the Starbucks at 8 am for the Lilly Pulitzer collection release but failed – our store didn’t even get any kid sizes in stock and the first 10 crazy women in the doors bought EVERYTHING else. There was one beach towel and a couple of glasses left at 8:05. Luckily Caroline found a couple of Easter dresses on clearance that she was perfectly happy to accept instead of Lilly (because she’s 4, she doesn’t care). Then when we came home she begged to do more fun stuff. I heard from a friend there was a fundraiser at Ray of Light Farm, so Caroline and I jumped in the car and went, leaving the boys at home. On the way back we had “frappuccinos” i.e. Coolatas from Dunkin Donuts and talked about what we would do for our next adventure.

I made the mistake of telling her people sometimes have guinea pigs as pets, so obviously now she wants to know when she can get one. Maybe I should have told her some people eat guinea pigs instead.

More goats. We really like goats. Also, they sold us that food for the special fundraiser day – I’m not THAT much of an a-hole to just feed animals right next to the sign that says don’t feed the animals.

This horse was named Belle, which made her Caroline’s favorite.

Waiting patiently for the half-zebra to wander over. She eventually did so our day was a success.

Caroline’s outfit:
Hat – Gymboree outlet
Dress – Target
Leggings – BabyLegs
Boots – Zulily
Sweater (in the other pics) – J Crew Crew Cuts from the consignment shop
Glasses (in the other pics) – Zenni Optical

For the record, Caroline is only allowed non-coffee drinks. I’m not pumping my 4-year-old full of espresso – it’s mostly whipped cream and ice. And delicious.

This week was spring break. We didn’t go anywhere in the stay-over-night-on-vacation sense, but we did go do a lot of things. Especially Caroline and I – we are cut from the same cloth that refuses to just sit on the couch on a sunny day. We need to go “do fun things”.

Sunday:

Can’t stop won’t stop visiting the goats (except probably now, since all the baby goats are getting big)

Treat yo’ self

Evening walk

Monday:

Not a real cow

So excited about the zoo he fell asleep

Art in motion

Tuesday:

Band-aids are really exciting

This is not a good wrap job but the wrap is so pretty I don’t care

If you give a baby a flashlight, he will think that is the best thing ever

Wednesday:

During the treasure hunt, a pirate asked them to sing a pirate song, so they both sang “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”

That hat though

Seriously. The hat.

Thursday:

I thought a nice long walk would be fun. They disagreed.

Caroline arranged her own storytime at the library, despite the fact that a) she can’t read and b) she doesn’t know that girl

Don’t let the cute messy face distract you from the path of destruction behind him

Friday:

Maybe I should try to teach her to read

Hide out

That’s his concentrating face

Saturday:

She is very disappointed that no REAL birds will get to enjoy the houses she decorated for them

Wearing his new hat while we enjoy dinner on a deck

These kids, you guys

I am BEAT and I feel about a million years old. I wish I could sleep for 24 hours straight. I feel like I’m right on the edge of getting sick and I do not have TIME to be sick. The kids are supposed to start soccer this week but somehow soccer (which is supposed to be Monday/Wednesday) is now on Thursday during the same time as swim. Obviously they can’t be swimming WHILE playing soccer so I’m going to have to get swim moved (there are other swim classes, there’s just one soccer team). But this swim session is really full and it’s going to be SUCH a pain to work out. I’m dreading making that phone call but both soccer and swim cost too much money to just skip. Stupid sports.

The weather is finally warm enough that I’m confident it’s time to switch out everyone’s wardrobes, but that means it’s time to sort out the donate/consign/pass on piles. Just ONE kid’s clothes could keep me busy for a week – and I have 3 kids with way too much stuff. I suspect absolutely nothing from last year will fit anyone (especially Linc, since he didn’t exist this time last year) so I will be forced to buy EVEN MORE stuff. Stupid stuff.

Thank God spring break is over. I’ve become just a whiny as my children.

This week (the one I am typing in, not the one in the pictures) is spring break and the weather finally got the memo so I am tempted to turn off my laptop, toss it in a closet and not look at it again until the weather gets back below 50 degrees. Hopefully, that doesn’t happen again until October.

Sunday:

Grumpy baby wanted to walk around instead of sit through Easter service

Brunching

Evan picked this one from ALL the grocery store cakes

Monday:

No match for fresh air

I MISSED 100000 EVEN

Grocery store assistant

Tuesday:

Best Legos Ever

Style

Attention Target shoppers: Adorable baby in the main aisle

Wednesday:

More Style

DEFINITELY GINGERY

He’s pretty convinced that is his bed.

Thursday:

Thoughtful baby

Her style now extends to swim class

I am not sure why this is necessary

Friday:

Terrorizing the ponies

Terrorizing the dog

Terrorizing himself (your doing it wrong)

Saturday:

Uptown Fairy

Wallet thief

They demanded I take their picture next to this “sports dog”.

Six is a lot of years. It’s one-third of the way to 18, which I immediately regret both thinking and typing. But there is no denying Evan is a big kid, well on his way to being a full grown human who barely even needs me. He’s way too busy watching Star Wars while building Star Wars Legos while playing Star Wars Legos on the iPad to even notice I’m offering him food.

