I feel like this month’s birthday is going to be mostly overlooked because next month’s is SO HUGE. In just two weeks, when people ask “How old is he?” I’m going to have to start saying “almost a year old.” When you think about a year’s worth of anything it seems like a really long time. No chocolate for a year, no internet for a year, no drinking for a year, no driving for a year, no shopping for a year all sound really really hard, but when you’re actually living that year day by day it passes pretty fast. Not getting a full night’s sleep for a year sounds TERRIBLE, but I’ve almost done it. And I’ll probably do it again. Look at me already writing the 12 month post when this is the 11 month milestone. I’m going to skip right to the BabyCenter chart to save you from any more blubbering about my baby growing up sooooo faaaaaaast.

11 Month Milestones from BabyCenter

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Says “mama” and “dada” to the correct parent – Uh, no. He says “mama” a LOT more than he used to but he doesn’t say “dada” very often. He does say “ba! ba! ba ba ba ba!!!” all day long.
• Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – He loves peek-a-boo and will play behind anything: my computer screen, the dog, the chair, a blanket, but he’s not very good with clapping yet so patty-cake is sort of pathetic.
• Stands alone for a couple of seconds – WALKS
• Cruises – WALKS

Emerging skills (half of kids can do)
• Understands “no” and simple instructions – Understands “no”, yes. LISTENS to “no”, not even a little. But he does follow simple instructions, like “bring that toy over here.” When he feels like it.
• Puts objects into a container – Puts them in, takes them out, puts them in. As long as the container is pretty big. This morning he threw his shoe in the trash and put the trash in his toy box.

Advanced skills (a few kids can do)
• Says one word besides “mama” and “dada” – See “babababa”. But he can sign “milk” and I think I saw him sign “more” and “dog”.
• Stoops from standing position – Definitely yes, he can squat without holding on to anything and stand up again. He likes doing it when he’s pooping.

So my kid really excels when it comes to physical development but is a little behind with the talking, which is the kind of thing a more high-strung mom might freak out about. If I start thinking about it too much even I get a little worried, but it’s more of a general annoyance that he doesn’t love me enough to call me Mama than a genuine concern he might be developmentally delayed in some way.

Baby Evan also has seven whole teeth with at least three more lurking just under his gums and yesterday he ate a couple of Beechnut animal crackers and part of a carrot stick. I feel like he’s right on the edge of discovering food is meant to be swallowed and one day he’ll just wake up and demand a cheeseburger and fries something really healthy and nutritious. I’m still loving baby-led weaning and highly recommend it especially if you’re as lazy as I am.

The past 11 months have been more fun, more work, more stressful and more enjoyable than any of my pre-baby life. I can’t wait to see what comes next. I apologize if the following photos hurt your uterus.

And now back to your regularly scheduled update.

10 Month Milestone Chart from BabyCenter

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Waves goodbye – he waves all the time, but I’m not sure he means “byebye”
• Picks things up with pincer grasp – Yes
• Crawls well, with belly off the ground – Yes, at a speed that can only be described as wicked fast.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Says “mama” and “dada” to the correct parent – He’s definitely called me mama, but he’s also called the dog and a water bottle mama. And sometimes he calls me “baba”. I haven’t heard him get dada right yet, although if I tell him “Dada’s home!” he crawls to the door.
• Indicates wants with gestures – He knows the sign for “milk” and reaches for things, but no pointing.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Stands alone for a couple of seconds – Stands all the time. Cruises constantly. Walks 10-12 independent steps several times an hour, although he only really started that in the past two days.
• Puts objects into a container – He put his new Sophie in a pot yesterday. I think he wanted some giraffe soup. Which I would totally give him if I knew where to get some giraffe.

So to sum up, motor skills and physical development are great and a little ahead of the curve. Mental and verbal development are decidedly average. Personality is still very happy and easy going 90% of the time and angry hell-demon the other 10%, but I still think he’s the best baby in the world.

