Yesterday was a perfect example of why I am trying to focus on things I am thankful for this month, instead of spiraling into my dark hole of hatred and rage just because things don’t go my way.

Of course, having your grandfather die and then getting sued aren’t exactly small potatoes in the “things not going my way” category. But I’m going to start with the thankful parts.

I am thankful that my husband has a stable job and can support our family. I am thankful Little Evan wore underwear ALL DAY (in public and during nap!) without a single accident. I am also thankful he understands sad faces and did his very best to cheer me up with hugs and kisses until my face was happy again. I am especially thankful for Motrin and Oreos.

So now, the stuff that sucks. My mom’s dad has been in assisted living, then memory care, then a nursing home for a really long time now so his passing wasn’t a surprise. Alzheimers is a terrible disease. He was such a terrific Grandpa when we were growing up – he always worked so hard to make sure we had a good time when we came to visit. We called him “Tricky Grandpa” and his favorite joke was giving “fisherman’s handshakes”, where he’d grab your hand and wiggle it and reel you in. He was still giving them a couple years ago when we took Little Evan up to meet him, even though he didn’t really understand who he was.

My mother’s family doesn’t do funerals, which is kind of a relief (traveling alone with 2 kids sounds like a nightmare even though I would absolutely do it) but until we have his memorial service (probably in the spring) I won’t really get to say goodbye. So instead I’ll focus on some of the very best memories of my childhood.

My siblings & I with Grandma & Grandpa at their cottage

AND THEN. I came home yesterday morning and discovered papers stuck in my front door that said I was being sued because I am a terrible, horrible, negligent person who caused all sorts of damages and pain and suffering when I crashed my minivan into someone’s car. Except that NEVER HAPPENED. More than a year ago I was in a fender bender in a basketball court that was being used as a parking lot for our polling place. I had put the van in reverse and was drifting backwards slowly (it was a crazy scene with tons of pedestrians) so a truck a few feet to my left could get out of his parking spot. The driver suing me backed up out of HIS parking spot at the same time (except faster, with his foot on the gas) and my back bumper dented his back driver’s side panel. We exchanged insurance info and left – because it was such a TINY THING no one wanted to call the police – and after we both gave our statements to both carriers they BOTH DECIDED I wasn’t at fault. Since I was in a lane of traffic and he was backing out of a space, he had the greater responsibility to not back into my way. I thought it was over.

Now he says I owe him $15,000. Seriously.

In the paperwork from the lawyer, it specifically says I was the one backing out of a parking space. How can someone just lie like that?! Especially after I’m sure he made statements to the insurance company saying that wasn’t the case. It sounds to me like some ambulance-chasing law firm told him he had a case (although the damage to his car couldn’t possible have cost more than a couple hundred bucks to fix and was entirely cosmetic so I have no idea why he even CALLED a lawyer) and they had to change the story to file it.

Angry doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel.

After a few frantic hours on the internet, the state’s legal site and a couple emails, it looks like my insurance company is going to reopen the case and represent me. (True fact: I had no idea they did that. I had already figured out how to file the Appearance paperwork with the court, printed it, filled it out and was putting the kids in the car when my agent told me they would help. I was all set to represent myself, Elle Woods style. I object!!) I have no idea what happens now and no idea if I will have to go to court and testify. As much of a hassle as it would be, I would LOVE to get up and show his lawyer my photos (because yeah, I went back the next day and took a dozen photos of the location AND a dozen photos of my car, all timestamped, so you can see the complete lack of damage because I am smart. Lawyered!) and also point out that since the insurance company said it was HIS fault perhaps I should be suing, seeing as how I was 7 months pregnant at the time and gee, my back is starting to act up.

And now I am thankful I have somewhere to get all that off my chest, because bottling up my rage was giving me a migraine.

There is very little mouth-shutting going on around these parts. Evan’s volume is constantly set at eleven. He repeats everything, shouts everything, sings everything he hears. It’s ear-splitting joy from morning to night, with a few two-and-a-half year old tantrums thrown in. I’ve started pretending I’m deaf when he shouts at me, which is going to become a reality if he gets any louder.

I’ve been trying to write this monthday post for three days now and am finding it almost impossible. He’s such a little person, an actual recognizable human being – how can I sum that up in words? He loves routines and sameness (he not only has a favorite blankie, but a favorite corner of his favorite blankie) but isn’t afraid to try new things (like roller coasters and sweet potatoes). I talk WITH him instead of at him, and am amazed when he understands complicated concepts like hours and days and where daddy is when he’s not home). He often tells me that he’s sad that he doesn’t get to go on the boat anymore this year, but that he will be happy when he goes on the boat next year. I want to buy him all the boats in the world.

