I took fewer pictures (200 compared to my usual 400) this week, especially when we were out and about. I don’t think that number will ever be zero – these posts are too important to me, since I can literally look back on every day of Caroline’s life so far – but I’m learning the difference between capturing a moment and capturing every second of the day.

Sunday:

The Magical Fort of Healing

The plan was to take beautiful family photos for a friend in front of this fountain. It was off and some sort of carnival was happening around it. Photo fail.

Getting a jump start on some holiday knitting

Monday:

But Mommy, how can Caroline take a nap without her dolly??????

Eyelashes McGee

Tuesday:

My son’s pedicure is in better shape than mine.

When you’re trying to keep a child quiet, you read them the same book every time they ask, even if you’re two seconds from losing your mind.

Bedtime snuggles

Wednesday:

Because doesn’t everyone carry a cow and an elephant around with them?

NOM NOM NOM ON YOUR FACE

Well sure, Mom, you almost lost your sanity making me that Tinkerbell dress but this old sheep outfit I found in the dress up box makes a MUCH better Halloween costume!

Thursday:

Mommy-Caroline time at the grocery store seems like a VACATION compared to bringing 2 kids.

Obviously taking the orders to keep quiet very seriously.

Beautiful night for an evening walk

Friday:

Yo, duck, sup?

DEAR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA, THANKS FOR THE GIANT COOKIES! LOVE, TWO EXTREMELY SUGARED UP CHILDREN

Ermagerd! Fresh Beat Band!

Saturday:

This game is called “Someone is going to end up in tears so KNOCK IT OFF”

Much better.

And this game is called “Let Mom think we’re being good so she’ll turn her back for 5 minutes”

We’re trying to have quiet time today (so far it’s at about a 30% success rate) with a nice nature walk this afternoon to celebrate the first day of fall and to find some pinecones (the internet LOVES pinecones). I’m also going to attempt to take a shower, if I can remember how. It’s been a while. It’s not pretty. Wish me luck.

Sorry, too busy making more ice cream to write a proper intro. Isn’t that what you do at 8 am?

Sunday:

You want me to share my Goldfish? I'm not so sure.

Pie crust helper

Mini-vacation aka Solo grocery shopping

Monday:

One of my favorite old houses on our walk to the library

Concentrating gingers

It's a ghost! Oh, wait, no. It's just a miserable screaming baby I threw a blanket over.

Tuesday:

Crap.

Daaaaaawwwwww

Spice rub for my salmon with mango salsa

Wednesday:

5 am. Thank God for iPhones.

Crouching baby, hidden hobo

I'm melting! I'm meeeeeelting!!!!

Thursday:

The patio furniture display at Target is almost as good as a real playground

Happy it's nap time

Business lady off to do important business

Friday:

Stroller Strides drill instructor - PUSH IT! I WANNA SEE YOU SWEAT!

Feeding the quack quacks

Beluga watching

Saturday:

If you call garage sales "treasure hunting" your pirate loving children will do it for HOURS

So much furniture to refinish, so little time. And motivation.

Big girl bed. Exactly what I wanted to get her (eventually) and $30 at a yard sale. She slept in it last night with zero issues.

Today is warm and sunny and tomorrow is supposed to be warm and sunny and Tuesday is supposed to be warm and sunny so we’re going to be outside outside outside. I’ve got some recipe posts and some sponsored posts planned for the blog, so apologies if those aren’t your thing, but I promise to fill in the empty days with lots of ginger baby adventures.

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

I forgot to take my Zoloft over the weekend – three days in a row total – and I started to feel pretty lousy. Not losing-my-mind crazy but irritable and anxious and unfocused. I thought maybe I was overreacting but decided it (probably) wouldn’t kill me to take an extra pill to get back on track. So on Monday I took one at noon and one at bedtime – which is when I usually take it. Oddly, if I take it in the mornings I have really vivid crazy house on fire naked Christmas farm animal Barry Manilow pregnant high school war opening night Hunger Games dreams. And that’s even if I DON’T read dystopian fantasy novels while I fall asleep. So I took two and hoped I wasn’t over medicating myself into a coma or a heart attack or something.

