I am so enjoying seeing this across from me at breakfast again.

Cream cheese mustache and juice

No matter HOW whiney and stinky and demanding toddlers can be, they sure are more fun than a kidney infection. Especially ones who give good night kisses on demand and sleep all night. I am going to be SO SCREWED when the new baby comes and I’m back to 24/7 infant care – my body has totally readjusted to need more than 5+ hours a night again.

I missed Little Evan’s official monthday on the 5th (Dear Future Evan reading this: BLAME YOUR SISTER) but here’s the latest update from the Baby Center Milestone Chart:

21 Month Milestones (oops, that’s a month ahead, thanks for calling me out Robyn! 20 Month milestones below)(but I’m leaving this up because to be honest, I really doubt I’ll be remembering to do them with a week old baby hanging around anyways)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Can walk up stairs – Walk is such a specific word. Crawl? Yes. Sort of fling himself regardless of personal safety? Definitely. Take actual person sized steps? If someone holds his hand and hauls him up, yes again. But if what it boils down to is an ability to get himself safely up a flight (or three) of stairs then Yes, Absolutely. And fast.
• Able to set simple goals (e.g., deciding to put a toy in a certain place) – He is still Mayor of Trash, but he has also been promoted to Czar of Shoes. And he’s really good at it – you can ask for a specific pair, like “brown boots” or “dada’s shoes” or “MorMor (grandma’s) boots” and he will bring both to you with almost 100% accuracy. Although he also remembers which shoes I wear most often and will bring those by default. Really impressive, right?!

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Throws a ball overhand – Old news.
• Kicks ball forward – Old news.
• Stacks six blocks – Screw you and your block stacks Baby Center. My kid’s too busy learning to unlock my iPhone to mess with blocks.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Names simple picture in a book – Sometimes. Works best with animals and he mostly signs them/makes the noise. But with some encouragement he can name simple things like “apple” or “digger” or “ball”.
• Can walk down stairs – Again with the “walking”. E has been diligently and patiently working on “getting down a flight of stairs safely”, which seems to be going quite well as long as you’re willing to stay out of reach and give him time to scoot down each one on his butt. If he finds himself unattended on a set of stairs (not that that would EVER happen with such a responsible and attentive mother as myself) he will go down backwards. But if you stand next to him on the stairs he will reach for your hand at the same moment he throws himself off the top step.

EDITED TO ADD: 20 Month Milestones for my 20 Month Old who is not 21 Months Old

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Feeds doll – He keeps trying to shove his food into my belly button to “feed” the baby. Does that count?
• Takes off own clothes – Yes. Please see: every picture I’ve taken off him in the past month. Nekkid bebeh!
• Dumps an object in imitation, such as throwing garbage away – MAYOR. OF. TRASH.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Learns words at a rate of ten or more a day – Repeats words at a rate of a zillion a day. Retains and says words on his own at a rate of about 4 or 5 a day.
• Can walk up stairs (but probably not down) – See long-ass stair climbing assessment above.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• May start exploring genitals – No, and I’m a little sad, because that would make for some AWESOME blogging material
• Draws a straight line – On a piece of paper? Not a chance. On my wall? You bet.
• Names several body parts – Points at several body parts on demand, and loves to say “teeth”. But he’s more obsessed with shoes and hats than nose and ear.

Apparently I found the threshold at which I can no longer remember to celebrate Little Evan’s every monthday, and that threshold was 19 months. So…Happy Monthday Baby! Good thing you can’t read a calendar yet so you have no idea Mama is three days late! Let’s blame it on the hell known as Daylight Savings Time aka the longest day of the toddler year. SO SO LONG.

But lateness is no excuse to skip my milestone update entirely, so let’s do this thing!

Except when I went to look at the chart it turns out we’ve officially moved to the 19-24 month level, which is WAY TOO MANY MONTHS. Why are there so many months?! (Please say that last part in the “Why are there so many ostriches?” Don Knotts on Family Guy voice, because that’s totally how I hear it in my head)(Apologies to those who have no idea what I’m talking about.)

Sob sob sob Mah bebeh is so biiiiig! Sob sob sob

OK, I’m done now.

19 Month Milestones (from Baby Center, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Uses a spoon and fork – I wouldn’t say he’s ready for dinner with the Queen, but he does OK
• Runs – Fast
• Throws a ball underhand – Overhand, with enough aim to hit almost anyone in the face
• Enjoys helping around the house – Define “helping”. I would say “is as interested in helping around the house as any 19 month old, especially when it involves cleaning up messes he would rather continue to make.”

