We’ve been having some all out screaming fits trouble with Baby Evan recently, probably due to demon possession teething. (Side note: When does teething END? He’s got 12 teeth with his incisors canines coming through right now.)

Once he stops being distracted by something specific or if I try to interrupt something he’s enjoying – throwing rocks at smaller children, hurling himself down concrete steps, biting the dog – he starts WAILING and goes all boneless and thrashes and flings his head backwards and throws a 100% genuine old-fashioned American temper tantrum.

Let me tell you how fun it is.

The teething is also making our usually peaceful nap and bedtimes into a process that involves every teething remedy in our arsenal combined with endless rocking and basically letting Baby Evan cry it out while in our arms. Several times in the past few days it has also involved letting the baby sleep directly on me for several hours (despite the RECORD HEAT and weird rash I now have from sweaty baby head on my chest) in the hopes that at least ONE of us can get some rest. Like yesterday:

Awwwwwww. Ok, so sleeping baby is not so bad. I think this is officially one of my favorite pictures ever. Cuddly naps on the couch make all the screaming so much more tolerable.

p.s. For the record, my boobs look huge like that because a) I am wearing an UNDERWIRE, NON-NURSING BRA for the first time in more than 18 months and b) despite not nursing for the past four days apparently my body is still trying to feed at least one, maybe two children and refuses to completely stop making milk. I’m about 24 hours away from pumping out of fear of a plugged duct.

p.p.s. I just occurred to me part of his sudden cuddliness is due to the weaning. Before when he needed some attention he just asked for milk and I didn’t really notice how much time we spent sitting together. Duh.

A few weeks ago, all my friends started pulling out these adorable Planet Wise wet/dry bags at play group and my inner green eyed monster immediately started gnawing on my common sense and INSISTED I had to get one too, even though I already had a wet bag and didn’t really need to be spending money on frivolous things.

But I bought one anyways, at my local fabulous baby store Papoose, and DUDE. It was SO NOT A FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE.

First off, it’s totally leak-proof, due to some sort of magical seaming and sealing process. Which means my biggest cloth diapering fear (carrying around a dirty diaper and having everyone think that smell is me) is totally gone. No poop smell or other kind of leakage. Exhibit A:

Magic non-PVC waterproof lining

Second, it has TWO POCKETS, one with the waterproof lining for wet stuff and one unlined pocket for your clean stuff. Brilliant. For someone who cloth diapers it means no digging around in my bag for the wipes and the extra insert and the diaper which is now full of Goldfish crumbs and sand and how did that green paint get in there? You could even do what my friend Megan has done and downgrade your GIANT DIAPER BAG to a cute little handbag and just use the snappy handle thing to attach it to your stroller or bag or whatever when it’s full. Exhibit B:

My cutest cloth diaper & my wipes case in the pocket.

Third, it’s freakin’ adorable. And large – 13″ x 16″. Exhibit C:

My print is called "Art Deco"

And just in case you thought I was lying about all my friends buying them first, Exhibit D:

Just from last week's playgroup, our collection of Planet Wise bags. Thanks to Connie & April for letting me be a weirdo and take pictures of your dirty diapers.

I sent Planet Wise an email letting them know I was going to sing their praises on the interwebs, for no other reason than I spent FOREVER looking at stuff like wet bags and diaper pail liners when we switched to cloth and I wanted to make it easier for anyone else trying to do the research. I also hinted at maybe doing a giveaway if they did that sort of thing and would be willing to work with a teeny tiny blogger. Shockingly, Lori emailed me back and said YES. I’m afraid she might be suffering from a head injury of some sort.

Which means YOU my friend, might be the proud new owner of one of these adorable bags in the pattern of your choice. Even if you don’t cloth diaper, these bags are perfect for dirty gym clothes, wet bathing suits, potty training, running clothes, or anything else that’s damp and possibly smelly. They’re cute and spacious and machine washable so you can just toss them in with your diapers/dirty stuff – even in the dryer.

TO WIN: Just leave a comment. That’s all.

If you want to check out the Planet Wise website and tell me which pattern you would pick, feel free. If you want to tweet about how awesome I am for giving you a chance to win the best wet bag ever, that’s awesome. If you want to like me on Facebook or vote for me on Top Baby Blogs, I’d appreciate it. If you want to tell me how much you hate these stupid reviews and giveaways, I’ll accept that too. But you only get one chance to enter with one comment. US addresses only please. (EDITED: OK MY DEAR CANADIANS! If you want to enter I will have Planet Wise ship the bag to me and I’ll cover the cost of mailing it to you. Because THAT is how much I love you!)

