Scene: Pouring rain. In the van on the entrance ramp to the highway. Two kids in their car seats. You’re  just barely on time for Stroller Strides because you had to pack four zillion snacks, sippy cups, toys, water bottles, crayons and blankets.

Suddenly, you hear a voice from the back seat.

“Mommy, poop potty! Big poop Mommy!”

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Option A: Turn around and go home. You’ll have to drive down to the next exit, get back ON the highway, get back OFF the highway, drive back past the hospital during the busiest part of the morning, drag both kids out of the car into the house in the rain.

Cons: Getting wet, hauling kids, being late
Pros: You probably won’t have to scrape poop of the toddler

Option B: Stop at the gas station a few exits down the highway. The bathroom will be of questionable cleanliness and you’ll have to balance a baby on your hip while removing the toddlers shoes, pants and underwear because he refuses to sit on the potty unless entirely bottomless. Then you have to do it all in reverse to go back out in the rain and reload them into the car.

Cons: Getting wet, hauling kids, being late, catching horrible disease from disgusting public restroom
Pros: You probably won’t have to scrape poop off the toddler (but not guaranteed)

Option C: Ask him to hold it. Beg him to hold it. Shout “NO POOPING IN THE CAR!” Sing a made-up-song about how we only poop in the potty. Say “Did you poop? Did you poop? Did you poop?” every 12 seconds the whole way to the mall. UNFORTUNATE TWIST: You forgot to pack extra underpants (or any kind of pants).

Cons: Possible poop scraping, being so tired of the word poop your brain explodes
Pros: On time to class, no extra kid hauling, taking the risk gets your heart racing which practically counts as a bonus morning workout

So, yeah, I thought my life was supposed to get EASIER after potty training. Everyone is always complaining about diapers but let me tell you, THIS IS NOT BETTER. I spend at least two hours a day staring at my kid while he sits on the can, helping him with his pants, wiping his butt or bribing begging him to use the potty BEFORE we leave the house. My Weight Watchers activity tracker should have an option for “potty trained toddler” because if I’m going to be running back and forth to the restroom every single time we go out in public I want to be able to EAT those activity points. Or more accurately, drink those points. Mommy needs a hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps.

For the record, my choice in the earlier scenario was C because I happen to know my kid is a LYING LIARFACE and uses “Poop potty!” as an excuse to get out of the car/stroller when he’s bored. There was no poop scraping. He not only held it until we got to the mall, he told me he didn’t even have to go anymore. No accidents.

So to sum up: I am sick of the word poop and my toddler is incredibly manipulative.

I take back everything I said about 8 months being my favorite baby age. And 9 months. And 10 months. My new favorite is 11 months. 11 months rocks. 11 months is where it’s at. It’s the BEST. Oh, I know, blah blah blah my baby is awesome blah blah blah so cute blah blah blah you should see her blah blah barf.

Whatevs, dude. As a mother, it’s my right to say these things. I get to change my mind every single day…although based on how 2 1/2 is going with Operation Ginger Dominance 1.0 I doubt I’m going to be saying “I love this age the best!” forever. So I am enjoying the crap out of 11 months.

Like I said yesterday, Caroline is headstrong and independent. She can hold her own against her big brother and has even started initiating games, such as “Lie on your sister until she squeals”, “Oh no run away the baby is coming!”, and “Use the dog as a step stool to climb onto the couch”. She can also be exceedingly stubborn when it comes to holding onto things (keys, my phone, my camera) that she shouldn’t have, and will wail hysterically if you take them away. You’d think I’d tried to take a toe instead of a dirty key fob. Most of the time I just give in – both because I am a pushover and because I am TIRED.

Caroline is still not sleeping through the night – although I’m not SURPRISED I am ANNOYED – and it’s exhausting. She is easy to put to sleep, which I so appreciate. But she is up 2-3 times a night to nurse and I no longer think she needs to be. I talked about night weaning Little Evan a lot but he sort of ended up doing it on his own, so I’m going to have to either make a better plan or keep being tired for a few more months. I will probably just be tired, because doing anything that might make her unhappy is out of the question. See above, re: pushover.

