Dear Victoria’s Secret,

Truth is, I like you. We’ve had some good times. 5 pair of underwear for $25 is a good deal. Your semi-annual sale is an event I almost never miss.  Remember the $800 I put on my Angels credit card before the wedding? I even love your clothing selection and would very much like you to offer your sweaters, dresses and workout clothes in stores instead of just online. So please don’t take what I am about to say too harshly.

GO TO HELL. Sending me catalogs featuring $200 bikinis when I can barely afford warm socks is mean enough. Sending them to Connecticut in January is evil. And sending them to someone who is 7 months pregnant may be unconstitutional, since it is cruel and unusual punishment. The happy people on the sunny, warm beaches wearing teeny tiny outfits with not a stretch mark or dimple in sight could be damaging to my mental status. I need to think of my health and the health of my unborn baby.

So I set your catalog on fire. Please feel free to send another one, Duraflame logs are kind of expensive.

Kisses!

Suzanne

I have a joke for you. Who has two thumbs, hasn’t gained any more weight and has 90/60 blood pressure?
This girl!
I guess that doesn’t work so well on the internet.

Ok, this joke is completely unrelated, except that I almost fell off the couch it made me laugh so much. I suspect it’s not really that funny, but don’t argue too much the the pregnant woman, k?
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!

AHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha! Hahahaha! Ha. Sorry, now back to your regularly scheduled complaining.