The Five Stages of Cleaning My Bathroom

1. Denial and Isolation
Oh, this bathroom really isn’t THAT dirty. I mean, it’s a bathroom, it’s not like anyone’s going to be eating off the floor. I have 2 kids and am very busy and important. I’m sure everyone’s baseboards could use a good wipe-down. That smell isn’t pee, it’s just general bathroom smell and as soon as I remember to light a candle in here it won’t even be noticeable. No honey, I don’t really want to have anyone over for a cookout. No, let’s have a playdate at YOUR house. No guy doing the estimate for the yard work you CAN’T come in and use our bathroom. Sorry.

2. Anger
WHY is this bathroom such a mess?! I’m certainly not the one who keeps peeing on the floor. I already spend my days cleaning up crap, why should the bathroom be my job!? I don’t wanna! It’s not fair and I’m not going to stand for it!

3. Bargaining
Ok, maaaaaaybe I should pour some bleach in the toilet. And take out the trash. And clean the hair out of the shower drain. But then I get to go take a nap. Or read a book. Or take a nap AND read a book because it’s important that I keep my strength up. You know, for PARENTING. I bet I could get E to clean the bathroom if I do ALLLL the dishes for the next week. Month. Year. TEN YEARS.

4. Depression
I hate this bathroom. We should just rip the whole thing out and install a new, magical, self-cleaning bathroom. Like those port-a-potty things in Europe. Man, I wish I could go to Europe. I never get to go ANYWHERE. My life is terrible.

5. Acceptance
Fine, there, the bathroom is clean. Enough. For now. Just don’t make me ever do it again, OK?

 

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10 Responses to “The Five Stages of Cleaning My Bathroom”

  1. molly says:

    LOL!

    Terrible confession: my bathrooms do not get cleaned very much AT ALL. I need a maid. I really do.

  2. Denae says:

    Ooooo I wanna self cleaning bathroom! Where do I find that and can I clean dishes for the next 10 years to get it?

  3. brigid keely says:

    We don’t have an exhaust fan in the bathroom, but we DO have a 2YO who likes to play in the toilet, which means our bathroom door is shut 99% of the time.

    Which means we have a mold/mildew problem.

    Which means that to stay on top of things, I need to clean the bathroom weekly.

    Which, when I’m not working full time, is not THAT hard to do! I wash the shower curtain and liner, sweep and wipe down and scrub porcelain, etc. It’s the smallest and least used room in the house, in theory it should be the easiest to keep clean… and often it IS the only clean room in the whole house.

    Which is making this whole “working almost 40 hours a week with a 2 hour commute each day, plus it is 95* in the house at all times OH MY GOD JUST KILL ME” thing extra hard. Our bathroom is dirty and everything else seems worse because of that. :C

    I do want to redo our bathroom, which will involve tearing out some weird-ass soffits in the ceiling (WHY WOULD YOU LOWER PART OF THE FUCKING CEILING IN A BATHROOM, DIRECTLY OVER THE SHOWER WHY WHY WHY), rewiring so that the light switch is INSIDE the bathroom and not in the hall outside (WHAT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY), and tearing out the existing tile and replacing it with hexagonal tile on the floor and subway tile on the walls/bath surround. But that will not come for at least two years.

  4. Samantha says:

    I LOVE this post! This is me ALL THE TIME! My son and his buddy (who I babysit all the time) are both potty training. And when I say potty “training” I mean learning how to pee IN the toilet not on the side of it. So my bathroom ALWAYS looks like a war zone. Oh and then my 2 y o daughter likes to come in and play in the toilet water and drop MY EARRINGS in it! Or get out the toothpaste and spread it all over the bathroom floor and walls like paint when I am not looking. And there is no locking the door because the 4 y olds CONSTANTLY have to go pee and go in there and I am WAY too lazy to man the door. Did I mention we only have ONE BATHROOM:(
    So I have to clean my bathroom a couple times a week. YAY for teeny tiny house and boys!

  5. Leah says:

    I bought myself a Swiffer and a huge box of the wet cloths telling myself that my bathroom floor wouldn’t be so disgusting if I didn’t have to drag out a mop and bucket every time I cleaned.

    Two weeks later, I have no idea where the Swiffer is and there is an unopened box of cloths sitting on my kitchen counter. My bathroom is still disgusting.

  6. Nicole says:

    I hate cleaning the bathroom, especially since I’m the only girl and CERTAINLY not the person who keeps peeing all over the toilet seat and/or the floor. Not that the floor is all that awesome anyhow, since it’s twenty years old, in terrible shape, and roughly the color of pee anyhow. Who does that–puts in a bathroom floor that’s pee-colored? Diabolical. We want to rip the whole thing down to the studs and start over, but no way that kind of money is coming from anywhere anytime soon.

  7. ryan says:

    my husband laughed and laughed when i posted a chore list on the fridge (a family member moved in with us and chores became an issue) that listed things like “bathroom counter”, “bathroom sink”, “bathroom mirror”, etc. etc. i guess i had gotten used to only being able to do one of those things at a time with a screaming baby/toddler hanging from my neck.

  8. Julie S. says:

    This is my life. For real. I LOATHE cleaning the bathroom. Loathe it.

  9. Are you in my head with me? “I’m certainly not the one who keeps peeing on the floor.” I’m also not the one responsible for all those hairs, thankyouvermuch, because nothing that grows out of me looks like that.

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