Face It

So as I’ve mentioned a time or twenty bazillionty, I’m going to San Diego for a blogging conference this week. In theory I am there to learn more about how to be an awesome blogger (including a class on proper grammar and sentence structure so maybe I’ll learn to stop using words like “bazillionty”)(or maybe to stop interrupting myself with parenthetical statements)(that one’s probably not going to stick) but mostly I am going so I can finally put faces – and arm hugs – to all the ladies I’ve met through the internet and who are part of my life on a daily basis.

One of my biggest fears for the conference is that I will walk right past someone I desperately wanted to meet and I won’t recognize them. I am TERRIBLE at faces (actually, I’m worse at names, so that’s a whole other level of palm-sweating awfulness) and it gets extra hard because the only pictures I’ve ever seen of some of these women are teeny tiny camera phone pics taken from a super flattering angle and edited heavily with Instagram filters. People don’t generally post pictures of their “oh my God I’m so tired and I miss my kids” face or “wow I sure am hungover why is there no Diet Coke in this hotel!?” face on the internet. Hell, even my very own head shot took 40 rejected pictures (double chin! weird eye thing! too smiley!) and 2 Photoshop filters to look like that. And after dyeing my hair and my eyebrows (twice) AND losing 10 pounds (most of which seems to have come off my neck) I’m not even sure I would recognize MYSELF if I was comparing it to that picture up there on the left.

So to be as helpful and servicey as possible, I used my web cam to take some pictures that might make me easier to recognize. (Just pretend for a second I have legions of fans who are all sitting at home RIGHT NOW figuring out the best way to track me down and ask for my autograph in San Diego. PRETEND.)

This doesn’t just apply to BlogHer, by the way. I look like a weirdo in real life too, so this will be a helpful guide to the many faces of Suzanne you may encounter:

This is what I like to think I will look like when we meet, except with cleaner hair and some mascara.

This is what I WILL look like when we meet, because I’m going to be all OMG I LOVE YOU!

This is what I will look like when I’m trying to read your name tag because even though I read your blog EVERY DAY I totally forgot your real name and am trying not to call you by your kid’s name.

This is what I look like when I am trying to appear friendly and interesting. It’s unfortunate I come across so much like a psychotic baby-snatcher.

(Sidenote: I always thought I was imagining that my right eyebrow was way higher than my left eyebrow but IT TOTALLY IS. My face is lopsided. Great, now I can obsess about it until I accidentally pluck the whole thing out trying to make them even.)

  This is what I look like behind a wine glass <—– most helpful picture in this post

This is what I imagine I will look like in every single party picture taken.

This is my listening face. I know it LOOKS like my bitchface, but I swear I am truly a very nice person. This is also why I only have one friend left from college – I looked like this in all my classes.


And this is my sexy dancing face. For some reason I think looking up at the sky is the BEST WAY EVER to look cool while dancing. Really, I’m just trying to avoid eye contact so I can’t see you laughing at me.

So please please pleasepleaseplease, if you see any of those faces, be my friend. I just want to survive BlogHer without making a total fool of myself – or at least be the kind of fool people find endearing rather than running the other way as soon as they see me coming.

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33 Responses to “Face It”

  1. I hate to break it to you, but sexy dance face looks a little baby snatchery too.

    Also? We really are eternal twinsies because I was told once that my “sullen resting face was unfortunate.” BY MY BOYFRIEND. He did not last much longer.

  2. Swistle says:

    This is such a fun post. I wish everyone would do one of these. Also, I think everyone should have a giant name badge that is actually a screen shot of their blog.

  3. TMae says:

    I took a video of myself a few months ago and discovered that my mouth is lopsided when I talk. Now I’m afraid to talk when I meet people. Eventually I’ll just turn into a hermit. You? Are adorable. Per ushe. :-)

  4. Suz B says:

    Best BlogHer post I’ve seen in a while! Can’t wait to see all those faces! Also, I’m planning on taking that same first session, the essential writing & editing skills one! Let’s try to find each other before then!

  5. Audrey says:

    When I see sexy dance face I hear “Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt…it’s so..so big! It’s out there!”