Despite what feels like a constant stream of parenting mistakes on my part, he’s a wonderfully kind little boy. He says please and thank you unprompted and I get teary eyed every time he says “I sorry mama!” and throws himself around my legs after doing some naughty. I can’t even be mad when he grabs his toys away from Caroline, because he immediately hugs her and says “I sorry baby! No sad, no. Here!” and gives back whatever he took so she stops crying. Best brother ever.

Food update: My former picky slash non-eater now eats anything. I only got three bites of the quinoa I made last week because he (and the baby) snarfed it down. Don’t be too impressed though – last night he had Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.

TMI Potty training update: The poop goes in the potty about 50% of the time. The pee, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES using the potty and goes every time we put him on it. But he also goes in his diaper, especially when he’s sleeping. I think I’m just holding onto hope that when I actually buckle down and TRY (probably using the 3 day method) he’ll be totally on board, but I hate to TRY and have it not work. But the siren song of having only one kid in diapers is getting stronger by the day.

At 30 months Little Evan is wearing a 2T consistently, with some 3T shirts thrown in to make sure he doesn’t outgrow ALL his long-sleeved clothes before spring. He has some comfy new size 7 velcro shoes from Target which are very convenient but end up thrown on the floor more often than not. He’s only had 2 haircuts ever and isn’t even close to needing another one. He sleeps from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am and takes a 3 hour nap in the afternoons because he wants to, not because I make him. He bites his fingernails, just like I do.

Likes include boats, carrots, The Fresh Beat Band, dinosaurs, noodles, garbage trucks, milk, fake driving the car, running fast, dancing, friends, baths, climbing things, dogs, and his sister.

Dislikes include falling de-noun (down), hangnails, being interrupted when he’s watching Nick Jr, and when Caroline jumps on his face.

JUUUUUMPING!!!! BAAAAAAAALL!!!! I'M ALIIIIIIIVE!!!

Throwing rocks into a creek: all day fun.

I WANT YOU!...to go get me a string cheese.

Almost....

...taking a break to bust a move...

...TA-DA!

EVAN RUN FAST! Don't get too far from me, sweet boy.

30 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Yes, and I’m even teaching him to spit so we can move up to real toothpaste
• Washes and dries own hands – Part of potty training is LETTING him wash his hands. It’s almost as good a bribe as the lollipop.
• Draws a vertical line – Yes, but he’s also started drawing things like “T-Rex” or “bebeh” or “Backyardigans” and telling me about them.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, and also the letter C. He gets them confused.
• Balances on one foot – We’ve moved on to hopping on one foot. I’m counting on a sports scholarship of some sort since I’m blowing all his college money on elaborate children’s parties.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Still questionable. He’s about 50% accurate with dressing/undressing.
• Names one color – Blue, green, red, yellow, and white are all colors he names. I’m a teeeeeny bit worried he might be colorblind since his accuracy seems to be getting worse.
• Names one friend – Still 2 best friends, “Triss and Ayahyah”, still runs out the door to see them almost every morning.

Dear Pull-Ups,

What the hell is your problem? I thought that since my toddler started showing a lot of interest in the potty (interest that involves peeing in it instead of just throwing my mascara in it) I would ease him into big-boy underwear with some training pants. But instead of making my life easier, all you’ve manage to do is turn what used to be a simple diaper change into a horrifying poopstravaganza. Seriously, it’s like you’re the Jackson Pollock of number 2 – smooshing it and flinging it and twisting it all over my child’s butt until I need a spatula, a fire hose and a tube of Goof Off to clean him. It would actually be easier to clean crap up off the floor.

So what’s your point, Pull-Ups? Are you a diaper? Are you underwear? You’re the red headed step-child of pee and poop catching devices, more closely related to that dreaded harbinger of summer misery the swim diaper than anything useful. If my toddler was already batting 1000 when it came to making it to the potty I wouldn’t NEED training pants. Suck it up, Pull-Ups. Literally.

Your helpful little pattern that warns me my kid has peed openly mocks me. You start sagging at the slightest bit of dampness. The only thing you had going for you was the ability to pull you up and down and even that is useless. Have you ever tried to get a little boy to pee in the toilet while his ankles are pinned together? It’s a good way to experience the parenting version of a golden shower. NOT COOL, PULL-UPS.

