I accidentally ruined Caroline’s 10 month photoshoot today. Instead of taking pictures during the middle of the afternoon when the light in the family room is best, I let her fall asleep in my lap while she was nursing and spent two hours petting her hair, sniffing the top of her head, listening to her tiny baby noises and watching her twitch as she dreamed.

So maybe “ruined” is the wrong word. Maybe “soaked up two magical hours worth of baby moments that hardly ever seem to happen anymore because she is growing up so fast” is more accurate. I love her bunches and bunches. It’s sort of disgusting.

I had to look back at the 9 month update to see if I was remembering things wrong or if she really has changed SO MUCH in just four weeks. In those pictures, you can just barely see one top tooth peeking through. Now she’s got two great big giant chompers on top plus two on the bottom and a handful more threatening to pop through any minute. Isn’t it crazy how much older babies look with teeth? SO MUCH OLDER!

She’s also walking, without encouragement, on almost any surface. She ran away from me during Stroller Strides this week and I had a “oh no, I lost the baby” moment. She was only 5 feet away behind a mom doing sit ups, but she’s so little she’s easy to lose. I’m going to have to work on the constant vigilance.

I’ve given up on super cute outfits, because between the crawling/walking, the drooling/teething and the constant shoving of food into her mouth she’s a mess. I change her shirt at least 3 times a day. And before you call me an idiot and suggest I use one of the five bazillion bibs I keep in the kitchen drawer I’ll tell you she feels about bibs the way Dora feels about using her inside voice. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. It’s easier to just buy stain remover in bulk.

There is not one thing about her I would change. I TOLD you it was disgusting.

Likes include her blankies (any of them), iPhones, popcorn, apples, boobs, her brother’s sippy cup, dancing, walking, smiling, blowing raspberries, peek-a-boo, books, baths, her mama and putting gross things in her mouth.

Dislikes include teething, hoods, falling on her face, being cold, missing naps, strange dogs and having her nails trimmed.

Milestones plus video proof of the walking/weird crawling below the epic number of underexposed pictures.

I see you

raspberries

This is a crap ton of orange, Mom

tippy toes

Happy 10 Months Baby Girl

P.S. Yes I am wearing leggings as pants in the video. In my defense…ah screw it. I have no defense. They’re SO COMFORTABLE.
10 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Waves goodbye – Yes. And hello. And loves to clap. And plays peek-a-boo and “how big is the baby?” and understands what I think is a surprising number of words. But I’m her mom so I have to think she’s a genius.
Picks things up with pincer grasp – As long as it’s food. Or trash.
Crawls well, with belly off the ground – She’s actually terrible at that. She crawls sideways on one leg. But since she’s, you know, WALKING I don’t think she’s actually missing this milestone.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – She has said “mama” to me exactly twice, but not regularly, and I’ve never heard her say “dada”.
Indicates wants with gestures – Gestures, screeching, grabbing things. She has a lot of wants.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Stands alone for a couple of seconds – For a couple minutes.
Puts objects into a container – Does “food into her mouth” count? Because she’s good at that. Mostly she’s good at taking objects OUT of containers to make the biggest mess possible.

There is very little mouth-shutting going on around these parts. Evan’s volume is constantly set at eleven. He repeats everything, shouts everything, sings everything he hears. It’s ear-splitting joy from morning to night, with a few two-and-a-half year old tantrums thrown in. I’ve started pretending I’m deaf when he shouts at me, which is going to become a reality if he gets any louder.

I’ve been trying to write this monthday post for three days now and am finding it almost impossible. He’s such a little person, an actual recognizable human being – how can I sum that up in words? He loves routines and sameness (he not only has a favorite blankie, but a favorite corner of his favorite blankie) but isn’t afraid to try new things (like roller coasters and sweet potatoes). I talk WITH him instead of at him, and am amazed when he understands complicated concepts like hours and days and where daddy is when he’s not home). He often tells me that he’s sad that he doesn’t get to go on the boat anymore this year, but that he will be happy when he goes on the boat next year. I want to buy him all the boats in the world.

Despite what feels like a constant stream of parenting mistakes on my part, he’s a wonderfully kind little boy. He says please and thank you unprompted and I get teary eyed every time he says “I sorry mama!” and throws himself around my legs after doing some naughty. I can’t even be mad when he grabs his toys away from Caroline, because he immediately hugs her and says “I sorry baby! No sad, no. Here!” and gives back whatever he took so she stops crying. Best brother ever.

