Considering my last pregnancy only ended 13 months ago, you’d think I could remember simple stuff like OMG DID YOU KNOW MORNING SICKNESS ISN’T JUST IN THE MORNING?!?!?! and SOMETIMES FOOD YOU USED TO LOVE IS SUDDENLY GROSS! I mean, I know am the first pregnant person ever in the history of the world but how come I forgot these things already?
Some stuff is new this time. Some really, really not fantastic stuff. Like how when the morning sickness does hit first thing in the morning I have to run to the bathroom to empty my always full bladder (serious baby, how are you kicking me in the bladder when you are smaller than my finger nail????) or I pee myself a little when I throw up. Dry heave, pee. Dry heave, pee. Sneeze, pee a little more, just because it’s so much fun. I bet no one ever you told you THAT joyous bit of second-pregnancy news before. Congrats! You need Depends!
I don’t remember being this tired last time either, although that might be because I slept through my whole first pregnancy. I was like a real-life Disney princess, deep in an endless slumber,only wakened by true love’s kiss. And by true love’s kiss I mean bacon. It may also have something to do with the toddler-sized hell demon I chase after all day and still get up to feed at night. Possibly. I’m hoping I get that second-trimester energy back with a vengeance or nothing is every going to get done around here ever again. Bebeh #2 is going to be sleeping in a drawer for sure.
Also, although my scale says I haven’t gained any weight (although that was before the THREE cheeseburgers yesterday) the button on my jeans is already at Busting Threat Level Red. My “bump” this time is going to be closer to a “giant misshapen abdominal tumor” and I can’t even blame people for asking insipid questions like “Wow, are you STILL pregnant?” or “You’re due WHEN??????” starting around month five. My poor ab muscles have already given up and are on suicide watch. They ask that you please send candy. But not chocolate. Because for some God-forsaken reason, this fetus hates chocolate. Even thinking about the brownie I ate last night makes me want to throw up again. And I really can’t do that. I’m all out of dry underwear.