There’s just no way I can make this sound cheerful

Here’s how I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving:
Wake up at 3 am on Wednesday, whine for the whole 9 hour drive to Ohio about how uncomfortable I was, eat an enormous amount of pie, complain that E was playing WoW while the wominz had to mind the child, do a little Black Friday Shopping, eat some Chick-fil-a, whine about the 9 hour drive home, have a really nice time even after all the complaining.

Here’s how I spent my Thanksgiving instead:
Tuesday night before I went to bed I suddenly got a horrible stabbing pain on the right side of my back. After asking Dr. Google for advice, I chugged water and cranberry juice for a few hours, only to throw it all up because I was in so much pain. Called my OB’s answering service, Man Doctor on call said if it wasn’t contractions (it wasn’t) it was a pulled muscle so I should try putting heat on it and taking more Tylenol. I spent the entire night wandering around the house moaning and being miserable. When E woke up at 3 am I told him we could either go to Ohio the next day or he could go without me, because there was NO FRICKING WAY I was getting in a car until I felt better. At 7 am I gave up on waiting for office hours and called Man Doctor back to warn him I was coming into L&D. When I got there, they hooked me up to the monitors and said “oh look, contractions! and you said you were throwing up? definitely a pulled muscle.” Luckily the treatment for my “pulled muscle” was a lovely dose of morphine so I immediately passed out and when I woke up Man Doctor was gone and Lady Doctor was here. She decided maybe an ultrasound to check my kidneys would be a good idea. Turns out I have about a zillion kidney stones and I am not a crazy person who just cries over a pulled back muscle but instead someone in an enormous amount of agony with a condition that required immediate treatment as well as more procedures post-baby. The urologist decided he could take out the one causing me pain first thing in the morning. So Thanksgiving morning I was strapped down to a table in surgery, given a spinal and *you’re probably enjoying your pie right now so I’ll skip the rest*. By 11am I was back in my room and once again in possession of my iPhone charger (never ever ever go to the hospital for any reason without: phone charger, toothbrush.) By 2 pm I was free of tubes and catheters and leg pressure cuffs and just hanging out waiting for another dose of narcotics. Turns out the only good part of kidney stones at 35 weeks pregnant is that the baby is so close to full term I’m allowed to have drugs. Because NO ONE can just “breath through” a kidney stone. At least when you give birth you get a baby at the end to cuddle. I saw the stone they took out and it wasn’t very cute at all. Now I am just stuck here until they give me a couple more doses of antibiotics and write a prescription for a painkiller for me to take home. Because, oh, did I forget that part? They had to leave a stint in my ureter to keep it from swelling shut, so my pain has decreased about 60% but isn’t going away for at least another week – when they have to take the stint out again.

So to sum up: no road trip, no pie, no time with family, no turkey, extreme pain, slightly terrifying surgery, and one more night in the hospital to go.

I should win some sort of Thanksgiving do-over contest, right? Or at least maybe a pie. Good news is that Baby Sandy is taking it all like a champ, not the slightest hint she cares about mama’s kidney stones. Sadly, Little Evan hates being here so I haven’t gotten to see him much (because really, how much fun is it to have you baby scream for dada and run away when you try to hug him? Not fun. Good way to turn into a sobbing mess.)

I hope your Thanksgiving is going much better and even if you’re trapped at your crazy aunt’s house choking down burnt turkey at least no one has stuck anything up your pee-hole today.

Apologies for my inability to stick with a tense or person for that whole post. Writing from my iPhone is hard.

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30 Responses to “There’s just no way I can make this sound cheerful”

  1. That does not sound like a good thanksgiving. I would eat pumpkin pie for you, but I hate it more than I like you. (That is saying something about my hatred of pumpkin pie.) Feel better!

  2. oh dear. that is not fun at all! i’m so very sorry. 2 years ago, i got to spend wednesday in the ER and thanksgiving day having emergency appendix-taking-out surgery. granted i wasn’t 35 weeks pregnant, so its not as bad, but i understand how you feel. serious surgery-requiring illnesses really should schedule their appearances better, don’t ya think?

  3. Amanda says:

    I feel so bad for you guys! You know if we were still in CT you would have a Thanksgiving feast on your table when you got home. Not the same I know, but isn’t it the thought that counts? Feel better soon! I will deliver some Christmas goodies when we come up next month!

  4. debbi says:

    I was looking for the cereal bar recipe and to show hubs the pics of your shower and oh my gosh. What a shitty Thanksgiving. I have no idea if you need help or whatnot, but I’m in town and have no thanksgiving stuff going on, feel free to ask. My bestie had kidney stones and she was so miserable.

  5. raincheckmom says:

    Since your sister is unavailable I suppose it is only right that you fill the position of “sick on the holiday”

  6. Krista says:

    This sucks! I hope your getting some relief – even if it’s in the way of good drugs. Glad to hear the babe is good though. Hang in there!

  7. ryan says:

    feel better, lady. does FedEx ship pie?

  8. Suzanne says:

    I am so sorry! That must have been both painful and scary for you. And to happen on Thanksgiving as well. Maybe you guys can postpone Thanksgiving and have a big meal when you feel better. Hang in there and get some rest.

