Little Evan speaks his own language. I think it’s almost English but I can’t be sure, since most English speakers seem to have a hard time understanding him. Maybe it’s a NickJunioreese, a crazy mix of Spanish, Chinese, and speech-impedimented English picked up from those damn Wonder Pets.

“Meenah” is lemonade. Unless it means banana. You have to look around for a banana. “Peesdar!” is police car. He can say “car” correctly, but when he sees “flash lights” he gets to excited it comes out as one word. “Brusey” is our dog Brutus. He used to say Brutus until he spent some time with my parent’s dog Hershey, and now he smooshes their names together. “Ditty” is kitty, which is an improvement over the previous pronunciation. “Fall denoun” is fall down, which is so cute I don’t even care that it’s wrong. “Bushit” actually means push it, although I don’t think anyone believes me.

As much as I love that he’s friendly and outgoing and eager to talk to everyone, I’m getting tired of translating everything he says to strangers at the grocery store and strangers at the mall and strangers at the playground and strangers in general. I’m not tired at HIM, I’m tired at OTHER PEOPLE. I can only say “I’m sorry, he’s hard to understand” so many times. And the truth is, it’s more a matter of busy people not paying attention than anything else. See that pinecone he’s holding? Maybe he’s saying “pinecone!” You asked him if Caroline was his sister, maybe “bebeh siher” might mean “baby sister!” Most grown-ups rush in and say “Oh aren’t you handsome! How old are you? Are you a good boy? Bye-bye now!” all in one quick breath and then breeze back out without pausing for a response. Or if they do they’re really asking ME, and wouldn’t even notice if he tried to answer. Evan could say “I’m two, lady, and your wig isn’t fooling anyone” and they’d just coo some more and wander off to finish their shopping.

I’ve been around enough two-and-a-half-year-olds-who-then-grow-into-three-and-a-half-year-olds to know this is just a phase. His brain thinks thoughts he wants to share but his mouth just can’t keep up. He learns a hundred new words a day and can’t keep them all straight. Whole sentences come tumbling out in a jumble and he gets frustrated. He’ll grown into it eventually and the whole world will hear what he has to say Dino Dan and race cars and big diggers and baseball and everything else. He’ll stop saying “More meena peees!” and start saying “Mama, can I have a banana?”

Although yesterday he called me “MOM”. I am not OK with being MOM yet. MOM is for surly, eye-rolling teenagers. So maybe I don’t mind translating just a little longer.

This is the first month I actually had to count on my fingers to figure out how old Little Evan is, which then sent me into all sorts of fits of emotion. He is officially old enough that I just say “He’s two” when people ask his age – and more importantly, HE can say “TWO!” when people ask his age. And then I die a little from the cuteness.

I have already forgotten why I even MENTIONED seeing a speech therapist to the pediatrician. Evan is talking constantly now, with new words every single day. Some times he still needs a little mommy translation when he’s talking to strangers, but after just a few days with him my parents understood 90% of his speech. He also has a really good memory, which is something I guess I didn’t know about toddlers. He talks about things that happened days or even weeks ago – and is going to be heartbroken EVERY MORNING for the next few weeks when Mormor and Bamba and Hersh (their dog) aren’t here to play with. So I guess his memory isn’t exactly perfect.

Little Evan is now MORE of everything. He is more fun and more loving but also more trouble and more tantrumy. He wants things but then he DOESN’T want them. He loves things but then he HATES things and then he LOVES THEM SO MUCH HE HATES THEM. It’s a little bit exhausting, the mood swings, but I’m getting used to them. It’s good practice for when he’s a teenager.

Favorite things include: sippy cups of milk, his blue blankets (which he calls buh-byee), talking to his sister, hockey, bubbles, his grandparents, dancing, pretending to drive the car, sleeping (SERIOUSLY. HE LOVES TO SLEEP) and helping daddy get a beer. Least favorite things include: being told no, being tired, sitting in the shopping cart, boo boos (especially on his feet), and seeing either of us leave the house.

Look at those eyelashes!

26 Month Milestones (if you’re super perceptive, you’ll notice these are the SAME milestones as 25 months – apparently BabyCenter got lazy after 2 years old. WTF BABYCENTER?)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Stacks six blocks – Do Legos count?
• Walks with smooth heel-to-toe motion – Yes. And he runs in a smooth motion too, instead of the crazy high-knees march, which makes him look SO MUCH OLDER.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Uses pronouns (e.g., I, me, you) – I’ve never heard “you”, but he uses names (mama, baby, Mormor, dog) combined with another word. And he identifies himself as “I”, his things as “mine”, and uses his own name “Ef-ahn”.
• Washes and dries own hands – He can wash and dry his own SELF, including emptying the tub, putting away his bath toys, and drying his hair.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Speaks clearly most of the time – A lot more that he used to, but not “most of the time.”
• Draws a vertical line – He doesn’t really like drawing, unless it’s on the walls. But some of the lines are pretty straight.