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Understands as many as 200 words – Am I supposed to be counting? He definitely understands at least 90% of the stuff I say TO him, and probably 50% of the stuff I say in general. I can say something like “Why don’t you go get your milk – it’s over there by the dishwasher – and then sit in your chair and watch the football game?” And he will do all those things, while also saying “milk” “football” and “touchdown!!!”
• Recognizes when something is wrong (e.g., calling a dog a cat) – I…don’t know? Is that a game we should be playing? It seems sort of mean.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Washes and dries own hands with help – He LOVES to wash his hands, but it’s not really a help-free activity
• Points to picture or object when you call it by name – Very good at animals, trucks/cars, babies. Not so good at everything else.
• May know when she needs to pee – No, but we usually get a poop warning. Although honestly, teaching him the sign for “potty” has been one of the best things I’ve done, simply because I can explain to him “mama’s going to the potty so she’ll be right back.” And now I get to pee (or hide out and take a few deep breaths) in peace.

In other toddler news, we’re having some trouble with both “no” and “stop” especially in regards to “hitting mommy” and “jumping on mommy’s belly”. I’m planning to set up a time-out zone (aka the Pack-n-Play in the boring living room) and start enforcing time-outs in a calm, non-shouty manner when calm, non-shouty instructions are not followed, but I have very little faith it will result in anything more than 2 minutes of hysterical screaming and crying.

Our super easy bedtimes have regressed a little to mostly easy naps but bedtime crying when he realizes he might be missing out on something fun. Rocking & book reading doesn’t really help – he just needs a few minutes to be sad before he goes to sleep, most of the time for 11-12 hours straight. I’m starting to worry a little about sleep-regression issues after the new baby comes, but figure it’s best not to dwell on it and just take an extra nap whenever I can.

But in general, this is SUCH a fun age. He’s fun to hang out with and capable of entertaining himself long enough that I can still get things done (for example, as I write this, he has dragged his blankie over himself & the dog and is curled up drinking his milk, totally content to be hanging with his BFF). He can make most of his wants/needs known clearly so there aren’t many frustrated crying fits. We still haven’t seen much stranger anxiety – just a little shyness that I swear he fakes just because it makes ladies at the grocery store say “awwwwwww”. And there is no way to explain to a non-parent just how exciting it is when your kid learns a new word/sign/skill. You can practically SEE his brain growing and it makes my heart feel all bursty every single time.

My goal for month 19 is to trick force bribe encourage Little Evan to eat more vegetables, even if it means I have to soak them in ranch dressing. If you see me tweeting about dinner ideas, please remind me that meat with a side of pasta and cheese is NOT a balanced meal and green things won’t kill us. Hopefully my 20 month update will include an extensive list of new healthy foods Little Evan now loves.

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I have TWO more winners to announce this morning!

The winner of the adorable green polka-dot Gussy pouch I am crying a little bit over parting with is…

#12 Merin!! Since this giveaway is coming from me personally, I’ll be sure to get you your pouch ASAP. Although it might involve making you drive to my house to get it.

And the winner of the Phoebe Mouse & the book is…

#18 Robyn! Conrgats mama, I KNOW you’re little girl will love Phoebe! I will email you to get your address and send her out some time this week.

Thanks to everyone who entered – I was blown away by how many people entered the Phoebe giveaway, considering it wasn’t made by a fancy handmade seller but just by me. Or, more likely, everyone just wanted the adorable book and planned to throw Phoebe in the trash as soon as they got her.

The LAST open giveaway is from Becca at Hugs & Kisses Designs. Get in your entries now – it’s got less than 50 as of this morning, so you’ve got a pretty good chance to in yourself something REALLY pretty.

Today Baby Evan is 1 AND A HALF, which means I am officially dropping the “Baby”. From now on he will just be Evan or Little Evan. Wish me luck.

The four weeks between 17 months and 18 months were the absolute fastest time of my entire life. I’m terrified that if things get any faster I will wake up tomorrow with Baby Evan standing next to my bed yelling “Mom, let’s go! I’m late for practice!!” We’re not too far off already, since just this week he stood at the baby gate in the kitchen and shouted “I WANT MAMA!!! MAAAAAMAAAAAA!!!!” because I dared to go upstairs and do laundry without him. (He still doesn’t say Mama any other time – just when he is Horribly Upset by how I am Mean.)(He says Dada all the time. He even recognizes the sound of Dada’s car pulling to the garage and starts shouting for him.)

And yet right now he is pantless, dragging one of his blankies around the family room, chugging milk and babbling and looking exactly like the adorable toddler he is. Twenty minutes from now I’ll probably be shouting at him to stop jumping on me and leave the dog alone and come back here with my cell phone and stop putting that power cord in your mouth and why why WHY won’t you listen to ANYTHING I say???? (As I was typing that he threw a remote at my face. Good times.)

