Wow, internets, I’ve been ignoring you like crazy. But when it’s 104 degrees for a zillion days in a row, we’re too busy trying to keep cool and hiding in our air conditioned bedroom to do anything blog-worthy. I barely even took enough pictures to do my weekly post, but after THIRTY EIGHT weeks I’m not gonna miss one now!

Sunday:

My super glamorous life: reading books and pumping breastmilk

I let the cats out of the basement but it was too hot so they sulked around for an hour before going back down

Monday:

Colored ice cubes at playgroup

Chubby leg nap

E is still taking a photography class, so he takes a lot of random pictures

Tuesday:

Getting ready for our monthday photoshoot

Official spray bottle holder at Stroller Strides

Veggies at our CSA pickup

Wednesday:

Getting ready for a day full of...nothing

This game is called "bebeh drive boat" and it is Little Evan's FAVORITE

Getting my craft on with beads and ribbon

Big girl can stand all by herself

Thursday:

North Lake, on the SubBase. It was PERFECT for the kids - Evan loved it.

Caroline loved the sand. Especially eating it.

So, I bought this. And I did it. It is...not so good. I'm hoping it fades.

Friday:

What, don't you sleep with a tiny light saber?

Poor choices

I went to Hot Topic. I felt really, really old and uncool.

Whoever did this to the toys at the craft store is full of win.

Star Trek on the iPad, knitting myself a summer shawl. I am the world's most confused dork.

Saturday:

I got free deoderant from the internet.

Day on the boat included a trip to the secret marina in Gales Ferry

The marble game! We will teach you to play, but E will yell at you for doing it wrong.

We already had an adventure today involving sunflowers, a hayride and ice cream, and tomorrow E took the day off for a SUPER fun family trip. Tons of pictures coming soon, but right now I need a nap. Summer is exhausting!

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

I tried to talk E into going down to SubFest – the big carnival thing on base – on Saturday night but then he reminded me that actually, we HATE things like that. No parking, crowds, the kind of trashy people who don’t say “excuse me” when they knock your funnel cake out of your hands and force me to yell “Were you raised in a barn?!” at them. In other news, I am approximately 85 years old. Get off my lawn.

So instead, we skipped dinner in exchange for a trip to Cows & Cones, an adorable little farm with delicious ice cream and lots of animals – the perfect toddler date night.

Baby Caroline says "Girl, what is wrong with your hair?!"

I swear her face made out of molding clay.

He liked looking at the cows from far away the best.

Animal picture credit goes to E, who is taking a photography class as an elective

Evan calls them "sheep-baa", with the word and the sound as one thing. I don't discourage it.

The cow says moo, the sheep says baaa! Three singing pigs say LA LA LA!

I may have taken 45 pictures of the different colored chickens. I'm a little obsessed.

I told her if she walked, she could have ice cream. She tried reeeeeally hard.

I don't even care what those horizontal stripes are doing to my hips - it's like wearing a well-ventelated nightgown in public. SO COMFY.

On Caroline:
America’s Sweetheart Onesie – Gymboree
Birdy print skirt – Uff Da Designs

On Little Evan:
Shirt – Hand me down
Shorts – Osh Kosh
Shoes – Converse
Toddlers are extremely hard to photograph when they don’t want to be photographed

On Mama:
Nursing Tank – Target
Dress – Old Navy
Fake Wayfarers – Target
Necklace – Allora Handmade
Flippy floppies – Ancient and ratty but I love them

And for the record, I had delicious watermelon sherbet (which I shared with the toddler) and E had a sundae with white chocolate raspberry ice cream, caramel sauce & whipped cream. He wins.

Yesterday, I was working on some life-skills with Little Evan. Doesn’t that sound fancy? Life-skills. What I really mean is I was teaching him how to use the Keurig to make Mommy a cup of coffee. Obviously he can’t do it on his own – he’s always trying to make me drink tea instead and he can’t even reach the counter – but he loves to switch out the K-cup and push the button. And I dare you to tell me making coffee isn’t an absolutely necessary skill, especially if he takes after me and gets an Underwater Basket Weaving Liberal Arts degree.

As we waited the 20 seconds for my mug to fill with the delicious, life-giving nectar of the gods that is Newman’s Own Organic Dark Roast, Little Evan reached his fingers right towards the stream of hot coffee.

“Oh no!” I said, pulling him away, “That’s hot! Danger! Don’t touch!”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because hot things can burn you and that would hurt your fingers,” I explained.

“Oh ok mama. I won’t touch the coffee,” he said. And we both enjoyed a quiet moment of understanding and an important lesson learned.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA No.

“WHY?” he asked again. “WHY? WHY? WHY?”

“Because if you got hurt you’d be sad and that makes me sad.”

“WHY?”

“Because when you’re sad you cry and I don’t like crying babies.”

“WHY?”

“Because it hurts my head and there aren’t any circuses in town I can sell you to right now.”

