Yesterday, E took a much needed vacation day so I could wrangle the dog to the vet without wrangling two kids as well. And then I took the bigger child with me anyways because he asked really nicely. It actually worked out great. Brutus had to get a couple of shots, some blood drawn, and a dental exam, which are all things Evan is going to have to get in the next couple of weeks and it was nice to be able to say “Look how brave Brutus is! Just a little poke! Now you can give him a hug and he feels so much better!” I’d like to say I’m brilliant and that was the plan all along, but really I just thought it would be fun to hang out with my kid for a while. Three is a pretty great age (insert a zillion instances where 3 year olds are AWFUL right here), and getting to take just ONE kid with me is such a special treat.

When we got home, I suggested we not sit on the couch all day and remarkably everyone agreed. So we loaded up the stroller and uh, strolled down to the town library. When we bought this house I was SO EXCITED to live “walking distance” from “downtown” – and honestly, before kids I did do a lot of walking. I could walk to the YMCA, the post office, the library, 2 bars, and 3 restaurants. Of course “walking distance” is a relative term because the sidewalks are terrible (old, broken, uneven, slate that has shifted, blocked by cars), the neighborhood between my house and the stuff is kind of scary, and it is all down a BIG hill…which means it’s all up hill on the way home.

ANYWAYS, what I’m saying is we don’t walk much anymore but it’s something I’d really like to start doing again. Too bad our YMCA went out of business (did you even know that could happen?) and the post office is completely inaccessible to strollers (which I’m pretty sure is illegal, since it’s also handicap inaccessible?) and day drinking when you’re caring for 2 small kids is frowned upon (I know, right?!) so the library and food are pretty much our only choices. So that’s what we did! Books and Irish pub food for everyone! And like a good mommy blogger, I brought my camera along to take pictures of our Fun! Family! Outing! And because I’m actually NOT a very good mommy blogger all the pictures are kind of terrible. Still not going to stop me from posting them.

Our favorite place in town - and I'm not just saying that because it's the ONLY place in town. There are at least 3 other places.

I should have taken a video, because this is both Evans jamming out to the Dropkick Murphys

Caroline was also a Dropkick Murphy's fan. The waitress looked at the kids and said "They must be Irish".

Here, I’ll do you a favor and link the song. You’re welcome. “DROPKICK MURPHYS 4 EVA!!1!!111!!!!” – 1oth grade me.

Town Hall is pretty

Flowers and rocks. And E pushing the stroller up the giant hill.

Me, pushing the stroller the rest of the way up the big hill. And yeah, Caroline needs to SIT DOWN. She is a buckle escape artist.

I’ve seen this meme floating around the interwebs for almost as long as I’ve been reading blogs, but this week I’m going to hop on the bandwagon and join Audrey‘s hop. I’m doing it for several reasons including a) the kids are being really good and no one wants to read a bazillion posts about angelic, adorable, well-behaved children b) I’ve rededicated myself to CLEANING ALL THE THINGS on a regular basis so I have less time to write my usual deep, meaningful posts (bahahaha) and c) I like reading what people ACTUALLY keep in the handbags as opposed to posts with titles like “15 Things A Good Mother Is Never Without In Case Of Bear Attacks” or “The 7 Things In Your Diaper Bag That Might Kill You”. I could totally picture both of those headlines on Babble, amiright? But today, you just get “Junk That Suzanne Hauls Around For No Reason”.

This is the bag I’ve been carrying for a few months now. It’s a Gussy, which I fully admit I bought because I wanted to check that box off in Mommy Blogger Bingo (other boxes: headband/DSLR/Epiphanie camera bag/Lisa Leonard jewelry/rosettes/Toms shoes) but it’s actually a REALLY great bag. It holds a ton of stuff (see below), it stays on my shoulder, I can fit my camera in it, and things rarely fall out – which was a HUGE problem with my last bag. Oh God, I re-read that post and my palms are all sweaty just remembering my panic.

