I’m still here in Minnesota, but that’s not going to stop me from posting eight zillion thoughts about my experience so far. I should be sleeping – tired pregnant woman is TIRED – but the hotel room alarm clock is possessed. It must be auto-set to go off at 6:30 (maybe all the tall, hardy Scandinavians in Minnesota get up and to group stretches or something before going off to milk the cows and dazzle people with their straight, white teeth) and once it started beeping it refused to turn off. I pushed every button on the clock and all I managed to do is anger it into beeping louder and louder and LOUDER as I started franticly scrambling to find the switch and oh no I’m going to wake up the whole hotel with this alarm where is the frackin off switch ok FINE I’ll just pull out the battery! Crap, where’s the battery??? Wait, there IS no battery!!!

I think my in ability to master an alarm clock cements my total failure as a functioning human being out in public. Add it to my giant swollen feet and ankles (because why WOULDN’T I wear high heels for 12 hours when traveling?), the extreme case of inner thigh rub that’s threatening to spread all the way down to my calves (note to self: PANTS. LEGGINGS. SPANX. All good things), and the sweatiest palms in the history of the world and I should just be locked in my house forever. At least there I don’t get hand sweat all over The Pioneer Woman.

Even with my epic failure as a Professional Grown Up Business Type Person I am having a fantastic time. Everyone is SO SO SO nice and even the busiest most important organizers and authors and bloggers will stop and talk to you. They WANT to talk to you. And then they ask for your business card and you die dead right on the floor.

Now I have to go take a shower and stuff my feet into my largest shoes and run a whole stick of antiperspirant on my hands and go down to the blogging panel (the ONLY place I really belong this weekend) and pretend I’m not still totally star struck and speechless at…everything.

Remember I’m boring everyone live in real time on Twitter. That is, if I don’t break my iPhone with the tropical rainforest I call my hands.

P.S. Ok, here’s one story I can’t wait to tell. Last night I was trying to take pictures of the speakers (MaryJane Butters and Amy Butler) but there was this head of red hair in all my shots. I was all JEEZ can’t I get one picture without that head in it? And then I realized that head was The Pioneer Woman.

Another family photo album in lieu of a real blog post. Not that my real posts are ever brilliant to begin with, so no big loss.

We very ambitiously decided to head into Washington on Labor Day despite not getting home until 1 am, one hangover, one separated pelvis, and one child we knew was probably going to miss nap time. My folks only live 20 minutes from DC (when there’s no traffic) so we were prepared for a short visit if we couldn’t handle it. A quick escape proved unnecessary and we made it about half way down the Mall before the pregnant one started complaining too much as we had to give up on seeing the World War II memorial. That’s what happens when you park illegally by the Capitol building all the way at one end of the Mall and think “yeah, we can TOTALLY walk 4 miles in three hours with a stroller and still see several large museums and monuments.” You miss stuff.

Air & Space Museum. Did you know it's the most visiting museum of any kind anywhere in the world? That's the kind of cool stuff you can learn when you eavesdrop on the tourguides. All the good stuff is on the ceiling so Baby Evan spent a lot of time like this.

For the most-visited museum it was pretty not crowded on a holiday. Look closely, do you see the hobo baby in this picture?

Family Picture!! Tired Baby Looks Tired, but he did really well despite the sun and the crowds.

There was no way to accurately capture with a picture how cool this sculpture is. When you walk past, it appears to be turning but really it's just the perspective. Yeah, sorry, that didn't help. Maybe there's a video on YouTube or something.

Natural History Museum, home of my favorite thing to visit in DC - The Hope Diamond

See Baby Evan's blurry little hand? He's signing "fish! fish! fish!!!!" He likes them almost as much as dogs.

More fish. Ancient, scary, giant-toothed fish, but still fish. Strangely enough, he didn't react AT ALL to the dinosaurs. Maybe because he doesn't know the sign.

I mean, even *I* like the T-Rex. You'd think a kid would too. Nope.

Part of an elephant. Maybe. Baby Evan liked poking it.

24 Weeks - it's a Good Amount of pregnant. We've reached a turning point on viability (not that I WANT to have a super-premie but knowing the baby would have a shot if something unexpected happened is nice), I'm not horribly uncomfortable, I still have plenty of things to wear, and I haven't reached the "swollen bloated manatee" stage yet. Can I just stay here?

