Dear Miss Manners

Is it ok to take my baby to an 11:30 am movie on a Thursday morning?

On the one hand, people who bring babies to movies are almost always assholes. Babies don’t understand that screaming during the most exciting part isn’t a good way to show their appreciation for a director’s work. Babies don’t always remember that you fed them ten minutes ago and the book says they should sleep for at least 2 more hours. (Sometimes I think babies don’t even READ those books. Jerks.) Plus there’s just something weird about someone bringing their baby to a grown-up movie, even if the baby is too young to see anything further from their face than their own hands and the only word they know is “AAAAAAAUUUUUURUUURUGH”.

On the other hand, who goes to the movies at 11:30 on a Thursday? I would be shocked if there was more than a dozen people in the whole building, let alone seeing the same film. If Baby Evan did start screaming, I could feed him without a single person knowing . Any screaming lasting more than 20 seconds would result in a dash to the door where I could calm him down without any angry glares.  And I plan to see something mostly harmless (if you consider Zac Efron’s attempt at world domination “harmless”) and not “Zombie Strippers vs. Lesbian Vampires Part 2: Now With More Nudity!”. Although to my baby, toplessness just looks like a delicious buffet.

10 Responses to “Dear Miss Manners”

  1. Other Erin says:

    A lot of places have Mommy and Me style movie matinees at times like 11:30am for the very point of taking kids to a movie where people won’t really care if they are loud or whatnot. Although it’s usually things like Barney on the Big Screen. Still, you might want to check it out. Maybe you’ll get lucky and can get out of the house to go see a Disney Classic.

  2. lalaland13 says:

    I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I know you and know you aren’t trying to be rude. But you just have no place else to take the baby (or so I assume).

    On the other hand, if I was one of the other dozen people, I would be teed off considerably. But I am a movie Nazi. I expect everyone in the theater to cease talking and texting and digesting loudly once the previews start (the real ones, not the stupid soda ads). The occasional whisper is OK. Maybe. If a baby started screaming, I would probably assume they had terrible parents and will grow up to ride the special bus.

    Crap, I am a total bitch at the movies. Maybe that’s why I rarely go see them.

  3. candace says:

    I say go see the movie..I agree with you on this one.. it’s the first showing and most people will be at work and the kids in school. I say enjoy the movie!!

  4. sarrible says:

    I saw someone with an infant at a 9 p.m. showing of The Aristocrats several years ago. I think you’ll be fine; I imagine by now you’re pretty speedy with shoving the boob in his mouth when he cries.

  5. Brigid says:

    I used to catch a matinee once a week when I got off work around noon when I worked the early morning (oh god! so early!) shift at a bakery. I’d pack a sandwich, buy popcorn and a soda, and be one of maybe five people in the theater. I normally hate screaming babies in public, but at that time of day? Psht. Whatever. Especially if the parent is aware enough to hustle the baby out if the screams go on.

    I say go for it.

  6. sarrible says:

    Also, I can’t actually remember the last time I heard a baby scream in a movie. And I know they’re there. I am much more irritated by people who text during movies. Since I’ve been to your theater, I can verify that loads of rude people go there, so they have no legs to stand on and complain about you and Lowercase.

  7. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Go for it, his potential brief scream couldn’t be any worse than the other countless rude people routinely at a movie.

  8. Ditto on the “mommy and me” movies. You totes deserve a place to go. Drive-in movie theaters are also awesome if you live near one of the 60-odd left in America…(they may be closer than you think)

  9. J.D.Regent says:

    do it. if you know your baby, know how to make the baby stop crying, or agree to leave the theater immediately when he does, it’s your prerogative.

  10. Anon says:

    Well, this response is years after all the others, but just to add another point of view, I hope you did not do this when your infant was still an infant, and don’t do it now if he or she is still likely to go off at any moment. It’s really inconsiderate of everyone else in the audience, even if that’s only one other person. Those commenters who say, “Gee, I wouldn’t mind!” cannot speak for those who would.

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