Yesterday I found an old iPod in a drawer and gave it to the baby, hoping it would keep her from trying to snatch my iPhone out of my hand every time she saw it. Caroline wasn’t fooled in the slightest – she knows a useless lump of electronics when she seems one – but Little Evan had enough imagination to see it as his very own iPhone and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around with it pressed to his ear saying “Hello? Oh hi! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, oh ahh-some! Ok bye!”

He thinks tons of things are “ahh-some” (awesome) these days. Trucks. Trains. Dinosaurs. Stroller Strides. Sitting on the couch.  Apples. Bread. Blueberries. Celery. Yep, my picky little eater was actually BEGGING me for more of my celery and spinach hummus snack yesterday afternoon. I have no idea what is causing this new and improved diet but I am definitely on board.

Honestly, he’s being pretty ahh-some himself these days. When he does something wrong I can give him A Look and he apologizes without argument. He plays nicely with his sister (MOST of the time). He doesn’t run away from me in stores so he can walk if he doesn’t feel like riding in the cart. He understand how bribery works, so getting him to do stuff he doesn’t want to do is as easy as promising a lollipop. He even lets me put eye drops in his eyes and squirt saline up his nose without a fight (poor baby has been battling a cold). I have very little to complain about – besides his sudden ability to escape his room and wander around waking up the baby and smearing lipstick on his face – and I’m totally in love with 33 months.

Favorite things include Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, pirates, making forts, playgrounds, the mall, Target, animals, apples, dancing, basketball, milk, cuddling, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, play dinosaurs, DanActive yogurt shake things, his sister, Daddy, Mommy, trains, his friends, talking my ear off, and The Price is Right.

Dislikes include getting his hair cut, booboos, being told to go back to bed when he wants to wander around, being woken up when he wants to sleep, and being forced to watch mommy’s boring shows.

His ankles are always showing because all his pants are too short

He calls his headphones "mikeyphones"

Crazy new big boy haircut

Bribes

Unedited

SCORE!

Basketball scholarship?

32 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Names one color – He knows white and orange and purple consistently, but he has trouble with red and blue and green getting mixed up. I’m going to ask the doctor if there’s any way to test for color blindness at his 3 year check-up, but honestly I just think he forgets.
• Names one friend – Names a zillion friends…although they all seem to be girls.
• Carries on a simple conversation – Yes, punctuated by the words “Oh, ahh-some!”

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Alternates feet going up and down stairs – Yes, although doing it DOWN the stairs still makes me nervous
• Uses prepositions (e.g., on, in, over) – Yes, although he’s been doing that for a long time so I’m not sure I’m interpreting this correctly. He says stuff like “Baby on the chair?” or “Evan sit in stroller?”
• Speaks clearly most of the time (75 percent can be understood) – I can understand him 90% of the time. Other moms can understand him 75% of the time. Strangers can understand him about 40% of the time.
• Stacks eight blocks – SHOVE YOUR STUPID BLOCKS UP YOUR BUTT, BABYCENTER.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Is toilet trained during the day – Yes! In fact he’s been doing so well I’ve gotten lazy and he’s had a couple accidents because I didn’t respond with urgency. But those are totally MY fault, he’s really really good at holding it.
• Wiggles thumb – I…have no idea? I’ll ask him to do it later and get back to you.
• Expresses a wide range of emotions – He is a virtual glass box of emotions.
• Draws a stick figure – Whoa, really? No, we’re still on squiggles but he’s started identifying them as people or things

I’m not upset about my teeny tiny baby girl turning one. I understand it had to happen eventually. And really, she is still so TEENY TINY I can pretend she’s a baby when we rock in the glider or when I creep into her room to take pictures of her while she sleeps. (Creeeeeeeeepy!)  But mostly I’m ok with her being one because she is super duper awesome and cool. She is way cooler at 12 months old than I have ever been in my life. I mean, she can TOTALLY wear knit leggings.

Caroline still loves food – all food, any food, all day – but especially chicken nuggets and cheese. She learned how to use a sippy cup (today!) but is having some trouble with not letting all the milk/water fall out of her face. I’m going to have to find something REALLY delicious to convince her it’s worth swallowing. Maybe she’d like some hot cocoa and schnapps.

As much as she eats, she has definitely cut back on her nursing schedule, although she refuses to drop the midnight feeding. I KNOW she doesn’t need it – sometimes she goes from midnight until noon the next day without nursing – but she wakes up every single night and is so much easier just to pop a boob in her mouth than to argue. In case you didn’t know, arguing with toddlers almost never works. We are leaving her with my parents (more on THAT later) in March, so my goal is to have her sleeping through the night by then, if only because I don’t want them to refuse to babysit ever again. I’m also debating weaning her before then, or at least mostly weaning her, so I don’t have to do much pumping while I’m gone. (I have SUCH. MIXED. FEELINGS. I think I need a whole separate post for them.) But for now, she’s still a nursing champ.

