My birthing instructor seems to have trouble with the word “vagina”. Everything else is referred to by the correct medical term, but when she has to talk about the part of my body that will actually do all the effacing and dilating and stretching, she cannot bring herself to say the word. Instead she calls it my “bottom”.

If it turns out I actually give birth through my bottom, I HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY MISINFORMED.

Me: (wallowing around like a beached whale) Oh my goooooooooooooooood I am so pregnant!
E: Yeah, you’re kind of huge.
Me: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! At least it’s not for too much longer.
E: It’s not that soon, you still have four months.
Me: FOUR MONTHS?? Try 10 weeks.
E: Whatever, same thing.
Me: NO. Nononononono, 10 weeks is two and a half months. Not four. Two and a half.
E: I’m rounding.
Me: THERE IS NO ROUNDING.

Even when not pregnant, I found accounts of other people’s labors fascinating. And thanks to the interwebs, there are tons of them out there to read!

Sarrible sent me this one the other day, written by Alice Bradley. She specifically warned me not to read the comments but that’s like me telling the dog “Hey, so I’ve got this steak that I’m just going to put right here on the floor and then I’m going to stare over there at the wall for a while, but you’re not supposed to eat it, ok?” But I’m going to warn you anyways, if you are pregnant or want to someday be pregnant, skip the terror-inducing comments.

Allie the fashion blogger who writes My Wardrobe Today had her baby this month and wrote about it here. It is also slightly scary, but everything ends well and her baby is ADORABLE.

Of course there’s also Dooce’s story, which might be from 2004 and is kind of long but still amazing. I’ve read it about a dozen times now, and will probably have the whole thing memorized by the time my own labor starts.

Anyone have more suggestions? Personal stories encouraged!