We’re currently going through a delightful and exciting stage of development called “I’m 14 months old and I hate everything”. It main consists of Baby Evan hating things and making his hatred known in the loudest, screechiest, most ear-splitting way possible. Things Baby Evan currently hates include:

1. Diapers
2. Getting dressed
3. Being told not to hit people
4. Being told not to throw things
5. The floor
6. Sleep
7. The cat
8. Shoes
9. Hats
10. Sunscreen
11. Water, especially the river, especially people going swimming in the river
12. Children
13. Any food besides the one specific kind he wants at that exact moment but has no clear way of communicating what that one specific food is
14. The world “no”
15. EVERYTHING ELSE

I think I could deal (if not exactly patiently and lovingly) most of the time if we could get back to the happy place where Baby Evan sleeps 7pm-7am with one early morning feeding. I’m not even asking for him to sleep through the night. I just need him to get more than 8 hours – for EVERYONE’s sanity. For the last week we’ve done our normal bedtime routine at 7:30 or 8:00 pm and then fought a screaming child for close to an hour before giving up and letting him come back downstairs to empty the cabinets and torture the dog for another hour until the face-rubbing and whining reach epic proportions. We considered having him asleep by 9:30 on Sunday night a victory…only to have him wake up for the day at 4:45 am. Last night was another “victory” where he only whined for a few minutes before passing out and AGAIN was up at an ungodly hour.

E and I are understandably exhausted, not just from our own lack of sleep but from the mental strain of a crying, unhappy child we cannot seem to comfort. We spend hours every evening having the same discussions over and over: Do you think he’s teething? He must be teething. One year molars you know. Do you think he’s hungry? What else can we feed him? He must be too tired to sleep, poor thing. Should we just bring him downstairs? I know we don’t want to but what else can we do? It’s probably his teeth. I’m clinging to the hope that it’s just a phase, a temporary setback before he goes back to the good sleeper (relatively speaking) we’ve had for the last 6 months. Either that or I’m selling him to gypsies. Do they still take babies?

The only other possibility – although it sounds sort of crazy to me – is maybe he’s having nightmares or bad dreams or terrors. I don’t know if that’s the sort of developmental milestone a baby grows into around the 1 year mark and I have no idea what to do about it. What does a 14 month old even have nightmares about? A sudden peanut butter shortage? Losing his last sippy cup? The passage of federal legislation making shoes mandatory at all times? Whatever it might be, my only hope right now is to fill his life with so many happy thoughts and new experiences he forgets all about it. Maybe there’s a circus I can take him to. That sounds exciting. And also like a good place to find some gypsies.

Alternate title of this post: Maybe this time around I’ll actually remember to tag my posts in such a way it doesn’t take me three weeks to find them.

I started this here little bebehblog the day I found out I was pregnant with Baby Evan. I’m actually incredibly thankful for that now, since going back to read about how stuff happened last time is both fun and reassuring. The looking back is NOT so fun when I realize that this is what I looked like at 10-ish weeks during my first pregnancy:

Yeah, in my head, that was a bump. I hate you, past Suzanne.

And now, this is what 11 weeks looks like:

Also for the record, This is actually my other side. I flipped the picture so it was easier to compare. That tattoo is pre-babies.

It’s actually even worse when I wear clothes:

Not a maternity dress. The good news is that dress didn't fit at ALL a few months after I had Baby Evan, so getting into it - especially pregnant - was a happy moment. P.S. I bought it in Paris. I thought you should know. P.P.S. Please ignore the toilet paper holder. Bathroom self portrait.

Important less learned from my previous pregnancy: I’m going to have my maternity photos taken at a much earlier, cuter date instead of waiting for 35+ weeks when I was all swollen and puffy. I lost contact with the girl who did them last time (we were MySpace friends and my account is LONG gone) so if anyone in Connecticut has a recommendation let me know. Although I should mention now I’m not in any position to spend $1200 just for the rights to the digital prints. I learned that lesson the hard way.

Surprisingly, this month-day didn’t come up too fast. I’ve been saying Baby Evan was 14 months old for a couple weeks until I remembered May came after April and it wasn’t yet June and the number after 12 is 13. It’s understandable I’d have some trouble, seeing as how I’ve only know my months and numbers for the last 26 years or so. After the immense excitement of Baby Evan’s 1st birthday party and all the traveling we did in May I somehow expected the time to just fly by, when instead it dragged on, rich and full and slow like molasses. But now my baby is officially 14 months old and we can barrel on towards our next month-day.

14 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Eats with fingers – Yes! Food! He puts food in his mouth!!
• Empties containers of contents – Any container of anything ever.
• Imitates others – Seriously one of the most fun milestones, since now you have the power to make the baby do all sorts of funny things. We have a new game that involves smacking ourselves in the face. It’s a lot cuter than it sounds there.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Toddles well – Unstoppable.
• Initiates games – He initiates games with the dog all the time, especially “I’ll hold your tail while you try to run away and we’ll see how long it takes for me to fall down” and “sit still, you’re a chair!”
• Points to one body part when asked – NOSE!
• Responds to instructions (e.g., “give me a kiss”) – Oh he responds alright. Unfortunately, most of the time when I ask he throws himself backwards to avoid having to give kisses. Although he has no shortage for his father. He also knows “no” “don’t touch that” “stop” “not yours” “danger” and “hey cut it out!” I’m kind of exhausted.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Uses a spoon or fork – He could get a spoon in his mouth but not without getting most of the food on his face or shirt.
• Matches lids with appropriate containers – No. But then again, I care barely do that.
• Pushes and pulls toys while walking – Yes.