But besides the waking up, she is an awesome sleeper. If she doesn’t fall asleep when we rock I can leave her in the crib with a book or a toy and she’ll play herself to sleep. Oh my God, do you hate me SO MUCH right now? Seriously, she is at an insanely easy age, so even when she’s having a clingy day she is still a darling child. Today at Target a woman literally couldn’t stop herself from trying to hug her, although when I looked alarmed she was like “Oh no! That was inappropriate! I’m so sorry, she’s just so gorgeous and she’s SMILING at me!”

It’s true. It’s impossible not to love her when she smiles at you. I love her so much I forgave her for breaking my iPhone.

Favorite things include: iPhones, the dog, the cats, her brother, putting trash in her mouth, cheese, cookies, spaghetti with meat sauce, boobs, her fancy patent leather shoes, blankies, forts, sleeping, bath time, dinosaurs, biting things, giving huge slobbery open mouth kisses and throwing herself head first off the couch.

Least favorite things are falling on her face, diaper changes, the vacuum cleaner, watching me leave the house, being buckled in the shopping cart and when I fish the trash out of her mouth so she doesn’t choke to death. Such a TERRIBLE MOTHER.

I don't like this sticker, Mom.

No, seriously, get it off me or I will CUT YOU.

Ha ha, just kidding. *BABY GANG SIGNS*

C'mon, do you want YOUR age in giant numbers on your chest?

Ok, FINE, if you won't help I'll do it myself.

Here you go! I fixed it!

Showing off the baby gun show

OH FOR THE LOVE. Now the tutu AND the sticker?

Dude, do YOU know what's wrong with this woman? --- Just smile and nod, kid, smile and nod and plot our takeover.

12 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Imitates others’ activities – Her new favorite game is taking very important phone calls on my iPhone. I’m expecting a year’s supply of cheese to show up on my doorstep any minute.
Indicates wants with gestures – Gestures, screeching pterodactyl noises, same difference.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Takes a few steps – Runs, climbs, roundhouse kick’s me in the face.
Says one word besides “mama” or “daddy” – She can say “mama”, “daddy”, “kitty”, “hi”, and things that sound like “I got it” and “all done!” but I wouldn’t swear those last two weren’t my imagination. She also puts words together and says “Hi daddy!!” in the absolute cutest way ever.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Walks alone – See above
Scribbles with a crayon – She still put too much stuff her in mouth to let her have crayons…unless I want rainbow-colored poop in the morning.
Says two words besides “mama” or “dada” – See above. I sort of think I’m imagining ALL the talking, but since BabyCenter assures me it IS possible she’s talking I like to believe I just have a super genius baby.

Happy 32 Monthday Little Evan! You are only Little Evan here on the blog, and even most of our friends have stopped calling you Baby Evan. I haven’t thought of you as a baby in a long time, but the extent to which you are an actual human person astounds me on a daily basis. Because it is one thing to grow a baby – babies are tiny and helpless and they need you for everything so the fact that you made them with your body is impressive but not unbelievable. But once that baby turns into an independent being that can walk and talk and feed itself and tell jokes and recognize emotions and wear underpants it’s a totally mind-blowing experience. No one ADDED anything to that baby I grew (unless you count the truly impressive number of Goldfish he’s consumed in the past 2.5 years) but now he counts to 20 and can put on his shoes and use an iPad and help me decorate for Christmas and recognize his friends on the internet.

Of course he can also punch me in the face and scream at me in public and throw epic temper tantrums and push his sister and refuse to pick up the toys he just threw all over the floor and feed his breakfast to the dog and fall out of his stroller and drive me to the brink of insanity. He’s equally good at being both a functional human being and a sociopath. I think most toddlers are.

(Sidenote: I think at this point “toddler” is exceedingly inaccurate, but since he’s not in any kind of school “preschooler” sounds like I’m getting ahead of myself. CAROLINE is a toddler. She toddles. Evan hasn’t toddled in more than a year. Is there an in-between word?)

This week Evan ran up to me and said “Mommy, can’t locate the kitty cat!” He says stuff like that all the time now and constantly blows me away with his vocabulary. I can hardly believe I was concerned enough about his speech to have the early intervention people come out. It’s a good example of how the age range on milestones is REALLY A RANGE and just because you know a 2 year old who holds entire conversations about abstract concepts like poor choices versus wise choices doesn’t mean your kid is behind.

