Posts Tagged ‘real life’

A Mom’s Real Life Guide To Stain Removal

Monday, July 20th, 2015

stain removal

Item: White t-shirt
Stain: Grass
Treatment: Dab stain with rubbing alcohol. When it’s time to wash, pour some detergent directly onto the stain before throwing it into the laundry.

Item: Pink ballet leotard
Stain: Blood
Treatment: Soak leotard immediately in cold water, then rub with a bar of soap. If it doesn’t all come out, treat with hydrogen peroxide, since a slightly pale spot on the leotard is less likely to get your yelled at by the dance teacher than an obvious blood stain.

Item: Swim trunks
Stain: Sand
Treatment: Wonder how the hell SAND can stain a pair of swim trunks. Leave in the back of your car for 2 days because you forgot them. Throw them in the once a week hot water load of laundry, cross fingers.

Item: Sparkly white tutu
Stain: Green chalk paint
Treatment: Throw it in the laundry with the regular stuff, because it’s just chalk, that should come right out. Realize the stain hasn’t even sort of come out. Spot treat with a stain stick, toss it back in the regular laundry. Realize the stain STILL isn’t out and now it probably never going to. Hide that tutu and hope your daughter never notices it’s gone.

Item: Baby pajamas
Stain: Blueberries
Treatment: Let the naked baby run around the house while you spray all the stains with OxyClean. Baby smears blueberries on everything. Forget pajamas, use a toothbrush and Resolve to scrub blueberries out of the new couch. Vow never to buy blueberries again.

Item: Batman underpants
Stain: Skid marks
Treatment: Throw them away. Kid sized underpants are cheaper than the price of your dignity.

Item: Mom’s favorite shirt
Stain: Salad dressing
Treatment: Curse the fact that you can’t just eat your salad of sadness alone for FIVE MINUTES. Instead, you eat standing in the kitchen where you will always end up with half the salad falling on your cleavage. Try rubbing it with baking soda to draw out the oil, realize it barely even matters because you can’t have nice things.

Item: Brand new Tea Collection dress
Treatment: Count to 10. Count to 10 again. Count to 10 one more time. Calmly ask daughter to remove dress so you can try to get the stain out. Blot stain with vinegar and pray to every god you can think of that it comes out.

Item: Wool rug
Stain: Pizza sauce
Treatment: Move rug to the other room where the stain is hidden by a couch. Order new rug.

Item: Every pair of shorts/pants your almost 1 year old owns
Stain: Baby poop
Treatment: Give up.

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Several Truths And One Big Lie About Mother’s Day

Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

I did not have an excellent Mother’s Day. I’m not saying that to make my family feel bad or shame anyone. I’m saying that because there’s a pretty good chance YOU didn’t have an excellent Mother’s Day either and I want you to know you’re not alone. Those perfect, smiling, happy families on Instagram and Twitter probably didn’t have flawless Mother’s Days either. They might have had a very nice day. A spectacular day. But it was not perfect – perfect is the lie. Kids – even kids big enough to understand the concept of Mother’s Day – don’t stop being kids just because it’s the second Sunday in May. Not once has saying “But it’s Mother’s Day!!” to a tantruming child solved the problem. They do not suddenly stop being tired or hungry or frustrated and pull a bouquet of flowers out from behind their back and say “Oh dear mother, I had simply forgotten! Shall I fetch you a coffee or a glass of wine?” If that is your life, Mother’s Day or not, I hate you.

The problem as I see it is that Mother’s Day is supposed to be Special and things that are supposed to be Special just lead to disappointment. That is why women become bridezillas about their One Special  Wedding Day and freak out that every single second doesn’t go according to plan. The pressure of that ONE DAY is just too much. Mother’s Day is the ONE DAY a year we are supposed to be indulged and pampered and appreciated above ALL the other days. Sleeping in and breakfast in bed and champagne brunch and a family picnic and a manicure and a relaxing nap and a romantic dinner date and a thoughtful gift and a homemade card and flowers and a bottle of wine. If you family really loves you, they will do all of that. Except no, they won’t. And even if you don’t really need them to…even if you try really really hard to keep your expectations super low…even if you say “I will be happy if all I get is a card the kids made at school”…it’s hard to stare into the face of social expectations and be OK with not having a perfect day.

I actually would have had a pretty good Sunday if it had just been a Sunday. I got to lie in bed for an extra hour. My husband picked up lunch for all of us. I got to buy and plant flowers with the kids. And we finished the day by having s’mores for dinner on the newly cleaned patio. But I also did laundry and dishes and changed diapers and made decisions (ugh, DECISIONS) and dealt with tantrums and took the kids with me to run errands and bought paper towels. I really didn’t want to have to buy paper towels on Mother’s Day.

Let me tell you what I really want for Mother’s Day. I want to be a dad on a regular Sunday. I’m making generalizations here for the sake of simplicity, but in my social circle moms are almost always the default parent; the one the kids go to first for everything no matter who is closer/more available at that moment. On Mother’s Day, I want to be the dad. The fun parent. I want to say “Everyone jump in the car, we’re getting ice cream!” and not worry about if it’s too close to dinner or if we need to stop at the grocery store later to pick up stuff for school lunch the next day. The fun parent pees alone. The fun parent has time to read a book or a magazine or the back of a cereal box without being interrupted. The fun parent doesn’t always have one ear open for children’s whines or screams or cries or problems or squabbles 24 hours a day. The fun parent says “We’re out of mustard” into the fridge and, magically, mustard appears 24 hours later.

