FAQs that make me want to say MYOB

Is my inner Navy Wife showing yet? You know how we love our acronyms.

As a public service announcement, and to save myself a tiny bit of sanity, here are the answers to the questions I get most often when someone finds out I’m pregnant.

Oh wow, AGAIN?
No, actually, this is the first time. Baby Evan was delivered by stork. Yes, again.

Did you want to have kids so close together?
Short answer, yes. Long answer, at least the first two. We want our kids – who are destined to the nomadic life of military brats – to have at least one built in playmate.

So were you trying?
Really? Think about what you’re asking me. Do you really want to know the answer to this question? It is not a yes or no – it involves detailed descriptions of my menstrual cycle and marital relations and this one week where…wait, where are you going?! You asked!

Are you hoping for a girl?
Meh. Either way. I already have all the boy stuff and a pretty good idea what to do with one.

You must want a girl for all those cute girl clothes!
They are very cute and I will admit to squeeing over them more than once in the stores, but dressing a baby is only a one teeny tiny part of your day. And I know plenty of girls I can shop for if I want.

Do you want a girl so you can have one for your husband and one for you?
If this baby is “for my husband” then I’ve clearly been doing this wrong. Hey honey! Come get your baby! Apparently he’s not really mine because he has a penis!

Do you want a girl so then you can be done having kids?
It’s not like once you get one of each you have the whole set. They’re kids, not bookends.

Are you trying to have them all before your turn 30?
Why, is that the magical age my uterus turns into a pumpkin? This is just a good point in our lives to have kids – E isn’t deployed, I’m already home with Baby Evan, I have a great support network, and we have room for another crib. If all that stuff hadn’t lined up until I was 32 or 35 or 45 we’d probably still be childless.

Oh. So how many are you going to have?
Well our ultimate plan is to start a traveling circus so I guess I’ll keep having kids until we get one that’s double jointed, one that’s freakishly tall and one bearded lady. Or maybe we’ll just see what happens.

End public service announcement. Continue to ask above questions at your own risk.

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26 Responses to “FAQs that make me want to say MYOB”

  1. Mom says:

    I love your answers. The one that I was asked was – don’t you know what causes this? DUH!!!! We got to the point of telling people it was the water in Sandusky, so now we always carry bottled water when we go to Cedar Point.

  2. terri says:

    I love this post–I may have to save it in the event that I have children (especially multiple–and I probably won’t make it happen before 30, egad!)–your snarkiness is fabulous.

  3. barbra says:

    What is it about pregnant women that make everyone think they can ask anything?! This is my first, I’m 29 and used to say I didn’t want to think about kids until I was 30. Guess what, I changed my mind. and for some reason, that has opened me up to the most intrusive and wild comments/questions. “I thought you hated babies! Don’t you know how to prevent that! Wow, you must be shocked to find yourself pregnant! How are you going to handle it!” I never believed the stories about being “public property” until it started happening to me.

  4. I want you to have a girl for all those cute clothes!!!!

  5. Audrey says:

    Man, someone recently made the “now you’ve got a set” as though I should stop at two. I’ve also gotten the “now you have one of each” statements along the same lines. I love assumptions and stereotypes.

    Something else that peeves me for some reason is when someone says “you’re copying me!” Yes. Because I plan my life to mimic yours in every possible way, including when I have sex and what gender my children arrive in. It is no way possible that others had a boy and then a girl before you and that every person who has done so after you has had nary a thought of you in doing so.

    • FourInchHeels says:

      Don’t sets match? Isn’t two boys OR two girls a set, whereas one of each is not? No one says I’ve got a set if I’ve got two candlesticks that look nothing alike, do they?

      Silly people. It’s like when they ask if boy/girl twins are identical.

  6. lalaland13 says:

    This is why I try to be careful with the pregnant lady in the office. I’ve asked her twice in five or six weeks if she’s found the sex out yet, and she hasn’t, and I feel a bit awkward. I also asked if she had a feeling if it was a boy or a girl, and she said no, and I said, “That’s OK, I don’t think it means anything either way.” Because really, it doesn’t.

    What if we ask, “Do you care if it’s a boy or a girl?” Is that OK? It’s all in the phrasing, I think.

    My mom had a boy and girl and stopped, because she had one of each. Also because her ladyparts were kind of wore out from carrying us. I think she’s glad for the gender diversity, but when it came down to it, she wanted two healthy kids, period. My dad once said, “I always thought six would be nice.” I just stared at him and tried not to laugh.

