A List Of 3rd Pregnancy Complaints, In Alphabetical Order, While I Can Still Remember What That Means #epicwhiningahead

1. Exhaustion – My current nap schedule rivals that of a 3 month old, which makes sense because I’ve had something sucking all the energy out of my body for the past 3 months. I feel like I have one of those video-game life bars over my head that never gets above about 50% and usually hovers around 10. Just enough that I am not ACTUALLY asleep or dead, but not enough to handle reaching over there to put on the bra I took off at 9 am when someone knocks on the door. I will say having a 4 1/2 year old is very handy in this situation, since he thinks fetching things for me is the Best Game Ever and will bring me food/drinks/the remote/a blanket and pillow for another nap. But I’m still not putting that bra back on.

2. Feelings – The combination of the holidays + Caroline turning 3 + pregnancy means I’m basically 20 seconds away from sobbing at any given moment. I cry during Match.com commercials, which are the lowest form of emotional string-pulling currently on TV. I cry reading Buzzfeed roundups. I get myself worked into screaming rage fits over comments on the internet that have absolutely nothing to do with me in ANY WAY. Listening to the radio in the car is a game of sobbing roulette, just waiting for a sad song or an NPR story about poverty of any variety. If someone were to be kind to me in public (putting my shopping cart away, holding a door, not giving me dirty looks when Evan yells “FARTS” in public) I would become inconsolable within seconds and probably scare them out of ever being kind to a stranger again.

3. Hugeness – I am starting this pregnancy at a higher weight than my first two (I ate a lot of feelings over the past year) and it is not very pleasant. I don’t know if any of my maternity clothes are going to fit (I can’t find them) and I KNOW none of my bras do. I’m not going to have an adorable bump or take cutesy maternity photos or impress anyone with my pregnancy style – if I make it 9 months without splitting my pants in public I will consider it a win. My doctor is not concerned (or at least has the tact not to point out it was stupid to get pregnant before I got back in shape because IT’S TOO LATE NOW) and I have plans to keep attending my gym and stay as active as I can…but I am not one of those people who gains 6 pounds and leaves the hospital in her skinny jeans. I do not plan to beat myself up over it (again TOO LATE NOW) but it sort of…sucks.

4. Morning Sickness – I should go back and reread post from both previous babies, since I am guessing I did have medium-to-disruptive morning sickness with them and have just blocked it out. I DEFINITELY remember that after I had Caroline it never really, truly went away – if I brush my teeth in the morning while still half-asleep I almost always gag myself. My current schedule goes like this: wake up, try not to move any more than necessary until I can get to the bathroom, throw up nothing for a while, feel like crap, eat something around noon, eat something around 2 pm, eat something around 4 pm, start feeling crappy again, try not to throw up until I go to bed. If I’m still awake at midnight it starts over again with the eating. I crave spicy food but am scared to eat it too much because that is an unfortunate choice when it comes back up. I’m not in danger of dehydration and it’s not bad enough for medication but it does feel like it’s going to last forever. THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.

5. Slightly overwhelmed and/or terrified – Three children is a lot of children. Outnumbered. Zone defense. We’re out of bedrooms and easily accessible seats in the van. I haven’t really thought much about the reality of three kids, since I haven’t fully convinced myself this one is real. (Sidebar that should probably be a whole post: It’s amazing how much one extremely early loss has changed my belief in pregnancy. I had no problem announcing I was pregnant the second I got a line on the stick the first two times because I had no experience with anything but a full-term outcome. Now I have a hard time believing I’ll ever get a baby out of this, despite the fact that everything is totally fine so far. I can’t imagine how much worse that feeling/worry is for someone whose suffered multiple losses or false positives.) But since it’s already 2014 I’m going to have to think of the details of adding a 3rd baby soonish. My current plan is bunks for the current gingers in Caroline’s room with the front bedroom as a nursery. It will give me an excuse to paint it something other than the VERY blue I chose for Evan (we’re not going to find out what this one is) and buy bunk beds, which is something my childhood heart has always wanted.

I really like lists and this I will blog lots of lists from now on. Coming soon: lists of things I am convinced are wrong with me, lists of stuff I need to replace for this baby because mine are broken/gone and I cannot live without them, and lists of lists. Also the story of how my 4 year old lost his first tooth due to a face-smashing. Maybe bunk beds aren’t a terrific idea.

Bad lazy blogger is actually neither bad nor lazy.

I’ve been in the hospital since early morning Friday thanks to a fever that won’t stop spiking. It took them until this morning to figure out I have an E coli infection in my right kidney – the side I had the stone removed from – and until 30 minutes ago to decide which of the 3 different antibiotics I’ve been on will probably do the most good. But even though they’ve been trying to kill this thing since Friday I was still spiking fevers as of 4 am this morning and they won’t even consider letting me go home until I’ve been at a normal temp for 24 hours.

The good news is I know almost everyone on the OB floor really well by now and they actually believe me when I say “I think I need drugs/ice/water/another round of drugs.”

Right now, just being able to sit upright long enough to type this out is a huge improvement. I’m hoping to get out tomorrow so I can go home and have my mommy take care of me (did I mention she dropped everything to drive up today? She’s a good mommy) instead of spending the rest of my pregnancy in this bed.

Of course, during my last non-stress test (where they monitor the baby’s heartbeat) I had a whole set of “real” contractions that my nurse called “beautiful” for a 37-week pregnant woman and predicted if I kept having them I’ll have a baby sooner rather than later. So who knows.

Thanks again for everyone who’s been super supportive on Facebook & Twitter and a special thank you to my friend & neighbor Gretchen who dropped off dinner (and banana bread!) for the boys last night so they wouldn’t starve. All your thoughts and prayers mean the world to me.

