I did a post last year right before BlogHer with pictures of my face. I wanted people to recognize me and say “Hi” if they saw me, since I can be insanely awkward about approaching people. I always assume I’m going to annoy them, so I tend to just slink around in the background, being lurky and weird which just annoys people MORE. Combine that with the fact that I rarely post pictures of my own face without a filter or some photoshopping or from reeeeeally far away and I worry I will walk right past every single person I want to meet without speaking to them. So here’s a guide to my face, and the faces I will be making at BlogHer:

This is what I like to THINK I will look like at BlogHer. Happy, brushed hair, a little bit of make-up, pulled together, uneven eyebrows (DRIVES ME CRAZY).

This is what I will probably actually look like at BlogHer, when I get REALLYCLOSE to read your name tag and realize I love you and that I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for ages. Last year we called this my baby-snatcher face, but I assure you I gave back ALL the babies. I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO…SCARED.

This is me saying “HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!” which is something I actually say in real life. Don’t be scared.

This is my listening face, which looks like my bitch face. It makes my wonky eyebrow look extra wonky and I get a frowny line between my eyebrows but I swear I really am listening intently and not judging anything you’re saying.

This is my nervous quiet face. I am literally chewing a hole in the side of my face because I am worried I am going to say something stupid. I usually gnaw on my cheek until it really really hurts and then disinfect it with alcohol. Speaking of which…

This is my classy cocktail drinking face. I like to order really fancy things that involve chocolate and/or sugared rims.

This is a much more accurate drinking face. My flask will probably be full of something extra classy like peppermint schnapps or Kahlua.

This is my OMG THEY’RE PLAYING USHERRRRRRRR LET’S DANCE! face. I apologize in advance for hitting you with my hair while I’m tossing it around. I will probably also run up on the stage to dance near the DJ because inside I am still 22 and cool enough to do things like that.

This is my drunk face, also known as my “Do you think I should get bangs?!” face, my “Let’s go get a TATTOO!” face and my “Where did my shoes go?” face. This face needs a bottle of water and a possibly a bucket. You are most likely to see this face at Sparklecorn.

But I’ll leave you with my hair in a pony tail, kind of shiny, smiley face, because it is the one I HOPE gets to meet you next week. SO EXCITED.

This year, a bunch of us decided we would all do faces posts and link up. It’s not too late for you to join in!

Today is my 4 year bloggiversary. This was my first post, which was stupid and uninteresting so I posted again later. That one was a little better – much too over-sharey and full of run on sentences, but at that point I thought I was just writing anonymously into a void no one was ever going to find.

Four years later I still call my husband E, I still overshare too much, and I’m still blogging. And since you’re reading I owe you a huge thank you. If I was smarter, cooler and more organized I’d have set up an amazing giveaway, but despite my 1300+ posts I’ve yet to have a single company send me a free washing machine (rude). But the friends I’ve made, advice I’ve gotten and support I’ve received from this little corner of the interwebs are worth a hundred washing machines. Thank you so much for everything.

xoxo

Suzanne

You know those people who always make everything all about them? They are the WORST. It’s so annoying. You try to tell them about your amazing weekend at the beach and they can’t even wait for you to finish before they’re telling YOU all about THEIR amazing weekend at the beach…never mind that it was three years ago and you’ve already heard the story 50 times. Or you write a heartfelt blog post about your struggle with weight loss and they leave a 500 word comment about THEIR struggle with weight loss…and then say “But now I’m a size 2 and everything is awesome!”

I am one of those people. (Well, except for that size 2 bit because AHAHAHAHAHA.)

I realized this about myself a few months ago, and although I’ve been making a conscious effort to fix it I’m afraid it’s not going very well. I want so badly to show people I understand and empathize with them I turn into a big Jerky McJerkface Selfishpants almost any time I talk or comment. Even when I KNOW I am doing it I have a hard time stopping. I think “But my experience really does relate to theirs!” or “But I want them to know we have so much in common!” or “But my kid does something cute too!” when I should really just shut up and nod.

But it’s hard to shut up and nod! And on the internet no one can see me nodding! And I feel like comments that just say “I love this picture!” or “Great story!” create a big giant echo chamber of nothing. So where is the balance between building a community and being a self-centered douchecanoe? I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’d like to officially apologize for all the times I’ve gotten in the canoe.