    • bebehblog says:

      You can ask if someone has a boy/girl preference but it’s a very rare pregnant woman who’s going to say “Oh I REALLY want a boy!” People remember stuff like that and she knows she’s going to regret it in 7 months when everyone’s giving her the side-eye to make sure she loves her baby girl enough.

  7. Amy says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious. It’s amazing how seeing a pregnant lady really turns off the filter on people’s mouths.

  8. Michelle says:

    I’m LOL right now…please go read this blog I wrote when I was prego and you will see why!!

  9. andrea says:

    I have always wanted to have my kids really close in age! I wish I could have had my second child now, yesterday. It is going to be amazing for baby E and for Sandy to grow up together (so close in age)!!

  10. can i send you possibly the longest comment ever? this is an old myspace blog post i wrote while pregnant with poppy:

    “For the record, I absolutely adore being pregnant. It is far and away the single coolest thing I have ever done, and I am thrilled to join the mama club! But seriously, it would be so freakin sweet if folks could refrain from making comments like these towards me right now:

    1) “You’re ALREADY showing?? YIKES!!”

    *I haven’t the faintest idea why this would be shocking or disturbing to anyone! Yep, I’m knocked up. And yep, that’s my belly sticking out. PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BABY I’VE GOT GROWING IN THERE. Just sayin’.

    2) “Wow, you’re pregnant? I’m SO not ready to be a parent. That’s SO scary.”

    *Oh, thank god you let me know how you feel! I was totally going to ask you to raise my baby for me. Pfft.

    3) “Oh, you STILL have morning sickness? You should drink ginger tea.”

    *I will stab you in the face.

    4) “What do you want more, a boy or a girl?” – Insert me saying that we are totally excited either way, and don’t have a preference – “Well, but SERIOUSLY, which do you want more?”

    *Are you fucking kidding me??

    5) “What names do you have picked out?” – Insert me saying that we do have names picked out, but they will be a secret until the baby is born – “But, I mean, what are they though? I really want to know”

    *OH, since you put it THAT way, forget what we want as a couple! I can’t wait to tell you the names we’ve picked!

    6) “My sister had morning sickness really bad too. She miscarried at like two months.”

    *Um, so, really just don’t want to hear any tragic baby stories right now. Call me crazy.

    7) “Was it planned?”

    *Are you rude??

    8) “How much weight have you gained?”

    *Is it ever ok to ask a lady this question? I’m confused! Besides, I don’t know or care!

    9) “Oh, you’re ONLY 10 weeks? So you’re like, hardly even pregnant.”

    *I get where they were aiming with this one, but give me a break. My lil’ baby already has all it’s major organ systems, a beating heart, and it can move and respond to touch. I think it’s a step above an amoeba at this point. Besides, David and I have been bonding with the baby since the second the stick turned pink! Probably best not to cheapen my experience with comments like this one.”

    thought i’d send this your way, since i can clearly remember EXACTLY how you’re feeling right now! ha!

    you are so awesome lady. SO excited for you and your lovely, growing family.

    cheers!

    • Other Erin says:

      I cannot wait to get pregnant so I have an excuse to be this snarky to strangers/acquaintances/family I don’t like. Now when I do it, it’s just rude.

    • Emmie Bee says:

      Totally guilty of #5, Em. I LOVE knowing the names. Damn. I suck.

      • bebehblog says:

        ASKING if you’ve picked out a name is fine. INSISTING you tell the name is so annoying. Someone at my playgroup the other day would NOT take a hint and kept trying to get me to tell her the names we’ve picked, even after I said “We have some ideas but aren’t sharing them right now”. I also love hearing people’s names but if they want to tell, they will.

    • Amy says:

      OMG! Someone also asked me if my baby was planned! What kind of question is that?

      My favorite was the question I got from a friend’s mom…she asked if the baby was my husband’s… Umm…who else’s would it be and no I’m not a ho, thank you very much.

  11. MKP says:

    Wait, so I should take the neighbor kids I was babysitting off the top of the bookcase? But then my annotated Jane Austen will fall over!

  12. Oh girl, you have me smiling & cracking up after a really shitty morning at work, so thanks.

    Ppl are crazy and invasive and sometimes don’t even think about what they are saying/asking. And I just don;t know what it is that makes a pregnant woman fair game to asinine questions/comments

    That being said OMG having a little girl is SO AWESOME purely for those super cute outfits!! That she poops and pukes on!!

  13. Emmie Bee says:

    Yeah. I’m probably one of those special people so I apologize well in advance! :) Sometimes people need a lesson in appropriate behavior. Luckily for them- pregnant chicks don’t mind telling them whats what.

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