This is it, I’m done. I refuse to do any more monthday posts for Caroline because I refuse to let her get any older. Nine months is GOOD. She can stay this age FOREVER AND EVER and I will be a happy mama. Because 9 months? It rocks my socks. She can crawl and cruise but not walk or run away, she nurses a lot but not constantly, she’s happy and smiley and social and friendly but she still loves me best. Her clothes are tiny and cute and it’s easy to dress her in anything I want, including dainty lacy vintage jumpers* because she doesn’t immediately throw up on herself of poopsplode immediately! If I let her get any older she’s going to start developing opinions and ideas and then it’s all over.

Tooth count: two middle bottom ones, one top front through and the other top front is about to make an appearance but not before it turns her into the saddest, snottiest, most sleepless baby EVER. I have been beyond exhausted with the not sleeping plus the sad daytime crying but she’s been eating a lot more solids (and by solids I mean eating whatever her brother drops on the floor as he wanders around – yesterday it was a half peeled clementine)(I wish I was joking) and we’re moving her from our room to her nursery this week so I’m hoping to get at least 6 hours every night this week. Whoa! Six whole hours! I’m aiming for the stars here, people!!

Caroline has moved up to 6-12 month clothes from Old Navy, 6-9 month clothes from Gymboree, 9 month clothes from Target and 9 month clothes from Carter’s, unless they are overalls because then they’re just comically long. You know what else is comical? The fact that the math section of my brain is now full of the sizing info for various baby brands instead of algebra. This is what happens when you have kids, kids. Stay in school.

We have a doctor’s appointment….uh…maybe today? Or tomorrow? I should check on that, since when they start asking questions – How often does she eat? Is she vocalizing at all? Do you have any concerns? – and I just stare at them blankly they’re already going to doubt my parenting skills. I don’t want to show up on the wrong day as well. I’m looking forward to seeing how much she’s grown, although she still seems teeny tiny compared to Little Evan. She is going to be my little peanut, my munchkin, my ginger baby doll forever and ever, even if she DOES get older next month.

Caroline’s likes include: cheese, the dog, her brother, blankies, crawling with one leg, smiling, grapes, biting things, boobs, her daddy, standing, apples, yarn, and eating trash. Dislikes are having her nails trimmed, water on her face, loneliness, her crib, and Dino Dan.

Hold on to your ovaries folks, these are the cutest monthday photos yet!

Bebeh model works on her posing

Eeeeexellent

9 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Stands while holding onto something – Yes, especially my pants while I am trying to sit on the toilet for two damn minutes.
Jabbers or combines syllables – She’s a noisy little monster, but so far it’s just blah blah blah blah.
Understands object permanence – Yes. It makes peek-a-boo fun, but it also means she knows if she screams long enough I’ll come back during nap time. A win AND a lose.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Cruises while holding onto furniture – Yes, the better to steal my snacks and the remote off the couch
Drinks from a sippy cup – Soooort of. She LOVES her brother’s sippy cup but is unexcited by anything coming out of it. I tried giving her breastmilk and she looked at me like WTF WOMAN THIS IS NOT A BOOB.
Eats with fingers – Well, I think she mostly eats with her mouth, but she certainly gets enough food on her hands.
Bangs objects together – Loudly. She needs more cowbell.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – If there was a peek-a-boo championship, she would get the gold medal.
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – I have heard no mama’s. It took Little Evan more than a year to say mama so we’ll give her a break too.

*Dainty lacy vintage jumper and headband send by Pretty Fancy. Heather is a sweetheart with an adorable bebeh!

Just pretend that's a happy laughing face.

Everything about Little Evan has grown exponentially larger in the last month. He’s taller – tall enough to reach a whole new section of the kitchen counter that’s no longer safe for scissors of matches or long sharp pointy knives. He’s stronger – he can open the fridge all by himself now, God help me. He’s louder – SO MUCH LOUDER. And he’s smarter – he learns new words every minute, remembers practically everything, and has a better high score on Angry Birds than I do.

He also has so many more FEELINGS. He’s trapped in a glass case of emotion! Things are SO GREAT but also SO SAD and he is SO EXCITED to be here but he is SO ANGRY you told him not to lick that hand railing. It makes going out in public as stressful as playing Russian Roulette and honestly I’ve cut back on our social activities quite a bit. It’s just so much easier to stay home and play blocks and each snacks and let him watch TV while I do the laundry and nurse the baby and some days I just need things to be easy. Geez, why didn’t anyone tell me parenting was going to be so HARD?

We’ve been working on all the pre-schooly type stuff – letters and numbers and counting and colors – but if you try to tell him the number after six is seven he will YELL AT YOU. Although he gets fourteen right every single time. Since we’re not doing preschool (or pre-preschool or whatever you send your 2-year-old to this fall), I’m going to try to do more of that learning-type stuff, but the kid is only TWO. He doesn’t really NEED to know his numbers when he can’t even wipe his own butt.