At 7:21 tonight, I will have kept Evan alive for exactly 2 years. All the cliched stuff you’ve ever read about babies getting older totally applies here: I can’t even remember my life before I had him, the time has gone so fast, he’s made me a better person, cherish every moment because before you know it they’ll be walking and talking and leaving you in their dust as they run off to play with their friends. But those are cliches because they are all SO TRUE but shockingly, they still caught me by surprise. Where did my teeny tiny little baby go? Why is he sleeping in a big boy bed and eating cereal and milk with a spoon and asking me if I’m hurt when I cry? Who let him get so grown up and have all these opinions about stuff?

The truth is I can’t be too sad because this age is just SO MUCH FUN I can barely stand it. We read tons of books. He picks out outfits. He can play on his own for long periods of time but still wants us to watch him do silly things. There are balls and blocks and crayons and stamps and stickers all over my house. He’s also a super good helper. He’s in charge of putting the soap in the dishwasher and starting it, unloading the silverware, putting his dishes in the sink, putting his jammies in the hamper in the morning, and feeding the dog (most of the above with a liiiiittle assistance from mama). He loves to help with the baby too, and loves holding her and talking to her. I put them in the side-by-side stroller at Stroller Strides and he “shared” his laptop and tried to share his sippy cup when she fussed. It’s heart-meltingly cute to see them together.

But no matter how big and grown up and independent he gets, he’ll always be my baby.

The balloons I bought for these pictures made his WEEK. Wait until he sees his party on Saturday. I’m actually worried his little body might explode with joy. And coming soon here on the blog: first haircut, big boy room makeover, 2nd birthday party details and pics. It’s such an exciting time in the Davis household!

24 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Names at least six body parts – He can sing almost all of “head, shoulders, knees and toes”, so that’s 8 body parts right there. He also really loves teeth.
• Half of speech is understandable – To ME? Yes, probably 50%. To other people? Probably closer to 30%. He still babbles a lot, although I think he thinks he’s talking.
• Makes two- to three-word sentences – Yes, especially if they involve someone falling down. “Uh oh, I fell down!” “Uh oh, mama fell down!” “Uh oh, bebeh fell down!” He also recently started saying “Dada at work. On boat!” because I told him his dada worked on a boat. It’s easier than explaining “submarine” or “sometimes in an office but he goes to boats a lot”.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Talks about self – See “falling down” above. He will also tell me how he feels – sad, wet, tired (night night), hurt – but doesn’t say his name, although he does know it.
• Arranges things in categories – Ummm…I’m not sure we play any games that would encourage that. Although our friend Merin sent him some little plastic dog figures he LOVES and he definitely arranges them all together. And then kicks them.
• Can walk down stairs – Yes, with or without a railing. He also refuses to hold my hand while he does it.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Begins to understand abstract concepts (e.g., sooner and later) – He knows “one minute” means later but isn’t always happy to hear it.
• Becomes attuned to gender differences – I don’t think so, especially based on his love of wearing my jewelry and his attempts to put on mascara every morning. Although I think as Caroline gets older he might start to notice.
• Learns to jump – He has been jumping correctly – both feet off the floor – for months. He’s got fantastic gross motor skills. Seriously. He can already do most of the things on the next milestone chart up, as long as it involves physical abilities. Not so much with the talking.

Other stuff I don’t want to forget: He really, really loves lying down, especially if he has a blanket and a cup of milk. He doesn’t eat very much but is willing to try new stuff without too much of a battle. His favorite shows are The Price is Right and reruns of Friends (I’m teaching him to clap during the theme song) because we’re never home for actual kid’s shows and don’t have cable. His favorite books are “A Child’s Goodnight Book” and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” – both were mine when I was a child. He will sit through a longish story book but still likes the naming-things books too. Sometimes he gets out of his big boy bed when he’s supposed to be napping, but he’ll climb back in when he’s tired and wants to sleep. He can take off his shirt and put it on again (although it might be backwards or inside out) and takes off his pajamas most mornings. He loves to stretch at the end of Stroller Strides because he knows it means he will get to run around in a minute. He is extremely loud and active at home but gets overwhelmed and sort of quiet when there are lots of other children around. He’s still willing to be held by strangers and gives out hugs and kisses to practically anyone who asks. Brutus is still his best friend. I love him.

Only 2 years from this...

...to this. Amazing.

I am so enjoying seeing this across from me at breakfast again.

Cream cheese mustache and juice

No matter HOW whiney and stinky and demanding toddlers can be, they sure are more fun than a kidney infection. Especially ones who give good night kisses on demand and sleep all night. I am going to be SO SCREWED when the new baby comes and I’m back to 24/7 infant care – my body has totally readjusted to need more than 5+ hours a night again.

