Posts Tagged ‘worrying’

School Daze

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

First off, thank you all for being so kind on Monday (and in real life since then). I got not one single comment that was anything less than totally supportive and awesome – not even anonymously or in my spam filter. I was LOOKING for someone to tell me to go screw myself for being a lousy mom and a lousy human being – because that’s how I’ve been feeling about myself for months – but now I guess I’ll have to stop beating myself up and just enjoy feeling like a person again.

Ok, phew, back to our regularly scheduled posting.

On Tuesday I took the kids to visit the preschool a friend recommended. I’m SO OVER calling around and trying to find info about every single program we might even consider considering. I HATE making phone calls, especially becauseĀ  for some reason these schools are harder to track down than Osama Bin Laden (is that still a joke? What else is hard to track down? Big Foot?) They aren’t listed anywhere, they don’t have direct phone numbers, NONE of them have websites, which is ridiculous. IT IS 2012. GET ONLINE. Anyways, I called for info on this particular school a few weeks ago and read through their packet and it seemed nice so we went in to look around.

I liked it. Evan seemed to like it. They have a toddler program Caroline can attend when she’s 2-ish. There weren’t any children chained up in the corners and I didn’t see anyone pushing meth behind the play equipment so I guess it’s…good? What are the standards for preschool? Am I supposed to judge whether their circle time is appropriately circular? Should I be worried that some of the butterfly craft projects were done in non-complementary colors? They had lots of blocks and puzzles and dinosaurs and OK fine, so it’s going to feel a bit like I’m just paying to let him play three days a week but is that really so bad? I like the idea of someone else arguing with encouraging him to pick up after himself and doing the same puzzle over and over and helping him wash his hands every time he thinks they have gotten even the tiniest bit sticky. I think that would be good for both of us.

Based on my completely non-scientific survey on Twitter the cost seems reasonable (although my husband is still having a minor heart attack) and within our price range. I suppose if it was REALLY REALLY important we could figure out a way to pay for a fancier school. And if I started buying our fruits and vegetables off the bruised cart and switched to generic toothpaste and don’t buy ANY new clothes for the next 5 years we might even be able to afford the fancy Montessori school for a semester or two. But do I really want to apply for tuition assistance for a 3-year-old? Am I somehow failing my kids if I don’t send them to the very best thing available? And who even knows if that WOULD be the very best thing? Maybe Evan would hate it. Maybe he’s going to hate any preschool. I’m pretty sure I got kicked out of at least one myself – also known as the Great Block Throwing Scandal of ’86 – so I wouldn’t be too shocked.

This decision really shouldn’t be this hard. I keep telling myself I should just be glad we don’t live somewhere that super competitive waiting list $10,000 a year preschools are our only option. I think it’s helping, a little at least.

 

O is for Overreacting

Friday, March 18th, 2011

The other morning I was enjoying the few peaceful minutes where Caroline is napping and Little Evan is re-discovering all his toys (look! blocks! look! cars! look! empty yogurt container! omg I haven’t seen these toys in forever! or at least 12 hours!) while I skim blogs and think about all the other, more productive stuff I should be doing when I felt a tug on my leg. It was Little Evan, holding one of his alphabet flashcards and pointing at it urgently.

“That’s V, veeeeeeee, V for violin!” I said, “Violins play music!” and I signed music. He looked at it the picture on the card so intensely I started to get a little worried. Why is he so interested in that violin? Maybe he wants to play the violin. Maybe I should get him a violin and sign him up for lessons. Do they offer music lessons for 2 year olds? Of course they do. Wasn’t Tiger Woods already golfing by 2? Am I stifling my child’s musical genius because I haven’t provided him with the world’s tiniest violin and 12 hours a week of lessons and now I am the Worst Mother Ever and he will never live up to his potential???

I’ve been having some anxiety about Little Evan’s development lately.

It’s mostly just the age, I think. So much happens so fast in the first few years it’s sometimes hard to remember the levels of normal can swing widely. Especially now that potty training is rampant among our 2-year old age group. It seems like SUCH an advanced skill, and one that requires so much parental involvement – at least for a while – that I worry I’m failing my child somehow by not doing more to encourage it.

I feel the same way about pretty much everything. Talking. Motor skills. Imagination. Socialization. Teaching him letters and numbers and colors and shapes and animals and please and thank you and no hitting and inside voices and hold mommy’s hand in the parking lot. So far we have mastered…none of those. Not a one. There’s so much responsibility it gets overwhelming and I just want to go lie down and take a nap.

Hey, at least Evan’s good at that.