Potty training update: Day time training is done. Diapers at night and nap until he stops waking up SO wet, although yesterday he stayed dry during nap so we might be getting closer. He never uses the diaper on purpose – since he woke up dry I left him in it for a couple hours and he still told me when he had to potty. I think that means I can declare success.

He is at an age where he is super excited to see me, even if I only left the room for a minute. It’s good for my ego. Even my dog isn’t that happy when I walk into a room. And my dog doesn’t give such great hugs or laugh in the most infectious way ever. Almost every night before bed, Little Evan tells me “Mommy, so happy. So happy.” And I tell him “I’m so happy too, buddy.”

Favorite things include Mickey Mouse, jumping, hide and seek, boats, fire trucks, piggy back rides, sitting in a grown up chair, kitty cats, pillows, his blankie, rubbing noses, his sister, lemonade, lollipops, splashing, and hugs.

Least favorite things include holding still, being out of milk,  sharing when he doesn’t want to, mommy’s angry face, broken nails, and when the kitty cat runs away.

 32 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Recites own name – Yes! He uses his name most of the time instead of personal pronouns.
• Draws a circle – Yes, but he calls them other things, like kitties or dinosaurs.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Yes but is much faster at taking OFF his clothes.
• Balances on each foot for a second – I said yes to this last month, so I made him do it to test and make sure. Yes.
• Recognizes ABCs – Some of them. Not all of them. He’s better at words than letters.
• Brushes teeth by himself – Yes, and we’re about ready to upgrade to real toothpaste because he’s figured out spitting.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Uses two adjectives – He knows lots of adjectives. His favorite one this week is “AWESOME!” Everything thing is AWESOME.
• Draws a cross – No.
• Points to objects described by use – Yes, and is especially good at things the baby needs. He’s an excellent big brother.

I take back everything I said about 8 months being my favorite baby age. And 9 months. And 10 months. My new favorite is 11 months. 11 months rocks. 11 months is where it’s at. It’s the BEST. Oh, I know, blah blah blah my baby is awesome blah blah blah so cute blah blah blah you should see her blah blah barf.

Whatevs, dude. As a mother, it’s my right to say these things. I get to change my mind every single day…although based on how 2 1/2 is going with Operation Ginger Dominance 1.0 I doubt I’m going to be saying “I love this age the best!” forever. So I am enjoying the crap out of 11 months.

Like I said yesterday, Caroline is headstrong and independent. She can hold her own against her big brother and has even started initiating games, such as “Lie on your sister until she squeals”, “Oh no run away the baby is coming!”, and “Use the dog as a step stool to climb onto the couch”. She can also be exceedingly stubborn when it comes to holding onto things (keys, my phone, my camera) that she shouldn’t have, and will wail hysterically if you take them away. You’d think I’d tried to take a toe instead of a dirty key fob. Most of the time I just give in – both because I am a pushover and because I am TIRED.

Caroline is still not sleeping through the night – although I’m not SURPRISED I am ANNOYED – and it’s exhausting. She is easy to put to sleep, which I so appreciate. But she is up 2-3 times a night to nurse and I no longer think she needs to be. I talked about night weaning Little Evan a lot but he sort of ended up doing it on his own, so I’m going to have to either make a better plan or keep being tired for a few more months. I will probably just be tired, because doing anything that might make her unhappy is out of the question. See above, re: pushover.

She has a zillion teeth with the other zillion about to come through. She has gotten taller, and is finally fitting into 9 month and even some 12 month clothes. She has big feet for a little baby, and is already in a size 3 or 4 shoe – which is fantastic, because we have a whole closet full of adorable hand-me-down shoes in size 4. She has totally stopped crawling, which is kind of sad since her funny monkey sideways shuffle was so cute, but it means now I can put her down in the mall and the aquarium and most importantly on the bathroom floor when Little Evan has to potty without her hands touching the floor.  It also means I rely a LOT on my friends to help wrangle my TWO TODDLERS in public, which is incredibly unfair of me but I’m kind of a crappy person and I keep letting it happen. I’ll make them all some nice cookie platters for the holidays and continue begging for forgiveness.

Caroline’s favorite things include cheese, walking, climbing onto benches, bouncing on things, sliding, grapes, chewing on electronics, sitting in her brother’s chair, talking, hugs, smiling, dancing, splashing and drinking bath water.

Least favorite things include falling on her head, accidentally touching the radiator, being set on the floor when she wants to cuddle, soap in her eyes and lying flat on her back for JUST A DAMN MINUTE so I can take her picture.

I am holding her down with my foot

Escape!

E took this picture while I sat on her legs. I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS, TINY BABY.

No pictures please

Evan sat on her. She loved it.

Tutu fast

Cabled owl vest was a gift from my amazing friend Desiree

Third hand pink Converse - still practically brand new!