Evan actually asked to be left at Kid’s Quest for his birthday. That’s the child care half of the arcade at the casino https://super88bet.com/ – for the low low price of $11/hour you can gamble while they entertain the crap out of your kids. It’s an excellent strategy for the casinos since kids aren’t allowed on the gaming floors. And they are REALLY GOOD at entertaining the kids. Which is why Evan asked us to leave him there for his birthday. I basically begged him to hang out with us as a family instead, starting a long slow descent into me being his super uncool mom.

I felt sort of guilty all weekend that Evan wasn’t getting a Big Party. It was what everyone (both family and not family) expects and what the kids are used to when it comes to birthdays. But now that he’s in school and has a whole list of friends I’ve literally never met I figured we could switch over to “fun activity that in the future we can invite a few close friends to join us in doing”. After he opened his presents on Sunday night he declared turning 6 was the best birthday ever, so obviously my guilt was unnecessary and he still felt special for his special weekend.

Evan is a super nice, fairly sensitive kid who is a total people pleaser. I’m focused on being more mindful of that trait and working with his teacher to make sure she keeps it in mind when he’s struggling in class. Last week she had to call me because he was sitting in a chair refusing to do the ONE worksheet he needed to finish before he had free choice for the rest of the day. She said it happened the week before and he had literally sat, pouting, head down for 2 full hours. I asked her if it was possible he had made a mistake (he had) and was just upset with himself (he was) and if she could maybe offer him a hug before she gave up and punished him (she did). It turned out that was all he needed: he bounced right back to the happy, sweet kid who wants to do a good job and I got nice notes the rest of the week assuring me he was behaving perfectly.

So what I’m saying is having a kid that’s old enough to be upset for ACTUAL REASONS instead of things like “cut their strawberries to small” or “asked them to put their shoes on” or “changed their diaper” is pretty cool. Even if you do hear a lot more fart jokes.

Here’s how we celebrated the big S I X.

Dinner at Margaritaville, because what kid doesn’t love watching a giant blender fill up with tequila? (No, that’s a serious question, the kids love that part.)

Arcade games:

MOAR BABY GOATS:

Cake and presents:

Evan’s birthday interview:

(Please ignore the Caroline and Lincoln background noise, they were actually really quite compared to their regular volume.)

Hey, it’s my birthday, I’m gonna party like I’m responsible for keeping 3 small humans alive on my birthday. So maybe a glass of wine after they all go to bed.

That song was actually really popular on my birthday the year it came out (which I believe was in two thousand and OMG I am old) so I think of it as my birthday song. Just like probably 1/3rd of girls who were in college in that year probably do. I am nothing if not part of my generation.

33 is not a big or special birthday. I don’t have anything big or special planned and we will probably not celebrate in any memorable ways. But a bunch of small things have come together recently that lead me to believe 33 might be the age which I am officially an adult. And not only that, an adult who is pretty good at adulting sometimes.

I have a skin care routine. I realized those spots on my face weren’t just big freckles and I bought two different kinds of cream that have the words “anti-aging” in them and I reliably both put them on AND take my make-up off. I’ve never done that more than two days in a row before, but it’s been a couple weeks so maybe it stuck this time. Plus I expanded my makeup routine from “mascara and sometimes foundation” to “expensive mascara, primer, foundation and eyebrow gel”. I am probably the only one who can tell, but I FEEL more put together.

Along those same lines, I also a) have a standing appointment for a hair cut/color maintenance and b) wear hypoallergenic earrings. Both tiny things that I always felt like I was never going to manage and yet now I have and do and it makes me happy every time I look in the mirror. Earrings! A lack of noticeable roots and split ends! Like a real grown up!

In the less superficial department, I also used my phone as an actual phone several times this week. I returned a call to get the kids set up for summer camp. I answered an unfamiliar number that ended up being Evan’s teacher. I moved my hair appointment. I called Nikon to find out what I could do about my broken camera. I called the camera supply place to find out if they could rush-ship a new one. I called and made the dermatologist appointment I hate making. Ok, that last one is a lie, I didn’t call yet. I hate the medical care on base and I have to see them to get a referral to a real derm and I hate the dermatologist in general because having my skin examined closely by ANYONE is horrifying. But I also don’t really want to die of skin cancer, so I’m definitely calling on Monday.

Other adulting skills I’ve mastered this year: Mailing things without standing in line at the post office. Going to the grocery store and not buying mostly ice cream. Taking out the trash. Talking to my kids’ teachers without feeling like I’m about to get in trouble. Recognizing when buying the more expensive version of something might be a better choice than buying the cheap thing. Making school lunches. Not staying up too late (most of the time).

My goal for the next year is to be an adult about my own self. I need to make wiser choices to be healthier. I need to stop eating my feelings. I need to use that wine-drinking time after bedtime to maybe do some push-ups. I also need to buy myself a pair of jeans that fit – just ONE PAIR – so I don’t have to wear yoga pants to yoga pant inappropriate locations, like dinner at restaurants with real silverware or all the birthday parties the kids are invited to this month. I can beat myself up over the size of my pants and losing baby weight afterward (because I am not sure I will ever be adult enough not to do that) but at least I can do it from the comfort of pants with a button that actually buttons.

So it’s not like I’ve discovered the secret of life or become wildly successful or been a perfect human/wife/mother but this year was pretty OK and I hope next year is even OK-er. Maybe on my 34th birthday I’ll be able to say I’ve successfully learned to spell the words “apartment” and “apparently” right on the first try. It’s good to have goals.