Posts Tagged ‘mother of 2’

I Survived

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Here’s how Tuesday went:

Wake up, panic about oversleeping, realize I did not in fact oversleep. Find clothes that cover my body appropriately (I have given up on “fit” for the foreseeable future), brush teeth, put on mascara. Fetch toddler from crib, change and dress toddler, put toddler on couch with breakfast so I can go fetch baby, bring baby downstairs, feed and change baby. Look out the window. Notice SNOW AND ICE FALLING FROM THE SKY. Realize the day may not go exactly as I had planned. Check email to discover Stroller Strides in canceled, which means I probably can’t drop Little Evan off at the mall with a Stroller Strides friend. Consider dropping him off at the mall with strangers but decide that’s probably a poor choice. Start car because it is completely iced over. Realize I can give up and go back to bed (or at least put my PJ’s back on) if my doctor’s appointment is also canceled. Call medical center. Wait on hold. Wait on hold. Wait on hold. Wait on hold. Learn sorry, we’re still open, but if you’d like to reschedule we can see you a month from now. Decide to brave slippery roads with toddler and baby in tow. Quickly get online and renew AAA membership I’ve been forgetting to renew for the past month. JUST IN CASE. Get toddler into coat and into car. Get diaper bag full of stuff into car. Get baby into car. Slide out onto unplowed streets to drive the 12 miles to base. Drive up big giant hill praying I don’t slide backwards. Pull into parking lot and remember there is NEVER any parking here. Drive in circles for 5 minutes before gunning it down the aisle towards taillights and getting THE VERY FIRST spot, as close to the door as you can possibly get. Cheer loudly for myself. Open baby’s door, grab bucket seat. Open toddler’s door, unbuckle toddler with one hand and help him out of car. Walk towards building. Realize I can’t remember where I put my ID after showing it at the gate. Walk back to car, put bucket on icy sidewalk, tell toddler to not move. Rain and ice fall on toddler and baby while I search car floor for ID. Check wallet. Find ID in wallet. Close door, pick up bucket, pick up toddler, shuffle to building. Check in. Look incredulously at desk guy who wants me to fill out pointless paperwork. Take pointless paperwork. Sit down, get toddler snack, milk and toy. Rock baby with foot while filling out paperwork. 30 seconds later the nurse calls me in. Get up, pack up toddler’s snack, milk and toy, herd toddler towards door while carrying bucket. Give nurse the run-down of why I’m there. Wait for doctor. Give doctor run down of why I’m there. Doctor agrees she has no idea what’s going on with me and I probably should see a specialist as soon as possible. Baby starts SCREAMING. I ask if she mind’s if I nurse and she says no. Pull out boob. Doctor runs from the room, saying my referral will be at the office. Feed baby. Baby poopsplodes. Toddler poops. Change baby’s diaper and clothes. Get baby back in bucket. Change toddler. Herd toddler back to main desk to drop off pointless paperwork. Stop by referral office. Baby begins screaming. Toddler falls down. Nice lady tries to help toddler up. Toddler recognizes nice lady as HORRIBLE VICIOUS CHILD KIDNAPPER and begins screaming. Grab referral and shove it in my bag before looking at it. Drag two screaming children out to car. Put bucket down on icy sidewalk. Toss toddler in car. Snap bucket into seat. Go back around to driver’s side to buckle in toddler. Realize toddler has pooped again. Give up. Drive to McDonald’s. Buy breakfast sandwich and hashbrown. Throw hashbrown at toddler. Drive home. Unload toddler. Unload baby. Go back out for now-cold sandwich. Slip on ice and step in giant puddle. Sit on couch soaking wet to nurse and burp and nurse and rock and nurse screaming baby while toddler throws animal crackers at my face. Baby finally falls asleep. Put baby in bouncy seat. Get toddler more milk. Change toddler. Take toddler upstairs for nap time. Sit on couch. Eat freezing cold breakfast sandwich for lunch. PASS THE HELL OUT.

Aaaaaand that was just the MORNING.