So, in conclusion, go screw yourself.

xoxo

Suzanne

The other morning I was enjoying the few peaceful minutes where Caroline is napping and Little Evan is re-discovering all his toys (look! blocks! look! cars! look! empty yogurt container! omg I haven’t seen these toys in forever! or at least 12 hours!) while I skim blogs and think about all the other, more productive stuff I should be doing when I felt a tug on my leg. It was Little Evan, holding one of his alphabet flashcards and pointing at it urgently.

“That’s V, veeeeeeee, V for violin!” I said, “Violins play music!” and I signed music. He looked at it the picture on the card so intensely I started to get a little worried. Why is he so interested in that violin? Maybe he wants to play the violin. Maybe I should get him a violin and sign him up for lessons. Do they offer music lessons for 2 year olds? Of course they do. Wasn’t Tiger Woods already golfing by 2? Am I stifling my child’s musical genius because I haven’t provided him with the world’s tiniest violin and 12 hours a week of lessons and now I am the Worst Mother Ever and he will never live up to his potential???

I’ve been having some anxiety about Little Evan’s development lately.

It’s mostly just the age, I think. So much happens so fast in the first few years it’s sometimes hard to remember the levels of normal can swing widely. Especially now that potty training is rampant among our 2-year old age group. It seems like SUCH an advanced skill, and one that requires so much parental involvement – at least for a while – that I worry I’m failing my child somehow by not doing more to encourage it.

I feel the same way about pretty much everything. Talking. Motor skills. Imagination. Socialization. Teaching him letters and numbers and colors and shapes and animals and please and thank you and no hitting and inside voices and hold mommy’s hand in the parking lot. So far we have mastered…none of those. Not a one. There’s so much responsibility it gets overwhelming and I just want to go lie down and take a nap.

Hey, at least Evan’s good at that.

A lot of my friends with kids around the same age as Evan have started potty training. Not full-on throw-out-the-diapers potty training, but buy-a-seat-and-start-watching-for-signs-of-readiness potty training. The lazy man’s approach, if you will. Hey, in my book every diaper you DON’T have to change is a good diaper, so I figured I’d get a seat and give it a try too.

Sitting! On the potty seat!

I think my first mistake was buying a seat/step stool rather than just a potty, since being just a liiiiiittle bit taller is every toddler’s dream (and brings us to a whole new level of childproofing). The lid is also sort of hard to get open so I have some trouble yanking off pants, a diaper and flipping it to the potty part fast enough to accomplish anything.

Even when it is open, I don’t think Evan’s legs are long enough to get his tush centered appropriately. Which means I would still have to be actively involved in all potty time for quite some time.

Eating on the potty: WE'RE JUST THAT CLASSY.

So far, there has been exactly zero potty action on the potty. Just sitting. Mostly fully clothed.

Hey! Squatting! Can we call that progress?

In case you think I’m a crazy person for even thinking about potty training this early, let me tell you that Baby Evan already learned the sign for “toilet” and associates it with pooping. He’s a very conspicuous pooper, so it wasn’t hard for him to get the connection when I signed it every time he’d start grunting and frowning. I also sign it when he’s in the bathroom with me, hoping he’ll understand that’s the place where the pooping is supposed to happen. I think peeing will be our bigger struggle, since he barely seems to care about wet diapers and often doesn’t even stop running around naked long enough to finish a whiz.

Again, I would like to remind you that NO POTTYING has been done in that bowl.

A lesser person would caption this with a comment including the terms "poop" and "head".

Yes, that is a sippy cup in the potty. Maybe he's just trying to cut out the middleman?

Evan’s other sign of readiness is that dirty diapers now seem to bother him. He will sign “yucky” and “diaper” if I ask him about “the stinky” and grab his crotch Michael Jackson-style if I haven’t yet noticed. I’ve heard this is a major step in potty training success so maybe I’ll keep trying, despite my failure with the seat so far.

Now he's just mocking me.

I suppose having the seat doesn’t hurt – we’ll need it EVENTUALLY – but when I get serious about the potty training we’ll need at least two more: one for the upstairs bathroom and one for the car. Anyone have any seat recommendations that aren’t quite so easy to use as hats?

Because this? Will NOT be OK when the seats are in use. No matter what the toddler says.