A Letter
Dear Victoria’s Secret,
Truth is, I like you. We’ve had some good times. 5 pair of underwear for $25 is a good deal. Your semi-annual sale is an event I almost never miss. Remember the $800 I put on my Angels credit card before the wedding? I even love your clothing selection and would very much like you to offer your sweaters, dresses and workout clothes in stores instead of just online. So please don’t take what I am about to say too harshly.
GO TO HELL. Sending me catalogs featuring $200 bikinis when I can barely afford warm socks is mean enough. Sending them to Connecticut in January is evil. And sending them to someone who is 7 months pregnant may be unconstitutional, since it is cruel and unusual punishment. The happy people on the sunny, warm beaches wearing teeny tiny outfits with not a stretch mark or dimple in sight could be damaging to my mental status. I need to think of my health and the health of my unborn baby.
So I set your catalog on fire. Please feel free to send another one, Duraflame logs are kind of expensive.
Kisses!
Suzanne
You crack me up! I’ll forward mine and you can have a tidy little fire and toast marshmellows for you/Baby E.
You know, I just realized that when I go to Key West for my friends wedding in April, in which I get to be a bridesmaid AND 7 months pregnant, I am probably going to need to get a bathing suit. This scares me! And I know those cute little bikini’s for which I worked so hard to look good in for my Caribbean vacay last year will stay put away. Far far away.
As for Victoria’s Secret, I swear they send me a forest worth of trees every year with all their damn catalogs. And I have a feeling the swimsuit one is waiting for me when i get home later!
Can you also add: Also, VS, do not email me every damn day about the latest deal. This was particularly cruel when I was unemployed. You know my weakness for clearance bikinis.