  9. TMae says:

    GoodNIGHT. That sounds awful! What a yuck way to spend any day, but especially Thanksgiving. I’m glad they got the stone out though, at least the worst is over? I think anyway…

  10. brigidkeely says:

    I’m psychically driving spikes through ManDoctor’s eyes for you. With MY BRAIN. That’s AWFUL. I’m glad you got some sweet, sweet morphine and some medical intervention. You know, there’s no RULE saying Thanksgiving HAS to be on a certain date. I’m not celebrating with my parents and brothers until early December, when my baby brother gets home from boot camp. You can totally eat pie whenever the hell you want.

  11. Laura says:

    Boooo! It’s no fun to be that pregnant and I can’t imagine having kidney stones on top of it. Fortunately, you WILL get a cuddly baby at the end of the road – just not today. We also spent the day in the hospital, but it’s for much sadder reasons. In any case, glad you’re recovering. Perhaps you guys can have a turkey dinner another day soon. I’ve learned this year (or reinforced) that it’s not about the turkey and pie; it’s about family, friends, health, and togetherness. No turkey necessary.

  12. tabetha says:

    Why do things like this happen on holidays? It’s universal, seriously. I woke up sick this AM. So sorry you had to go through that

  13. MKP says:

    Blearghimus maximus – I’m really really glad you and Sandy are going to be ok, and I hope you have a Thanksgiving Mulligan that makes up for it (sans drive to Ohio – sounds like this was the universe’s way of saying HEY, MAYBE NO OHIO ROADTRIP FOR YOU?) xoxoxox MKP

  14. jill says:

    holy shiz suzanne! i am so sorry this happened to you. i was reading your tweets but had no idea you had to have surgery. im so glad to hear baby sandy toughed it out and that you are feeling sixty percent better!
    (also? earlier today i asked my mother in law what kidney stones feel like and she replied, “the f$#*%ing hurt!” i think you’d agree.)

  15. Natalie says:

    I’m so glad you are okay! I am sending you all the best happy vibes and energy I can send and I only wish I could do more.

    I always say that none of MY pregnancies will be complete without a trip to the ER, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, so my thoughts are with you.

    Maybe someone close enough to you will be able to bring you a do-over Thanksgiving dinner while you recoup (*hint hint* those that live closer than California) b/c I would do it in a heartbeat!

  16. Audrey says:

    Ouch. So sorry you spent your holiday like that. Make the man child concoct a full on Tday meal for you upon getting out of the hospital. He OWES you for sleeping through your pain. ;)

    Also – You were going to be in Ohio and you WEREN’T going to meet me???!! ;)

  17. Joanna says:

    oh lady I am SO SO SO sorry. Praying for you!

  18. Awwww! I’m so sorry to hear this!!! I hope you feel better soon. In the mean time I’ll be sending you all my love and prayers and feel better soon thoughts. Let me know if there is anything I can do!

  19. michgal18 says:

    I can’t even get into what a crappy holiday that is, or the fact that as soon as you wrote you had back pain, I thought “kidney stones” (if only we were friends already, you could have called me and I would have told you that!). What I can get into is the fact that you WROTE THIS WHOLE POST ON YOUR IPHONE???!!??!!! That is simply amazing, and impressive. And no ridiculous autocorrects!! (and if you are looking for something to pass your time and make you laugh til you cry/pee your pants, you should check this out: http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com HI-larious)

  20. Jill says:

    Oh no!!! That is just plain terrible. As if your comfort level isn’t already compromised enough. Poor thing. I hope you feel better really soon.

  21. Londonmum says:

    awww man, that is BAD! Really hope you start feeling better soon and glad it wasn’t nearer the birth when could have been even more complicated.

  22. Emmie Bee says:

    Umm, I think you win “worst Thanksgiving EVER!” & I am so sorry you had to win! I hope you are feeling better & that you are getting some relief. Love to you, mama.

  23. Barbra says:

    this really sucks!!! i’m so sorry to hear about all this! i do hope you feel better soon! and thank goodness baby sandy is doing fine!

  24. Cole says:

    Oh, I hope you feel better soon! Mommy has had kidney stones before and she thinks you are owed a prize for getting through them at 35 weeks pregnant! On Thanksgiving! Sad. :(

    Mommy and I want to bring you every kind of pies you want!!! You deserve all the pie you can eat.

  25. Oh mama I’m so sorry you had to go through all this!! I’m glad to hear you’re mostly on the mend and that they gave you good drugs to get over the pain. Sending some positive healing thoughts your way! I’d send pie but I think fed ex might funk it up. You should totally ask E to use his newly found baking skills to make your favorite!!

  26. Swistle says:

    HOLY CRAP. And note to doctors: pulled muscles do not cause BARFING FROM PAIN. (Well, or maybe they do, what do I know. But my guess is NOT USUALLY.)

  27. What a totally shit thanksgiving. I think you for sure deserve a do-over! Kidney stones are the worst possible pain ever I’m convinced. My husband who is bionic and doesn’t feel pain and also NEVER misses work took a week off earlier in the year and even cried because he had a few! I had two small ones when pregnant too, luckily mine passed on their own. I can’t imagine having them to your extent while being almost ready to birth baby sandy. Totally crap!!!

  28. […] real ones, called Braxton-Hicks) since I was about 28 weeks – When I went into the hospital for the HORRIBLE PAIN, my contractions were mild but consistently 3 minutes apart until they made the pain stop – But […]

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