Besides Little Evan’s birth, I think the longest I’ve ever been in the hospital was the (fortunately unnecessary) trip to the ER at Children’s in Hartford for the OMG-my-baby-is-throwing-up-blood incident. Which doesn’t even really count since I was just IN the hospital, not In The Hospital. I can’t remember ever actually being In The Hospital for anything in my life, other than really fuzzy early childhood memories of a finger being slammed in a glass sliding door and the cool x-ray room where they showed me the bones on one of those light-box things. I was very very impressed.

After the last two weeks, I am like a hospital PRO. I could write a book about what to do to make your stay more comfortable and what you should and should not ring your nurse for and the exact way to get your IV stand as close to the bathroom door as possible so you can pee but still have enough tubing to reach the sink too. I wonder if there’s a market for such a book? Although hospitals vary drastically (like the horrible torturous place poor Mae’s husband was admitted that didn’t allow any meat or caffeine) so a guide to MY local hospital may be totally useless at yours, especially if you don’t happen to be in the Labor & Delivery wing.

If only there was someplace I could publish my probably unhelpful to everyone but my immediate neighbors advice in a public forum!

Heh.

So here they are, are my 5 Tips For A Comfortable(ish) Hospital Stay

1. Bring pillows and underwear. Lot of both things. After my first stay I thought “Oh man, when I come back to have this baby I am bringing SO MANY pillows” and then BAM! less than a week later I’m back and totally pillowless. Of course, perhaps the delirium and inability to make wise choices could be blamed on the spiking fever and severe infection, but who knows. As for the underwear, all I can say is when you’re stuck in a hospital gown for a week at least ONE part of your body can be wearing something dry, comfortable, and clean. As long as you don’t forget to bring any.*

2. Bribe your nurses. My dear friend Amy suggested if I was knitting to keep myself busy I might want to make a couple coffee coozies (new question: what exactly IS the correct spelling of “coozie”?) for the nurses because they loved that sort of thing (she used to work in a hospital and is very wise). I whipped one up on my first day for a nurse who was being extra nice and wouldn’t you know, she came back every day she was on – even when I wasn’t her patient – to make sure I had everything I needed. I had planned to make a bunch more but sitting up and staying conscious was too much work. I’m starting on a supply to hand out at Baby Sandy’s birth now, so I don’t miss anyone. You can also use baked goods (the cookies my mom sent in were gone in seconds). Even cheaper? Learn and use their names. My nurses loved when I remembered their names.

3. Don’t be afraid to make yourself more comfortable. Need another blanket? They’re probably in the room somewhere – in our L&D it’s the drawers under the TV. Please, take one. My IV kept almost falling out because breaking a 102 fever three times a day = horrible sweaty mess that no tape on the planet will stick to. So instead of ringing for a nurse every time it came loose I just used a roll of the IV tape I found in the drawer to stick it back on. Is your gown soaking wet because you’re incapable of drinking correctly out of a cup without a straw? Those are in a drawer somewhere too. Is your room too cold? Try adjusting the thermostat. None of these things will hurt you. Personally, it also made me feel a teeny tiny bit more in control in a situation I had no actual control over whatsoever.

4. And don’t be afraid to ask anyone else to make you more comfortable either. When the nurse says “Is there anything I can get you?” say “Yes, I’d like another pillow and maybe an Italian Ice and when am I due for my next round of pain pills?” They are supposed to help you, 24 hours a day. That tech that comes in and wakes you up at 3 am to check your blood pressure? Is just as capable of getting you more ice water. Tell your day nurse you want new sheets while you take a shower. And don’t forget you’re in a hospital (as if you could), which probably means the pharmacy is open all night in case you need something for nausea. Or heartburn. Or a, ahem, stool softener. Your nurse would be happy to bring you those things! Even in the middle of the night! Because they are being paid to do that!

5. Hospital menus are just suggestions. Really, do they think sick people want things like “roasted pork loin with gravy and Caribbean vegetable medley” that is really just “hunk of meat and diced carrots covered in gray stuff”? And why is the thing they call “cobbler” so much like gel toothpaste in a flavor called “orchard fruit”? So when they bring you a menu and ask you to circle those choices, DON’T ACCEPT THEM. REJECT THE ESTABLISHMENT! DAMN THE MAN! Eating something is important (says the woman who spent three days medicated for a headache that turned out to be mostly hunger) and no one really thinks that pork loin is anything even close to healthy so when they give you that menu and a pen, write a great big X right over everything and write “cheeseburger” “bagel with cream cheese” “pizza”  “jello” “noodles with butter” or whatever the hell else it is that you might be able to stomach. It was so nice to take the lid off a dish and NOT see another gross lump of meat and wilted veggies that even greasy, underwarmed pizza looked DELICIOUS.