And here’s what’s inside the bag:

I sorted it into categories! In a vague columns left-to-right manner I present to you…

Clothing/accessories:
Caroline’s fox hat
Evan’s dinosaur hat
My glasses
Backup sunglasses (my real ones were on my head when I took this pic)
Two and a half pairs of soft-soled baby shoes
Caroline’s sun hat
Caroline’s socks
Baby Legs
Flower headband
Workout headband for me
Two pairs toddler underpants
Extra pants for Caroline
Evan’s striped sweatshirt he took off during gymnastics

Essentials:
Pen
Wallet
Change
iPhone
Keys

Random:
Sunscreen
Amber teething necklace
Yarn cutter
Gum
Lens cap for my 50mm
Lip gloss/sunscreen
Gussy business cards (for when people ask about the bag)
Reusable coffee cup coozie from Emily

Baby Essentials:
Diaper clutch from Erika
Wipes case

Toys:
Boat
Helicopter from the train table
Truck
Ladybug we stole from someone
Vibrating grape teether (both kids LOVE this when their gums hurt)

Trash:
I’m surprised there wasn’t more.

Food:
Reusable snack bag of Wheat Thins
Snack trap with carrots
Mini-bagel
String cheese
Four granola bars
Emergency bribery Hershey’s kisses
(The kids had just taken their sippy cups out, or those would be in there too)

And THAT is just what I packed for the 12 minutes round-trip drive to a 45 minute gymnastics class. You should see the bag on Stroller Strides days or trips to the Seaport. It’s amazing I’m not permanently lopsided (although there’s still plenty of time for that to happen).

You totally think I’m a crazy person now, don’t you? OK, what’s in YOUR bag?

p.s. I had to put the kit lens on my camera to take that picture of all the stuff AND I stood on the counter and held the camera up as high as I could. If I wasn’t a total moron I would have taken my shoes off, but ALAS.

This was a looooong week for me – E was gone, the ornamental pear trees bloomed (they seem to be the only plant I am allergic to, but I am REALLY allergic), Caroline is teething, and I went back to counting points for Weight Watchers so I was tired, snotty, crabby and very very hungry. Luckily, the weather was nice and being outside wears out the kids so I could crash right after they went to bed. On lousy week scale of 1 to Jump Out A Window, it was really only a 5 or 6, so I should stop complaining.

Sunday:

Who's ready for hockey?

Family + Target = ALL MY FAVORITE THINGS

Softball? I approve of softball.

Making sure I didn't waste ANY FOOD.

Monday:

Not the worst way to wake up

Her LIFE is OVER because a) I am out of grapes b) I am out of granola bars c) I am out of fruit snacks d) ALL OF THE ABOVE OMG CALL CPS.

Getting my Vitamin D

Tuesday:

Ready for Stroller Strides

Her eyes haunt my dreams

Baby has excellent (if inappropriate) taste in almost true autobiographies

Wednesday:

Morning trains

That blur is Evan doing warm-up at gymnastics to The Water Buffalo Song

He thinks the lobsters at the grocery store = the aquarium

Organized pantry. I found 7 cans of diced tomatoes and 6 of chickpeas. Time for....tomato hummus?

Thursday:

Adorable baby in an amazing hat

Ignoring my kids, pretending I'm doing sit ups, really taking photos of myself #mommyblogger

My extremely loud singing did not prevent a car nap after 2 hours of hard playground playing

Weirdo and gross, but still cute. To me. Obviously I'm her mom.

Friday:

Oh no! Someone made a huge mess! Oh wait, it was me.

He's stealing my hummus and ignoring his PB&J. I like him.

NEVER LET GO, DOLLY. NEVER LET GO.

Saturday:

Skeptical child wonders why I can take pictures but not put on real clothes instead of a bathrobe

Sunbeam floor nap

Patio time is a good end to even a tough week

This week should be shorter – and hopefully less snotty – and my friends and I just picked a weekend for Kiawah Island 2012 which means I can start COUNTING THE DAYS. It also means I can’t cure my allergies with a giant bowl of ice cream because I used on my extra points on more important things. Like rum to wash down my allergy pills.

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

Funny, I don’t feel any more ancient than I did yesterday even though I’m officially now at an age kids, teenagers and college students alike would all agree might as well be a bazillion. Hey kids, let me tell you about the time I walked to school barefoot in the snow uphill both ways! While fighting off dinosaurs! With a stick! Now get off my lawn!

My big plans for the day include Stroller Strides, Target, writing a blog post and not cooking dinner – so, basically, a regular Tuesday. But no one’s allowed to complain I didn’t make dinner, so that will be special.