Speaking of wiping his own butt…wait, no. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say he is 100% capable of being potty trained RIGHT NOW if he didn’t refuse to poop in the toilet. Because obviously hiding behind the laundry basket and pooping in his diaper is WAY more fun. What. Ever.

Favorite things include dinosaurs, fish, ducks, trucks, bubble baths, diggers, bars (granola or Nutrigrain, not like where you order beer), eating cherries all by himself, Nick Jr, being tickled, giving kisses, naps, naming different kinds of sports, lemonade, milk, Sun Chips (thanks to his father), books, piggy back rides and RUNNING FAST.

Least favorite things are still being told NO, being told to apologize to his sister, leaving somewhere if he’s having fun (but to be fair, NO ONE likes that), watching mama’s show aka the news, booboos, wearing shoes, spicy food and the part in Harry Potter with the snake.

"Sit DOWN, Mama. We sit DOWN."

Commanding his tiny invisible army.

BALL KICK!

All the gingers

I SORRY MAMA. I SORRY, NO HIT SISTER. SORRY BEBEH. SORRY!!!

Happy 29 Months Little Man!

29 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Evan is a master tooth brusher, if you don’t count the part where he mostly just chews on the bristles and sucks all the toothpaste off.
• Washes and dries own hands – He would ask his hands all day long if I let him. In his toddler dream house there are sinks in EVERY ROOM.
• Draws a vertical line – No, he only draws diagonal lines. But if I turn the paper they’re vertical, so SCREW YOU Baby Center and your stupid milestone that I am totally counting as a YES.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, but don’t tell him that. He thinks he’s drawing actual stuff, like fish or kitties.
• Balances on one foot – Yes, the better to roundhouse kick you in the junk.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – He THINKS he can put on a t-shirt, but he always ends up tied in a knot with his arm stuck through the head hole. And because I’m such a great mom, I laugh at him EVERY TIME.
• Names one color – He can name red, blue, yellow, orange, and white, but when you ask “What color is this?” he only gets it right about 75% of the time.
• Names one friend – Little Evan has 2 best friends, Tristan and Amelia. He calls them “Triss and Ayahyah”. He LOVES them and asks to see them every day. It makes my heart explode with happiness.

If you watch this video you will see/hear:

– My super messy kitchen
– My husband’s less than superior iPhone video skills
– My dog eating Goldfish crackers off the floor
– My naked, dirty, just-before-bathtime baby
– My toddler screeching and narrating in the background
– My 8 month old standing
– My dress hiked up rather inappropriately as I sit on the floor
– My goofy, high pitched, talking to a baby voice

AND

– Caroline taking one tiny independent step

When I’m not busy abandoning/starving* her, Caroline is still the sweetest baby ever. Notice I didn’t say “most cooperative” or “easiest” or “least likely to shatter your eardrums” because damn, that girl knows what she wants when she wants it and is not shy about screeching until she gets it. You’re eating a grape? How DARE you eat a grape! GIVE ME THAT GRAPE!

Speaking of grapes, Caroline eats ANYTHING. An-eeeeee-thing. The only thing holding her back is missing chompers – she only has two full teeth (the bottom front two) and one little sharp edge on the top, so chewing up her spicy pulled pork sandwich was a little difficult. But by golly she gave it her best shot! Her favorite things so far are mini pretzels, clementines, apples, and cheese sticks. She also decided to tolerate a spoon, so I bought a bunch of those sqeezey pouches and the little spoon attachment for them (GENIUS, amirite?) but feeding her like that takes so much…effort. Baby-led weaning for the lazy parenting win.

Despite all the eating she remains a tiny peanut sized baby, wearing mostly 3-6 month onesies and 6 month dresses. In public, strangers stop to tell me she’s so LITTLE and how can she possibly be SITTING UP in that shopping cart, since she can’t be more than 4 or 5 months old?! It blows their mind that she’s 8 months old, and then their minds are doubly blown when she smiles at them and her cuteness lasers shoot out of her giant eyes and they fall right over dead from adorable. She’s a lady-killer – especially elderly ladies at the grocery store.

I think being tiny is working to her advantage in the motor skills department. Her lack of chub makes her body easier to haul around, which explains her lightening speed crawling and her independent standing skills. THAT’S RIGHT. My eight-months-old-today baby will crawl to something, pull herself up, and then just….let go and stand. I’m only a little ashamed to admit I’ve started knocking her over (GENTLY AND LOVINGLY, OBVS) so she doesn’t get any ideas about walking, but her balance is amazing and sometimes she refuses to be knocked.

I’m betting she takes her first steps in less than 3 weeks – which would put her a full month ahead of her brother when it comes to walking (Little Evan started at 9 months, 3 weeks and I thought that was INSANE). I’m going to have two babies running in opposite directions within a month. HOLD ME.