That is certainly not a complete list of advice. And I’m sure I’m missing the one! super! important! thing! you know about staying in the hospital. So feel free to add to it, especially because I am going BACK to the same terrible horrible no good very bad labor, delivery and recovery beds (THE MOST uncomfortable beds on the planet) to actually, finally, no kidding have a baby.

*Other stuff to bring: toothpaste/toothbrush, shampoo, lip gloss, slippers/socks, cell phone charger/cell phone, something to read/craft/knit, hair elastics, comfortable bra(s), body lotion.

I don’t have enough to say about anything to make these individual posts (and really, you should thank me for not even TRYING to make any of the following blurbs into 500 word essays) so you get bullet points.

– Is it possible for a kid to drink too much orange juice? Baby Evan is OBSESSED with it, to the point I’m afraid his skin might turn orange. He ate a slice of the actual fruit yesterday so I might steer him in that direction, especially if there is a reason he shouldn’t drink 30 oz of (watered down, calcium added) juice in a day (besides the ridiculous amount of sugar). (EDITED TO ADD: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOOOOOOOD. I’m not going to tell you any more than that except I finally discovered something cloth diapers can’t contain and a VERY good reason to cut back OJ consumption.)

– The bridesmaid dress I am supposed to wear on September 5th is not going to fit on September 5th. It fit yesterday, with much pulling and sucking in, but I have officially reached the “popped” part of my pregnancy so my rib cage is getting bigger by the second. I have some material to alter it take it somewhere to be altered but with the way it’s constructed I don’t even know how they’re going to manage that. (p.s. It’s this dress, if you want to make suggestions)(p.p.s. Which is now ON SALE for for $65 less than I paid. I wonder if I can return the one I bought and buy a new one in a bigger size?)(Although it’s only available in one size larger than the size I currently have so I’ll probably still need to have it altered.)

– I’m still knitting and really enjoying it, or at least I was until I attempted to make something-adult sized and lost my everloving MIND. I’m still hoping to have my own version of this done in time to wear it to the bridal shower next weekend:
But I might stab out an eye with a knitting needle before I’m done. (Free pattern & picture from Classic Elite Yarns.) I think from now on I’ll stick to baby-sized items.

– Speaking of things to wear to the shower, I’m looking for a pretty, comfortable, CHEAP sleeveless dress (maternity or just roomy) that would match the above vest knitted in a nice shade of blue-green. And it does NOT have to be boob-accessible.  My next stop is Forever 21 but frankly that place gives me hives, despite their huge selection of trendy, reasonably priced dresses.

– Today is the last day to enter my Planet Wise Wet/Dry Bag giveaway! In case you missed my edit the last time, I opened the contest up for Canadians – if you win I will mail you a bag personally. I have one more super-cute, eco-friendly giveaway coming up on Monday and then I’ll take a break on the review stuff for a while.

– Gender Important developmental and birth defect stuff ultrasound for Baby Sandy is on August 4th (LESS THAN 1 WEEK). First round priority text message goes to immediate family & people who might kill me if I didn’t tell them the boy/girl news first but mere seconds later I’ll be peer to peer texting it to the Bebehblog Facebook page/Twitter so some time around 2 pm you can check in if you’re curious. Giant post to follow, of course.

– I FINALLY switched hosts from a company I was less than happy with (see here and here) to the AMAZING AND WONDERFUL Twenty70 Hosting. Kelly has been infinitely patient in transferring everything for me and even managed to find my lost posts last week. Plus she’s charging me less than the old people (shhhh, don’t tell her or she might charge more). Please let me know if you have any delays or problems loading Bebehblog so I can pass them on to Twenty70 and they can fix them with their internet magic.

Phew. I think that’s all. What’s new with you?

–

Last night my parents took E and Baby Evan and I out to dinner at our favorite small local place Chili’s. Go ahead, laugh at me for thinking it’s one of the best restaurants ever but you KNOW IT’S TRUE. Who doesn’t want a giant pile of fried onion straws and a huge burger and a white chocolate blondie with a giant margarita blackberry iced tea to wash it down after a long day of screaming, screechy, smacking baby watching?

