I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers

On Tuesday I had my 6 months post-6 week postpartum lady doctor appointment (got that?) at 8:50 am.* Since I a)didn’t plan far enough ahead to ask someone to watch him and b)didn’t want to ask E to take a day off just for a 20 minute appointment (and also c)still can’t won’t don’t want to  leave an unfeedable and possibly separation anxiety suffering baby with anyone) I brought Baby Evan with me.

I didn’t really have a plan as far as how holding a baby during a pelvic exam was going to work, but I figured worse came to worst I could always just set him on the floor and slather him with Purell afterwards. The nurse who called me in for my height and weight seemed a little annoyed that I didn’t have a stroller but another nurse passing by volunteered to hold him. (Pet peeve of the day: when the nurse was taking my weight, she slid the little slidey things but didn’t wait for the bar to stop tipping before writing something down. Listen lady, five pounds may not mean much to you but it does to me!)

Once we got in the exam room I managed to put on the gown while holding Baby Evan in a chair with my foot. All those years of gymnastics and dance classes are finally paying off! But as soon as we settled down to wait the screaming started. The baby was having none of that room and wanted everyone in the building to know about it. It was COLD and BORING and OH SO LONELY and I was MEAN for taking him there!  You think listening to a crying baby in public is annoying? 99% of the time that kid’s mother is ten seconds away from whistling The Star-Spangled Banner and jumping on one leg while shoving a spoon through her eye in hopes the baby might think it’s funny and shut up.

Luckily, before I could start sticking tongue depressors up my nose my doctor came in and volunteered to have a nurse hold Baby Evan during the exam. When I explained he was only screaming because I was keeping him from getting the attention he knew he deserved, she said “Well, then let’s get him some” and whisked him off to reception. I tried to apologize for bringing my baby to my appointment but she brushed me off and said she had been a stay at home mom for years and had had many haircuts while holding a child in her lap.

When we were done and I decided it would be better not to “accidentally” leave my baby at the office for a few more hours, I discovered the decision might be out of my hands – they’d already hired him. Baby Evan was sitting in someone’s lap at the front desk greeting new patients with a “haaaaaiiiii” and trying to help by shoving insurance forms in his mouth and banging on a keyboard. I like to think he was protesting the high co-pays and ridiculous bureaucracy of health care today.

I realize the whole situation makes me kind of a jerk. Showing up with a baby, not being able to keep the baby quiet, passing the baby off on strangers who aren’t being paid to watch him…before I became a mother I would have been horrified to inconvenience anyone that much. But once you have kids you do all sorts of things you never thought you would (charting poop colors anyone? learning all the verses of Hush Little Baby? the mom-spit face cleaning rub?) and sometimes people are going to think you’re a jerk. It’s probably best to just acknowledge it.

*I am officially not pregnant (E: Uh,were we afraid you might be?) but my doctor says I can go ahead and start planning the next one. I said maybe when Baby Evan is a year old, she said if I didn’t refill my mini-pill it would be sooner than I wanted. I said don’t worry I’m still breastfeeding and she said she had a whole photo album full of second children who were conceived that way and she’d see me in a few months.

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9 Responses to “I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers”

  1. bellegourmande says:

    Wait, is this a cliffhanger? Did you opt for the refill? Or should we just wait and see in a few months?

    Based on the photos on your site and your descriptions of Baby E, I imagine that the ladies at the doctor’s office had NO problem at all watching him for a few minutes. He seems like such a doll!

  2. Natalie says:

    Um…take the pills…take the pills (Unless you want another uber-adorable baby very soon)! I was BFing Olivia and taking the mini-pills and apparently the second I stopped taking them we conceived Sophia. I was in the less than 2% of women that happens to, according to the nurse.

    This is not to say Sophia wasn’t WANTED–we had planned on conceiving in a few months, after my body had gotten “back to normal”, which is why I stopped the pills. She was just impatient.

  3. sarrible says:

    Does Evan think the public option will be as delicious as all those Kaiser forms?

  4. Meghan says:

    Since I want lots of nieces and nephews I vote for you to rely soley on breastfeeding for contraception.(not that this is a poll or that I get a vote….)

  5. Emmie Bee says:

    lol.

    LOVE this post & TAKE THOSE PILLS!!

    Unless, you know, you want to have twins one month after E’s 1st birthday. Hellllooooo Breastfeeding myth is a LIEEEE!

    Too bad I thought I knew better than the doctors!

    And don’t worry about inconveniencing anyone. If any of them are moms- they have no problems helping out! I’m sure most of them have been there!

  6. ryan says:

    did anyone watch “i didn’t know i was pregnant” last night? this woman went in for her 4 week post-natal check and the doctor was like, “sure, you can start having sex but take these pills” and she took the pills and either the pills didn’t work or didn’t take effect right away because 9 months later she’s having a baby in the toilet (actually it was in the hospital, the lady before her had her baby in the toilet).

    not that this could happen to you but i’m just sayin’.

  7. Emmie Bee says:

    LOL! I SAWWWW THOSE!

    I was dying. How could they not KNOW? I mean- the lady kept saying she thought it was a poo!!
    Then she delivered am almost 8 pound baby in the toilet?!
    The kicker was when she was like: “I heard a splash and it didn’t sound right”

    So glad someone else saw that!

  8. lalaland13 says:

    Take the pills, take the pills. Take them noooow. Yes, I’m mimicking what everyone else is saying, but do it do it. I have a FB friend who is eight months pregnant with her second kid and her first one was born in January. My uterus starts whimpering every time I see her status updates.

    And whenever you leave him alone, Baby E will be fine. Trust. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, though, and I might have brought him to the appointment as well.

  9. E says:

    @sarrible I have no idea what you are talking about.

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