“WHY?”

“Well, they probably heard I was trying to unload one majorly whiny toddler and they didn’t want to risk getting stuck with you.”

“WHY WHY WHY?”

After about thirty seconds I resorted to something I used to swear would never cross my lips: “BECAUSE I’M YOUR MOTHER AND I SAID SO.”

Other variations: “Because I am the boss of you!” “Because Mommy is in charge!” “Because Daddy will be mad when I tell him!” and “Because God doesn’t like it when you ask questions.” Yeah, I might be going to hell. Also, it didn’t work.

He asked “WHY?” approximately 40 bazillion more times over the next 8 hours, although it felt more like 8 days. WHY do I need to stop kicking my sister? WHY do I need to eat something besides Fritos for lunch? WHY shouldn’t I punch Mommy in the face? WHY can’t you hold me while you cook dinner? WHY WHY WHY?

How is it possible that my toddler has learned this word already? And how long do you think it will take before it drives me to drink?

(Non-surprising answer: negative two hours.)

Some people wonder if there is a God.

I wonder why in the name of God it takes men so long to crap.

When does this phenomenon start, exactly? I know for a fact my toddler can squeeze one out in the 15 seconds between “Mama! Potty!” and dragging him into the bathroom. BAM. Instant poop. And yet wives everywhere are standing by the door for 20 minutes, holding their purse and sighing because just as they were headed out their husband said “Oh, I want to use the bathroom before we go.”

I will admit that since becoming a mom I do my fair share of hiding in the bathroom with a magazine or my iPhone just for the PEACE AND QUITE that comes from a closed door and a ventilation fan. But 90% of the time I’m doing it with my pants on. I’ve been pregnant for 18 of the last 34 months. The hemorrhoid situation is bad enough on it’s own without an hour sitting on the toilet. AREN’T YOU GLAD I SHARED THAT? I’ve also mastered the art of getting my business done in the 20 seconds between “uh oh the baby is waking up and needs to nurse but I have GOT to GO” and “screaming starving angry baby that will take no less than 90 minutes to get back to sleep”. If there was a speed pooping event at the Olympics, I’d win a gold medal.

But men? Men are the three-toed-sloth of going number 2. They spend so long crapping moss might grow on them. Is it a biological thing? Did I miss a day in health class that explained that humans with Y chromosomes need extra time in their schedule for bowel movements? It might have been the same day they explained why Mortal Kombat is awesome or the appeal of backwards baseball caps.

My theory is that crapping themselves is every guy’s BIGGEST FEAR and so as soon as they get the tiniest inkling of an idea that maybe they might have to poop sometime soon they run for the bathroom.

And women everywhere who have pooped on the delivery table scoff at them.

It’s mildly annoying at home – “Sorry I left you with two screaming children while you were in the middle of making dinner! Nature called! And we had a really really long chat! Is it time to eat?” – but it’s completely awful in public. The 20 square feet around the entrance to a rest stop bathroom isn’t exactly the most child-friendly place on Earth and there’s a limited amount of time a toddler is entertained by a water fountain before you are both soaking wet and crying.

And that fulfills my poop-talk quota for the month. Why no, potty training is NOT going super-well. What makes you ask?

Thanks to Pinterest (don’t know what that is? I recommend this brilliant how-to-use Pinterest post written by a very talented blogger)(spoiler alert: it was me) I’ve been inspired to make a bunch of stuff recently. Or at least attempt to make a bunch of stuff. I’m having some extreme spray-paint related angst. I am TERRIBLE at spray painting stuff. It’s a really debilitating condition, like people who can’t park straight or say “supposably”. So I gave up on a few ideas and wandered around Michael’s Crafts staring at other kinds of paint until I was struck with new, better ideas. I think I’ve used up all my crafting energy for the next month and a half though so don’t worry about me trying to turn this into a craft blog.

Here are my successful non-spray paint related crafts from this weekend:

Buttons + corks = stamps

They actually work pretty well! Even better on soft stuff, like bubble mailers.

Corks + hot glue = trivet. I KNEW drinking all that wine would come in handy.

Scrabble Letter Shadow Box

Toddler involved craft project:

My little Picasso helped me paint

This is the glass from an $8 frame I bought at the craft store. I helped Little Evan paint directly on one side with green, blues and white. After it dried I painted over his paint with yellow. When I turned it over, this is the side that shows through the frame.

Then I Googled "quotes about creativity" until I found one I liked, printed it on clear full-sheet label, trimmed it a little and stuck it on the front side of the glass. Voila: Art! The two other frames are just plastic paper holders from Staples. It takes 3 seconds to switch out the pictures so it will be a rotating display of Little Evan's creations.

Inspiration for some of the projects found here on my Crafty Pinterest board.

Now, does anyone have any suggestions for turning a plain beige metal filing cabinet into something prettier? AND DON’T SAY SPRAY PAINT.