  6. becca says:

    love it! the many faces of suzanne. and for real? laughed out loud at your commentary. you? are awesome.

  7. TheNextMartha says:

    I’m going to print these out immediately so I don’t miss you. Love it.

  8. Rici says:

    I hope to run into you and your many facial expressions in a few days!!

  9. Kimberly says:

    Now I see where Caroline gets all her hilarious faces from :)
    I’m so sad I’m not going to BlogHer, but hopefully we get together someday soon!

  10. Love the faces and I will be looking for any and all of them next week in San Diego!!!

  11. LOVE. And for what it’s worth that phrase it takes more effort to frown than smile is so untrue for me. My face when not trying? BIG FAT FROWN.

    So I’m not a bitch, but I look like one in real life.

  12. Heather B says:

    This is by far one of my most favorite posts ever, and I’m not even going to BlogHer! Love :)

  13. te he :) Very cute! You should call me before you go cause I forget what your voice sounds like.

  14. Alena says:

    Ha ha ha. I totally look up when I do the WGD (white girl dance). And usually with my arms in the air. Maybe I should warn people I don’t need an epi pen…it’s not a seizure…it’s just me dancing the WGD.

  15. Stephanie says:

    So jealous you get to go to BlogHer! I am going to make it a goal for next year! And DON’T change a thing with your writing ~ it is your voice, your style. It is engaging and funny. Quirky and entertaining is what keeps readers coming back.

    Besides who wants to read about real life when it sounds like it comes from an English teacher?

    By the way, your neck looks so thin:)

  16. Veronica says:

    This is the best blog post ever. I am *so* going to know who you are sexy face blondie lady.

  17. bahahahaha. best post ever.

  18. Jennie says:

    I am dying!

  19. Ado says:

    OK, I’m not even going to Blogher but this was such a fun post. I will file it away for next year as my gravatar was taken back in the last century so I could do with some updated pix myself. (-:

  20. i am super jealous. i wish i could see all those faces IN PERSON. have a blast.

  21. […] to BlogHer and the fact I get to see this (kinda crazy) face in person in a few short […]

  22. Londonmum says:

    So wish I could come and see your face in person! Have fun x

  23. the grumbles says:

    this is such a brilliant idea. no one REALLY ever looks like their carefully posed photos. i might have to do a me version!

  24. I will be there. If you walk around with a wine glass, that will help me ;)

    OMG – this post CRACKED me up.

  25. MomEinstein says:

    I LOVE this post. It’s awesome. I hope to meet you and see one of these faces in San Diego! (Especially the wine face. It will be like looking in a mirror.)

  26. Mae says:

    How did I not see this before? Also what does it mean that the face I think I spent the most time with this weekend was Baby-Snatcher Suzanne?

    Creeptastic. Because I miss her. And apparently she wants my baby.

  27. […] shots showing what she really looked in various situations as opposed to just her profile picture. Genius! I would have copied her last year but I ran out of time. So this year when she said she was going […]

  28. […] did a post last year right before BlogHer with pictures of my face. I wanted people to recognize me and say “Hi” if they saw me, since I can be insanely […]

  29. […] act like, and in a hope for us to understand each other, some of our quirks or traits. Last year Suzanne from Bebehblog posted a bunch of her faces in an effort to recognize her. It must of worked, I totally recognized […]

  30. […] Let’s Talk About Me Posted on July 27, 2012 by Jessica • 0 CommentsWith BlogHer less than a week away, I thought a quick “who am I?” post might be in order. I borrowed the idea from several others who borrowed the idea from Suzanne at behbehblog. […]

  31. […] BlogHer 2012 is just days away and I’ve decided to join the “Faces of BlogHer” blog hop inspired by Suzanne. […]

  32. Amber says:

    I’ll be your friend…as long as you promise not to be afraid of my trying-to-look-not-shy face…

    I think I will have to post one of these later today.

  33. […] With BlogHer less than a week away, I thought a quick “who am I?” post might be in order. I borrowed the idea from several others who borrowed the idea from Suzanne at behbehblog. […]

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