In the spirit of Stuff On My Cat, I present Stuff On My Baby. Which I cannot believe doesn’t already exist as a website instead of just a parked domain name. Stuff On My Baby will be priceless! Babies are always covered in stuff, plus the really little ones are totally helpless against having stuff put on them. I mean, not that I would put stuff on a helpless sleeping infant. That would be bad parenting, especially if I then put pictures of that stuff on the internet. Nope, I would never ever do something like that. And not just because my baby is now too old for those kind of shenanigans and I have to settle for tricking him into funny pictures while he’s awake.

Yarn on my baby

A colander on my baby

A red (but not riding) hood on my baby

I apologize for the lack of consistent posts the past week and apologize in advance for the lack of posts in the coming week. The holidays have been making me crazy and draining all the creativity and humor right out of my brain. I’m also sort of shell shocked by the fact that 2010 is just days away and my baby is almost 9 months old. I think once all that sinks in I’m going to have a freak out of major proportions, which I will happily share with you because it’s bound to bring the LOLs.

If I was keeping the baby’s actual baby book up to date instead of relying on my blog to document all Baby Evan’s milestones I would have a very busy week of scrapbooking ahead of me. Along with catching up on the baby’s first Christmas*, we had his first real snow (although the closest he got to outside was when we looked out the front door to put  E out of his misery and tell him it was ok if he hired the neighborhood kids to do all the shoveling) and two top teeth that finally decided to make an appearance. Um, and also? He grew an inch overnight. I’m not even joking. Check this out…

Friday Night - He's making that face because his feet barely touch the ground and he can't balance well enough to ride on he FANCY NEW TOY.

Saturday Morning - He's much happier now because he grew at least an inch and can now ride on this little car the way he's supposed to...if he was 18 months old. CRAZY TALL BABY IS CRAZY TALL.

*We opened all our family gifts on Sunday because we’re going out of town for Christmas and don’t have the room in the car to bring them. It was actually Baby Evan’s second Christmas because he had his first in Ohio over Thanksgiving and he’s really getting the hang of present opening. We officially have more photos and video of a baby ripping up and chewing on wrapping paper than any one ever.

Based on his habit of carrying stuff around in his mouth, Baby Evan seems to be confused as whether the dog is his pet or his brother. Since animals outnumber babies in our house 3 to 1 and he spends most of his time down at cat and dog level anyway, I shouldn’t be too surprised he’s starting to mimic their behavior.  Since the dog’s idea of “fetch” involves staring at the bone/ball/rag and then running in frantic cirlces, Baby Evan probably learned fetch from the cat. She’s much more likely to bring you things (a baby sock she thoughtfully dropped in the water bowl, a plastic twisty tie, a live bat she caught and needed to show you so much she puts it on your head while you’re sleeping YES THAT IS A TRUE STORY) whether you want them or not. I wonder if I should try telling him most babies don’t do ridiculous stuff like this?

Mmmm...this leather shoe is so delicious I don't want to put it down.

How come when I put shoes in my mouth they yell at me but YOU just get your picture taken?

What do you mean I have something on my face?

And in case you needed further proof my baby is having an indentity crisis…

What, I like milk and cuddles and sleeping too. Meow?

I'm in your yarns, making up knots!

A high school friend I haven’t talked to in almost 10 years emailed me this week to ask for baby gift suggestions for her 6 month old niece. She’s still in the childless stage of life where the thought of buying a fun and age appropriate gift for someone else’s baby causes you to break out in a cold sweat, and as someone with a similarly aged child she thought I could provide some guidance. I was happy to make some suggestions, since I know I spent many a Christmas shopping trip staring blankly at the toy aisle debating whether I’d be better off just sending a card stuffed with cash (babies like cash, right? It’s crinkly.) Is a baby doll too boring? Is a baby doll that cries and poops too creepy? Are stacking blocks too simple? Is a tiny laptop too complicated? So as a public service announcement for anyone in a similar situation, here’s my list of suggested gifts for babies.

Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Fun with Friends Musical Table

For ages 6 months+
This is Baby Evan’s current favorite toy in the wholebigwideword, unless you count the empty diaper box. Which I don’t, because every time I’m reminded he’d rather go naked, nurse directly from the breast, sleep in our bed, and play with empty boxes I die a little inside thinking of all the money we’ve wasted. But I digress. This table can also be used without the legs for babies who aren’t quite standing yet. It plays lots of different songs, which is very important so you don’t stab your eardrums out after hearing “One two three four five six seven eight! Then! There’s NINE! Counting’s really great!” for the eight hundredth time that day. Plus it’s educational and stuff, teaching colors, shapes and Spanish.  ($42.99)

Sophie the Giraffe

Ages 0-12 months
If you love your niece/nephew/cousin/boss’s kid but you don’t really love them $45 worth, get them a Sophie. The number of kids chewing on these at any park or playgroup speaks for itself. Sophie is BPA free and non-toxic too, so even your fancy friends will approve. ($20)