She has a zillion teeth with the other zillion about to come through. She has gotten taller, and is finally fitting into 9 month and even some 12 month clothes. She has big feet for a little baby, and is already in a size 3 or 4 shoe – which is fantastic, because we have a whole closet full of adorable hand-me-down shoes in size 4. She has totally stopped crawling, which is kind of sad since her funny monkey sideways shuffle was so cute, but it means now I can put her down in the mall and the aquarium and most importantly on the bathroom floor when Little Evan has to potty without her hands touching the floor.  It also means I rely a LOT on my friends to help wrangle my TWO TODDLERS in public, which is incredibly unfair of me but I’m kind of a crappy person and I keep letting it happen. I’ll make them all some nice cookie platters for the holidays and continue begging for forgiveness.

Caroline’s favorite things include cheese, walking, climbing onto benches, bouncing on things, sliding, grapes, chewing on electronics, sitting in her brother’s chair, talking, hugs, smiling, dancing, splashing and drinking bath water.

Least favorite things include falling on her head, accidentally touching the radiator, being set on the floor when she wants to cuddle, soap in her eyes and lying flat on her back for JUST A DAMN MINUTE so I can take her picture.

I am holding her down with my foot

Escape!

E took this picture while I sat on her legs. I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS, TINY BABY.

No pictures please

Evan sat on her. She loved it.

Tutu fast

Cabled owl vest was a gift from my amazing friend Desiree

Third hand pink Converse - still practically brand new!

One more month until she's one and I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT.

11 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – Calls me mama, and I’ve heard her say dada a couple times but not often.
Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – LOVES peek-a-boo
Stands alone for a couple of seconds – Stands, walks, can get to standing from the floor without pulling up, can sit down from standing, can jump if she’s standing on the couch holding the back.
Cruises – See above.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Understands “no” and simple instructions – Understands no and hates it. Will come if you say “Come here Caroline!” Sometimes listens to other directions but mostly ignores me.
Puts objects into a container – Yes, which means my child labor force just increased by 100%.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Says one word besides “mama” or “dada” – She says “hi” sometimes, in context, totally correctly, but I’m still not sure she means it. She babbles so much it’s hard to tell.
Stoops from standing position – Have I answered your question fully?

Caroline is a really independent baby. She would rather figure something out on her own than come to me for help. She’s amazingly smart. She doesn’t need me to carry her much (because of ALL THE WALKING), she doesn’t need me to feed her snacks, she doesn’t need me to climb the stairs (which is good because I died dead of a heart attack last night when I found she had climbed a full flight to my bedroom even though she’s never even LOOKED at them before), and she doesn’t need me to rock her to sleep. She likes me well enough, but if you have an empty lap and arms, she will happily come sit in it and hug you.

Just ask the very surprised woman at the play place yesterday who was wrestled into cuddling by one very insistent baby. LOVING BABY GIVES YOU LOVES WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT THEM. I’m not entirely sure the woman was OK with the situation (although that’s ridiculous because who wouldn’t want the most adorable baby ever to cuddle with them?) so I rescued her by letting Caroline chew on my phone (sidebar: Has anyone seen my volume button?)

I love that Caroline is so brave. I love that she’s fearless. I love that she’s a red-headed spitfire and nothing can stop her. But it is equal parts terrifying. If she’s this headstrong at 10 months old, what’s she going to be like at 3? Or 8? Or (God help me) 16? It also hurts my heart a little bit because OMG MAH BAYBEEE. It’s happening too fast. I need time to slow down, to give me more moments with my little munchkin before she becomes a kid.

How many more cheese-face, belly roll, butt crack days do I have left? Today I am thankful for ever single moment.

BONUS PEEK-A-BOO VIDEO!!

And this one too: