A hundred years ago, I knew how to relax (Charleston SC August 2006)

Can I say that ANY MORE CLEARLY??

All over the internet (and in real life) I hear moms say “I wish I got a day off” or “I could use a break” or “When do I get a sick day?” or “I can’t wait to go on that vacation”. But those statements are ALWAYS prefaced by this:

“I love my kid, but…”

Without fail.

Usually it’s a lot more than just “I love my kid” too. Sometimes it’s whole paragraphs and posts and speeches about how they are the luckiest women on the planet, with darling, adorable, well-behaved children, super awesome supportive husbands, perfect magazine-cover lives and great hair. They just…need a minute. Maybe two. And a cocktail.

I’m not saying I DON’T love my kid. I am just as guilty as everyone else of worrying people will think I’m a terrible mother if I want him to go away sometimes. He’s exhausting. It’s not so much that feeding and caring for one small child is incredibly strenuous – heck, you can pay a teenager to keep your kid alive for a few hours for less than minimum wage and most of them are happy to do it – but EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME NO STOPPING NO BREAKS will make you crazy.

For the record, here’s what happened when I got my break: There was absolutely no whining. I stayed out late. I called to check in and was happy to hear everything was fine. I was not a sobbing, teary mess at being separated from my kid for a couple days, although when I got back I was actually HAPPY to let him climb all over me instead of wanting to claw my skin off and hide under the covers. It was glorious.

And I’m going to do it again.

I’m not saying if you DO cry when you’re away from your baby there’s something wrong with you – it took me more that a year of NEVER being away from Baby Evan to get to the point where I could even consider leaving for a weekend. But there’s no “Saddest Mommy” medal being handed out to the person with the most tears and guilt. Let it go. Recharge. Have a cocktail. Get away.

TAKE A BREAK.

It might just make you a better mom.

Back in July, one of my bloggy heros Loralee posted a link to a contest for an all-expenses paid trip to The Creative Connection Conference in Minneapolis.

All you had to do to enter was write a 250-word essay about your creativity and how attending would help you develop as a person and an entrepreneur.

So, hey, nothing to lose. I wrote an essay, frantically using up more than my fair share of contractions trying to keep it under 250 words. Because, HELLO, creating stuff is awesome. I do it a lot. It’s not always pretty or perfect or brilliant, but I love my blog, my photographs, my knitting, my baking and the chance to meet and network with other (way WAY more amazingly creative) women sounded like a dream come true.

I sent my crazy rambling words off into the ether and forgot all about it.

OK, I didn’t really forget. I thought about it. A lot. I thought about how amazing it would be to attend a conference like this (HELLO, THE PIONEER WOMAN IS GOING TO BE THERE). I thought about how much of myself I put into my little essay. I thought about it right up until the day they were supposed to contact the winners. Then I thought bitter, angry thoughts about the jerks who got picked instead of me.

And then yesterday I got an email.

Hi Suzanne,

Congratulations! We have selected you as one of our three winners in the Create.Craft.Connect contest sponsored by Lark Crafts and The Creative Connection!

We were so inspired by your incredibly unique entry (love your belief that creativity isn’t about talent but the love of making things!)  that we’d like to send you to the conference in September.

WHAT THE WHAT? My best guess is I was runner up #17 or something and the other winners had to turn it down for some reason, which would explain why I was contacted so late. But who the heck cares, I’M A WINNER!

I passed out for a minute. Then I sobbed a little. Then I tweeted like fourty bazillionty times. Then I sobbed a little more. Then I jumped up and down. Then I peed my pants because I couldn’t bring myself to step away from the computer in case the email message somehow disappeared.

Can you tell I’m excited? SUPER excited. I’m also terrified I’ll spend the whole time standing in a corner because I don’t know ANYONE. I also feel like a terrible mother because I’ll be leaving Baby Evan AGAIN for three more days, not to mention dumping him with my parents for most of Labor Day weekend while E and I attending wedding festivities. And then I feel ever worse because I don’t actually feel THAT BAD about getting some more baby free time before Baby Squared becomes a reality. Mama likes sleeping in.

I don’t have any actual plans yet, no plane ticket or confirmations or instructions on how to sign up for the workshops or whatever. Which means maybe this is just some sort of extra-specific spam and tomorrow I’ll get an email saying the best way to contact them is this Nigerian phone number and while they’ve got my attention could I help their great uncle transfer $23,000,000 out of the country? All they need is my bank info. I don’t think I’d be the least bit surprised.

BUT. If it is real, I will soon be accosting Ree Drummond with my giant pregnant belly and tracking down Allison from O My Family to prove she really is as cute in person.

I need to go change my pants again.

p.s. Who can suggest somewhere to get awesome, fast, cute, cheap business cards? Because if I’m going to pretend to be all like “Oh hai, Am legitimate bizness woman!” I think I need cards.

I don’t have enough to say about anything to make these individual posts (and really, you should thank me for not even TRYING to make any of the following blurbs into 500 word essays) so you get bullet points.

– Is it possible for a kid to drink too much orange juice? Baby Evan is OBSESSED with it, to the point I’m afraid his skin might turn orange. He ate a slice of the actual fruit yesterday so I might steer him in that direction, especially if there is a reason he shouldn’t drink 30 oz of (watered down, calcium added) juice in a day (besides the ridiculous amount of sugar). (EDITED TO ADD: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOOOOOOOD. I’m not going to tell you any more than that except I finally discovered something cloth diapers can’t contain and a VERY good reason to cut back OJ consumption.)

– The bridesmaid dress I am supposed to wear on September 5th is not going to fit on September 5th. It fit yesterday, with much pulling and sucking in, but I have officially reached the “popped” part of my pregnancy so my rib cage is getting bigger by the second. I have some material to alter it take it somewhere to be altered but with the way it’s constructed I don’t even know how they’re going to manage that. (p.s. It’s this dress, if you want to make suggestions)(p.p.s. Which is now ON SALE for for $65 less than I paid. I wonder if I can return the one I bought and buy a new one in a bigger size?)(Although it’s only available in one size larger than the size I currently have so I’ll probably still need to have it altered.)

– I’m still knitting and really enjoying it, or at least I was until I attempted to make something-adult sized and lost my everloving MIND. I’m still hoping to have my own version of this done in time to wear it to the bridal shower next weekend:
But I might stab out an eye with a knitting needle before I’m done. (Free pattern & picture from Classic Elite Yarns.) I think from now on I’ll stick to baby-sized items.

– Speaking of things to wear to the shower, I’m looking for a pretty, comfortable, CHEAP sleeveless dress (maternity or just roomy) that would match the above vest knitted in a nice shade of blue-green. And it does NOT have to be boob-accessible.  My next stop is Forever 21 but frankly that place gives me hives, despite their huge selection of trendy, reasonably priced dresses.

– Today is the last day to enter my Planet Wise Wet/Dry Bag giveaway! In case you missed my edit the last time, I opened the contest up for Canadians – if you win I will mail you a bag personally. I have one more super-cute, eco-friendly giveaway coming up on Monday and then I’ll take a break on the review stuff for a while.

– Gender Important developmental and birth defect stuff ultrasound for Baby Sandy is on August 4th (LESS THAN 1 WEEK). First round priority text message goes to immediate family & people who might kill me if I didn’t tell them the boy/girl news first but mere seconds later I’ll be peer to peer texting it to the Bebehblog Facebook page/Twitter so some time around 2 pm you can check in if you’re curious. Giant post to follow, of course.

– I FINALLY switched hosts from a company I was less than happy with (see here and here) to the AMAZING AND WONDERFUL Twenty70 Hosting. Kelly has been infinitely patient in transferring everything for me and even managed to find my lost posts last week. Plus she’s charging me less than the old people (shhhh, don’t tell her or she might charge more). Please let me know if you have any delays or problems loading Bebehblog so I can pass them on to Twenty70 and they can fix them with their internet magic.

Phew. I think that’s all. What’s new with you?

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July 24, 2010 marks the 2 year bloggiversary of Bebehblog. I think the traditional gift is air in a can. Or maybe pants in the next size up. It’s sometimes hard to believe that I’ve been posting for that long, especially when I look at how far I HAVEN’T come. I may actually have fewer readers today than I did on that first post, thanks to my penchant for describing the state of my cervix in detail. (Don’t worry, if you missed it the first time around I’ll be doing it again at Christmas!)

But a lot of things have changed. I don’t just write anonymously into a void anymore. I write for my family, for my extended family, for friends who have moved away and for new friends. I have a real ad network that might some day actually pay me something. I’ve joined the fourth circle of hell known as Top Baby Blogs. PR people have suddenly noticed my existence and want me to tell you about their great new *insert product totally inappropriate for pregnant woman/toddler here*. Love it or hate it, I’ve starting doing giveaways. I became a Twitter addict. I bought a fancy new camera and started pretending I was the Pioneer Woman.

But despite all of that, I still feel like I write mostly for me and because I like to make people laugh. Which is why I started, those long 24 months ago, and why I can’t see myself stopping any time soon. In honor of this very special anniversary, please enjoy the post from my very first day as a Bebehblogger, written practically seconds after finding out I was knocked up.

WARNING: Several mentions of where bebehs come from below! Let this be a warning to anyone who thinks “Oh no, I’m anonymous!  My mother/grandmother/friend Amanda’s step-dad will NEVER find my blog!”

Testing…testing

“For something called ‘Clear Blue’, this thing isn’t very clear is it?” said my husband E as we squinted at the pregnancy test, looking for one vertical line.  “Look! It’s right there! I can see it!” I insisted.  “I don’t see it…wait, there it is! No I don’t…oh hold on! Wait…never mind” said E. Stupid pregnancy test, we both agreed. We’ll buy a new box.

We’ve talked about having kids since we got married in August 2004, but only decided the time was “right” last October. But then we decided we should probably wait until he made some career decisions. In January my grandfather died and I had one of those if-we-don’t-have-kids-soon-so-many-people-we-love-might-never-meet-them moments. We decided again to start trying. But I had promised to be Maid of Honor in my best friend’s wedding, so I didn’t want to be pregnant for that.  In March we decided the time was never going to be perfectly right so I threw out my birth control pills. No baby in April. E was out of town for his job in May and the first part of June, so I did some period math and figured out the first weekend he’d be home was just about the week I’d be ovulating. Did you know that when it comes to babies, everything gets counted from the first day of your period? For years I’ve thought I was most fertile two weeks after the end of my period. Nope. It’s days 10-14 of your whole cycle. Aaaaand now that I think about it, I’m damn lucky I never got pregnant accidentally due to my poor reproductive knowledge.

We had sex twice the weekend that was supposed to be right for baby-making. A week later I declared I was feeling queasy and must have morning sickness. Six days before my period I couldn’t take it anymore and bought a box of early response tests. The next morning I peed on the stick and waited three minutes, staring at my bathroom floor. It really needs to be cleaned. Times up, no line. Not even a really really really faint maybe-I-see-it line. According to the very long instructions in the box, there was still almost a 50% chance I was pregnant, but seeing the results come out negative seemed so final to me. I put pregnancy out of my mind and vowed to try again next month.

My period didn’t come. When I was officially 6 days late I couldn’t take the stress of waiting anymore, so I tried another Clear Blue test. This is how we ended up in the kitchen with a piece of plastic I had recently urinated on. “Maybe I’m just a little bit pregnant?” I suggested, even though I knew this isn’t really possible. “We’ll go get a better, fancier test. A digital test,” suggested my technophile husband.

Sunday July 20^th, my mother’s birthday, I took the better, fancier test. PREGNANT said the little window. I just stared at it with my mouth hanging open. “What’s the matter? What does it say?” E asked, grabbing it from me. “Hey, good job!” he said when he saw it. “Um, thanks. I’m pregnant,” I said, in case he was still unclear. “Yeah you are!” he grinned. “I’m pregnant” I said again, showing off my awesome conversation skills, “What do I do now?”

Comment #10 belongs to Holly from A Baby Grows in Brooklyn! Congrats Holly! I’ve sent you an email with details on how to claim your prize.

Thanks to everyone who entered, I appreciate you taking the time to comment and I enjoyed hearing about how you recycle! It inspired me to actually wash out my last peanut butter jar.

My next giveaway is all ready to go and I’m super excited – it’s something I own and love and I specifically begged requested the company work with me to offer. I’ll put it up on Monday July 26th!

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As a housekeeping note, I had some trouble yesterday with my posts disappearing/not showing up in readers, so if you didn’t read my story about E’s decision to re-enlist or see the gratuitous men-in-uniform pictures, please scroll down (or click through) and check it out. I think E’s a little sad no one said how handsome he looked.