I have a bad habit of starting in on the “It’s for my birthday!” excuse way too early so I don’t actually get anything special ON my birthday. Like that ring E bought me on vacation or the day-trip to the lighthouse we bought at the charity auction or the laser hair removal I bought myself (and am obscenely excited about). “It can be my 30th birthday present!” sounded SO GOOD at the time but now I won’t be getting any real presents and I’m a little sad. Because even though I’m a bazillion I still act like a spoiled 10 year old on my birthday. I guess my real gift is that E has put up with me for the last 10 years.

I was trying to find pictures of my last “big” birthday – my 21st – because it was the first one E and I celebrated as a couple. He rented a limo and took my best friend (the same best friend who was just here for Little Evan’s birthday!) and I out to dinner and to a club where we drank too much and danced and I fell down the stairs and injured myself pretty badly. It was everything a 21st birthday should be (I still can’t drink vanilla vodka)…but I have no pictures. It wasn’t the healthiest or most stable time in my life and I threw out most of the photos because I hated looking at them. I was so very hard on myself at that age. I wish I could go back and give that poor sad, hungry girl a hug and say “It’s ok! You’re beautiful! You’re allowed to be happy!” But that’s the problem with hindsight – I know my 21 year old self wouldn’t have listened. I needed practically every day of my 20’s to learn to give myself a break.

But I did learn and thank GOD because perfection in motherhood is impossible and the me that could stare at the pores on my nose for an hour could NOT handle kids. And I couldn’t even imagine my life now without them. I hate this kind of statement enormous amounts coming out of almost anyone else’s mouth but truly, I am so so blessed.

I was going to make a list of stuff I’ve done in the last 30 years and stuff I want to do in the next 30, but all I really want to do is hang out with the two little humans I grew inside my body and watch them grow up. Any maybe have some wine.

Happy birthday to me!

I know I promised birthday pictures but for the first time ever I managed to actually enjoy a party without a camera glued to my face, so I have to wait until my super awesome BFF sends me the ones she took. I mean, I paid her absolutely nothing and ignored her the whole day and made her help prep all the food and didn’t let her drive home with her toddler until the middle of the night but GEEZE, how come she hasn’t uploaded the 1,000 pictures she took in the 12 hours she’s been home? Obviously I need a new best friend. Or maybe she needs a new best friend.

So until I can get all the dinosaurific details together, I thought I’d put up a quick post. Something light. Something fluffy. Like how I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I enjoy having 2 toddlers and no babies and maybe babies are kind of a lot of work and wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to go through the tiny helpless infant stage anymore so maybe I don’t want any more babies?

Even saying that to myself seems kind of insane – I’ve ALWAYS wanted more than 2 kids. When I was little I imagined having a huge family. E and I have always planned to have at least 3, maybe 4, maybe more if we talking about it after a few glasses of wine. We already have names picked out – not a list, mind you, but actual names that are set for future kids.

But having 2 toddlers is fantastic. I am in love with these two kids at these two ages, both as individuals and as siblings. They love each other a heart-breaking amount. And they play together! Independent of me! I can get stuff done even when they are both awake! They eat food and sleep through the night (mostly) and can communicate their needs and help me with toddler-appropriate chores and sit still when I read them books. I like all those things. They’re getting to an age where we could go on a vacation as a family and it would actually feel like a vacation instead of a series of disasters interspersed with forced fun. And as cliché as it sounds, having a boy and a girl somehow feels kind of…complete. It’s a matched set! (So so so kidding.)

Luckily, I’m allowed to feel like this for a little while before I have to decide if I REALLY feel like this or if I’m just drunk with sleep and freedom. When I think about what not having any more kids means – never being pregnant again, never nursing again, never having all those baby firsts again – I’m definitely not ready to be done. But maybe I’m done for now. The problem is defining “for now” – 6 months? 12 months? Until Caroline goes to preschool? Until Little Evan is old enough to babysit? That’s a big range of “for now”. Which is OK! I have time to think Deep Thoughts about babies and toddlers and family size and what my life would be like with 2 kids or 3 kids or 10 kids. It’s just been on my mind a lot lately because I’m coming up on one of those big life events where you waste a bunch of energy thinking about all the stuff you haven’t done yet in life and realize you never will be a ballerina or a professional furniture restorer or a chef or a supermodel or a writer for SNL or best friends with Britney Spears and maybe that’s making me a little sad.

Yep, tomorrow I turn 30.