Anyways, after the third or fourth time Baby Evan threw something on the floor I decided I needed a moment to myself and ran to hide in the bathroom. As I slunk past all the people having their dinners ruined by That Family who insist on bringing their child to dinner even though he keeps screaming like his hair is on fire aka US I noticed a lady sitting in one of the back booths. She was probably upper middle aged and kind of frumpy and what I would definitely call the stereotype of the crazy cat lady eating dinner by herself in a busy restaurant. And I was INSANELY JEALOUS.

When I was in college, I used to spend a lot of time alone. Not is a “woe is me I am so sad and angsty” way. I just liked getting to make all my own decisions without worrying what someone else thought or wanted or felt like doing that day. Between classes and work and the 2+ hours I spent at the gym 6 days a week (I really liked my gym) by the time dinner came along I couldn’t bear calling around and doing the socially required “Do you want to get dinner? I know we had pasta last night but I’m really in the mood for Italian again but if you’re not we can go for BBQ but if that one place is too expensive there’s that other place and if we get a cab we don’t have to park because that part of town is busy on Fridays but I don’t mind driving either” dance just to eat something. (And don’t ask why I didn’t ever make my own food – I was 21 and employed and lived in a city with some of the very best restaurants in the world.)

So I started going to restaurants alone. And I LOVED it. I carried a book in my purse and would get the smallest table by a window and half-read half-people watch while I enjoyed my sandwich or Thai food or clam chowder or whatever. The book kept most of the overly-friendly-let-me-rescue-you-from-being-lonely-dudes away and I got to know the staff at a few of my favorite places and they learned letting me sit quietly meant a nice tip to make up for hogging their table. Not only did I get to enjoy my book and my food, I always felt incredibly grown up and worldly and brave for eating alone and not caring if anyone thought I was being stood up or didn’t have any friends or smelled really bad and couldn’t get anyone to sit with me.

I cannot remember the last time I got to eat alone. I don’t even get to eat alone in my own house anymore – there’s always a tiny person yanking on my pants or shoving his hands in my bowl or SCREAMING at me. (Seriously, the screaming is getting way out of hand around here.) As much as I honestly love bringing the baby with me most of the time – grocery shopping is a fun way to show him shapes and colors and new things and we both enjoy it – every once in a while it would be super awesome to…not.

I think the next time I need to go bask in the joy that is Target run very important errands down by the mall I’m going to take a book and enjoy some Panera. ALONE.

Our house has been invaded by those horrible anthropomorphic snot creatures from the cold medicine commercial. Daddy, Mommy and Baby Snot Creature have all taken up residence in Daddy, Mommy and Baby Evan and are settling in for an extended stay. If only I could remember what the commercial was actually FOR I could go buy some of it and maybe we would feel better.

So far the cough is my only symptom but E claims he also has an overwhelming sense of ickiness and the baby is a little bit grumpy (although he’d feel a lot better if he would just let me WIPE HIS NOSE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD). Otherwise, no fevers, no pains, no need to see a pediatrician, no idea when it will go away. We’re trapped in a miserable purgatory of being too sick to go to group activities  where we could possible contaminate people but nowhere near sick enough to lie around sleeping all day. I’m making an effort to still make it to Stroller Strides as much as possible, just because it breaks up the monotony of 14 straight hours of snotty baby care, but today we were supposed to RUN and running is just not possible when you have to stop and cough up a lung every few feet.

I’m going to feel like an idiot when I realize in a month we aren’t sick, we just have allergies and this self imposed quarantine was pointless. But I would feel even worse if one of the littler babies ended up with RSV because I couldn’t handle playing with my kid at home for a few days. Which I will definitely do as soon as I can find him under all that snot.

After a couple of really challenging days with a baby who refused to nap and cried for no discernible reason, things are looking up in the Davis household. That’s the understatement of the year. Things in the Davis household have gone from a ticking time bomb of screaming, harsh words and hurt feelings to a princess riding a unicorn as it jumps over a rainbow and two little bluebirds fly by carrying a banner that says “Mother of the Year!!”

This change in the emotional weather is almost entirely due to the change in the actual weather – from wintery sleet and cold to gorgeous spring sunshine. There are buds on the trees. My fleece jacket is forgotten. Birds are singing. Crocuses are crocusing all over my garden. The baby got his first taste of fresh spring dirt. It’s amazing how much easier it is to be patient, loving and kind when I can entertain a bored, grumpy baby with just a few steps out my back door. It’s days like these where being a mom feels like the best job in the whole world.

The best kind of spring flowers are the kind you never had to plant in the first place.

I'm in yur garden, stompin' on yur daffodils.

This one doesn't look so good. Let me just pull it up for you.

I'm so good at helping! I can't wait to pull up ALL the stuff you try to put in these pots!

Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it.