I forgot to mention that my birthing class talked a lot about pain management techniques that involved breathing, moving around, different positions, using the birthing ball, and spending as little time as possible lying in bed on your back. We’re doing a whole class on it next week. I’m happy to know the hospital – and my doctor – are supportive of that kind of thing. Even though I’m planning on an epidural at some point, I’ve read and heard a lot about how all those things can make labor up until medication a lot more bearable. And most of the horrible “I was forced into a C-section I didn’t want by a doctor who didn’t want to miss tee time” stories come from the kind of un-woman-friendly practices that think the proper place of a woman in labor is in a bed with stirrups.

Meh. I have a sneaking suspicioun birthing class is really meant for husbands. I mean, I don’t think there is a single woman who makes it to 28 weeks not knowing what “dilation” is. At least not the kind of woman who pays $45 for labor preparedness classes. Maybe the girl who gives birth in the Catholic school bathroom would benefit from that information, but since class takes place at the same time as Gossip Girl I really doubt she’s going to attend.

Our instructor Sandy is a nurse at my OB-GYN’s office which is actually the most helpful part. She told us useful things like where to go when I’m in labor, all about the fancy birthing suites (no shared rooms – yah!), and that my preregistration kit should come in the mail in 8 weeks. We also get a tour of the L&D floor during the last class. I think they make us wait so we aren’t tempted to steal one of the infants from the nursery and just call it our baby.

There were five other couples. Everyone else in my class is having a girl and they are all due before me, although several are due in late March. Two couples were a little…weird. I am, of course, judging them completely on appearances, but I cannot make mommy friends with people who look like they cut their own hair in the dark and have stains on their dress sweatpants pre-infant.  One couple seemed OK until they started talking about how they were planning to drive over an hour away to have the baby at a water-birthing center. I have nothing against water-births, I just need to be friends with the kind of woman who appreciates mind-altering substances, beginning with an epidural and ending with cocktails. There were two promising couples, a girl in a green shirt and Uggs + husband, and a girl with adorable short curly hair + her husband. Curly haired girl is naming her daughter Emma but I can’t remember any of the adult names. I am willing to forgive both the questionable footwear and the horribly unoriginal baby name if these people are willing to forgive my baby’s gender and my husband’s constant smart-ass remarks.

E was actually pretty good. I think he only said “20%” once! His only question was if the L&D floor had wireless access so he wouldn’t miss any raids on World of Warcraft. He even volunteered to bring Halo 3 in as my focus object during labor, so I had something to remind me of home. Did I mention he wore his pirate hoodie that says “The beatings will continue until morale improves”? But he did pay attention and even answered a question out loud and half correctly, which is more than I can say for any of the other guys. And he even did the breathing exercises! Out loud! I think if I had to pick the best part of the class it’s that E is gaining a better understanding and appreciation of what I’m going to go through. Plus I really want to see the Labor and Delivery ward and maybe steal a newborn from the nursery. I mean borrow. Borrow a newborn. For about 18 years.

Don’t believe the horror stories. My glucose drink tasted exactly like slightly flat orange soda, something I’m sure Tiny E will be happy to drink in large quantities if he’s anything like his father. I also had a lab tech-in-training who was so afraid of stabbing me with a needle that she barely poked through my skin and it took five minutes to fill four vials. I find out Thursday if I have gestational diabetes (I doubt it), and will probably get another shot of Rhogam in the backside – as long as the tech remembered to mark my file correctly. I hate to think the worst of people but no matter how many times I said “I already had one shot, so my bloodwork might come back Rh+. I’m supposed to have more Rhogam made anyways, but the hospital may not know that if you don’t write it down” her best response was “How do you spell Rogaine?”

Less than 5 hours until birthing class. I feel like I’m going on a blind date with the other couples enrolled in the class, since these are the people who a) will have children almost the same age and b) live nearby, making them potential friends.

Keep in mind I am still technically three days away from my third trimester. So although my belly can no longer be called “cute” or “small” I have a loooong way to go before I am full-sized. Thank God my boobs are growing at almost the same rate as my stomach.

Oh hey, that shirt’s kind of see through! And my back fat has taken over the picture! Classy AND sexy!

Remember how E said a woman’s brain shrinks 20% during pregnancy because of SCIENCE?

I’ve been entertaining myself by putting the car seat in the stroller, adjusting the handle and seat tray, taking the infant support in and out, and practicing folding up the stroller with one hand. It sounds about as much fun as watching paint dry to you, but to me it’s like an evening of facinating conversation and fine wine.  20% is probably a conservative estimate.

I’m kind of depressed tonight. E is on duty, so the dog and I have been watching a Law & Order: SVU marathon for the last…seven hours? Can that be true? Anyways, the list of things I should have done today includes gone to the grocery store, finish putting away the Christmas decorations, and re-wash all the baby clothes the cats have been sleeping on. Guess how many of those things I did?

I didn’t go to the store because it would have meant driving my convertible on roads that are still pretty icy (Great Job CT DOT!) and stopping for gas in 34 degree weather. Plus it’s only the second of the month and I’m already counting the days until E gets paid again. During the holidays we could pretend that we were poor because of Christmas presents, travel, etc. But the raise E got hasn’t really covered what I was bringing in – even working just part time – and unless someone wants to start paying me for this blog we’re looking at some really fancy financial juggling for the next year. So trips to Stop & Shop for arugula and other elitist food is out and cereal for dinner is in.

I didn’t finish putting away the Christmas decorations because I have a pain. I have absolutely no real way to describe or explain this pain, except that it is obviously pregnancy-related. When I want to complain about it, I tell E it’s in my lady-parts, which isn’t exactly true but there is no closer bit of anatomy. The way I described it to the doctor was a stabbing pain when I moved my legs – and her only response was “Yeah, that’s probably going to get worse”. So helpful! I’d like to stretch or strengthen whatever muscle it is that hurts so much but I can’t find it. No amount of rolling around on the floor or flailing my legs around can re-create the pain I get from trying to climb stairs/carry things/get comfortable on the couch/waddle to the bathroom at 2 am.

I haven’t rewashed the baby clothes because I figure there’s so much cat and dog hair in the house already if Baby is allergic I’m pretty much screwed. I did put all the tiny socks and hats and onesies and blankets in a Rubbermaid tote to prevent any future cat-sleeping, but considering I found cat hair inside my dishwasher today, I’m not even sure that will help.

The only happy thing I forgot to report before was BJ’s sells Boppy pillows -with covers- for only $19! The real thing too, not some generic nursing pillow. The one on my registry is $30 plus another $10 for the slipcover. I should probably delete it so I can save some poor relative $20. Oh, and I got my travel system! Yah!! Babies R Us has it on sale, plus they let me use both my 15% off coupon and another $5 off coupon. Combined with Grandma’s Christmas money the whole thing only cost us $28. The very nice cashier told me they have really lax coupon rules, so if I have several 15% off coupons (they send them in the mail all the time) I can use one for each item I buy. So keep the coupons comin’ BRU and I’ll keep running up my credit card bill on adorable baby crap. Next on my list is the crib bedding set.

I guess things aren’t really as depressing as I thought – Baby is kicking away happily, the dog is snoring with his head on my knee, I can see my awesome stroller and car seat from where I sit, and this commercial keeps coming on the television. It makes me ridiculously happy to be pregnant. Prepare your ovaries for assault!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndcCVfp0AMU&hl=en&fs=1]