The whole trip I couldn’t stop commenting on how much I LOVE Washington. It’s such a great tourist destination. You can break up lots of outside walking with museums that are sciencey or arty or historical or fun and they’re all free. The Metro is super easy to navigate, there are tons of places to eat, and most of the time the crowds are manageable. E and I talked about our chances of ever getting transferred to the DC area and decided if it becomes and option we will definitely take it. Of course, it could be 10 years before that happens and my folks don’t plan to live there to offer free babysitting forever, but if they haven’t moved it would be the perfect icing on a lovely just-southern-enough cake. Of course, then I remembered the high crime rate and the insane cost of living and the constant, never-ending politics and the TRAFFIC and how much I complained about the total lack of fun stuff to do when I was growing up there. But hey, no where is perfect.

If you’re feeling clicky today, I’d appreciate it! I think I’m on page three. Maybe four. Shamefully uncool, is what I’m saying, and my ego could use the extra bump. XOXO!

THE DRESS FIT.

The End.

I know that was really all anyone wanted to hear about – especially my real life friends, since I don’t think I’ve talked about anything else for weeks. Of course, my fear of the dress not fitting didn’t stop me from stuffing my face enjoying the delicious rehearsal dinner or catered lunch at the salon. Pregnancy is equal to about four glasses of wine when it comes to helping you make good choices. Maybe that’s the REAL reason you aren’t supposed to drink while pregnant – you’re already just a few seconds away from doing something really stupid, no need to add alcohol.

I look like the Hulk next to those teeny tiny maids. HULK SMASH J CREW!!

It was a super awesome fun time. Half the guests were from England (as is the Groom), so cute accents and extremely high alcohol tolerances were plentiful. It’s probably good I was knocked up and unable to enjoy more than a sip of champagne, since “open bar” is a dangerous thing to offer someone having her very first date night in 17 months and who hasn’t even finished a glass of wine in more than 2 years.

Since it’s not my wedding and most of you don’t know who any of these people are, I’ll try to keep the pictures to a minimum. I’m also EXTREMELY disappointed I didn’t pass my camera off to anyone  – I don’t have a single head-on shot with my dress and hair and makeup done, and NO pictures of me and E together or me in the borrowed comfy-yet-still-super-classy black dress I changed into for the dancing and eating part of the reception. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of the people at my table (the official Friends From High School table) had cameras, so the chances of a good picture popping up on Facebook is pretty small. I also loved the bulk lace table runners they had to decorate while we had dinner together.

Here’s your free tip of the day: IF YOU LOOK NICE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE GIVING BIRTH, GET LOTS OF PICTURES OF YOURSELF.

Every picture of myself I have – the two on the ends are cropped like 400% because they’re really of lots of people. But you don’t know them.

(As a sidenote, although I have hated almost every picture of myself for the past 6 years, I don’t mind these. Being pregnant is a pretty good excuse for a double chin and my arms look not as huge as they used to be.)

I did steal these from someone’s Facebook – just not someone I know. Despite all my complaining about the dress being TERRIBLE for pregnant people, they looked spectacular in the pictures.

I have a whole series of pictures from the “putting on the dress” portion of the afternoon. They’re hilarious.

Isn’t she gorgeous? Everything about the day was gorgeous. For anyone who’s also thinking of marrying someone in the nearest future, check out these titanium wedding bands for sale because they are just plain beautiful. Enough said. 

That is the official E Dancing Face. He was SO THRILLED to be dancing. I wish I could explain the dancing better, but you’ll just have to trust me when I say dancing is His Thing.

I also got to meet a reader (I will NOT say “fan”) who I didn’t know before – the bride was kind enough to send her a link when she was pregnant last year and for some crazy reason she’s kept reading. It was AWESOME, if only because I’d been doing my best not to talk about my kid for the past two days and suddenly here was someone who WANTED to talk about babies. Within seconds we were already discussing our struggles with breastfeeding and cloth diapers and labor preparations. I’ve never met someone I knew through blogging before (I know people who also blog but I don’t know them FROM their blogs, if that makes sense) but it really is like having an instant friend. So great to meet you Kim!

