This is the last month my baby will be my baby. I’ve been letting myself say she’s “one” for the past couple weeks instead of “almost 2”, even though it feels sort of ridiculous. She’s been shedding her babyhood faster than I can gather it up in my memory for more than a year now. Recently she’s moved farther away from charming, silly and good-natured and more towards willful, stubborn and independent.  She’s mostly capable of doing things on her own but has very strong opinions about WHEN and WHERE she wants to do them. It’s like a tiny window into what it will be like to have a 16 year old. It doesn’t help that she’s been having physical and emotional growing pains that frustrate both of us immensely and leave me wrung out by bedtime.

And then, on Saturday night, right as I was leaving her room after an hour of stories and rocking and singing and cajoling and begging her to please, please, please just lie in your bed and sleep already she said “Rock Mommy, rock”. I held her in my lap and we rocked. I felt her go limp and still then twitchy and dreaming and tried to remember the last time we rocked to sleep. I couldn’t. I know the last time  she couldn’t have asked so clearly. I know the last time her feet didn’t hang off the chair and I couldn’t rest my chin on her head. And then I lifted her full sleeping body weight to put her into bed and all of her babyness dropped away. She is long and heavy and definitely a child, even if I’m not completely ready for her to be one.

Two seems like it’s going to be a challenge. Along with learning to say adorable things like “Oh coconuts!” and “Don’t whorry, Mommy!” she loves to yell “I DO IT!” and “EAT! EAT! EAT! NOW!” and “Jammies on, NO BATH!” For every spontaneous please and thank you there’s a screaming fit over wearing shoes or pants. I keep telling myself it’s just a phase – it’s ALWAYS just a phase – but right now I’m just hoping we both survive it with no permanent damage.

It the face of her epic tantrums, it’s a good thing she’s really, really cute. She loves to narrate what we’re doing, so at Target she sounds like this: “Target! I love you Target! Cart. No that cart. Big cart! I DO IT. I push. Caroline walking. See! C’mon Mommy! Coffee, Mommy? Coffee? Icee? Hi! Hi baby! Hi! No, my cart! Buy it Mommy? I have it. HAVE IT NOW. Yahhhhh Target! Bye bye bye bye Target! Bye!” times one thousand times a day. She picks out her own clothes and if that means she wears a short summer PJ’s over footie PJ’s then that’s OK with me, although it’s cold enough now that I keep getting Looks when we go into a store and she isn’t wearing shoes. She eats more than anyone else in the house but is still a peanut. She’s really into coloring and painting now, although the mess she makes is incredible. But that’s the part she likes the best so clever toddler-friendly alternatives like Color Wonder markers don’t fool her one bit. She wants me to read to her 12 hours a day, although she also likes to “read” her own books. Yesterday she tried to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the piano, although I only know that’s what she was playing because she was also singing at the top of her lungs. I wish she would let me put a barrette in her hair to keep her bangs out of her eyes but there is no way I am cutting a single hair on her head.

Likes include her blankies (she calls them both “Bee”), her pillow, books, blocks, music boxes, CHRISTMAS STUFF, art, making a mess, Sesame Street, music, dancing, gymnastics, putting on clothes, taking off clothes, running, cuddles, iPads, iPhones, Daddy, the dog, the cat, singing, climbing stairs, her brother, doing things herself, bossing me around, Mickey Mouse, apples, eggs, eating and giving kisses.

Dislikes helping me run errands, being left behind, not getting her way, wearing shoes, and bedtime.

Milestones below the adorable photos, as usual.

23 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Names simple picture in a book – She can name almost anything in a book and insists on doing it every time we read anything.
Uses 50 to 70 words – More like 500 to 700 words and that is only a tiny exaggeration. She knows ALL THE WORDS.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Opens doors – She can, but she’s mostly too short for the ones in our house. THANK GOD.
Sings simple tunes – Yesterday she tried to play Twinkle Twinkle on the piano while singing. It was a nice effort but she is clearly not a musical prodigy.
Takes more of an interest in playing with other kids – Was she supposed to be uninterested in other kids? She’s a second child, the poor girl has no idea how to entertain herself.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Talks about self (likes, dislikes) – Mostly dislikes. “NO WANT IT BERRIES! WANT MOMMY’S FOOD.” “Nooooo bathtime! Nooooo NOT filthy!” but she will tell you her favorite color is green and she likes her blankie.
Asks “why?” – No, but she asks “HUH?” and taps her finger on her chin and says “Ummmmmm” while she’s thinking.

Wednesday, 9:03 am

He was clean and fully dressed at 8 am, I swear.

The other morning I was enjoying the few peaceful minutes where Caroline is napping and Little Evan is re-discovering all his toys (look! blocks! look! cars! look! empty yogurt container! omg I haven’t seen these toys in forever! or at least 12 hours!) while I skim blogs and think about all the other, more productive stuff I should be doing when I felt a tug on my leg. It was Little Evan, holding one of his alphabet flashcards and pointing at it urgently.