Food update: My former picky slash non-eater now eats anything. I only got three bites of the quinoa I made last week because he (and the baby) snarfed it down. Don’t be too impressed though – last night he had Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.

TMI Potty training update: The poop goes in the potty about 50% of the time. The pee, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES using the potty and goes every time we put him on it. But he also goes in his diaper, especially when he’s sleeping. I think I’m just holding onto hope that when I actually buckle down and TRY (probably using the 3 day method) he’ll be totally on board, but I hate to TRY and have it not work. But the siren song of having only one kid in diapers is getting stronger by the day.

At 30 months Little Evan is wearing a 2T consistently, with some 3T shirts thrown in to make sure he doesn’t outgrow ALL his long-sleeved clothes before spring. He has some comfy new size 7 velcro shoes from Target which are very convenient but end up thrown on the floor more often than not. He’s only had 2 haircuts ever and isn’t even close to needing another one. He sleeps from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am and takes a 3 hour nap in the afternoons because he wants to, not because I make him. He bites his fingernails, just like I do.

Likes include boats, carrots, The Fresh Beat Band, dinosaurs, noodles, garbage trucks, milk, fake driving the car, running fast, dancing, friends, baths, climbing things, dogs, and his sister.

Dislikes include falling de-noun (down), hangnails, being interrupted when he’s watching Nick Jr, and when Caroline jumps on his face.

JUUUUUMPING!!!! BAAAAAAAALL!!!! I'M ALIIIIIIIVE!!!

Throwing rocks into a creek: all day fun.

I WANT YOU!...to go get me a string cheese.

Almost....

...taking a break to bust a move...

...TA-DA!

EVAN RUN FAST! Don't get too far from me, sweet boy.

30 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Yes, and I’m even teaching him to spit so we can move up to real toothpaste
• Washes and dries own hands – Part of potty training is LETTING him wash his hands. It’s almost as good a bribe as the lollipop.
• Draws a vertical line – Yes, but he’s also started drawing things like “T-Rex” or “bebeh” or “Backyardigans” and telling me about them.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, and also the letter C. He gets them confused.
• Balances on one foot – We’ve moved on to hopping on one foot. I’m counting on a sports scholarship of some sort since I’m blowing all his college money on elaborate children’s parties.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Still questionable. He’s about 50% accurate with dressing/undressing.
• Names one color – Blue, green, red, yellow, and white are all colors he names. I’m a teeeeeny bit worried he might be colorblind since his accuracy seems to be getting worse.
• Names one friend – Still 2 best friends, “Triss and Ayahyah”, still runs out the door to see them almost every morning.

This is it, I’m done. I refuse to do any more monthday posts for Caroline because I refuse to let her get any older. Nine months is GOOD. She can stay this age FOREVER AND EVER and I will be a happy mama. Because 9 months? It rocks my socks. She can crawl and cruise but not walk or run away, she nurses a lot but not constantly, she’s happy and smiley and social and friendly but she still loves me best. Her clothes are tiny and cute and it’s easy to dress her in anything I want, including dainty lacy vintage jumpers* because she doesn’t immediately throw up on herself of poopsplode immediately! If I let her get any older she’s going to start developing opinions and ideas and then it’s all over.

Tooth count: two middle bottom ones, one top front through and the other top front is about to make an appearance but not before it turns her into the saddest, snottiest, most sleepless baby EVER. I have been beyond exhausted with the not sleeping plus the sad daytime crying but she’s been eating a lot more solids (and by solids I mean eating whatever her brother drops on the floor as he wanders around – yesterday it was a half peeled clementine)(I wish I was joking) and we’re moving her from our room to her nursery this week so I’m hoping to get at least 6 hours every night this week. Whoa! Six whole hours! I’m aiming for the stars here, people!!

Caroline has moved up to 6-12 month clothes from Old Navy, 6-9 month clothes from Gymboree, 9 month clothes from Target and 9 month clothes from Carter’s, unless they are overalls because then they’re just comically long. You know what else is comical? The fact that the math section of my brain is now full of the sizing info for various baby brands instead of algebra. This is what happens when you have kids, kids. Stay in school.

We have a doctor’s appointment….uh…maybe today? Or tomorrow? I should check on that, since when they start asking questions – How often does she eat? Is she vocalizing at all? Do you have any concerns? – and I just stare at them blankly they’re already going to doubt my parenting skills. I don’t want to show up on the wrong day as well. I’m looking forward to seeing how much she’s grown, although she still seems teeny tiny compared to Little Evan. She is going to be my little peanut, my munchkin, my ginger baby doll forever and ever, even if she DOES get older next month.