One more month until she's one and I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT.

11 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Says “mama” or “dada” to the correct parent – Calls me mama, and I’ve heard her say dada a couple times but not often.
Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo – LOVES peek-a-boo
Stands alone for a couple of seconds – Stands, walks, can get to standing from the floor without pulling up, can sit down from standing, can jump if she’s standing on the couch holding the back.
Cruises – See above.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Understands “no” and simple instructions – Understands no and hates it. Will come if you say “Come here Caroline!” Sometimes listens to other directions but mostly ignores me.
Puts objects into a container – Yes, which means my child labor force just increased by 100%.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Says one word besides “mama” or “dada” – She says “hi” sometimes, in context, totally correctly, but I’m still not sure she means it. She babbles so much it’s hard to tell.
Stoops from standing position – Have I answered your question fully?

Today I am thankful for my beautiful, healthy 31 month old son.

I’ve decided I’m going to stop with the monthday updates once Evan is three – so only 5 months from now. At this point he’s not hitting milestones as much as just growing up and learning stuff and turning into a real human being. I don’t need some chart to tell me how many blocks he should be stacking to let me know he’s awesome. He can tell me himself, while he does the Fresh Beat Band dance, including the part with the breakdancing.

Also, there aren’t any more charts. But I had decided to stop before I noticed. You aren’t the boss of ME BabyCenter!!

The most challenging “milestone” lately has been a sudden understanding of how negotiations and/or bargaining works. He won’t do anything the first time I ask. Instead, he waits to see how serious I am about the consequences. Is he going to get a time out? Lose a toy? Get strapped into the stroller? Be forced to watch The Price is Right? Just being told to sit down BECAUSE I SAID SO gets zero reaction. I suppose this is mostly my fault (I am a huge fan in counting to 3 and then something bad happens) but I don’t really know what to be doing differently. I thought this was the RIGHT way to do this. I can’t just WILL him to listen to me. Trust me, I’ve tried.

But when he’s not being a totally normal kid and testing boundaries, he’s being an amazingly awesome kid. Just last night he was lying on the floor drinking his milk when Caroline launched herself right on top of him. Instead of freaking out, he laughed and tickled her and got her to do it again and again so they were wrestling and playing. It was like there was a big huge flashing neon sign over their heads that said “THIS IS WHY YOU HAD TWO”. Last week he used a box to make a dino cage, put a snack in it for bait, and then caught a dinosaur that looked suspiciously like a certain 10 month old I know (but he assured me it was really a tee-recks!) When we come home, he takes off his shoes and socks, puts his shoes by the door and throws his socks in the downstairs laundry basket. One day the basket wasn’t there and he carried the socks around for 20 minutes until I told him it was OK to just put them in the laundry basket SPOT. His three most common phrases are “please”, “I’m sorry”, and “no thank you”, although his new favorite thing to talk about is farts.

A few times in the past weeks he’s gotten upset or scared because of OTHER kids being upset or scared. He doesn’t like it when people get in trouble and he’ll cry and want to sit in my lap because he feels so bad FOR THEM. Who knew my rough-and-tumble little man was so sensitive too?

Still not potty trained. Still working on it. He wore underwear all day yesterday (minus his nap) with no accidents.

Favorite things include watching TV, running, playing with his sister, forts, telling stories, climbing things, sitting on the kitchen stools, trucks, boats, dogs, riding ON the shopping cart, milk, lemonade, FaceTime with Daddy on the iPad, horsey rides, Row Row Row Your Boat, kisses and peeing outside.

Dislikes include posing for pictures, being scolded, scary cars in the parking lot, riding IN the shopping cart, and booboos.

31 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Recites own name – He will tell you his name if you ask him, and also calls himself “Evan” in sentences. Evan no take nap! Evan no hit sister! Evan donut, mama, more donut Evan!
• Draws a circle – He can draw circular type shapes. I bet even YOU can’t draw a perfect circle.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Yes. Correctly? Not always. But man is it hilarious when he gets it wrong.
• Balances on each foot for a second – He can stand on one for a lot more than a second.
• Recognizes ABCs – Soooooometimes? He knows a lot of his letters but doesn’t always get them right.
• Brushes teeth by himself – Yes, although I still extra-brush the back ones. The idea of a toddler with a painful cavity makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Uses two adjectives – At a time? Total? Because he can use lots of adjectives, as proved by the following statement he made this week: “Look mama! Big poop! Big poop is stinky! Poop in potty!” (The poop was not in the potty).
• Draws a cross – We haven’t really gotten to religious symbols yet. I’m letting him master circles first.
• Points to objects described by use – You mean like “Hey Evan, bring daddy that thing to open this beer!” Because, yes.