I should probably make this two separate posts so people Googling to find out what to expect at their kid’s first dentist appointment don’t also have to read about my laser hair removal (and vice versus), but it seems like a waste of space so just skip to the part that’s more interesting to you.

Evan & Caroline’s First Dental Appointments

I took the kids to a pediatric dentist hoping they would be more prepared for possibly difficult children…and they WERE. The paperwork I filled out included spaces to write down stuff like pets and hobbies  so the hygienist talked to Evan about those as a distraction. She sang him little songs and let him touch and look at and work all the tools before she used them. The appointment went tongue depressor/saliva culture, rinse, brush with regular brush, rinse, brush with electric brush, rinse, tarter scraping, flossing, tooth count, fluoride treatment (which was just brushed on), see dentist. Evan LOVED the water squirter and the mouth vacuum and didn’t mind the electric toothbrush but was NOT a fan of the scraper. By the end of the appointment he had to sit in my lap and lean back so I could hold him still but we got through it. The worst part was after his Childrens Dental Cleaning we had to go in and see the dentist so she could count all his teeth again but he was OVER IT by that point. Luckily, the dentist was just as kind and understanding as the hygienist, check them out for an affordable dental check-up.

Since Caroline is only 16 months, she got her teeth brushed with a regular toothbrush, got to play with all the tools and then freaked the hell out when the hygienist tried to look in her mouth. She also got a fluoride treatment and had a couple of spots that needed to be flossed (turns out you only have to floss the teeth that are really close together and most baby teeth aren’t, so my lack of flossing wasn’t quite as serious of a sin as I thought). Poor baby screamed through the tooth counting from both the hygienist and the dentist but again they were super understanding and kind. They were kind of the same as the professional dentist Vinterbro Tannklinikk. The office had lots of toys and stickers and everyone was very friendly and happy. Also, the building is brand new and extremely fancy and impressive and if anyone local is looking for a dentist let me know and I’ll recommend them.

Truly, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. I think using a pediatric dentist who knows how to work with kids was a big part of the success. And bless them, because dealing with kids like mine (or worse) all day must be EXHAUSTING.

Laser Hair Removal Treatment

I was really worried about pretty much everything surrounding this appointment, but it was not awful. I had been avoiding doing any, uh, grooming on my bikini line (since that’s what I chose to use my Groupon to have lasered) but it turns out that was the wrong decision. The tech explained you’re supposed to shave anywhere you want lasered so she knows what shape you’re looking for. Since no one told me, she just used a little disposable razor to do it after I put on the very sexy disposable underpants. On a scale of people up in your lady business, it fell somewhere between wearing a bathing suit in public and a regular bikini wax. It was nowhere NEAR as personal as an OB exam or a Brazilian wax.

The tech covered the area in ultrasound gel which was cold but I think helped with the pain. The laser was a lot smaller than I imagined – sort of like one of those hotel hair dryers – with two little metal bits about an half an inch apart. People had told me it hurt like a rubberband snapping or a burn, but I thought it felt pretty much exactly like plucking out hairs with tweezers. She zapped me probably 50 times for each side and the whole thing took less than 20 minutes. I’d say about 40% of the zaps were painless, 40% were a little bit stingy, and 20% really hurt. For some reason the left side hurt a lot more than the right side.

The laser sends a super strong beam of heat right down into the hair follicle and kills it. It doesn’t remove the hair that’s there now, so I’m supposed to keep shaving and exfoliating every day until the hair that’s in the shaft under the skin gets pushed out. Hair grows and falls out in cycles (which is why you lose so much hair post-partum – it stops falling out and just grows until after you give birth) so I have to go back 2 more times to get all the hairs but I’m supposed to see 40-80% of the hair fall out in the next 2 weeks. My next appointment is in 6 weeks with a slightly stronger laser and 6 weeks after that I’ll get an even stronger laser and then I should be hairfree. Since I am fair skinned and don’t tan well, I’m an excellent candidate for this kind of removal and probably won’t have any discoloration. My skin is still a tiny bit tender but not anywhere near the pain level of a wax. I already feel like this was the best $99 I’ve ever spent on myself.

And that ends the weirdest combination blog post ever. Any questions?

This week I took Baby Evan into the pediatrician for what should have been an easy visit that ended up being incredibly stressful and annoying and bad-mother-guilt-inducing.

Then I had a visit to the emergency room that was the most relaxing part of my weekend.

Doctors are weird.

Because of the weight-loss between his 12 and 15 month check-ups, our pediatrician scheduled a quick weigh-in on Friday for Baby Evan. I knew he’d been eating more and had definitely gained, so I expected a nice “You’re doing great and clearly not neglecting your kid” visit. That’s not quite what I got.