Tomorrow we’re staying home. I’m expecting it to go about the same.

(This evening, when I finally checked my referral paperwork I discovered it is marked “normal” priority rather than “urgent”, which means they have a full month before they have to process it. It also says they’re going to choose the urologist for me, which means probably NOT the guy who’s already familiar with my medical history. I will get a letter in 7-10 days letting me know. Fantastic.)

Martha Stewart only has ONE kid

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

I’m currently deep in the throes of Trying To Do It All with a side of Why Yes, I Am Suzy Homemaker and a dash of Impossibly High Standards on top. I get like this every time I face a new year/life change/burst of energy and end up driving myself crazy in the process. But that doesn’t stop me from trying. It’s especially bad right now because I’ve combined the pressure of Starting Over In The New Year with the pressure to act like I have my act together as Mother of Two. And don’t get me started on how insane the constant barrage of DIET DIET DIET LOSE WEIGHT YOU’RE SO FAT JOIN A GYM DIET DIET EAT MORE FIBER EAT LESS FOOD GET YOUR BODY BACK from the television makes me. Someday maybe I’ll write a whole post on why exactly that kind of talk is so dangerous (not just in general but for me personally), but for now lets just say I’m enjoying my final 3 weeks of birth/labor recovery before I’m even ALLOWED to work out and not worrying about getting anything “back”. Besides my clean floors, clean bathrooms, clean fridge, clean pantry, organized closets, organized shelves, mopped kitchen, vacuumed floors, etc etc etcetcetcetc. ETC. I would like those back. Because despite the fact that what I really want to be doing is napping, I am instead framing artwork for a new grouping in our formal living room and making menu plans for hypothetical play dates. (NO REALLY, I WAS DOING THAT TODAY.)

Of course, as I write this my toddler is stomping on his lunch (and by lunch I mean pizza flavored Goldfish I threw in his general direction around 2 pm), I’m wearing yoga pants, dinner isn’t started and I’m on my fourth caffeinated beverage of the day.

So clearly, I’m not setting the bar TOO high.

What I mean is I’ve decided to become the kind of person who never lets laundry pile up, whose bathrooms are always clean, who makes dinner from scratch (or at least doesn’t order pizza) every night, who never raises her voice or gets frustrated with her children, who wears clothes that fit and loses all the baby weight within two months, thanks to 4 times a week workouts to which I am never late. I will change the very essence of my being and 28 years of habits and nevermind the fact that I have never not even once made this kind of commitment stick for more than just a few days. THIS TIME will be different.

Basically, really, I’ve decided to FAIL. I’m going to stay on top of things for exactly two days and then spend the next two months beating myself up about it. I am going to have exactly one person over for one play date where I provide healthy snacks and a clean carpet and charming conversation and wear real pants. But as soon as they go home I will collapse on the couch and change into pajamas and stuff my face with brownies and yell at my toddler and order pizza for dinner and leave the box on the floor.

Because honestly, that’s the kind of mother I am. Laid-back. Which is a nice way of saying lazy. Or maybe I’m just a little overwhelmed right now.

It would be so much better for everyone if I just tried to do SOME stuff instead of EVERYTHING. Set reasonable goals, like one load of laundry a day or loading the dishwasher every night or cooking 4 nights a week. Gee, that sounds so reasonable and do-able and normal. Clearly not something I am at ALL interested in being. Why would I possible want to avoid an opportunity to beat myself up about how I suck at motherhood?


p.s. My attempts at perfect have been thwarted EVEN SOONER than I could have predicted, thanks to what seems to be yet another kidney infection. Instead of making the dinners I planned and shopped for I’m forcing my family to forage for microwave popcorn and apples while I lie on the couch moaning through chills and a 102 fever. Which is why this post is super whiny – it’s hard to be funny when it feels like someone kicked you repeatedly in the back with steel toed boots.

p.p.s. I’m calling the doctor today. They were closed yesterday due to the snow and unless I am in so much pain I can’t function I’m trying to avoid the emergency room. Not super fun with a 3 week old.