Please forgive me for my faults, and I promise I’ll keep working on them.

(Also, in college I was often accused of being kind of a snotty bitch when really I was just painfully nervous around new people and my attempts at humor were so awkward people thought I was insulting them. So basically I really AM the worst.)

Dear Evan and Caroline and Future Hypothetical Offspring,

Congratulations! You have learned to read and also know about the internet! Those are two of the most important things in life, so excuse me while I pat myself on the back for a minute. I am not a complete failure as a mother! Speaking of which, I’d like to explain to you why you are here, on the website, looking at words and pictures about yourself that you did not give me permission to post, which some might say DOES make me a failure as a mother so I feel like maybe I should elaborate.

This is my blog, a web log if you will, an internet journal of your lives from the moment I knew you were coming until (enter current date and time here). I have shared many things about our lives here for anyone with an internet connection to read. I’ve told the stories of your births, my fears about motherhood, your milestones and birthdays, your favorite things, special days, normal days, good days, bad days and everything in between. Through those stories, I’ve met and connected with a community of women who have become dear friends. You have met some of them already, and probably many more by the time you read this, and even more who love you even though you have never met. I am so happy to share our lives in a way that has made them more joyful.

Some people think this is a very poor choice on my part, that I show a lack of discretion, intelligence and general self-awareness by making our lives public. I absolutely understand their point of view. There are definitely periods of my life – most of 1996 for example – I wouldn’t be thrilled to see on the internet.  When my dad threatened to show my prom date my baby bath time photos I died dead of embarrassment right there in the living room and never even got to GO to prom. Ok, that’s a lie, but I sure wished the earth would swallow me up before Dad got out the pictures. I imagine you feel like this now, seeing dozens of photos of yourself, many of which you probably think are embarrassing.

But now, as a grown up – and I assure you I will do everything in my power to make sure you are a grown-up some day – I cherish every photo, video, scrapbook, postcard, and slide of my own childhood. I check the back of faded prints to see if they are labeled with names and dates and places so I can fit them into my consciousness. I have a terrible memory, so tangible evidence of things I vaguely recall are precious puzzle pieces. I hope this blog can provide you with all that a more. You’ll have access to hundreds of different days in an instant, with places and exact dates and the names of your friends all recorded. You will have details about your childhood I have long forgotten. Someday, if you have kids of your own, you will have a totally comprehensive guidebook explaining everything you need to know about raising them to be perfect, brilliant, successful humans! Because that’s what I did! Or, depending on how you think you turned out, a very serious warning. Either way, I’m being servicey!

More selfishly, I’ve written things about myself. You’ll probably find posts detailing what we ate for dinner and my knitting projects boring now, but someday I hope you’ll read them, eager to know more about the person your mom was when she wasn’t just your mom. It’s a remarkable thing, realizing your parents and grandparents and great-grandparents had lives before you came into the world. Maybe you’ll learn where you got a love for the ocean or why yellow always makes you feel so happy or that your parents were once cool enough to drive a Mustang convertible instead of a minivan.

All that being said, if you decide you are uncomfortable with this – any of this – I will take it down. I’m sure there are posts where I shared more than I should have, told stories that belonged in a baby book instead of a website and forgot you deserve my respect as well as my love. It is just so tempting to shout from the modern-day rooftops that my kids are the cutest and the best and the smartest and the loudest and the most frustrating and the most adored ever. Even though it might be hard for you to believe, sometimes parents make mistakes too, and I apologize if you think this blog is one of mine. Although I’m assuming by now kids get Facebook pages the day they are born and people all wear cameras that record and broadcast their entire life online, Truman Show-style, so my little baby blog is barely a drop in the bucket of your Googleable life. Just please remember the internet is a public place – and I will try to do the same.

I love you,

Mommy

Look, it’s one of those ridiculous MySpace surveys I secretly loved reborn as a blog meme! My friend Mandy did it a few days ago and I wanted to play along – and THEN my friend Kristi from The Fischer Family tagged me, so I HAD to do it. Win-win!

Post a picture of yourself, tell us 11 things we might not know about you, then write 11 new questions and tag some friends to play along (let them know you tagged them!)