Good luck! And I’m wicked jealous of whoever wins. Free stuff is cool. Contest ends at midnight, July 29th. Winner announced first thing Friday morning! GIVEAWAY NOW CLOSED. SORRY :(

p.s. If you DON’T win, don’t despair! You can find a retailer near you here. Of course, Papoose also has an online store. Just sayin’.

Disclaimer: I was in no way compensated by any business mentioned in this post for my opinions. I’m not getting anything for free or at a discount for this review and spent my own cash on the product mentioned. YOU’RE the only one getting free stuff. Because I love you.

Clockwise from top left:
1. The Pasta Salad – From “A Taste of NPS”, a collaborative cookbook my mom bought 20 years ago
2. CPK’s BBQ Chicken Pizza – Tasty Kitchen/The Pioneer Woman
3. Chicken Fried Rice – Tasty Kitchen/The Pioneer Woman
4. Asian Noodle Salad – Tasty Kitchen/The Pioneer Woman

Clockwise from top left
1. & 2. Marcella Hazan 3 Ingredient Tomato Sauce – Steamy Kitchen
3. Espinacas con Garbanzos – Smitten Kitchen
4. Thai Chicken Pizza – Rachael Ray

We didn’t eat fast food ONCE this past week. For the record, they were ALL delicious. E ate everything, including the chickpeas.

July 24, 2010 marks the 2 year bloggiversary of Bebehblog. I think the traditional gift is air in a can. Or maybe pants in the next size up. It’s sometimes hard to believe that I’ve been posting for that long, especially when I look at how far I HAVEN’T come. I may actually have fewer readers today than I did on that first post, thanks to my penchant for describing the state of my cervix in detail. (Don’t worry, if you missed it the first time around I’ll be doing it again at Christmas!)

But a lot of things have changed. I don’t just write anonymously into a void anymore. I write for my family, for my extended family, for friends who have moved away and for new friends. I have a real ad network that might some day actually pay me something. I’ve joined the fourth circle of hell known as Top Baby Blogs. PR people have suddenly noticed my existence and want me to tell you about their great new *insert product totally inappropriate for pregnant woman/toddler here*. Love it or hate it, I’ve starting doing giveaways. I became a Twitter addict. I bought a fancy new camera and started pretending I was the Pioneer Woman.

But despite all of that, I still feel like I write mostly for me and because I like to make people laugh. Which is why I started, those long 24 months ago, and why I can’t see myself stopping any time soon. In honor of this very special anniversary, please enjoy the post from my very first day as a Bebehblogger, written practically seconds after finding out I was knocked up.

WARNING: Several mentions of where bebehs come from below! Let this be a warning to anyone who thinks “Oh no, I’m anonymous!  My mother/grandmother/friend Amanda’s step-dad will NEVER find my blog!”

Testing…testing

“For something called ‘Clear Blue’, this thing isn’t very clear is it?” said my husband E as we squinted at the pregnancy test, looking for one vertical line.  “Look! It’s right there! I can see it!” I insisted.  “I don’t see it…wait, there it is! No I don’t…oh hold on! Wait…never mind” said E. Stupid pregnancy test, we both agreed. We’ll buy a new box.

We’ve talked about having kids since we got married in August 2004, but only decided the time was “right” last October. But then we decided we should probably wait until he made some career decisions. In January my grandfather died and I had one of those if-we-don’t-have-kids-soon-so-many-people-we-love-might-never-meet-them moments. We decided again to start trying. But I had promised to be Maid of Honor in my best friend’s wedding, so I didn’t want to be pregnant for that.  In March we decided the time was never going to be perfectly right so I threw out my birth control pills. No baby in April. E was out of town for his job in May and the first part of June, so I did some period math and figured out the first weekend he’d be home was just about the week I’d be ovulating. Did you know that when it comes to babies, everything gets counted from the first day of your period? For years I’ve thought I was most fertile two weeks after the end of my period. Nope. It’s days 10-14 of your whole cycle. Aaaaand now that I think about it, I’m damn lucky I never got pregnant accidentally due to my poor reproductive knowledge.