And then MAYBE on Mother’s Day all of us default parents will get a card and a bouquet and a nap not because it’s our One Special Day but because the fun parent wants to do something to acknowledge being a mom is kind of a tough job.

But since I am not a monster, I did in fact enjoy many parts of my Mother’s Day. The big kids – Caroline especially – remembered it was Mother’s Day and reminded me constantly I was supposed to be having The Best Mother’s Day Ever. There were s’mores. And now whenever we sit on the front steps for the bus we can admire the flowers we planted, together.

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She said the plants needed love to grow.

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My Week(211) in iPhone Photos

Monday, November 17th, 2014

Linc has two bottom teeth. If you’ve ever had a 3 month old with teeth you will know why it has taken me two days to finish this post. And also why my right nipple hurts so bad I wish I could just cut it off.

I have a new game for you, called “count how many times Suzanne wears the babies in this week’s post”. The prize is then you get to judge me for being crazy.



I wore my wrap instead of a coat for our walk to church




Boys in a bounce house = trouble





My town is pretty cute sometimes


Much healthy, so good for me



Like a scene from an end of the world movie


And then a some horses showed up and blew Caroline’s mind


Me: Caroline, want to be my model so I can test the light for a picture? Caroline: UGH.



A Still Life Of The Kitchen Of A Woman Who DGAF: Volume 1,000,000


All those stupid power lines are ruining my enjoyment of this beautiful sky. WHO NEEDS ELECTRICITY ANYWAYS?


I put that on his head and then laughed at him.



Start ’em young!


That one is called Invisibility Cloak. Linc says “Am I invisible now?”


That’s Evan, solo back swimming in the deep end. SO BIG.



Caroline likes being worn more than anyone else.


Being a ballerina is exhausting


As of right now my red tree is bare, but last week it was gorgeous



Real life: I bring my baby to photo sessions because he’s exclusively nursing, but sometimes it does not go well. Luckily the photos themselves are still awesome.




Wraps make good blankies after rough days too.

And now I am going to go grit my teeth and nurse down the miserable baby AGAIN (and then give him some tylenol and gas drops and teething tablets and make sure his amber necklace is on and stand on one leg naked in the moonlight and ANYTHING ELSE that might help him with his sad mouth pain). Poor baby.

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Thanksgiving 2013

Friday, November 29th, 2013

A short list of things of all sizes that I am thankful for right now:

1. Pie and yoga pants. Those count as one thing.

2. Podcasts. I would never clean anything in my house if it weren’t for podcasts. They are extremely distracting. A short list of my favorites: This American Life, How To Do Everything, Pop Culture Happy Hour, RadioLab, Stuff You Should Know, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and Planet Money. They make me feel smart.

3. A dishwasher. Doing all those Thanksgiving dishes by hand would have taken forever.

4. My children, who told me today they were most thankful for Mommy.

5. The moment when Evan told me he really believed in Santa…and then when he hugged me because I started crying. CHILDHOOD IS MAGIC.

6. Everyone who has supported me in any way as I started my photography business. It’s been (is) terrifying but I cannot wait to see how much it will grow in 2014.

7. Facebook. I am never lonely or bored or without validation when I have an internet connection.

8. Amazon Prime. Absolutely, totally, without question worth the subscription. The amount I save on shipping is crazy, although I’d probably buy a lot less stuff if I couldn’t get it in 2 days without having to go get my credit card from my wallet.

9. My husband, and the fact that he still goes to work every day to support us instead of running off the Mexico where the military will never find him. I almost wouldn’t blame him at this point.

10. Now it’s Christmas! SANTA. I KNOW HIM.

There are approximately 2 bazillionteen more things I am thankful for, but right now I’m thankful for warm coats and Starbucks since I promised the kids the aquarium, Santa, and the town tree lighting tonight.

Here are some not very good pictures of our boring, non-Pinterest, at-home Thanksgiving that I didn’t really edit and you probably don’t care about unless you are a relative very concerned we might not have had a proper meal on real plates at the table. Happy Thanksgiving!




I bought a turkey breast instead of a whole turkey and just sort of…winged it. Considering I was taking stuff in and out of the oven above and below the bird I’m shocked it came out delicious, with enough leftovers for sandwiches.


Potatoes with cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, bacon and chives > boring mashed potatoes




Wish bone! They failed.




Don’t worry, it’s cranberry-apple sparkling cider, not “Mommy juice”.




Leftover begging face. It worked, obvs.


Time for pie!


The correct pie-eating method.

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Wordless Wednesday: Real Life Edition

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013
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life 2

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life 1

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(I edited a lot of these with the Lightroom presets I got for for free when I entered Clickin Mom’s super awesome giveaway. TOTALLY worth entering just for the guaranteed freebies – and even more awesome if you win!)

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