Despite suffering from a severe case of early-onset terrible twos, 18 months is truly a super fun age. Evan loves people everywhere we go and they love him back. He plays well with others, especially older kids, and can entertain himself with a book or a toy long enough that I can make a sandwich or put away groceries. His favorite games include “help mommy sweep”, “help mommy unload the dishwasher”, “turn off the lights”, “slam the dryer door”, and “giving super wet raspberries on your face”. He’s still mostly uninterested in the TV but loves dancing to commercials – especially the iPad commercial with the piano music and the L.L. Bean commercial with the Big Rock Candy Mountain song.

He will try almost any food and eats whatever we’re having 85% of the time (the rest of the time he gets peanut butter sandwiches). He drinks so much milk I’ve started buying 4 half-gallons on ever grocery trip and STILL run out sometimes. He will tell us when he’s tired, asks to be put in the crib, sleeps through the night and (usually) takes 1 long afternoon nap.

When he is good, he is very very good. And when he is bad he is horrid. But I love him to itty bitty pieces.

18 Month Milestones (from Baby Center, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Will “read” board books on his own – Yes! Especially the Mr. Brown Can Moo! book. He makes adorable little noises for all the pictures.
• Scribbles well – His preferred medium is chalk on furniture but when he gets it on the chalkboard he does a pretty good job. Crayons still end up in his mouth most of the time so we don’t do much coloring.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Strings two words together in phrases – Besides “I want mommy!!” he mostly sticks to one word at a time, although if you count signs he can make whole sentences.
• Brushes teeth with help – He loves his toothbrush so much he sleeps with it.
• Stacks four blocks – Why is block stacking such an important skillon this stupid chart? Evan mostly loses blocks but I did actually see him stack 3 the other day. On the closed toilet, but still. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW MILESTONE CHART?

Mastered Skills (a few kids can do)
• Throws a ball overhand – Like a pro. His aim is shockingly good too.
• Takes toys apart and puts them back together – Most of his toys are only one part (ball, car, truck, book). He can take all the pots out of the cabinet and then put them back more neatly than I can. Does that count?
• Shows signs of toilet training readiness – He knows the sign for “potty” and will often tell us when he’s going, but is kind of afraid of the big person toilet even with the child seat. We figure the signing is good enough for now and will make things MUCH easier when we want to tackle potty training for real.

Happy 18 months Baby Evan!

Enjoying some apples with yogurt dip

Using one of my necklaces to make his doggie pretty

Exhausted after Daddy's hockey game - and holding his own stick

Exploring the backyard jungle

I was too busy passing my baby off on other people to do a post in honor of his 17 month milestone this weekend. Yes, I am a terrible, neglectful, horrible mother AND I DON’T EVEN CARE A TEENY TINY BIT. It was actually a much more important milestone for E and me – we’ve never turned baby bedtime over to anyone else before. My parents swear it was fine besides some protests over the big, slippery bath tub and Baby Evan was so exhausted from TWO dogs and several balls that he slept in later than I did every day. We are now one step closer to hiring an actual non-related baby sitter so we can make date night a regular event.

Ok, I swear I am done talking about how much we needed that break. Over. Done.

We really needed a break. A together break. Couple time is totally different from just a mommy break.

Sorry. Now let’s talk about my kid!

17 month milestones from Baby Center, as usual

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Uses six words regularly – Yes, sort of, maybe. Most days it feels like the only two words he says are “dog” and “ball”. DOG! BALL! DOG! BALL! And new from this weekend, “DOGBALL!” – as in the ball that belongs to the dog and is not for babies. Definitely yes if you count signs.
• Enjoys pretend games – Maybe? I’m not always sure what he’s doing when he entertains himself. I guess he’s pretending. He is very good at making imaginary phone calls.
• Likes riding toys – Loves riding toys. Especially the dog. He also tried to ride his little V-Tech helicopter today with very poor results.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Feeds doll – He’d rather feed Mommy or Daddy or Brutus. He’s very good at sharing food.
• Speaks more clearly – Well, “NO” no sounds exactly like “NO” instead of “neeaaawwwoo!!” He can also add “no” to any other word to make a sentence – “no dog!” “no ball!” “no dada!” “no book!”
• Throws a ball underhand – My kid is a ball throwing genius. He’s been throwing overhand (on the chart as an “advanced skill” at 18 months) for months already and has EXCELLENT aim. He can also catch the small blue ball about 50% of the time, which isn’t even on the under-two charts. Now we just have to decide which sports to sign him up for. (Football? Baseball?)

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Dances to music – He is a dancing FOOL. I swear I’ll get good video some time soon, but most of his dancing is to commercials on TV (add one more point to the bad mommy tally) so it’s only for a few seconds. He also “sings” sometimes, which is adorable.
• Sorts toys by color, shape, or size – Are they balls? He can sort those. He doesn’t really play with the toys specifically made for sorting yet, but he can sort his food based on color.
• Kicks ball forward – BAAAAAAALL!!!!! So, yes. (Soccer?)