Tubby Tug Boat

Ages 6 months+
This is what E bought Baby Evan for Christmas, since he is in charge of bath time and related activities. The bebeh loves the water and now that he’s got the sitting up situation under control we’re going to abandon the baby tub (although we have LOVED the one my sister bought me until now and I highly recommend it as a shower gift) and let him splash in our extra large sized tub. Since we’re currently using a disposable plastic cup meant for olive oil or salsa to wash Baby Evan’s hair, this toy will be practical for Daddy as well as baby. ($18.99)

The MULA Collection from Ikea

Recommended for ages 12 months+ (but Baby Evan loves them now)
Oh Ikea, is there nothing you can’t do? Affordable modern furniture? Check. Irresistible duvet covers? Check. Classic wooden toys at unbeatable prices? Check. My mom and grandmother bought Baby Evan the stacking lighthouse, the hammer bench and the stacking cups during an Ikea run and he loooooves them. (Although the hammer became the first baby toy confused for dog chew toy casualty.)  ($5.99+)

Robeez

Ages 0-4 years
These are the leather gold standard for baby shoes, but at $30 a pop no one can afford to buy more than one or two pairs for their own kid. SOMETIMES they go on sale, SOMETIMES you can find them at outlets, and SOMETIMES BabySteals has them as their daily steal (for about 2 seconds before they sell out).  We have one real pair I got at 70% off and one fake pair from TJMaxx, but if someone sent me the whole winter collection I’d be thrilled. Baby Evan enjoys chewing on them just as much as he enjoys wearing them. The sizes are really non-specific, but since the shoes are soft being a little small or a little large doesn’t prevent them from still being awesome. ($22+)

A few more suggestions:

Bright Starts Teether Pals – Baby Evan has a blue elephant version from Target, his friend has the yellow lion, and these are two other options. The combination of plastic, soft and crinkly really keeps him happy when he’s fussing. ($5.99)
Baby’s First Photo Album – I can’t find the exact one online but I PROMISE they sell them in the infant section at Walmart. It’s a soft book with plastic pockets for photos. Bonus points if you pre-fill it with recent photographs of  long-distance family members so baby can learn what Aunt Edna and Uncle Bert look like. ($12.99)
Earth Mama Angel Baby/California Baby Products – I love both these brands but they’re on the expensive side for everyday use. Buy your mama friend some baby wash, diaper cream, shampoo or baby oil, plus a little extra something for herself. ($12+)
BOOKS – Since most parents already have Goodnight Moon and Green Eggs & Ham, you’ll have to be a little more creative to find really good children’s books not on their shelf. I recommend searching Amazon for “reading rainbow books” to find amazing titles that have been forgotten or overlooked for the newest generation but may make Mom and Dad nostalgic for the days when you didn’t have to take my word for it! ($4.99+)

(Disclaimer: The links above that connect to Amazon have my Amazon Associates seller code embedded in them, which means if you click through and make a purchase I get a share of the sale. Which works out to approximately four cents. I actually recommend checking your local big box retailer – or special local baby store! – for baby toys first, since the sales this year are amazing.)

No I didn’t change my entire parenting philosophy, but the baby sure did. Or maybe all this attaching I’ve been doing has made him the world’s most independent 8 month old. Which I think is the point of attachment parenting, so…yah?

First there was the church nursery adventure, where despite my own hang ups Baby Evan didn’t show the least bit of apprehension at being abandoned left in the care of someone else while I actually listened to and enjoyed the service for the first time ever.

At Stroller Strides on Monday I volunteered to hold (and by “volunteered” I mean “grabbed out of his stroller without permission because OMG TINEEEEEEE BEBEEEEEEEEH”) a friend’s newborn for a few minutes. Instead of being jealous or upset, Baby Evan sat in his stroller and chewed on his shoes. You’d think seeing another baby that close to his boobs mama would have made him mad but he was totally nonchalant about it, like “Whatevs, woman, I’m too busy being cute to notice your shenanigans.”

Then at nursing group Baby Evan ran away. Ok, crawled away. But at a very high rate of speed. He then spent the entire hour climbing on other moms and/or babies. At one point he threw himself into our group leader Holly’s lap and leaned back to gaze adoringly at her while she talked about breast pumps. When he was done getting attention from Holly, he tried to crush hug Baby T and attempted to lick kiss Baby El (although she was also guilty of some licking). I could have easily left the room, or the building, or probably the state and he wouldn’t have given a damn until he was done playing and ready for lunch.

It’s kind of a relief to find that all my baby wearing and nursing and comforting and rocking to sleep has not spoiled my child to the point that I am his only source of security. Although I have to admit it makes me a little sad that our cuddly baby days are already over and we’ve moved on to not wanting to be seen with me. I thought I had about 12 more years before that happened.