Posts Tagged ‘7 months’

A Little Holiday Cheer

Friday, December 4th, 2009

We’re going to get our tree tomorrow (weather permitting) and then I’ll attempt some family holiday pictures in which everyone is showered, dry, dressed and happy. It’s going to take a Christmas miracle. I need to get our holiday photo cards ordered ASAP so there’s a chance they’ll arrive before Christmas. I’m going to call my mailing skillz successful if they at least make it before 2009, especially considering last year’s cards are still in my desk.

Just in case I can’t manage to take a family picture in which I look less than whale sized nice, E and I took Baby Evan to the mall for his first picture with the man in red. Because we want to make sure he has plenty of stuff to talk to his therapist about some day. Please enjoy my Santa Baby.

Santa Pic

P.S. He was a really good Santa – real beard and belly and ho ho ho – except that after we took the pic he told us the best part of being Santa was when the hot college girls sat in his lap. Bad Santa.

Attack of the Snot-Faced Monster

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

Or “Things My Son Will Find Really Embarassing in 16 Years”

JEEZ MOM, I'm sick here! What's with the photos?

JEEZ MOM, I'm sick here! What's with the photos?

*****Blarghackcoughsnortblarg*****

You know, I don't find this onesie ironic OR humorous.

Boy rubbing my snotty face on stuff sure makes me tired! Come here so I can rub it on your shoulder.

Boy rubbing my snotty face on stuff sure makes me tired! Come here so I can rub it on your shoulder.

You know, I don't find this onesie ironic OR humerous.

Are we done here? I need to go let the dog lick my face.

T R O U B L E

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

This is my thinking face, which means I'm about to get in trouble.

This is my thinking face, which means I'm about to get in trouble.

Listen woman, I'll put up with the climbing but if he starts biting I'm outta here.

Listen woman, I'll put up with the climbing but if he starts biting I'm outta here.

I think the cat is actually TRYING to help him stand up.

I think the cat is actually TRYING to help him stand up.

Oh hey, what's under the coffee table? I AM!

Having trouble with your computer? Let me just climb through the coffee table and check out those cords for you!

I'm here to help unload the dishwasher. I'll get the knives!

I'm here to help unload the dishwasher. I'll get the knives!

Look what I did! Look look look! Now you can never leave a room again. Good luck taking a shower!

Look what I did! Look look look! Now you can never leave a room again.

And this morning, I found him standing up in the (mattress still on the highest setting) crib, leaning over the railing.

A listy kind of day

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Things I learned this weekend:
1. Driving south on I-95 through NYC on a Friday afternoon is a VERY BAD IDEA. Very, very, very, very bad. Unless you have a flying car and an invisibility cape always take 287 over the Tappan Zee Bridge.
2. Although I had heard it was possible to nurse a baby strapped in his car seat in a moving vehicle, now I know for a fact it can be done.
3. Breastfeeding a baby in a moving car is a one way ticket to Sore Nipple Town, by way of the Baby Teeth Express. I’m currently the mayor but don’t plan to run for reelection.
4. If you buy the baby a fancy new toy to entertain him during a long car ride, make sure it has an OFF SWITCH.
5. Tying a baby to a chair is a fast and easy way to enjoy a family meal without a squirming child in your lap. It works best if you have an actual baby-tying device but I suppose duct tape would work in a pinch.
6. When packing to visit your family, be sure to leave extra room in the car for the toys they are sure to have bought the baby AND the stuff they saved from your own childhood.
7. Going back to the house you grew up in feels really weird when you have a husband and a baby.
8. When you have both a grandma and a great-grandma ready to babysit, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE OPPORTUNITY to go do something without the baby. Preferably something you couldn’t do with a baby, like go to a movie, a bar, or the NRA range.
9. Sometimes the best way to blow off some travel frustration is to shoot stuff. It’s also good to practice your aim to prepare for the zombie apocalypse.
10. Nine hours of heavy traffic and only 3 hours of sleep is worth it to give Great-Grandma a chance to see her only great-grandson on her 80th birthday.

Great Grandma Gayle & Baby Evan

Great Grandma Gayle & Baby Evan

I think this car seat was an excellent purchase

I think this car seat was an excellent purchase

I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

On Tuesday I had my 6 months post-6 week postpartum lady doctor appointment (got that?) at 8:50 am.* Since I a)didn’t plan far enough ahead to ask someone to watch him and b)didn’t want to ask E to take a day off just for a 20 minute appointment (and also c)still can’t won’t don’t want to  leave an unfeedable and possibly separation anxiety suffering baby with anyone) I brought Baby Evan with me.

I didn’t really have a plan as far as how holding a baby during a pelvic exam was going to work, but I figured worse came to worst I could always just set him on the floor and slather him with Purell afterwards. The nurse who called me in for my height and weight seemed a little annoyed that I didn’t have a stroller but another nurse passing by volunteered to hold him. (Pet peeve of the day: when the nurse was taking my weight, she slid the little slidey things but didn’t wait for the bar to stop tipping before writing something down. Listen lady, five pounds may not mean much to you but it does to me!)

Once we got in the exam room I managed to put on the gown while holding Baby Evan in a chair with my foot. All those years of gymnastics and dance classes are finally paying off! But as soon as we settled down to wait the screaming started. The baby was having none of that room and wanted everyone in the building to know about it. It was COLD and BORING and OH SO LONELY and I was MEAN for taking him there!  You think listening to a crying baby in public is annoying? 99% of the time that kid’s mother is ten seconds away from whistling The Star-Spangled Banner and jumping on one leg while shoving a spoon through her eye in hopes the baby might think it’s funny and shut up.

Luckily, before I could start sticking tongue depressors up my nose my doctor came in and volunteered to have a nurse hold Baby Evan during the exam. When I explained he was only screaming because I was keeping him from getting the attention he knew he deserved, she said “Well, then let’s get him some” and whisked him off to reception. I tried to apologize for bringing my baby to my appointment but she brushed me off and said she had been a stay at home mom for years and had had many haircuts while holding a child in her lap.

When we were done and I decided it would be better not to “accidentally” leave my baby at the office for a few more hours, I discovered the decision might be out of my hands – they’d already hired him. Baby Evan was sitting in someone’s lap at the front desk greeting new patients with a “haaaaaiiiii” and trying to help by shoving insurance forms in his mouth and banging on a keyboard. I like to think he was protesting the high co-pays and ridiculous bureaucracy of health care today.

I realize the whole situation makes me kind of a jerk. Showing up with a baby, not being able to keep the baby quiet, passing the baby off on strangers who aren’t being paid to watch him…before I became a mother I would have been horrified to inconvenience anyone that much. But once you have kids you do all sorts of things you never thought you would (charting poop colors anyone? learning all the verses of Hush Little Baby? the mom-spit face cleaning rub?) and sometimes people are going to think you’re a jerk. It’s probably best to just acknowledge it.

*I am officially not pregnant (E: Uh,were we afraid you might be?) but my doctor says I can go ahead and start planning the next one. I said maybe when Baby Evan is a year old, she said if I didn’t refill my mini-pill it would be sooner than I wanted. I said don’t worry I’m still breastfeeding and she said she had a whole photo album full of second children who were conceived that way and she’d see me in a few months.