I missed Little Evan’s official monthday on the 5th (Dear Future Evan reading this: BLAME YOUR SISTER) but here’s the latest update from the Baby Center Milestone Chart:

21 Month Milestones (oops, that’s a month ahead, thanks for calling me out Robyn! 20 Month milestones below)(but I’m leaving this up because to be honest, I really doubt I’ll be remembering to do them with a week old baby hanging around anyways)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Can walk up stairs – Walk is such a specific word. Crawl? Yes. Sort of fling himself regardless of personal safety? Definitely. Take actual person sized steps? If someone holds his hand and hauls him up, yes again. But if what it boils down to is an ability to get himself safely up a flight (or three) of stairs then Yes, Absolutely. And fast.
• Able to set simple goals (e.g., deciding to put a toy in a certain place) – He is still Mayor of Trash, but he has also been promoted to Czar of Shoes. And he’s really good at it – you can ask for a specific pair, like “brown boots” or “dada’s shoes” or “MorMor (grandma’s) boots” and he will bring both to you with almost 100% accuracy. Although he also remembers which shoes I wear most often and will bring those by default. Really impressive, right?!

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Throws a ball overhand – Old news.
• Kicks ball forward – Old news.
• Stacks six blocks – Screw you and your block stacks Baby Center. My kid’s too busy learning to unlock my iPhone to mess with blocks.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Names simple picture in a book – Sometimes. Works best with animals and he mostly signs them/makes the noise. But with some encouragement he can name simple things like “apple” or “digger” or “ball”.
• Can walk down stairs – Again with the “walking”. E has been diligently and patiently working on “getting down a flight of stairs safely”, which seems to be going quite well as long as you’re willing to stay out of reach and give him time to scoot down each one on his butt. If he finds himself unattended on a set of stairs (not that that would EVER happen with such a responsible and attentive mother as myself) he will go down backwards. But if you stand next to him on the stairs he will reach for your hand at the same moment he throws himself off the top step.

EDITED TO ADD: 20 Month Milestones for my 20 Month Old who is not 21 Months Old

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Feeds doll – He keeps trying to shove his food into my belly button to “feed” the baby. Does that count?
• Takes off own clothes – Yes. Please see: every picture I’ve taken off him in the past month. Nekkid bebeh!
• Dumps an object in imitation, such as throwing garbage away – MAYOR. OF. TRASH.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Learns words at a rate of ten or more a day – Repeats words at a rate of a zillion a day. Retains and says words on his own at a rate of about 4 or 5 a day.
• Can walk up stairs (but probably not down) – See long-ass stair climbing assessment above.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• May start exploring genitals – No, and I’m a little sad, because that would make for some AWESOME blogging material
• Draws a straight line – On a piece of paper? Not a chance. On my wall? You bet.
• Names several body parts – Points at several body parts on demand, and loves to say “teeth”. But he’s more obsessed with shoes and hats than nose and ear.

There’s nothing like the internet to make you feel bad about your kid’s milestones, amiright?

At least I totally won in mobility milestones with the “My kid’s walking already!” I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I looooved the looks on other mom’s faces at the mall when my answer to “Wow, he’s walking so well! How old is he?” was “Just turned 10 months. He’s very active!”

Oh parenting karma, thou art a total bitch.

At almost 16 months, Baby Evan is definitely communicative but not exactly verbose. He doesn’t pick up new words very quickly or repeat things we say immediately, although every once in a while shocks me by correctly using a word or sign I had no idea he knew (like “more”, which I swear to God I signed four hundred times a day for three months until I gave up – and then a couple weeks ago he was all “yeah, I want more, give me more, WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING WOMAN??? MOOOOOOORE.”)

Words He Says Consistently (and mostly understandably)
Ball
Dog
Cat
Balloon
Book
Daddy
Kiss
Uh Oh
No
Bye

Words He Signs
More
Dog
Eat
In
Milk
Bird
Fish
Hot
Yucky
Bye bye
Baby (I LOVE this one, he knows the baby is in my belly too)

Words He Might Be Saying But I Have *COUGH* NO IDEA Where He Would Have Learned
Shit

Words He Understands
Hey kid, stop running away from me and come over here!
Uh oh, you made a mess! Can you use this paper towel to clean it up?
Would you like to go play on the playground?
Where did you put that pink plastic cover thing that goes on Mommy’s phone?
That’s dirty, can you throw it in the trash?
Where’s your nose?
Where are your feet?
Don’t touch Daddy’s computer.
You may touch the yarn but please don’t grab it.
Stop hitting the dog.
Stop jumping on your baby sister.
Stop trying to climb the stairs.
Danger!

And pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE we say to him. He has no shortage of comprehension skills – it’s just a matter of whether or not he feels like listening. Because he’s a toddler and toddlers are JERKS.

So I guess he’s not exactly STUNTED in the vocabulary department. It just feels like it because of the internet. Maybe the INTERNET is the jerk.