Caroline’s likes include: cheese, the dog, her brother, blankies, crawling with one leg, smiling, grapes, biting things, boobs, her daddy, standing, apples, yarn, and eating trash. Dislikes are having her nails trimmed, water on her face, loneliness, her crib, and Dino Dan.

Hold on to your ovaries folks, these are the cutest monthday photos yet!

Bebeh model works on her posing

Eeeeexellent

9 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Stands while holding onto something – Yes, especially my pants while I am trying to sit on the toilet for two damn minutes.
Jabbers or combines syllables – She’s a noisy little monster, but so far it’s just blah blah blah blah.
Understands object permanence – Yes. It makes peek-a-boo fun, but it also means she knows if she screams long enough I’ll come back during nap time. A win AND a lose.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Cruises while holding onto furniture – Yes, the better to steal my snacks and the remote off the couch
Drinks from a sippy cup – Soooort of. She LOVES her brother’s sippy cup but is unexcited by anything coming out of it. I tried giving her breastmilk and she looked at me like WTF WOMAN THIS IS NOT A BOOB.
Eats with fingers – Well, I think she mostly eats with her mouth, but she certainly gets enough food on her hands.
Bangs objects together – Loudly. She needs more cowbell.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – If there was a peek-a-boo championship, she would get the gold medal.
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – I have heard no mama’s. It took Little Evan more than a year to say mama so we’ll give her a break too.

*Dainty lacy vintage jumper and headband send by Pretty Fancy. Heather is a sweetheart with an adorable bebeh!

Just pretend that's a happy laughing face.

Everything about Little Evan has grown exponentially larger in the last month. He’s taller – tall enough to reach a whole new section of the kitchen counter that’s no longer safe for scissors of matches or long sharp pointy knives. He’s stronger – he can open the fridge all by himself now, God help me. He’s louder – SO MUCH LOUDER. And he’s smarter – he learns new words every minute, remembers practically everything, and has a better high score on Angry Birds than I do.

He also has so many more FEELINGS. He’s trapped in a glass case of emotion! Things are SO GREAT but also SO SAD and he is SO EXCITED to be here but he is SO ANGRY you told him not to lick that hand railing. It makes going out in public as stressful as playing Russian Roulette and honestly I’ve cut back on our social activities quite a bit. It’s just so much easier to stay home and play blocks and each snacks and let him watch TV while I do the laundry and nurse the baby and some days I just need things to be easy. Geez, why didn’t anyone tell me parenting was going to be so HARD?

We’ve been working on all the pre-schooly type stuff – letters and numbers and counting and colors – but if you try to tell him the number after six is seven he will YELL AT YOU. Although he gets fourteen right every single time. Since we’re not doing preschool (or pre-preschool or whatever you send your 2-year-old to this fall), I’m going to try to do more of that learning-type stuff, but the kid is only TWO. He doesn’t really NEED to know his numbers when he can’t even wipe his own butt.

Speaking of wiping his own butt…wait, no. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say he is 100% capable of being potty trained RIGHT NOW if he didn’t refuse to poop in the toilet. Because obviously hiding behind the laundry basket and pooping in his diaper is WAY more fun. What. Ever.

Favorite things include dinosaurs, fish, ducks, trucks, bubble baths, diggers, bars (granola or Nutrigrain, not like where you order beer), eating cherries all by himself, Nick Jr, being tickled, giving kisses, naps, naming different kinds of sports, lemonade, milk, Sun Chips (thanks to his father), books, piggy back rides and RUNNING FAST.

Least favorite things are still being told NO, being told to apologize to his sister, leaving somewhere if he’s having fun (but to be fair, NO ONE likes that), watching mama’s show aka the news, booboos, wearing shoes, spicy food and the part in Harry Potter with the snake.

"Sit DOWN, Mama. We sit DOWN."

Commanding his tiny invisible army.

BALL KICK!

All the gingers

I SORRY MAMA. I SORRY, NO HIT SISTER. SORRY BEBEH. SORRY!!!

Happy 29 Months Little Man!