Being attacked by a toddler in a tutu is just part of her day

Ok, so she has some KIND OF chubby bits

Someone's quickly losing patience with these monthly photo shoots

8 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to parents (isn’t specific) – Her babbling has really picked up and she says mama and dada, but I don’t know if it’s TO a parent.
Passes objects from hand to hand – Yes

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Stands while holding onto something – Pulls up, stands, LETS GO. I’m signing her up for tightrope lessons for her first birthday.
Crawls – She’s a crawling machine.
Points at objects – Uh….no. I have seen no pointing. Mostly she just goes and gets what she wants.
Searches for hidden objects – Yeah, like my iPhone. You CANNOT HIDE IT FROM HER.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Pulls self to standing, cruises – Yes
Picks things up with thumb-finger pincer grasp – She can pick up small things (goldfish crackers, half a grape, bits of dog hair) and get them in her mouth, but it’s mostly a grab-with-her-fist-and-shove method.
Indicates wants with gestures – Yes, if by “gestures” you mean “high pitched pterodactyl screams”.

I will try to get some videos of Caroline doing adorable Caroline-like things this weekend, because there is no way to describe in words how weird it looks when such a TEENY TINY baby chases you down and climbs your leg.

*My supply is back to normal and I’m hoping to re-build my freezer stash ASAP. I’m SO relieved.

I had to do the math TWICE to make sure 28 months wasn’t 2 and a HALF, but instead only 2 and a THIRD (and I’m still not 100% sure I’m right) because I am clinging to those extra 2 months like my life depends on it. Not that it’s doing me any good – my toddler isn’t even toddling anymore (he hasn’t really toddled in more than a year but whatevs) because he’s too busy running full speed into the deep end of the lake or away from me across the mall. Or into traffic. We’re working on “DANGER! STOP MOVING!” but unfortunately he seem to suffer from temporary hearing loss in parking lots. I suspect it’s a fairly common medical problem among toddlers.

Little Evan’s new obsession is TRUCKS. I am both pleased and saddened – I’m pleased I don’t have to hear about every single basketball net we pass in the car, but do you KNOW how many trucks we see on the way to…anywhere? Trash truck! Box truck! Trailer truck! Dump truck! Tow truck! FIRE TRUCK! FIRE TRUCK MAMA FIRE TRUCK!!!! He also knows where the fire stations are on our regular routes and starts talking about them as soon as we get in the car. I bought him a yellow dump truck toy at Target the other day and he slept with it during nap time. I ALSO bought him a pink baby doll stroller and a baby doll, since he freaked the freak out when he saw the “bebehs!” I hid them in the dining room and he forgot about them, so while I’m gone E can use the promise of brand new shiny toy to keep him in line. I suspect he will end up sleeping with both the stroller and the doll.

Little Evan has an excellent memory and great parroting skills – he’ll repeat anything (note: ANYTHING) you say and he loves to talk about things he did yesterday or last week or a month ago. I can understand his words about 90% of the time, although other people still have trouble. He can identify things by color now (ORANGE digger! BLUE bus!) and by size (BIG boat!) and sometimes brings me letters from his magnet set and tells me what they are. He loves to count “Five, six, GO!” or he says “Eight….nine…” when he’s playing Stroller Strides. I heard him count backwards from 5 to 1 the other day, but he won’t do it on demand. Apparently he doesn’t feel like performing as if he was my trained monkey. How rude.

We’re having a little trouble with his listening skills, but I blame that on being a toddler. The “I’m going to count to three” threat works REALLY WELL, although I’m actually not sure what I would DO if he ever let me get to three. Sometimes he also has trouble apologizing, even when he is literally hiding his face in shame because he know he did something wrong (and I am trying not to laugh because the face hiding is SO CUTE) but he both says and signs sorry and will give hugs and kisses to make it better.

Likes include all kinds of trucks, construction equipment, boats, water, Daddy, giving hugs, reading books, naps, his baby sister, sippy cups of milk, the farm, lollipops, the iPad, Angry Birds, the car carts at the grocery store, his two best toddler friends, running and jokes. Dislikes include holding hands, wearing sandals, sharing toys (unless he’s trying to trade for a better toy), being told he HAS to eat something, the baby touching his blanket, pooping on the potty (blarg) and being tired.

28 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Jumps with both feet – He can now jump with both feet INTO something, like a lake or the pool or my lap. That last one isn’t always so fun.
• Opens doors – Yes and loves to do it. If I don’t let him open the back door when we come home I risk A Tantrum.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Understands descriptions (e.g., big, soft) – Yes, as long as it’s one he’s heard before, although he remembers most stuff after hearing it JUST ONCE.
• Draws a vertical line – Yes! He has JUST decided he likes drawing and I’m looking forward to his gorgeous, museum quality pieces. He’s currently in his Purple Period, which means he refuses to color with any marker but purple.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Starts to recognize ABCs – We’re still working on it, but he’s definitely improved a billion percent since I started worrying about it several months ago. I don’t think I’ve doomed him to a life of illiteracy after all.
• Balances on one foot – Easily. If I ever do end up selling him to the circus, he’s a shoe-in for the tightrope act.