To Whose Butt It May Concern

Dear Pull-Ups,

What the hell is your problem? I thought that since my toddler started showing a lot of interest in the potty (interest that involves peeing in it instead of just throwing my mascara in it) I would ease him into big-boy underwear with some training pants. But instead of making my life easier, all you’ve manage to do is turn what used to be a simple diaper change into a horrifying poopstravaganza. Seriously, it’s like you’re the Jackson Pollock of number 2 – smooshing it and flinging it and twisting it all over my child’s butt until I need a spatula, a fire hose and a tube of Goof Off to clean him. It would actually be easier to clean crap up off the floor.

So what’s your point, Pull-Ups? Are you a diaper? Are you underwear? You’re the red headed step-child of pee and poop catching devices, more closely related to that dreaded harbinger of summer misery the swim diaper than anything useful. If my toddler was already batting 1000 when it came to making it to the potty I wouldn’t NEED training pants. Suck it up, Pull-Ups. Literally.

Your helpful little pattern that warns me my kid has peed openly mocks me. You start sagging at the slightest bit of dampness. The only thing you had going for you was the ability to pull you up and down and even that is useless. Have you ever tried to get a little boy to pee in the toilet while his ankles are pinned together? It’s a good way to experience the parenting version of a golden shower. NOT COOL, PULL-UPS.

So, in conclusion, go screw yourself.

xoxo

Suzanne

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17 Responses to “To Whose Butt It May Concern”

  1. Krista says:

    HAHAHAH!

    I have a bag of pullups in our bathroom closet. I’m just not sure they’re going to be helpful or frankly, that I’m ready for the potty traning thing. And now of course, I’m even less anxious to pull them out. Thanks. ;-)

  2. I totally agree!!! We have an giant almost-completely-unused bag of them taking up space in the downstairs closet. Even the pulling up part —- the entire POINT of the stupid things —- doesn’t work because they sides just come apart!!!

  3. Audrey says:

    Love. Ev refuses to use the potty unless all pant items are off his body. They can not be clinging to his ankles or he won’t do the deed. On the up shot..he’s learned how to stand and pee in the toilet…*headdesk*

  4. merin says:

    I heard this about pull-ups. I thought they kind of leaked or something to make it “uncomfortable” for the kid so they would want to get out of them/use the potty/whatever. But it turns out they are just a diaper. What is the point???? I just put Cora commando in pants-she doesn’t seem to like to have wet pants so often she stops peeing and we can make it to the toilet (I say often…but I am drying out the couch cushions as we speak). Potty training stinks!!

  5. Miranda says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, this will be me soon? Oh, okay. In that case, I’ll stop laughing like a maniac.

    Also? I did not know that the point of swim diapers was only to contain poo until yesterday. That’ll teach ME to put the kid in a swim diaper BEFORE we get to the spray park again…

  6. Denae says:

    Personally I prefer a pull up over underwear on a non-trained kid any day of the week. When a kid poops in underwear you have to pull it off him. <-Poop EVERYWHERE! With a pull up you rip the sides off and the mess is contained to the hips region.

  7. Robyn says:

    I never understood the point of pull up vs a diaper, so we never used them. bare bum is the way to go with potty training, in my opinion. two weeks and we were done…mostly. learning to not pee in panties took a little longer. they confused her.

  8. Meagan says:

    So Pull-Ups are diapers? *makes mental note* I’ll use the old-fashioned way of potty training when I have kids. Thanks for the tip. :)

  9. Leah says:

    We found the greatest success with just letting him go bare-assed naked around and then straight up underpants, putting him on the potty every 20 minutes or so. If he got wet, we let him marinate in it for a few minutes to feel how unpleasant that was vs. using the potty. We did have to buy the pull ups for day care though. The fancy cool breeze technology pull-ups or whatever they are were totally worth their money, however, when they made Calder shout, “My junk is tingly!”

    Oh and for poop in underpants? Just cut ’em off and chuck ’em. No one wants to re-use those.

  10. Krista T says:

    I have to agree. Pullups generally suck. We didn’t use them. Don’t use them to train during the day. They are more expensive and work SO much WORSE. As nearly as I can tell, they are used to stroke the ego of children “too old to wear a diaper” who wet the bed.

    I agree with others – use diapers, go bare, or use underwear. And (here’s my non-PC side coming out) if your kid isn’t developed enough to not pee his/her underwear, I guess (s)he still needs diapers, hm?

  11. molly says:

    lol, see this is why we skipped the whole pull-ups thing. We went straight from diapers to cute little undies. He felt like such a big boy and was potty trained in a matter of days. I’m no expert but it worked for us!

    He does wear a pull-up at night time. But that’s it.

  12. jill says:

    WORD! i haven’t ventured down the potty training path yet but i’ve read how pull-ups are a waste of money and how people would rather just do extra underwear laundry. GOOD LUCK! i hope this post makes its way to the creators of the dumb things! haha

  13. Cheri says:

    MY guy is the only one of the 3 babes born the same year in my family completely potty trained. The other 2 go through 5-6 pull ups a day. That makes them a diaper to me! We did bare for 2-3 days and the ooppss
    s stopped and then out with out underware, he went camando, for about another week or so and then he got excitted about elmo underware and we have been good since! Now he is night time trained as well. good luck lady!!!

  14. Londonmum says:

    oh god, we are thinking of embarking on potty training and it is all such a mystery to me. Aidan seems vaguely interested and has peed in the potty once after I stripped him completely naked in about 2 seconds flat. I am dreading potty training and was thinking of just moving him to underpants and putting up with accidents for a while.

  15. Jennie says:

    so, cold turkey is the best way to go on the potty training front. Straight to undies Gerber makes the thick ones that catch the dribbles. But I agree with you, Pull ups are a complete waste of money. My kids always treated it like a diaper and peed in it regardless.

  16. Michelle says:

    I Love this…it is so true. I could not understand the point of pull ups, they are a pain to change and they are way more expensive. Emily did diapers until she was trained and then the thick gerber underwear.

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