A Letter

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

Truth is, I like you. We’ve had some good times. 5 pair of underwear for $25 is a good deal. Your semi-annual sale is an event I almost never miss.  Remember the $800 I put on my Angels credit card before the wedding? I even love your clothing selection and would very much like you to offer your sweaters, dresses and workout clothes in stores instead of just online. So please don’t take what I am about to say too harshly.

GO TO HELL. Sending me catalogs featuring $200 bikinis when I can barely afford warm socks is mean enough. Sending them to Connecticut in January is evil. And sending them to someone who is 7 months pregnant may be unconstitutional, since it is cruel and unusual punishment. The happy people on the sunny, warm beaches wearing teeny tiny outfits with not a stretch mark or dimple in sight could be damaging to my mental status. I need to think of my health and the health of my unborn baby.

So I set your catalog on fire. Please feel free to send another one, Duraflame logs are kind of expensive.



3 Responses to “A Letter”

  1. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    You crack me up! I’ll forward mine and you can have a tidy little fire and toast marshmellows for you/Baby E.

  2. h_a_l says:

    You know, I just realized that when I go to Key West for my friends wedding in April, in which I get to be a bridesmaid AND 7 months pregnant, I am probably going to need to get a bathing suit. This scares me! And I know those cute little bikini’s for which I worked so hard to look good in for my Caribbean vacay last year will stay put away. Far far away.

    As for Victoria’s Secret, I swear they send me a forest worth of trees every year with all their damn catalogs. And I have a feeling the swimsuit one is waiting for me when i get home later!

  3. funnyface says:

    Can you also add: Also, VS, do not email me every damn day about the latest deal. This was particularly cruel when I was unemployed. You know my weakness for clearance bikinis.

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