While I was at Mom 2.0 at the beginning of May, I ended up in a bunch of photos. And since this is 2014, some of those photos ended up on Facebook. And because it’s Facebook, I ended up tagged, which meant all my friends – from my 4th grade classmates to the girl who lived on my floor in college to my mother’s second cousin who lives in Sweden – saw them.

I did not like it. They were not flattering. They were candid, and that is what I look like in candid photos, but they made me sad.

**insert literally 1000 words I wrote then deleted about how being fat sucks here**

You know what’s a huge waste of my time? Being sad about being fat while pregnant. I feel a compulsive need to mention my doctor is unconcerned – I don’t have high blood pressure or gestational diabetes or any other weight-related complications – so all my sadness is purely vanity-related right now.

I do a lot of maternity photo sessions and my clients are always GORGEOUS. Because that’s who wants maternity photos – people who look adorable even at 8 months pregnant. People who look like me spend 5 minutes on Pinterest and realize no lacy dress and oversized sun hat will ever change the size of their arms or shape of their face. But this is what I look like. This is what I look like right now while growing baby #3 and walking around in the world and there is nothing wrong with wanting photos of myself OR with showing those photos to other people.

It’s like that meme about how to get a bikini ready body: Buy a bikini, put it on your body. Done.

Here’s how to take plus size maternity photos. Be pregnant in front of a camera, get someone to press the shutter button. Done.

I owe my husband a huge thanks for helping with these. He very patiently posed for all my pictures so I could adjust the manual camera settings and then I had to explain exactly what I wanted – “The sun should be shining behind us to make haze but not TOO much haze and don’t get the sun actually in the picture and try to get the focus point right on the kids and tell me if my bra is showing [it was ALWAYS showing] and does my arm look OK like this or should I hold it differently?” – and he did all of it standing in the buggy, snakey orchard without complaining. He doesn’t really understand WHY I wanted 400 photos of myself standing in an orchard, but he knew it was important so he helped. He’s a good guy.

Amy revived her Wordless Wednesday linky and I have all these pictures I never posted so it just seemed logical.

I’ve been doing these weekly posts since I was pregnant with Caroline. She’s now a fully functional human (well, unless you try to stop pushing her on the swings, then she is a hideous raging monster beast) and I’m only a few weeks away from another baby. If the entire internet self destructed tomorrow, these posts the things I’d be the saddest to lose.

Sunday:

This was pretty much the only awesome stroller we DIDN’T take home from New York. It’s really awesome.

Caroline made herself right at home.

It was so great to have E with us in NYC for the first time.

Monday:

Reading Spiderman books to Doggy. Obviously.

Bubble machines are priceless. PRICELESS.

Someone is still exhausted from New York.

Tuesday:

She thinks the a/c vent is tiny stairs for tiny people.

Another Tuesday, another non-stress test

They can find their way around the hospital without me now.

Wednesday:

OFFICIALLY SUMMER

Weirdoes

Swam all the way to the deep end by herself

Thursday:

How one child gets so many scrapes and bruises (and almost never mentions them) is beyond me

Cute kid. Trashed house.

Performing at the spring Science Fair. He knew all the words.

Friday:

Enjoying her tiny rain-proof house at Stroller Strides

God bless iPads. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Well earned cheeseburgers after our appointment.

Saturday:

I dunno, it’s a wall. I liked it.

The best food in the world.

Motherhood: when your nice relaxing bubble bath is ruined by this thing staring up at you.

I have too many things to do and not enough time to do them all, so I am mostly doing nothing. Besides editing pictures. That is both fun and able to be done while I sit on the couch and watch this Star Trek movie. Again. There’s a tribble! I love tribbles! Tomorrow I am making a pie, which should count as more than enough things for one pregnant lady to do in a weekend. Maybe I will make two pies, just to be sure someone besides me gets to eat some.

This week felt really, really long. But in a good way. A full way. Something about going away for the weekend to Mom 2.0 changed things at home – maybe we ALL needed a break from each other – and we’re all happier to be around each other. Despite spending an awful lot of the week in various waiting and exam rooms, we ended it in NYC proving our kids are really good sports (we made them walk everywhere) and really fun (when they aren’t driving us crazy).

Sunday:

These are my “before” flowerpots, but that didn’t stop her from trying to take care of them.

She asked for purple flowers to plant (I don’t even know what these are).

Mother’s Day at Chili’s (again) calls for finger guns

Monday:

Freezing, FREEZING cold water

The gingers are unphased by cold

So excited about her chocolate frog she forgot to take the plastic off.

Tuesday:

She tied that all by herself.

Thank God for iPads (during my NST)

Wishflowers

Wednesday:

Pweeeese we swim some more Mommy? Pweeeeeese?

We bought cat food and paper towels and batteries at Walmart. She is hugging the batteries.

Fawkes Phoenix is Evan’s new BFF

Thursday:

Looking pensive about the rain

In case you thought they were GOOD at posing for pictures.

Sleeping Beauty

Friday:

What is this weather even??

Next year, SHE is going to be coming home on that bus.

Another day, another visit to L&D

Saturday:

When you get the Metro-North seats with the power outlet, you get to play Angry Birds all the way in to the city.

Shake Shack is actually as good as everyone says.

I think our last family picture (selfie or otherwise) was in October. We heart NYC.

And now I am literally going to crawl upstairs to bed because my left hip is broken (out of joint? sprained? can you sprain a hip?) and I can’t walk. I finally found my sense of direction in New York, but unfortunately it was because we walked EVERYWHERE. I’m pretty sure even the gingers are going to sleep in tomorrow.

Although I did get a super awesome new stroller that’s inspiring me to get back to Stroller Strides. Maybe if my hip pops back in we’ll actually make it this week.

Late, so late, but Mother’s Day was spent planting and napping and today was spent at the lake enjoying our very first 80+ degree day of the year so I’m just patting myself on the back for getting it done and not decided 183 weeks straight is enough.

Sunday:

Hello New England, you look lovely from the air.

May the Fourth be with you!

Exhausted and swollen but shocked by how much I missed these kids.

Monday:

Yay Spring!

Caroline picked me flowers

Moe’s was as close as we got to celebrating Cinco de Mayo

Tuesday:

Preschool drop off shenanigans

Weirdo is obsessed with this basket

Evening family walk is my new favorite

Wednesday:

First of many non-stress tests for Baby #3

They’ve graduated to the deep end (with help) and it stresses me out

Who doesn’t love H&M?

Thursday:

Three going on sixteen

Not mad, just showing off the guns

Super happy Daddy is home

Friday:

Someone threw money in this statue which only has 2 inches of water in it. I made the gingers put it back after they fished it all out because it felt like…stealing? Ruining someone’s wish? I’m not even sure.

The best ice cream in Connecticut @Mystic Drawbridge

Green

Saturday:

Back in the hospital birthing center, my new home.

Humid weather gives her curls

The sky after the wedding I photographed

The beautiful, sunny weather for the past couple days means I’ve been carrying my camera around again to take pictures, so they’ll be a bunch of those to post this week. Probably. Or they all might end up living on my hard drive indefinitely because I’m too busy sorting and then editing the 1000+ photos I took at that wedding. Luckily I can do all of that sitting down, since being 30 weeks pregnant plus carrying extra amniotic fluid means doing anything for more than about 30 minutes straight is uncomfortable. So hurt. Much huge. Wow.