Happy 32 Monthday Little Evan! You are only Little Evan here on the blog, and even most of our friends have stopped calling you Baby Evan. I haven’t thought of you as a baby in a long time, but the extent to which you are an actual human person astounds me on a daily basis. Because it is one thing to grow a baby – babies are tiny and helpless and they need you for everything so the fact that you made them with your body is impressive but not unbelievable. But once that baby turns into an independent being that can walk and talk and feed itself and tell jokes and recognize emotions and wear underpants it’s a totally mind-blowing experience. No one ADDED anything to that baby I grew (unless you count the truly impressive number of Goldfish he’s consumed in the past 2.5 years) but now he counts to 20 and can put on his shoes and use an iPad and help me decorate for Christmas and recognize his friends on the internet.

Of course he can also punch me in the face and scream at me in public and throw epic temper tantrums and push his sister and refuse to pick up the toys he just threw all over the floor and feed his breakfast to the dog and fall out of his stroller and drive me to the brink of insanity. He’s equally good at being both a functional human being and a sociopath. I think most toddlers are.

(Sidenote: I think at this point “toddler” is exceedingly inaccurate, but since he’s not in any kind of school “preschooler” sounds like I’m getting ahead of myself. CAROLINE is a toddler. She toddles. Evan hasn’t toddled in more than a year. Is there an in-between word?)

This week Evan ran up to me and said “Mommy, can’t locate the kitty cat!” He says stuff like that all the time now and constantly blows me away with his vocabulary. I can hardly believe I was concerned enough about his speech to have the early intervention people come out. It’s a good example of how the age range on milestones is REALLY A RANGE and just because you know a 2 year old who holds entire conversations about abstract concepts like poor choices versus wise choices doesn’t mean your kid is behind.

Potty training update: Day time training is done. Diapers at night and nap until he stops waking up SO wet, although yesterday he stayed dry during nap so we might be getting closer. He never uses the diaper on purpose – since he woke up dry I left him in it for a couple hours and he still told me when he had to potty. I think that means I can declare success.

He is at an age where he is super excited to see me, even if I only left the room for a minute. It’s good for my ego. Even my dog isn’t that happy when I walk into a room. And my dog doesn’t give such great hugs or laugh in the most infectious way ever. Almost every night before bed, Little Evan tells me “Mommy, so happy. So happy.” And I tell him “I’m so happy too, buddy.”

Favorite things include Mickey Mouse, jumping, hide and seek, boats, fire trucks, piggy back rides, sitting in a grown up chair, kitty cats, pillows, his blankie, rubbing noses, his sister, lemonade, lollipops, splashing, and hugs.

Least favorite things include holding still, being out of milk,  sharing when he doesn’t want to, mommy’s angry face, broken nails, and when the kitty cat runs away.

 32 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Recites own name – Yes! He uses his name most of the time instead of personal pronouns.
• Draws a circle – Yes, but he calls them other things, like kitties or dinosaurs.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Yes but is much faster at taking OFF his clothes.
• Balances on each foot for a second – I said yes to this last month, so I made him do it to test and make sure. Yes.
• Recognizes ABCs – Some of them. Not all of them. He’s better at words than letters.
• Brushes teeth by himself – Yes, and we’re about ready to upgrade to real toothpaste because he’s figured out spitting.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Uses two adjectives – He knows lots of adjectives. His favorite one this week is “AWESOME!” Everything thing is AWESOME.
• Draws a cross – No.
• Points to objects described by use – Yes, and is especially good at things the baby needs. He’s an excellent big brother.

I take back everything I said about 8 months being my favorite baby age. And 9 months. And 10 months. My new favorite is 11 months. 11 months rocks. 11 months is where it’s at. It’s the BEST. Oh, I know, blah blah blah my baby is awesome blah blah blah so cute blah blah blah you should see her blah blah barf.

Whatevs, dude. As a mother, it’s my right to say these things. I get to change my mind every single day…although based on how 2 1/2 is going with Operation Ginger Dominance 1.0 I doubt I’m going to be saying “I love this age the best!” forever. So I am enjoying the crap out of 11 months.