“That’s V, veeeeeeee, V for violin!” I said, “Violins play music!” and I signed music. He looked at it the picture on the card so intensely I started to get a little worried. Why is he so interested in that violin? Maybe he wants to play the violin. Maybe I should get him a violin and sign him up for lessons. Do they offer music lessons for 2 year olds? Of course they do. Wasn’t Tiger Woods already golfing by 2? Am I stifling my child’s musical genius because I haven’t provided him with the world’s tiniest violin and 12 hours a week of lessons and now I am the Worst Mother Ever and he will never live up to his potential???

I’ve been having some anxiety about Little Evan’s development lately.

It’s mostly just the age, I think. So much happens so fast in the first few years it’s sometimes hard to remember the levels of normal can swing widely. Especially now that potty training is rampant among our 2-year old age group. It seems like SUCH an advanced skill, and one that requires so much parental involvement – at least for a while – that I worry I’m failing my child somehow by not doing more to encourage it.

I feel the same way about pretty much everything. Talking. Motor skills. Imagination. Socialization. Teaching him letters and numbers and colors and shapes and animals and please and thank you and no hitting and inside voices and hold mommy’s hand in the parking lot. So far we have mastered…none of those. Not a one. There’s so much responsibility it gets overwhelming and I just want to go lie down and take a nap.

Hey, at least Evan’s good at that.

I didn’t miss Little Evan’s monthday on Saturday, I was just too busy enjoying spending time with him this weekend to bother to sit down and write an update. He’s turning into a little person more and more every single day and it’s an amazing transition to watch. Just this week he found two of my vintage doll house people – the father and the little boy – and he’s been carrying them around making up pretend stories and adventures. They rode on cars and rode on the dog and sat in chairs and ate stuff and talked to each other. I named the father Joe and after Joe told Little Evan to be nice to his mommy Little Evan gave me a kiss. I think maybe next time Joe is going to tell him to pick up his toys, eat his vegetables, and take more naps.

Although really, naps aren’t our problem. Anytime between 11:30 am and 1:30 pm that he starts looking tired he’s more than happy to head upstairs for some shut-eye. A sippy cup of milk and a blankie are his only requests, although if I let him take a book to bed he’ll “read” it before he zonks out. Bedtimes are almost the same, but Daddy does bath and pj’s first. It’s nice to have at least one consistently easy toddler thing – and for it to be such a BIG thing – especially on days when everything else feels like a battle.

Speaking of battles, we’re currently in the middle of one involving food and how it is prepared/served. It all changes daily, which is beyond frustrating. The whole apple he loved yesterday gets thrown across the room today or the yogurt he was eating from the container 30 seconds ago is suddenly not good enough unless it’s in a BOWL. I have to let him choose his own utensils or nothing gets eaten at all. If I put the plate on the desk and he wanted to eat at the counter the meal is ruined. I try to be accommodating because I know he’s just trying to control one of the few things he can in his great big world but food isn’t optional. He HAS to eat. The worst part is I doubt “picky eating” is a phase that ends anytime soon.

Little Evan’s favorite things this month include the dog, the cats, his vintage wooden desk, his alphabet flashcards, sitting on the couch with mama or daddy, coloring with chalk, reaching things he’s not supposed to touch, and getting anyone who comes into the house to pick him up. His least favorite things include leaving anywhere he’s having fun, being told “no”, and sitting in the shopping cart. All those least favorites makes taking him on errands all sorts of challenging, so my evenings and weekends are now busy with those sorts of things.

I’m excited about Little Evan’s upcoming birthday but of course sad that his days of being 1 are numbered. 2 is going to be a whole new adventure!!

23 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Names simple picture in a book – Yes! He’s very good at this now, especially the books with animals. Maybe exclusively books with animals. I’m not actually sure we own any books that don’t contain animals.
• Uses 50 to 70 words – I never did get around to making a list of words but I would say we’re up to about 60 or 70 on a regular basis. Plus he’ll repeat almost anything and picks up new words on a daily basis.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Opens doors – Yes, including our back door which is going to be a problem.
• Sings simple tunes – If by “simple tunes” you mean “the theme song to How I Met Your Mother or Battlestar Galactica”, then yes. In case you think I’m a horrible mother, he can also sing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. And several Ke$ha songs. Maybe I am a horrible mother.
• Takes more of an interest in playing with other kids – He has ALWAYS liked playing with other kids. He’s very good at sharing too, which always makes me a proud mama.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Talks about self (likes, dislikes) – No. I’m not sure he even knows what he likes or dislikes. It changes on a minute by minute basis.
• Asks “why?” – Not yet. Can I add “thank god”?