We had sex twice the weekend that was supposed to be right for baby-making. A week later I declared I was feeling queasy and must have morning sickness. Six days before my period I couldn’t take it anymore and bought a box of early response tests. The next morning I peed on the stick and waited three minutes, staring at my bathroom floor. It really needs to be cleaned. Times up, no line. Not even a really really really faint maybe-I-see-it line. According to the very long instructions in the box, there was still almost a 50% chance I was pregnant, but seeing the results come out negative seemed so final to me. I put pregnancy out of my mind and vowed to try again next month.

My period didn’t come. When I was officially 6 days late I couldn’t take the stress of waiting anymore, so I tried another Clear Blue test. This is how we ended up in the kitchen with a piece of plastic I had recently urinated on. “Maybe I’m just a little bit pregnant?” I suggested, even though I knew this isn’t really possible. “We’ll go get a better, fancier test. A digital test,” suggested my technophile husband.

Sunday July 20^th, my mother’s birthday, I took the better, fancier test. PREGNANT said the little window. I just stared at it with my mouth hanging open. “What’s the matter? What does it say?” E asked, grabbing it from me. “Hey, good job!” he said when he saw it. “Um, thanks. I’m pregnant,” I said, in case he was still unclear. “Yeah you are!” he grinned. “I’m pregnant” I said again, showing off my awesome conversation skills, “What do I do now?”

As the weekend of August 7-8 quickly approaches, I know you must have a lot of questions about not attending BlogHer. What won’t it be like? What won’t I wear? Who won’t I see? What if no one likes me? Don’t worry! As an expert in not attending – I haven’t gone for the past 7 years straight – I can hold your hand through this sometimes stressful process. Here are 6 simple steps to ease your concerns:

1. Relax
Even though I know you feel like the only one, there are literally millions of people not attending BlogHer. Some of them will even manage to survive the weekend. Freaking out about living your life as you would on any other day of the year is unnecessary. Act as you normally would, including these possible activities: sleeping, eating, showering, changing into clean pajamas, taking artsy pictures of food, cleaning up poop, spending money on Etsy on stuff you don’t need, staring at your Google reader hoping someone updates, wondering why no one ever calls anyone on the phone anymore.

2. Consider your wardrobe
Staying home definitely has its advantages. You don’t have to try to understand the difference between semi-casual cocktail evening dress attire and semi-formal afternoon reception I’m judging you in that skirt attire. You may even want to buy a new pair of stretchy pants for the occasion, just to celebrate not having to spend two days hoping no one notices your Spanx.

3. Write posts your readers actually care about
Although the whole BLOGGING world cares about BlogHer, I can assure no one else does. Become an internet beacon of light and joy to everyone who will be hiding from their RSS feeds, avoiding eight zillion blurry group shots where everyone is looking in different directions and wearing lampshades on their heads. In comparison, your poop tweets and posts about your kid’s sleep habits seem FASCINATING.

4. Avoid swag drama
If you want free stuff, I suggest rummaging your neighbor’s trash cans at night or stalking yard sales at 3 pm. Besides, Crocs are wicked ugly and McDonald’s is bad for you. Bonus: You don’t have to somehow work “Doctor Bob’s Amazing Vanishing Wart Remover” into your next post just because you took that sample for, uh, a friend.

5. Don’t wonder if people are ignoring you on purpose
A major advantage of staying home is not finding out one of your blogging heroes is really a giant jerk. This may come as a shock, but did yo know a lot of people are different in real life than they are online? And just because you comment on every.single.post. a blogger writes they still might not know who you are. It’s much safer and less soul crushing to stick to believing you two are BIFFs (best internet friends forever) and think fondly about that time she sent you an email – even if it was just about that giveaway you won.

6. Stop complaining
Constantly blogging or tweeting about how you’re NOT at BlogHer is almost as annoying as constantly blogging and tweeting about how you ARE. If it means you have to close TweetDeck for 48 hours, it’s a small price to pay to avoid pissing off half your followers. If you’re so broken up about it you can’t think of anything else, I suggest seeking counciling from other non-attendees and large quantities of alcohol (bonus: you’ll almost feel like you’re there!)

Remember, this is just ONE conference in ONE city ONE year. The internet will not forget who you are if you don’t get to meet some of them face to face and there are no free 10-day dream vacations to Paris in the swag bags. BlogHer attendance does not qualify you for some sort of Best Blogger of The Whole Interwebs award delivered by the Old Spice guy vomiting rainbows while riding a unicorn even if those bitches who went say they totally got one. Just follow my handy guide and maybe you’ll be one of the lucky non-attendees who wakes up Monday August 9th still alive and allowed to write stuff on the internet.

Besides, there’s always next year.