INSTEAD, I did ALL THE THINGS in the past two days. And in a good way, not a “I’M BORED, LETS CUT BANGS” way.  I finally dealt with the mountain of baby clothes in Caroline’s room and organized her summer wardrobe (because yeah, girl has too many outfits). I bought plastic totes and put away craft supplies and decorations from Evan’s birthday party that happened *ahem* more than a month ago. I steam mopped all the floors. But not only is the house clean, I’m competing in an imaginary contest for Mother of the Year Week. We did puzzles (I HATE puzzles) and put on boots to splash outside and blew a billion bubbles and went to the library and read the same books over and over and over and over and over and tracked down all the balls to all the toys and let the kids them jump all over me and sang songs loudly and let them ride the elevators even though we didn’t need to and let them eat the last giant marshmallow. Even when I was annoyed I calmly explained to Evan he needed to listen better or I would have to use my angry voice – and I KNOW, saying stuff like that sounds RIDICULOUS but when my 3 year old says “Mommy, I can’t want you use your angry voice and I can’t want use my angry voice so let’s have hugs and kisses” I dies of cuteness so I don’t care how ridiculous it sounds. Plus, it worked. He now recognizes my angry voice AND his angry voice and knows how to stop them.

(Extra bonus cuteness: Evan had to have a blood draw for his anemia test an he was REALLY sad – although again, I handled it a zillion times better than I normally would have – and afterwards I asked if he wanted a Happy Meal and he said “No Mommy, I need a Sad Meal”.)

(Double extra bonus cuteness: Evan has stopped calling Caroline “Baby Sister” and started calling her “Stinky Pants”…which, oops, but when he yells “COME BACK STINKY PANTS!” across Target I can’t stop laughing long enough to breathe let alone feel bad about the nickname.)

ANDPLUSALSO I gave myself an at-home hair treatment – honey and olive oil, which sounds like a crazy mistake but actually did wash out and made my ends softer – and finally tried no heat curls (my hair says “MEH”) and I’m feeling pretty good about myself in general, despite eating too many ice cream sandwiches.

So now I’m wondering if I should call my doctor and ask to raise my Zoloft dose or just blame my sudden productivity on the domino effect of accomplishment – you know, where you get that happy buzz from seeing an empty kitchen sink so you decide to wipe down the cabinets and then the floors and then BAM you’re suddenly hoping the UPS guy shows up just so you can be proud of your super clean house when you open the door. I don’t think two days is long enough to definitely say my medication is why I’m doing so well but with everything else still as stressful as it was last week (E hasn’t seen the kids since Sunday because he’s working such long hours, rainy days, Evan is still three) I am desperate to keep it up. I LIKE being productive and happy. It’s definitely preferable to anxious, grumpy, shouty and tired.

WHAT SHOULD I DO, INTERNETS? Please come over to discuss, so I can show you my spotless kitchen counters.

p.s. Anyone still interested in a home tour link-up/blog hop/whatever? I should show off this place before it all goes to crap again.

I’ve seen this meme floating around the interwebs for almost as long as I’ve been reading blogs, but this week I’m going to hop on the bandwagon and join Audrey‘s hop. I’m doing it for several reasons including a) the kids are being really good and no one wants to read a bazillion posts about angelic, adorable, well-behaved children b) I’ve rededicated myself to CLEANING ALL THE THINGS on a regular basis so I have less time to write my usual deep, meaningful posts (bahahaha) and c) I like reading what people ACTUALLY keep in the handbags as opposed to posts with titles like “15 Things A Good Mother Is Never Without In Case Of Bear Attacks” or “The 7 Things In Your Diaper Bag That Might Kill You”. I could totally picture both of those headlines on Babble, amiright? But today, you just get “Junk That Suzanne Hauls Around For No Reason”.

This is the bag I’ve been carrying for a few months now. It’s a Gussy, which I fully admit I bought because I wanted to check that box off in Mommy Blogger Bingo (other boxes: headband/DSLR/Epiphanie camera bag/Lisa Leonard jewelry/rosettes/Toms shoes) but it’s actually a REALLY great bag. It holds a ton of stuff (see below), it stays on my shoulder, I can fit my camera in it, and things rarely fall out – which was a HUGE problem with my last bag. Oh God, I re-read that post and my palms are all sweaty just remembering my panic.