After the nurse weighed him – up almost a pound in 1 month –  the lady pediatrician, one I don’t think I’ve met before, came in to talk to us about what we feed our kid. Want to feel bad about your parenting skills? Try honestly answering that question. Peanut butter, bread, Goldfish, pita chips, cookies, french fries, fruit leather, cheese…yeah, I win mother of the year for sure. I didn’t even bother explaining it’s whole wheat bread! And organic fruit leather! And homemade cookies! And I offer him TONS of fruits and vegetables, I just haven’t figured out how to make him eat them!

Surprisingly, the ped didn’t seem to care much about the totally lack of color in my kid’s diet. She was more concerned that I get him to drink at least five cups of milk a day, offer him even MORE food and having us come back again EVERY MONTH for another weight check. When I went through my list of what caused the original weight loss and why it wouldn’t happen again, she made the same face my mom used to make when I came home late for curfew. The “I don’t care about your excuses” face. The “I doubt your ability to do the right thing” face. It was AWFUL. I’ve been thinking about that face constantly since Friday – every time my kid tosses his cup on the floor, every time he feeds his sandwich to the dog, every time he sleeps through a snack time. Today at the grocery store he ate a whole piece of cheese the deli lady gave him and I almost cried with joy, knowing the doctor would have approved.

You know that feeling you had when you left the hospital with your tiny newborn, the one where you couldn’t believe the staff was just letting you TAKE A BABY without any sort of instruction manual or rules or scheduled home checks to make sure you were doing it right?

This is the opposite of that. This is the feeling that just when you thought you were finally doing everything right and really getting the hang of motherhood someone comes along and tells you you suck. It sucks.

——————————————————–

On Saturday morning I noticed I had had some bleeding the night before and called my OB to see if he wanted me to come in for a rhogam shot. It was an exact repeat – almost to the same DAY of pregnancy & the same OB doc on call – of what happened when I was pregnant the first time (hint: certain grown up activities are apparently a little too much for my cervix to handle after the 22 week mark) only this time around I wasn’t a freaked out mess. I knew what it was, I knew what caused it, I knew the baby was fine. If I had an OB checkup scheduled this week I wouldn’t have even bothered to call on a weekend, but my next appointment isn’t until September and I could just imagine the doctor’s face if I brought up bleeding a MONTH after it happened, especially because he had JUST reminded me to have any bleeding checked out because of the rh-negative thing. O- might be the good blood type for donating but it SUCKS for pregnancy.

The doctor wasn’t super concerned, but said I could go into the ER for a shot “if I wanted”. I told him no, I didn’t really WANT a painful shot in the ass, so I’d just skip it. Of course, then he decided what he really meant was “You should definitely go in for a shot” although why didn’t he just say that in the first place? So I left E and Baby Evan at home and popped over to our very nice local ER for my rhogam.

It’s a funny place, the emergency room. There was an old lady with a broken hip who kept yelling “I’m peeing! I’m peeing! I have to go!” even though the nurse kept coming in to explain it was ok, she had a catheter and was supposed to pee. There was the kid laughing his head off at the doctor’s jokes even though he was still strapped into a car seat – they had been in some sort of fender bender and the paramedics brought the whole thing in on a gurney. There was the tearful family in the room next to me who cried as the doctor explained the definition of a DNR. There was the male nurse who kept saying “This is why people need a primary care physician” and “I wish more people would call their doctors before using the ER as a walk-in clinic” and “Well, the doctor doesn’t KNOW you so he might not just give you whatever medicine you want” despite the fact that I said my OB was right upstairs and said I needed a shot and he could verify my non-drug-seeking status if anyone wanted. Like rhogam is some sort of narcotic that gets you high instead of just making your thigh hurt for a couple days. DUDE, YOU’RE TOTALLY ON TO ME. I’M A JUNKIE FOR SURE.

Like I said, weird place. Happiness and sadness and noise and quiet and fast and slow at all once.

Because everyone has to check with everyone and everyone’s mother and then do a bunch of paperwork about what was said before they could treat me for my non-condition, I spent a good 2 hours just waiting around. I had my knitting with me and managed to finish a whole scarf plus catch up on everything in my Google reader on my iPhone. There were no babies climbing on me, no food being thrown, no dogs running in circles, no loud noises. The doctor was totally cooperative and happy to get out his fancy ultrasound machine to print me some pictures. The paperwork admin lady came in to chat a few times and we talked about kids and babies and pregnancy. After he realized I wasn’t a drug addict or a crazy person, my nurse was very nice and didn’t make me stay for the required 30 minutes post-injection so I could get home and enjoy the beautiful day.

I left feeling like I had taken a mini-vacation. Although next time I’d like one that didn’t involve quite so many needles. Or blood. And maybe included a massage.

But hey, I can’t really complain when I got enough quite time to finish knitting a whole project.

So to sum up: I’m much better at caring for babies that haven’t been born yet. Maybe I’ll just stay pregnant forever.