Eleven things about me:

– I’ve been a military dependent my entire life, first because my dad was in (and then retired from) the Coast Guard and then because I married a Navy guy. I can’t imagine a life separate from the military.

– I can play both parts of “Heart and Soul” on the piano at the same time.

– In high school I was seriously into drama and chorus, but haven’t done any acting/singing AT ALL since I graduated. I wish there was an easier way to do that stuff as an adult.

– I played with Barbie dolls until I was 14.

– I have probably never heard of your favorite band because I was too busy listening to my Britney Spears CDs.

– My favorite joke in the whole world: Two pretzels were walking down the street; one was a salted.

– At various points when I was young I was a semi-serious ballerina, gymnast, ice skater and piano player. I always quit right at the point I would need private lessons and/or to practice several hours a day. I wish I had stuck with ONE of them.

– My (not so) secret dream is to run a party planning business.

– From the time I was seven until my freshman semester of college I planned to be a marine biologist. Turns out I love the ocean but hate studying science, so now I just enjoy our aquarium membership.

– An aunt sent me the first Harry Potter book before Harry Potter was A Thing. I read it at the pool hidden behind a Cosmo magazine because I was sooooooo embarrassed to be seen with a kid’s book. She told me it was going to be popular but I didn’t believe her.

– I have a lot of trouble making eye contact with people and use lots of dramatic gestures, facial expressions and hand waving to distract from it.

Here are the questions from Kristi:

1. Is it soda or pop? And what is your favorite? Soda! Diet Coke, although I’m trying to kick the habit.
2. What is your go to outfit when you need one? A dress. I LOVE to wear dresses, especially in the summer. I’m looking forward to the end of breastfeeding so I can wear most of my dresses again.
3. Tell me what you are reading and why? I’m reading a whole pile of parenting books to help me learn to parent my toddler better, and before I fall asleep at night I’ve been reading all the Janet Evanovich Stephanie Plum novels. They’re good fluff.
4. Name a reality TV show you would like to go on? Top Chef! Except I’m not nearly good enough besides in my dreams.
5. Tell me the best blog you read that you think I should start reading. I seriously love Heather at The Extraordinary Ordinary.  She’s an amazing writer and story teller and encourages everyone to speak from their heart.
6. If you had to move out of your current state where would you go? South Carolina. I loved living there. Although if we’re talking dream-place-to-live I’ll take Paris.
7. Tell me one rule you had growing up that you will never impose on your own kids. The three bites rule – I want my kids to try new food but we had SO many battles over stuff I knew I hated. I’m hoping to
8. What is one thing you could not live without? (It can’t be a person) An internet connection. Not only because of my online friends but because I use it to stay in touch with my real friends too!
9. What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Wish I was still asleep? Ha! Most mornings the first thing I do is hand my phone to the toddler so he can sit in the chair and play Angry Birds while I think about getting out of bed.
10. What would your final meal consist of? Really good pad thai, a cheeseburger, guacamole, red wine, and key lime pie. I would die extremely full.
11. If you had to pick a song as the “soundtrack of your life what would it be?” It’s not exactly the story of my life but “Ain’t Nothin’ ‘Bout You” by Brooks and Dunn is my all time favorite song. My best friend and I got rose tattoos because of it.

Now here are the 11 questions I came up with:

1. What is your favorite color and has it changed over the years?

2. How well do you remember your first kiss? Details, please.

3. Where is your favorite vacation spot?

4. How many siblings do you have and are they older or younger?

5. What are the baby names you used to LOVE but haven’t/wouldn’t ever use?

6. What was your first car?

7. How do you feel about trivia games?

8. What is the worst job you’ve ever had?

9. What movie do you watch every time it’s on TV (even though you probably own it)?

10. Do you collect anything?

11. What color is your house and would you change it if you could?

Now I’m going to tag…

Amy from BabyBabyLemon

Audrey from Planet Hausfrau

Laura from The Diniwilks

Alena from Charmingly Chandler

Amanda from Funny Days from A to Z

Brigid from Now Showing!

TMae from Life V 2.0

And anyone else who wants to play! If you think this is lame, go ahead and skip it, I won’t be insulted.