Consider this fair warning if you come over and find me half-naked and shoeless at my house. Or, you know, at Target.

Things I am too pregnant for:

– Pants. Of any kind, including most yoga/sweat pants.
– Shoes. Thank God it’s been mild(ish) enough for flip-flips because my slip-on shoes make my feet STINKY.
– Shaving my legs, especially above the knee. But my armpits are nice and smooth!
– Cooking. Last time I almost set my belly on fire. This time it sticks out EVEN MORE and I’m in constant danger of resting it directly on a stove burner.
– Kidney stones. Hell, EVERYONE ON THE PLANET is too pregnant for kidney stones. Stupid f***ers.
– My laptop. I have no lap.
– Sitting up.
– Lying down.
– Walking.
– Carrying things. Especially toddlers. Especially on stairs.
– Eating more than baby-bird sized portions of food. My stomach is so squished from the inside I can’t eat more than a couple bites before I’m stuffed.
– Cravings. It’s no fun to “let” myself eat a whole bag of jelly beans when it just makes me feel like crap.
– Bending over. Which rules out most forms of cleaning.
– Sleeping.
– Walking downstairs to pee every two hours all night. I am currently considering all forms of adult diapers and/or bedpans.
– Marital activities. Not that E’s going to be all that interested once I’m wearing my Depends. (Sorry Mom)(And, uh, sorry to you too E.)

and

– Caring that ANY OF THE ABOVE leaves me pantless, shoeless, hairy, sexless, lazy, stinky and with a hungry, dirty family who is probably just as ready for me to stop being pregnant as I am.

36 WEEKS 4 DAYS PREGNANT AND I’M READY TO HEAR YOUR BEST BRING-ON-THE-LABOR SUGGESTIONS. Mine last time? Not so much.

I didn’t do very well this week and the pics I did take are a little boring. But to be fair, how many pictures of the inside of a hospital room can you take? Especially when your iPhone is dead? At least I got the kid looking cute in a couple.

Sunday:

My in-laws brought us this box full of homemade jam & pie filling. Then we used it as a baby race car. Wins for everyone!!

We discovered the trick to a peaceful meal is a kid's cup of lemonade served with a straw. Small price to pay to avoid a bottle of ketchup to the face.

Monday:

This is the cutest I've looked in WEEKS. Headband by Uff Da, knit shrug made by me, (non-maternity) shirt from Target, adorable toddler crashing my picture also by me.

E's sudden panic!! over yardwork led to some raking in the dark. At least it was warm.

Wednesday:

Hospital lunch. I have no idea what was even in there - it appeared and disappeared while I was too sick to even THINK about food.

Thursday:

Saddest family Thanksgiving picture ever.

Friday:

You can tell I was feeling better because I could actually SIT UP enough to knit, even hooked to an IV.

Saturday:

So good to be home & back to normal toddler mornings: milk, peanut butter and a football to cuddle while we watch the Today Show.

Apparently the "insanely busy" Christmas shopping season forgot about the day after the day after Thanksgiving. Scored those luggage sets Macy's has been advertising all week and discovered rolling carry-ons are Little Evan's favorite toy EVER.

Link up with the hop below and go to Amy’s blog to get your own HTML code so it shows on your own post. It doesn’t have to be iPhone photos, just camera phone/snapshots of your week!

Less than 6 weeks to go, only 2 more pants-on checkups left at my OB office and then we start the Great Contraction Watch of 2010. I was going to say Cervix Watch but that seemed too…graphic. You’re welcome.

(Also, in case you’ve been holding your breath, I’ll put up a “guess the birth date” post right after Thanksgiving and offer some sort of prize for the person who gets it right. Nothing fancy – probably a knitting project, but better than last time when no one got anything. I may do a sub category for birth weight/length but that seems like a lot to keep track of and as far as I know WordPress doesn’t have a plug-in to do it for me yet.)

I went to my appointment today expecting a lecture on my weight and had already planned out my whiny blog post in advance…but instead I got a doctor who looked at my chart, did the math and said “35 pounds! Right on target.”

Which one is the blank-stare-blinky emoticon? I need about two dozen of those.

Honestly, 35 pounds SOUNDS like a lot. I was hoping to keep it closer to 25 this time. It also feels like a lot – just ask my pelvis and my sciatic nerve, which cry a little every time I have to trek down to the basement for yet another half-gallon of milk for the thirstiest toddler on the planet. But despite once again being on the high end of the suggested weight gain scale, I am still having an extremely healthy pregnancy. Excellent blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, no preeclampsia, no warnings about gigantic babies that cannot possibly fit through my tiny delicate lady parts. And for the record, all my pre-pregnancy underwear still fits, as do my pre-pregnancy pants – if I don’t try to zip them. I’m still going to Stroller Strides at least twice a week, I am capable of buying ice cream/candy/cookies and not eating ALL OF IT within seconds, and I haven’t scarfed down more than 1 cheeseburger in a sitting the whole 8 months. MY WILLPOWER, LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

So why have I gained just as many pounds as last time, when I DID eat ice cream and cheeseburgers like they were the last food on the planet and barely moved from the couch after my 4th month? Is this just how much fat my body needs to grow a baby? Is this one going to be bigger? Is this weight going to be just as hard to lose or will it magically burn away with the breastfeeding like so many people claim? That last one would be AWESOME. The potentially larger baby, not so much (my lady parts might be made for birthin’ the babies but I’d like it if they weren’t torn to shreds in the process)(You’re welcome again).

Tell me mamas, am I fooling myself? Is my butt really that much bigger than I’m seeing in my mirror?