Like I said yesterday, Caroline is headstrong and independent. She can hold her own against her big brother and has even started initiating games, such as “Lie on your sister until she squeals”, “Oh no run away the baby is coming!”, and “Use the dog as a step stool to climb onto the couch”. She can also be exceedingly stubborn when it comes to holding onto things (keys, my phone, my camera) that she shouldn’t have, and will wail hysterically if you take them away. You’d think I’d tried to take a toe instead of a dirty key fob. Most of the time I just give in – both because I am a pushover and because I am TIRED.

Caroline is still not sleeping through the night – although I’m not SURPRISED I am ANNOYED – and it’s exhausting. She is easy to put to sleep, which I so appreciate. But she is up 2-3 times a night to nurse and I no longer think she needs to be. I talked about night weaning Little Evan a lot but he sort of ended up doing it on his own, so I’m going to have to either make a better plan or keep being tired for a few more months. I will probably just be tired, because doing anything that might make her unhappy is out of the question. See above, re: pushover.

She has a zillion teeth with the other zillion about to come through. She has gotten taller, and is finally fitting into 9 month and even some 12 month clothes. She has big feet for a little baby, and is already in a size 3 or 4 shoe – which is fantastic, because we have a whole closet full of adorable hand-me-down shoes in size 4. She has totally stopped crawling, which is kind of sad since her funny monkey sideways shuffle was so cute, but it means now I can put her down in the mall and the aquarium and most importantly on the bathroom floor when Little Evan has to potty without her hands touching the floor.  It also means I rely a LOT on my friends to help wrangle my TWO TODDLERS in public, which is incredibly unfair of me but I’m kind of a crappy person and I keep letting it happen. I’ll make them all some nice cookie platters for the holidays and continue begging for forgiveness.

Caroline’s favorite things include cheese, walking, climbing onto benches, bouncing on things, sliding, grapes, chewing on electronics, sitting in her brother’s chair, talking, hugs, smiling, dancing, splashing and drinking bath water.

Least favorite things include falling on her head, accidentally touching the radiator, being set on the floor when she wants to cuddle, soap in her eyes and lying flat on her back for JUST A DAMN MINUTE so I can take her picture.

I am holding her down with my foot

Escape!

E took this picture while I sat on her legs. I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS, TINY BABY.

No pictures please

Evan sat on her. She loved it.

Tutu fast

Cabled owl vest was a gift from my amazing friend Desiree

Third hand pink Converse - still practically brand new!

One more month until she's one and I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT.

11 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – Calls me mama, and I’ve heard her say dada a couple times but not often.
Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – LOVES peek-a-boo
Stands alone for a couple of seconds – Stands, walks, can get to standing from the floor without pulling up, can sit down from standing, can jump if she’s standing on the couch holding the back.
Cruises – See above.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Understands “no” and simple instructions – Understands no and hates it. Will come if you say “Come here Caroline!” Sometimes listens to other directions but mostly ignores me.
Puts objects into a container – Yes, which means my child labor force just increased by 100%.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Says one word besides “mama” or “dada” – She says “hi” sometimes, in context, totally correctly, but I’m still not sure she means it. She babbles so much it’s hard to tell.
Stoops from standing position – Have I answered your question fully?

I accidentally ruined Caroline’s 10 month photoshoot today. Instead of taking pictures during the middle of the afternoon when the light in the family room is best, I let her fall asleep in my lap while she was nursing and spent two hours petting her hair, sniffing the top of her head, listening to her tiny baby noises and watching her twitch as she dreamed.

So maybe “ruined” is the wrong word. Maybe “soaked up two magical hours worth of baby moments that hardly ever seem to happen anymore because she is growing up so fast” is more accurate. I love her bunches and bunches. It’s sort of disgusting.

I had to look back at the 9 month update to see if I was remembering things wrong or if she really has changed SO MUCH in just four weeks. In those pictures, you can just barely see one top tooth peeking through. Now she’s got two great big giant chompers on top plus two on the bottom and a handful more threatening to pop through any minute. Isn’t it crazy how much older babies look with teeth? SO MUCH OLDER!

She’s also walking, without encouragement, on almost any surface. She ran away from me during Stroller Strides this week and I had a “oh no, I lost the baby” moment. She was only 5 feet away behind a mom doing sit ups, but she’s so little she’s easy to lose. I’m going to have to work on the constant vigilance.