Enjoying his stash of things he's not allowed to touch.

Pretending to be Daddy.

Why are you bothering me? Can't you see I'm on a call right now?

One of the rare moments he's climbing it the correct way.

I do it all by myself!

Hi mama, whatcha doin? Whatcha doin' mama? Whatcha lookin' at?

Love my doggie. Dog dog dog dog dog.

Ooof, being 14 months old is exhausting. Time to lie down.

I freaking love zucchini bread, even if it is healthy zucchini bread. Which is sort of weird, since I don’t really like zucchini. But when this time of year rolls around and the grocery store/farmer’s market starts selling them 3 for a $1 I find myself with a whole fridge full. Last year I did a bit of incredibly rare planning ahead and shredded up half a dozen zucchinis, popped then in the freezer and then made bread all fall whenever the urge hit.

When I posted about our lack of healthy food choices I got a TON of great suggestions, including one from my friend Ernie Bufflo who said healthy baked goods like zucchini bread were the only “junk” food she kept in the house. Which seems like an excellent idea on the surface, except that even zucchini bread is bad for you if you eat the entire loaf in one sitting.

So I set off across the internet to find a recipe for healthy zucchini bread. But because I am NOT willing to sacrifice the tastiness of actual bread for whatever the totally vegan, gluten-free, no-calorie sweetener, enriched with twigs and sticks option is, it’s not truly healthy. We’ll call it healthier.

Suzanne’s Healthy (er) Zucchini Bread
(I started with this recipe but used several commenter’s suggestions as well as my own adaptations)

Please ignore the ridiculously large bag of baking soda. I read a list of like 1,001 things to do with baking soda and planned to clean the whole house or make my own tooth paste or cure cancer with it or something. So far, I’ve used 2 tablespoons for baking.

Ingredients:

2 cups sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
3 eggs
1/4 cup oil
3/4 cup applesauce
2 tablespoons vanilla
2-3 cups zucchini, grated (2 medium sized zucchini)
1 1/2 cup white flour
1 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
Raw sugar for sprinkling (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine the first 6 ingredients in a large bowl & mix until smooth. Stir in zucchini. Add remaining ingredients to bowl and stir stir stir.

Go ahead and stick your finger in it. You know you want to. Just remember the raw eggs and don’t complain to me if you end up puking out your eyeballs. That was a stupid thing to say in the middle of a recipe.

Pour into muffin tins or loaf pans that you’ve sprayed with non-stick spray. Add the SUPER SECRET INGREDIENT: Sprinkle the top(s) with a little raw sugar*. When doling out the batter, remember it rises but not an enormous amount so don’t skimp on filling them up. For loafs, bake at 350 for 60 minutes. For muffins, 350 for 25 minutes.

Get in my face

See the sugar on top? SO GOOD.

With a little *real* butter it’s a fantastic breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner.

I’m not going to lie, using whole wheat flour instead of all white changes the texture a little, but not so much I would know if I didn’t know. Y’know what I mean? You could also get away with using a little less sugar – maybe 1 1/2 cups white plus the brown – but you might want to add a bit more flour to keep them from getting to liquidy. Overall I am deliciously pleased with these. Any baked good that contains both a fruit and a vegetable counts as health food in this house!

*Super Secret Ingredient:

I buy it in the little packets so I can toss some in my tea. I only used 2 packets for all 27 muffins.

Is my inner Navy Wife showing yet? You know how we love our acronyms.

As a public service announcement, and to save myself a tiny bit of sanity, here are the answers to the questions I get most often when someone finds out I’m pregnant.

Oh wow, AGAIN?
No, actually, this is the first time. Baby Evan was delivered by stork. Yes, again.

Did you want to have kids so close together?
Short answer, yes. Long answer, at least the first two. We want our kids – who are destined to the nomadic life of military brats – to have at least one built in playmate.

So were you trying?
Really? Think about what you’re asking me. Do you really want to know the answer to this question? It is not a yes or no – it involves detailed descriptions of my menstrual cycle and marital relations and this one week where…wait, where are you going?! You asked!

Are you hoping for a girl?
Meh. Either way. I already have all the boy stuff and a pretty good idea what to do with one.

You must want a girl for all those cute girl clothes!
They are very cute and I will admit to squeeing over them more than once in the stores, but dressing a baby is only a one teeny tiny part of your day. And I know plenty of girls I can shop for if I want.

Do you want a girl so you can have one for your husband and one for you?
If this baby is “for my husband” then I’ve clearly been doing this wrong. Hey honey! Come get your baby! Apparently he’s not really mine because he has a penis!

Do you want a girl so then you can be done having kids?
It’s not like once you get one of each you have the whole set. They’re kids, not bookends.

Are you trying to have them all before your turn 30?
Why, is that the magical age my uterus turns into a pumpkin? This is just a good point in our lives to have kids – E isn’t deployed, I’m already home with Baby Evan, I have a great support network, and we have room for another crib. If all that stuff hadn’t lined up until I was 32 or 35 or 45 we’d probably still be childless.

Oh. So how many are you going to have?
Well our ultimate plan is to start a traveling circus so I guess I’ll keep having kids until we get one that’s double jointed, one that’s freakishly tall and one bearded lady. Or maybe we’ll just see what happens.

End public service announcement. Continue to ask above questions at your own risk.