29 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Evan is a master tooth brusher, if you don’t count the part where he mostly just chews on the bristles and sucks all the toothpaste off.
• Washes and dries own hands – He would ask his hands all day long if I let him. In his toddler dream house there are sinks in EVERY ROOM.
• Draws a vertical line – No, he only draws diagonal lines. But if I turn the paper they’re vertical, so SCREW YOU Baby Center and your stupid milestone that I am totally counting as a YES.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, but don’t tell him that. He thinks he’s drawing actual stuff, like fish or kitties.
• Balances on one foot – Yes, the better to roundhouse kick you in the junk.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – He THINKS he can put on a t-shirt, but he always ends up tied in a knot with his arm stuck through the head hole. And because I’m such a great mom, I laugh at him EVERY TIME.
• Names one color – He can name red, blue, yellow, orange, and white, but when you ask “What color is this?” he only gets it right about 75% of the time.
• Names one friend – Little Evan has 2 best friends, Tristan and Amelia. He calls them “Triss and Ayahyah”. He LOVES them and asks to see them every day. It makes my heart explode with happiness.

When I’m not busy abandoning/starving* her, Caroline is still the sweetest baby ever. Notice I didn’t say “most cooperative” or “easiest” or “least likely to shatter your eardrums” because damn, that girl knows what she wants when she wants it and is not shy about screeching until she gets it. You’re eating a grape? How DARE you eat a grape! GIVE ME THAT GRAPE!

Speaking of grapes, Caroline eats ANYTHING. An-eeeeee-thing. The only thing holding her back is missing chompers – she only has two full teeth (the bottom front two) and one little sharp edge on the top, so chewing up her spicy pulled pork sandwich was a little difficult. But by golly she gave it her best shot! Her favorite things so far are mini pretzels, clementines, apples, and cheese sticks. She also decided to tolerate a spoon, so I bought a bunch of those sqeezey pouches and the little spoon attachment for them (GENIUS, amirite?) but feeding her like that takes so much…effort. Baby-led weaning for the lazy parenting win.

Despite all the eating she remains a tiny peanut sized baby, wearing mostly 3-6 month onesies and 6 month dresses. In public, strangers stop to tell me she’s so LITTLE and how can she possibly be SITTING UP in that shopping cart, since she can’t be more than 4 or 5 months old?! It blows their mind that she’s 8 months old, and then their minds are doubly blown when she smiles at them and her cuteness lasers shoot out of her giant eyes and they fall right over dead from adorable. She’s a lady-killer – especially elderly ladies at the grocery store.

I think being tiny is working to her advantage in the motor skills department. Her lack of chub makes her body easier to haul around, which explains her lightening speed crawling and her independent standing skills. THAT’S RIGHT. My eight-months-old-today baby will crawl to something, pull herself up, and then just….let go and stand. I’m only a little ashamed to admit I’ve started knocking her over (GENTLY AND LOVINGLY, OBVS) so she doesn’t get any ideas about walking, but her balance is amazing and sometimes she refuses to be knocked.

I’m betting she takes her first steps in less than 3 weeks – which would put her a full month ahead of her brother when it comes to walking (Little Evan started at 9 months, 3 weeks and I thought that was INSANE). I’m going to have two babies running in opposite directions within a month. HOLD ME.

Being attacked by a toddler in a tutu is just part of her day

Ok, so she has some KIND OF chubby bits

Someone's quickly losing patience with these monthly photo shoots

8 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to parents (isn’t specific) – Her babbling has really picked up and she says mama and dada, but I don’t know if it’s TO a parent.
Passes objects from hand to hand – Yes

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Stands while holding onto something – Pulls up, stands, LETS GO. I’m signing her up for tightrope lessons for her first birthday.
Crawls – She’s a crawling machine.
Points at objects – Uh….no. I have seen no pointing. Mostly she just goes and gets what she wants.
Searches for hidden objects – Yeah, like my iPhone. You CANNOT HIDE IT FROM HER.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Pulls self to standing, cruises – Yes
Picks things up with thumb-finger pincer grasp – She can pick up small things (goldfish crackers, half a grape, bits of dog hair) and get them in her mouth, but it’s mostly a grab-with-her-fist-and-shove method.
Indicates wants with gestures – Yes, if by “gestures” you mean “high pitched pterodactyl screams”.

I will try to get some videos of Caroline doing adorable Caroline-like things this weekend, because there is no way to describe in words how weird it looks when such a TEENY TINY baby chases you down and climbs your leg.

*My supply is back to normal and I’m hoping to re-build my freezer stash ASAP. I’m SO relieved.