I’ve given up on super cute outfits, because between the crawling/walking, the drooling/teething and the constant shoving of food into her mouth she’s a mess. I change her shirt at least 3 times a day. And before you call me an idiot and suggest I use one of the five bazillion bibs I keep in the kitchen drawer I’ll tell you she feels about bibs the way Dora feels about using her inside voice. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. It’s easier to just buy stain remover in bulk.

There is not one thing about her I would change. I TOLD you it was disgusting.

Likes include her blankies (any of them), iPhones, popcorn, apples, boobs, her brother’s sippy cup, dancing, walking, smiling, blowing raspberries, peek-a-boo, books, baths, her mama and putting gross things in her mouth.

Dislikes include teething, hoods, falling on her face, being cold, missing naps, strange dogs and having her nails trimmed.

Milestones plus video proof of the walking/weird crawling below the epic number of underexposed pictures.

I see you

raspberries

This is a crap ton of orange, Mom

tippy toes

Happy 10 Months Baby Girl

P.S. Yes I am wearing leggings as pants in the video. In my defense…ah screw it. I have no defense. They’re SO COMFORTABLE.
10 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Waves goodbye – Yes. And hello. And loves to clap. And plays peek-a-boo and “how big is the baby?” and understands what I think is a surprising number of words. But I’m her mom so I have to think she’s a genius.
Picks things up with pincer grasp – As long as it’s food. Or trash.
Crawls well, with belly off the ground – She’s actually terrible at that. She crawls sideways on one leg. But since she’s, you know, WALKING I don’t think she’s actually missing this milestone.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – She has said “mama” to me exactly twice, but not regularly, and I’ve never heard her say “dada”.
Indicates wants with gestures – Gestures, screeching, grabbing things. She has a lot of wants.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Stands alone for a couple of seconds – For a couple minutes.
Puts objects into a container – Does “food into her mouth” count? Because she’s good at that. Mostly she’s good at taking objects OUT of containers to make the biggest mess possible.

There is very little mouth-shutting going on around these parts. Evan’s volume is constantly set at eleven. He repeats everything, shouts everything, sings everything he hears. It’s ear-splitting joy from morning to night, with a few two-and-a-half year old tantrums thrown in. I’ve started pretending I’m deaf when he shouts at me, which is going to become a reality if he gets any louder.

I’ve been trying to write this monthday post for three days now and am finding it almost impossible. He’s such a little person, an actual recognizable human being – how can I sum that up in words? He loves routines and sameness (he not only has a favorite blankie, but a favorite corner of his favorite blankie) but isn’t afraid to try new things (like roller coasters and sweet potatoes). I talk WITH him instead of at him, and am amazed when he understands complicated concepts like hours and days and where daddy is when he’s not home). He often tells me that he’s sad that he doesn’t get to go on the boat anymore this year, but that he will be happy when he goes on the boat next year. I want to buy him all the boats in the world.

Despite what feels like a constant stream of parenting mistakes on my part, he’s a wonderfully kind little boy. He says please and thank you unprompted and I get teary eyed every time he says “I sorry mama!” and throws himself around my legs after doing some naughty. I can’t even be mad when he grabs his toys away from Caroline, because he immediately hugs her and says “I sorry baby! No sad, no. Here!” and gives back whatever he took so she stops crying. Best brother ever.

Food update: My former picky slash non-eater now eats anything. I only got three bites of the quinoa I made last week because he (and the baby) snarfed it down. Don’t be too impressed though – last night he had Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.

TMI Potty training update: The poop goes in the potty about 50% of the time. The pee, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES using the potty and goes every time we put him on it. But he also goes in his diaper, especially when he’s sleeping. I think I’m just holding onto hope that when I actually buckle down and TRY (probably using the 3 day method) he’ll be totally on board, but I hate to TRY and have it not work. But the siren song of having only one kid in diapers is getting stronger by the day.

At 30 months Little Evan is wearing a 2T consistently, with some 3T shirts thrown in to make sure he doesn’t outgrow ALL his long-sleeved clothes before spring. He has some comfy new size 7 velcro shoes from Target which are very convenient but end up thrown on the floor more often than not. He’s only had 2 haircuts ever and isn’t even close to needing another one. He sleeps from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am and takes a 3 hour nap in the afternoons because he wants to, not because I make him. He bites his fingernails, just like I do.