So, who wants to get married next? E and I definitely need another weekend like this one.

We came down to Northern Virginia this weekend for my friend Erin’s super awesome wedding. My parents got to watch Baby Evan during the rehearsal dinner AND the wedding and they did a fantastic job. No broken parts and they totally wore him out. He slept for 13 hours last night. I had to go in and poke him to check for signs of life. We’ve decided to come visit much more often – one baby-free date night every 17 months is NOT enough.

The wedding was absolutely gorgeous and the the reception was one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing E dance you wouldn’t understand why I love wedding receptions so much, but let me tell you – it is EPIC. The drinking made it even better, although he probably won’t be doing THAT again for a while – in his own words, he’s getting way to old for this s***.

Most of my photos are on the computer and I’m writing this from my phone (woot! iPhone shout out!) because we’re on our way in to DC for a few hours, but I will have TONS to share when we get home to CT. My dress totally fit and didn’t even look that bad, although I still changed into a super comfy maternity dress for the dancing and eating portion of the night. It was awesome. Congrats again to my two amazing friends!

Have a safe and wonderful Labor Day!

Back in July, one of my bloggy heros Loralee posted a link to a contest for an all-expenses paid trip to The Creative Connection Conference in Minneapolis.

All you had to do to enter was write a 250-word essay about your creativity and how attending would help you develop as a person and an entrepreneur.

So, hey, nothing to lose. I wrote an essay, frantically using up more than my fair share of contractions trying to keep it under 250 words. Because, HELLO, creating stuff is awesome. I do it a lot. It’s not always pretty or perfect or brilliant, but I love my blog, my photographs, my knitting, my baking and the chance to meet and network with other (way WAY more amazingly creative) women sounded like a dream come true.

I sent my crazy rambling words off into the ether and forgot all about it.

OK, I didn’t really forget. I thought about it. A lot. I thought about how amazing it would be to attend a conference like this (HELLO, THE PIONEER WOMAN IS GOING TO BE THERE). I thought about how much of myself I put into my little essay. I thought about it right up until the day they were supposed to contact the winners. Then I thought bitter, angry thoughts about the jerks who got picked instead of me.

And then yesterday I got an email.

Hi Suzanne,

Congratulations! We have selected you as one of our three winners in the Create.Craft.Connect contest sponsored by Lark Crafts and The Creative Connection!

We were so inspired by your incredibly unique entry (love your belief that creativity isn’t about talent but the love of making things!)  that we’d like to send you to the conference in September.

WHAT THE WHAT? My best guess is I was runner up #17 or something and the other winners had to turn it down for some reason, which would explain why I was contacted so late. But who the heck cares, I’M A WINNER!

I passed out for a minute. Then I sobbed a little. Then I tweeted like fourty bazillionty times. Then I sobbed a little more. Then I jumped up and down. Then I peed my pants because I couldn’t bring myself to step away from the computer in case the email message somehow disappeared.

Can you tell I’m excited? SUPER excited. I’m also terrified I’ll spend the whole time standing in a corner because I don’t know ANYONE. I also feel like a terrible mother because I’ll be leaving Baby Evan AGAIN for three more days, not to mention dumping him with my parents for most of Labor Day weekend while E and I attending wedding festivities. And then I feel ever worse because I don’t actually feel THAT BAD about getting some more baby free time before Baby Squared becomes a reality. Mama likes sleeping in.

I don’t have any actual plans yet, no plane ticket or confirmations or instructions on how to sign up for the workshops or whatever. Which means maybe this is just some sort of extra-specific spam and tomorrow I’ll get an email saying the best way to contact them is this Nigerian phone number and while they’ve got my attention could I help their great uncle transfer $23,000,000 out of the country? All they need is my bank info. I don’t think I’d be the least bit surprised.

BUT. If it is real, I will soon be accosting Ree Drummond with my giant pregnant belly and tracking down Allison from O My Family to prove she really is as cute in person.

I need to go change my pants again.

p.s. Who can suggest somewhere to get awesome, fast, cute, cheap business cards? Because if I’m going to pretend to be all like “Oh hai, Am legitimate bizness woman!” I think I need cards.