A quick round-up of everything else: Baby Evan has 12 teeth – only missing the 2 year molars and the four canines. He’s going to get his first haircut soon, unless I can’t bring myself to do it because I don’t think the back-of-the-head curls are going to grow back and I love them SO SO much. He still refuses to wear shoes most of the time, although that’s mostly because he has TEENY TINY MIDGET FEET and all his cute size 5 sneakers are still too big and the size 4’s pinch his toes. He goes to sleep after a bath and a book without any protest, sleeps from 8 pm to 8 am and takes a 2-3 hour nap around 1 o’clock. (Do not ask me how we managed that, it was blind luck and a good tempered kid). We are still using cloth diapers during the day and disposables at night or when we travel, a system that works really well for us. Baby Evan is a champ at riding in the car, riding in the stroller and going new places. He loves everyone and gives out hugs and high-fives within minutes of meeting strangers. It is AMAZING to watch him grow into an actual little person, although sometimes littler person opinions can be a challenge. And I’ve got to stop laughing at his temper tantrums or I’ll encourage the banging-his-head-against-the-floor-and-stomping-his-feet-fits he’s recently started. They’re just so hilarious, especially since he knows not to hit people and dogs and often flounces off to hit a couch or a wall instead. Oh the flouncing.

Happy 17 months Baby Evan! I promise to stop calling you Baby really really soon!

Hockey? Daddy would like that one best. And yes, again, hobo baby wears no shoes.

Two of his favorite things: Dog and Yarn.

Food breakthrough: HUMMUS. Spinach and artichoke here. The mess is definitely worth the nutritional value.

Party Baby!! It's a whistle from the bachelorette party that I sadly broke just a few minutes after Baby Evan figured out how it worked. "Accidentally" broke, of course.

And here’s your bonus Baby Evan video of the week: attempting to jump. Jumping isn’t on the milestone chart until almost 2 years, so clearly these attempts are early and understandably less than perfect. But he loves doing it!

Sorry about the video, I forgot to turn my phone sideways & the quality isn’t very good, but you can get the idea.

(Maybe not basketball)

A lot of my friends with kids around the same age as Evan have started potty training. Not full-on throw-out-the-diapers potty training, but buy-a-seat-and-start-watching-for-signs-of-readiness potty training. The lazy man’s approach, if you will. Hey, in my book every diaper you DON’T have to change is a good diaper, so I figured I’d get a seat and give it a try too.

Sitting! On the potty seat!

I think my first mistake was buying a seat/step stool rather than just a potty, since being just a liiiiiittle bit taller is every toddler’s dream (and brings us to a whole new level of childproofing). The lid is also sort of hard to get open so I have some trouble yanking off pants, a diaper and flipping it to the potty part fast enough to accomplish anything.

Even when it is open, I don’t think Evan’s legs are long enough to get his tush centered appropriately. Which means I would still have to be actively involved in all potty time for quite some time.

Eating on the potty: WE'RE JUST THAT CLASSY.

So far, there has been exactly zero potty action on the potty. Just sitting. Mostly fully clothed.

Hey! Squatting! Can we call that progress?

In case you think I’m a crazy person for even thinking about potty training this early, let me tell you that Baby Evan already learned the sign for “toilet” and associates it with pooping. He’s a very conspicuous pooper, so it wasn’t hard for him to get the connection when I signed it every time he’d start grunting and frowning. I also sign it when he’s in the bathroom with me, hoping he’ll understand that’s the place where the pooping is supposed to happen. I think peeing will be our bigger struggle, since he barely seems to care about wet diapers and often doesn’t even stop running around naked long enough to finish a whiz.

Again, I would like to remind you that NO POTTYING has been done in that bowl.

A lesser person would caption this with a comment including the terms "poop" and "head".

Yes, that is a sippy cup in the potty. Maybe he's just trying to cut out the middleman?

Evan’s other sign of readiness is that dirty diapers now seem to bother him. He will sign “yucky” and “diaper” if I ask him about “the stinky” and grab his crotch Michael Jackson-style if I haven’t yet noticed. I’ve heard this is a major step in potty training success so maybe I’ll keep trying, despite my failure with the seat so far.

Now he's just mocking me.

I suppose having the seat doesn’t hurt – we’ll need it EVENTUALLY – but when I get serious about the potty training we’ll need at least two more: one for the upstairs bathroom and one for the car. Anyone have any seat recommendations that aren’t quite so easy to use as hats?

Because this? Will NOT be OK when the seats are in use. No matter what the toddler says.