I have now officially had a baby for the same length of time it took to grow said baby. Nine months in, nine months out. And my least favorite part, “it took you 9 months to gain the baby weight, so give yourself 9 months to lose it.” Bah. It took me 9 months of sitting on my butt eating french fries to gain this weight, it’s going to take a lot more than 9 months of sitting on my butt eating french fries stroller workouts to lose it. Especially since I only started working out at 6 months postpartum and only SERIOUSLY working out in the last three weeks. I still somehow managed to lose 35 lbs and am only 2 lbs away from what my doctor has listed as my starting weight. Which means I have 12 lbs to go to get into my old jeans and 32 lbs to go to get down to a weight I’ll be happy with. I’m not even going to tell you how much I’d have to lose to get back to my lowest college weight since it’s both ridiculous and impossible. All I want is to not look like I ate the fifth bridesmaid when I’m in my friend Erin’s wedding in September.

Baby Evan on the other hand, may actually have eaten a member of our play group without my noticing. His official weigh in is on Monday but I’m betting he’s around 24 lbs and OMGwhatareyoufeedingthisbaby?? ounces. I’m expecting a very interesting conversation where I explain to the pediatrician he’s not really eating solids yet and the pediatrician calls me a liarface, but I plan to bring some Cheerios along to prove it. Then again, Baby Evan did manage to eat most of the hummus I gave him today, so our attempts at real food must be starting to work. Apparently I was just going about it all wrong , trying to get him to eat normal things like applesauce. I should just start offering the most obscure foods available. Tabouleh? Caviar? Kimchi? Lukefisk? Ok, maybe not those, but I think I’ll try some avocado and sweet potato oven fries this week.

Development-wise, I think we’re right on track. Besides the pulling up and cruising, he’s started letting go and E SWEARS the baby even took a step the other day. I didn’t see it though, so it doesn’t count. Just like E never hears Baby Evan say “Mama” so we haven’t written down “first word: Mama” in the baby book. Actually, the whole first word milestone is total bullshit. He says “haaaiii” when we say “hi”. He says “mama mama” and “daaad” but just at random times. His babbling has increased to multiple syllables that SOUND like sentences but he’s definitely not using actual words. I guess “first word” really means “the first time he says a word and actually knows what it means”, in which case I think it’s going to be kitty. Or maybe Brutus. Actually, at this point it may be TOUCHDOOOOOWN!!! but I’ll explain that later.

Milestone Chart from BabyCenter

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Stands while holding onto something – All the time
• Jabbers or combines syllables – Yes
• Understands object permanence – Boy does he ever. Take away anything he wants (power cords, balls of dog hair, the cat) and he’ll scream for it back. Hiding it behind your back doesn’t work anymore either.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Cruises while holding onto furniture – He can make it from the bookcase to the radiator to the ottoman to the couch to the rocker to the chair to the post to the highchair to the dog and back again.
• Drinks from a sippy cup – Sort of? He knows HOW to drink, I just don’t know if he does. He has a sippy of water he loves to put in his mouth and chew on but it’s impossible to tell how much is leaking and how much is getting swallowed.
• Eats with fingers – Yes, he is capable of putting food in his mouth with his fingers.
• Bangs objects together – I haven’t seen him do it.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – No patty-cake, but he’ll play peek-a-boo if you put something over his/your head.
• Says “mama” and “dada” to the correct parent – No. Damnit.

It’s sort of terrifying to think we’re 3/4 of the way to a year already and in a couple months I’ll have to start thinking about what to do for my KID’S BIRTHDAY PARTY. Maybe we’ll just send him to Grandma’s and go with a beer and spa treatment theme.

At least he's finally starting to earn his keep around here.

If only the food could be absorbed through his head we'd be all set with the eating.

OH DID I FORGET TO MENTION THE TEETH? Top and bottom now, with the next two top ones about to pop.

Zombie Baby!

Ok, I'll look cute for your website photos...

...but don't forget who's in charge around here!