And here’s what’s inside the bag:

I sorted it into categories! In a vague columns left-to-right manner I present to you…

Clothing/accessories:
Caroline’s fox hat
Evan’s dinosaur hat
My glasses
Backup sunglasses (my real ones were on my head when I took this pic)
Two and a half pairs of soft-soled baby shoes
Caroline’s sun hat
Caroline’s socks
Baby Legs
Flower headband
Workout headband for me
Two pairs toddler underpants
Extra pants for Caroline
Evan’s striped sweatshirt he took off during gymnastics

Essentials:
Pen
Wallet
Change
iPhone
Keys

Random:
Sunscreen
Amber teething necklace
Yarn cutter
Gum
Lens cap for my 50mm
Lip gloss/sunscreen
Gussy business cards (for when people ask about the bag)
Reusable coffee cup coozie from Emily

Baby Essentials:
Diaper clutch from Erika
Wipes case

Toys:
Boat
Helicopter from the train table
Truck
Ladybug we stole from someone
Vibrating grape teether (both kids LOVE this when their gums hurt)

Trash:
I’m surprised there wasn’t more.

Food:
Reusable snack bag of Wheat Thins
Snack trap with carrots
Mini-bagel
String cheese
Four granola bars
Emergency bribery Hershey’s kisses
(The kids had just taken their sippy cups out, or those would be in there too)

And THAT is just what I packed for the 12 minutes round-trip drive to a 45 minute gymnastics class. You should see the bag on Stroller Strides days or trips to the Seaport. It’s amazing I’m not permanently lopsided (although there’s still plenty of time for that to happen).

You totally think I’m a crazy person now, don’t you? OK, what’s in YOUR bag?

p.s. I had to put the kit lens on my camera to take that picture of all the stuff AND I stood on the counter and held the camera up as high as I could. If I wasn’t a total moron I would have taken my shoes off, but ALAS.

I know I promised birthday pictures but for the first time ever I managed to actually enjoy a party without a camera glued to my face, so I have to wait until my super awesome BFF sends me the ones she took. I mean, I paid her absolutely nothing and ignored her the whole day and made her help prep all the food and didn’t let her drive home with her toddler until the middle of the night but GEEZE, how come she hasn’t uploaded the 1,000 pictures she took in the 12 hours she’s been home? Obviously I need a new best friend. Or maybe she needs a new best friend.

So until I can get all the dinosaurific details together, I thought I’d put up a quick post. Something light. Something fluffy. Like how I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I enjoy having 2 toddlers and no babies and maybe babies are kind of a lot of work and wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to go through the tiny helpless infant stage anymore so maybe I don’t want any more babies?

Even saying that to myself seems kind of insane – I’ve ALWAYS wanted more than 2 kids. When I was little I imagined having a huge family. E and I have always planned to have at least 3, maybe 4, maybe more if we talking about it after a few glasses of wine. We already have names picked out – not a list, mind you, but actual names that are set for future kids.

But having 2 toddlers is fantastic. I am in love with these two kids at these two ages, both as individuals and as siblings. They love each other a heart-breaking amount. And they play together! Independent of me! I can get stuff done even when they are both awake! They eat food and sleep through the night (mostly) and can communicate their needs and help me with toddler-appropriate chores and sit still when I read them books. I like all those things. They’re getting to an age where we could go on a vacation as a family and it would actually feel like a vacation instead of a series of disasters interspersed with forced fun. And as cliché as it sounds, having a boy and a girl somehow feels kind of…complete. It’s a matched set! (So so so kidding.)

Luckily, I’m allowed to feel like this for a little while before I have to decide if I REALLY feel like this or if I’m just drunk with sleep and freedom. When I think about what not having any more kids means – never being pregnant again, never nursing again, never having all those baby firsts again – I’m definitely not ready to be done. But maybe I’m done for now. The problem is defining “for now” – 6 months? 12 months? Until Caroline goes to preschool? Until Little Evan is old enough to babysit? That’s a big range of “for now”. Which is OK! I have time to think Deep Thoughts about babies and toddlers and family size and what my life would be like with 2 kids or 3 kids or 10 kids. It’s just been on my mind a lot lately because I’m coming up on one of those big life events where you waste a bunch of energy thinking about all the stuff you haven’t done yet in life and realize you never will be a ballerina or a professional furniture restorer or a chef or a supermodel or a writer for SNL or best friends with Britney Spears and maybe that’s making me a little sad.

Yep, tomorrow I turn 30.