Likes include boats, carrots, The Fresh Beat Band, dinosaurs, noodles, garbage trucks, milk, fake driving the car, running fast, dancing, friends, baths, climbing things, dogs, and his sister.

Dislikes include falling de-noun (down), hangnails, being interrupted when he’s watching Nick Jr, and when Caroline jumps on his face.

JUUUUUMPING!!!! BAAAAAAAALL!!!! I'M ALIIIIIIIVE!!!

Throwing rocks into a creek: all day fun.

I WANT YOU!...to go get me a string cheese.

Almost....

...taking a break to bust a move...

...TA-DA!

EVAN RUN FAST! Don't get too far from me, sweet boy.

30 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Yes, and I’m even teaching him to spit so we can move up to real toothpaste
• Washes and dries own hands – Part of potty training is LETTING him wash his hands. It’s almost as good a bribe as the lollipop.
• Draws a vertical line – Yes, but he’s also started drawing things like “T-Rex” or “bebeh” or “Backyardigans” and telling me about them.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, and also the letter C. He gets them confused.
• Balances on one foot – We’ve moved on to hopping on one foot. I’m counting on a sports scholarship of some sort since I’m blowing all his college money on elaborate children’s parties.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Still questionable. He’s about 50% accurate with dressing/undressing.
• Names one color – Blue, green, red, yellow, and white are all colors he names. I’m a teeeeeny bit worried he might be colorblind since his accuracy seems to be getting worse.
• Names one friend – Still 2 best friends, “Triss and Ayahyah”, still runs out the door to see them almost every morning.

Little Evan speaks his own language. I think it’s almost English but I can’t be sure, since most English speakers seem to have a hard time understanding him. Maybe it’s a NickJunioreese, a crazy mix of Spanish, Chinese, and speech-impedimented English picked up from those damn Wonder Pets.

“Meenah” is lemonade. Unless it means banana. You have to look around for a banana. “Peesdar!” is police car. He can say “car” correctly, but when he sees “flash lights” he gets to excited it comes out as one word. “Brusey” is our dog Brutus. He used to say Brutus until he spent some time with my parent’s dog Hershey, and now he smooshes their names together. “Ditty” is kitty, which is an improvement over the previous pronunciation. “Fall denoun” is fall down, which is so cute I don’t even care that it’s wrong. “Bushit” actually means push it, although I don’t think anyone believes me.

As much as I love that he’s friendly and outgoing and eager to talk to everyone, I’m getting tired of translating everything he says to strangers at the grocery store and strangers at the mall and strangers at the playground and strangers in general. I’m not tired at HIM, I’m tired at OTHER PEOPLE. I can only say “I’m sorry, he’s hard to understand” so many times. And the truth is, it’s more a matter of busy people not paying attention than anything else. See that pinecone he’s holding? Maybe he’s saying “pinecone!” You asked him if Caroline was his sister, maybe “bebeh siher” might mean “baby sister!” Most grown-ups rush in and say “Oh aren’t you handsome! How old are you? Are you a good boy? Bye-bye now!” all in one quick breath and then breeze back out without pausing for a response. Or if they do they’re really asking ME, and wouldn’t even notice if he tried to answer. Evan could say “I’m two, lady, and your wig isn’t fooling anyone” and they’d just coo some more and wander off to finish their shopping.

I’ve been around enough two-and-a-half-year-olds-who-then-grow-into-three-and-a-half-year-olds to know this is just a phase. His brain thinks thoughts he wants to share but his mouth just can’t keep up. He learns a hundred new words a day and can’t keep them all straight. Whole sentences come tumbling out in a jumble and he gets frustrated. He’ll grown into it eventually and the whole world will hear what he has to say Dino Dan and race cars and big diggers and baseball and everything else. He’ll stop saying “More meena peees!” and start saying “Mama, can I have a banana?”

Although yesterday he called me “MOM”. I am not OK with being MOM yet. MOM is for surly, eye-rolling teenagers. So maybe I don’t mind translating just a little longer.